EVIE
A day of doing nothing but writing papers can drive a simple student to the edge of exhaustion and insanity. Typing, researching, typing, reading over notes and more typing… it was a routine that every student had fallen into. It was a routine I had fallen into. Eyes began to twitch and my mind grew closer to collapsing. I had overconsumed too many boxes of Chinese takeout and drank an exceedingly amount of coffee. This was the lifestyle that many people choose to live through; it was a lifestyle that I had chosen to live.
Could someone explain to me why deciding to go back to school was the right life decision?
I lay lifelessly across my bed, my eyes growing heavier with sleep. I run my fingers through my greasy strands of hair, massaging my temples gently. I was only one paper done and two more to go. This was pure torture. At least there was the relief and satisfaction knowing I had finished my article. That was one less thing I needed to worry about.
It was only Wednesday and I was already ready for the weekend. The weekend meant that I was done with three of my major papers for this semester. It also meant that I only had a few more lectures left before I had to start studying for finals. At the end of it all, this only meant I was one month closer to Christmas.
Grabbing my phone, I pull up my calendar. Today was only November 14. “Shit…” that meant my birthday was coming up. Ten more days until I turned the ripe old age of twenty – when the hell did that happen? When did I get this old? My teenage years were dwindling away and soon I’d be an old lady, with grey hair and a bad back.
With an upcoming birthday that meant Presley would be forcing me to go out to celebrate my birthday. As much as I enjoyed my birthday, all I wanted to do this year was sleep and maybe watch a movie or two. There will also be copious amounts of junk food and a burger. I’d most likely go home and spend the evening with my mother and she’d force me to watch Dirty Dancing because there’s no other movie better - according to her at least.
However, knowing my best friends, they’d want to snag me the day before and take me out. Even though I’ll fight them, they’d win because I’m spineless and unable to say no to peer pressure. Maggie will force me to wear something tight and heels that’ll make my feet bleed, while Presley forces too many shots of vodka down my throats. Leah, being the kind hearted soul that she was, will make sure my hair is pulled back when I puke everything up later that night. My friends were real gems.
My phone begins to ring. Maggie’s name begins to flash across the screen. Begrudgingly I answer it, knowing too well what this conversation would be all about.
“Hey,” I slowly speak into the phone, my mind too tired to be perky.
“Hi,” Maggie’s cheerful voice squeaks on the other line. She was much too happy tonight. What happened to all students being miserable and hating life… it was paper season for crying out loud. “How was the rest of your afternoon?”
“You got your date,” I tell her, not bothering with the small talk and relaxing her worried mind. I’m such a great friend.
Her loud squeals are deafening. I pull my phone away from my ear, still able to hear her giggling on the other end.
“Really, Ryder said Tanner will do it? We’re going on a double date? Oh my God! What am I going to wear? Where are we going? I need to wax…” she babbles away, too excited to let me get one word in. I wait for her to calm down before I answer.
“Yes, you’re going on the date. I’m sure you’ll pick something out. Whatever you wear you’ll look great, Mags… don’t worry about it,” I tell her as she continues to giggle.
“Do you know where we’re going?”
“No, not yet… Ryder said he’ll text me when they plan it. All I know is that it’s Saturday night at seven. You can come here to get ready, okay?”
“Okay! Oh God, you’re such a great friend Eve. Seriously, you didn’t have to do this,” she says, her tone growing serious.
I laugh, shaking my head to myself, “You practically forced me into it. I didn’t have much of a choice.”
“Not at all,” she argues. “You could have said no.”
“Yeah but what kind of best friend would I be?” I mumble back.
Maggie sighs happily. I could see her bright eyes and toothy grin from here. Regardless of my own opinions on the whole situation, I was happy that she was happy. I’d do anything for my girls. They were my best friends, my sisters. I only ever wanted was to see them happy, and if that meant I had to do something like go on a double date with Ryder Danielson, then I will because it was for them.
We talk for a few more minutes. Maggie couldn’t stop giggling about Saturday, as she kept going on about what dress she would wear. I listened quietly as she talked about how great Tanner was. Whoever this guy was, he better be Prince Charming because if he wasn’t, I’d smack him.
After a few more minutes of mindless chatting and giggling (on her part not mine), we ended our phone call. This left me alone in my room, once again mindlessly playing with my cell phone. It was only eight at night but I was ready for bed.
Figuring that there was nothing else that would satisfy my boredom, I decided to be a grandma tonight and got ready for bed. I scraped my body off of its lazy position against my bed, and stumbled across my apartment to the bathroom.
I looked like a mess – a sight that had become too familiar these past few weeks. My sunken eyes and dull hair was the epitome of unattractiveness. I pinched the side of my cheeks, analyzing the puffy skin. My chin was still in the doubles, as I smoothed away the access skin. Smiling, I cringe at the pale yellow undertones of my teeth.
I open my bathroom cupboard. After class I had stopped at the local Walgreens and picked up a pack of whitening strips. Hopefully these overprized pieces of plastic will bring out the yellow tones of my once pearly whites.
Before putting them on and proceed to get ready for bed, I strip away my clothes. I turn on the shower, letting the cold water heat up and step inside. The force of the water feels great against my back. It works away the pent up tension on my shoulders, causing a satisfied moan to release from the back of my throat. I work the shampoo into the roots of my hair, letting the sweet smell of grapefruit overtake my senses. As the suds wash down the drain, I pour a bit of body wash into my palms.
I run the soap over my arms and against my protruding collarbones. It moves down my breasts and towards my hips. As I wash over my body, I take notice of my bloated stomach and its contrast against my prominent hipbones.
As the water washes away the day, I step out of the confines of my hot shower. The cold hair hits my skin as I pull the warm towel closer to my body. I step towards my mirror, letting the towel fall to the ground. I take another look at my reflection, noticing little pieces about me, analyzing what I saw. I wasn’t ugly but I wasn’t perfect. There were too many flaws that looked back at me… and I hated that.
My body was a map of imperfection. My thighs too close together, my calves too muscular, my hair ratty and my stomach bloated. In a world that was once filled with perfection, I was slowly losing my hold on it all.
That scared me.
I slip on an oversized shirt, the fabric soft against my skin, and crawl under my sheets not bothering to dry my wet hair. It felt cool against my scalp… almost soothing. My eyes flutter shut and soon enough sleep engulfs my entire body.
-
“Great work ladies. I think we’ll be ready for our game on Monday! Have a great weekend,” I shout as I dismiss the team.
The weather was horrible and everyone was too tired. The grass was mucky from last night’s rain making practice more difficult than it should be.
I take of my cleats and slip on a pair sandals. It had luckily cleared up and the sun was peeking over the darkened clouds. My fingers were cross that it wouldn’t rain. The last thing I needed was for the weather to turn against me too.
“Evie”
Someone calls my name, stopping me in my tracks. I look over my shoulder to see Andie run over. “Hey,” I greet her wearingly.
“Good job with practice today,” she comments. I give her a skeptical look. She wasn’t one to give me compliments so easily. “You didn’t completely suck.”
And there it was…
I knew her kind behaviour wouldn’t last long. “Thanks,” I scoff, pulling my gym bag up higher on my shoulder. “That it…?”
She shakes her head, “No. I heard you were going on a date with Ryder Danielson,” she bluntly states.
“I am.”
“Interesting… I didn’t know Ryder was into you.”
“Has been for a while,” I say, stating the obvious truth. Even though Andie and I weren’t friends we had many friends that were in the same circles. She would have known that Ryder was never subtle about his feelings for me. This wasn’t a complete surprise.
“I find that fascinating considering Ryder and I went out last week.”
“That’s nice,” I shrug, not caring if they went out last week or if they were going out tonight.
“All I’m saying is Ryder is a man who has needs. I can give him what he wants.”
Gawking, I cross my arms over my chest, “We’re not getting married. Calm down.”
She only rolled her eyes, shifting from one foot to the other. Her lips quirk into a malicious smile, her eyes trailing across my face, “Have fun Evie. But remember – Ryder likes pretty girls. I’m not sure how much longer he’ll be around once he realizes that you’re not exactly that.”
I’m stunned. My body is unable to move from its spot. My lips screwed shut and my jaw tense. How dare she say these things to me? I knew that I wasn’t an Angelina Jolie type of beauty, but I thought I was pretty. At least, pretty enough.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I wasn’t as pretty as I thought I was. I knew that I could put more effort into my appearance and work out a bit more. This was something that I had been trying to perfect over the past little while. But to hear it from someone else… to have my own dark thoughts voiced by an outsider, made all of my hard work go to waste. All I know is that I have to work harder.
-
My stomach growled. I was hungry. Hell, when was I not hungry? On my way home, I stopped at a local diner, ordering a burger and fries. The smell of freshly made food made my stomach growl more in anticipation.
The floor of my apartment was as quiet as it usually was. A low hum of a bass comes from across the hall. I step closer to Niall’s door, listening through it. Over the bass were voices and laughter. It sounded like he was having a party of some kind. As I turn back to my own apartment, his door opens.
Giggling comes from the door, and as I glance over my shoulder I see two blondes stumble out of his place. Niall’s boisterous laugh sounds throughout his apartment. I glance past the drunken girls to see Niall in his living room, surrounded by a group of people.
Beautiful girls are all throughout his apartment. I ignore the guys that were there too, focusing on the one girl in particular. Dark brown hair and tanned skin. She was wearing a thin beige skirt and crotcheted tank top - a bit too summery for this weather.
Ginny… she was tucked under Niall’s arm, his hand holding tight to her shoulder.
I watch as she giggles at something he’s said. His lips falling dangerously close to her ear. He whispers something to her and she laughs some more. Her lips kiss his cheek. He smirks at her as he leans down and kisses her lips.
“She’s not my girlfriend,” his words flash through my memory. Even though he said that she wasn’t his girlfriend, his actions told another story. They looked great together. They seemed to fit well. Even though I didn’t share any feelings for Niall, I couldn’t help but feel sad. She was perfect. A physical representation of something I wasn’t.
I looked down at my tattered gym clothes and socks and sandals combo. My fingers hold tightly to the plastic bag that houses my takeout meal. I suddenly felt gross. Here I thought that maybe Niall felt something for me, when in reality he didn’t. Just like Ryder, he is with another girl who was a better fit, someone that wasn’t me. Even though I didn’t like either one of them in the romantic sense, there was something comforting knowing that I was desired. There was a man who saw something in me that I might not have seen myself.
Before he or anyone else takes note of my staring, I slip away from the door and into my apartment. The image of Niall and Ginny becomes ingrained into my mind, bothering me the rest of the night.
-
VOTE + COMMENT please
Note: The photograph is of Ginger (Ginny), for those of you who were asking!