Ugh...this was such a difficult chapter to write...so...yeah, don't mind the crappiness. I tried, okay?! Dx I had another terrible case of Writer's Block
But I do hope you enjoy it!
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I sat there in the car, nervous as hell, lost in the pool of my swirling thoughts as I contemplated over my hellish summer vacation and the drama I’d have to face the second I step out of the car. However, as I felt his eyes watch my every reaction and emotion that swelled up inside me like a balloon, I pulled up a calm—nearly convincing—façade. Even so, he held a doubtless expression, trying to peer through my mask.
He then asked warily, “Are you sure about this?”
Cocking my head to the side in mock-confusion, I asked innocently, accompanied by a fake smile, “What do you mean?”
He sighed, slightly irritated with my “ignorance”. After turning off the engine and simply staring off into space for a mere five seconds, he muttered, “Don’t act stupid. And don’t try to convince me that you’re okay because I know you’re not even half of being halfway close to that.”
It was always hopeless to lock away and hide my feelings from him; he knew me all too well. But then again, I couldn’t blame him. Gail has been my boyfriend for the past months—and it has been pure bliss since then.
When I told my friends of this, they questioned my actions, doubting that my love for Gail was real—that it was to mend my broken heart. As much as I hated to be uncouth to them, I proved and gave out a livid speech that they were dead wrong. To be heartless of such was never part of my character. I wasn’t deluded; I knew for a fact that we loved each other. Gail was no replacement of Nate—I wouldn’t be that cruel. I couldn’t be.
How it all started was simply a continuation of Nate’s leave with his girlfriend Maria. I remember how Gail spun me around to face him and give me a secure, comforting hug; he dismissed Matt and Jackson, putting off explanations until the next day. I attempted shooing Gail away, but he was persistent, repeatedly saying, “I’m not leaving. You need someone by your side…someone like me.”
I remember gazing directly at him, flashing a fake smile, assuring Gail, “You’ve done enough, really. I’ll be all right.”
He heaved a sigh. “Nice try.” Gail tucked a tendril of hair behind my ear, whispering, “But if you really need some space, I’ll just be downstairs; if you really need me, you know where I am. And I’ll be here for you.” My smile widened, he pulled away, and left my room.
As I backed away, I felt the mattress of my bed, and flopped on my back, slowly letting the overwhelming emotions wash over me like a tidal wave. My mind was circling around, replaying Nate’s words to Maria over and over. I couldn’t believe how easily he moved on from me to another woman. But I couldn’t blame him…she was stunning—and I couldn’t blame her for being desperate. She hated how inferior she felt to me in terms of Nate’s love for us. She didn’t like feeling second. Maria wanted to be treated like I was—possibly much better than I was. Even so, hearing him agree to her pleading felt like a dagger was pierced in my heart and dragged along to form an incongruous shape.
Finally, the emotion struck me deeply and the tears streamed down my cheeks uncontrollably. Wailing and making weeping noises weren’t necessary—before they could escape my lips, Gail burst into my room, sat me upright, and held me, tight enough to feel such security but loose enough to not harm the baby. I cried out right then and there; his hand gently ran through my hair, shushing me in a soft whisper. It was then that I realized that I needed and wanted someone like Gail in my life.
Now don’t get me wrong, as I’ve said before, this wasn’t out of loneliness or anything of the sort. It was the fact that he made everything all better—he was the aspirin to my pain, the medicine to my illness. I was at peace, I was comfortable, and I was safe. His visits stopped feeling like a check up to see if I was doing better so he could comfort me. No. Rather, it became visits to get to know each other, to connect. And eventually, my feelings of gratitude grew to love—and I had never fallen in love as quickly as I had with Gail, in a mere week. It wasn’t long until I confessed to him and we were a couple.
Gail. He’s sensational, sweet, altruistic, loving, kind, humorous, sarcastic at times, intelligent, down-to-earth, and so forth. I could go on, but I think it would become a 562-page novel. The only question that could formulate in my head was: Why couldn’t I have met and fallen in love with him sooner?
Still, despite that question, I was thankful for having met and fallen in love with him regardless.
Returning back to the present, in the care, twiddling my thumbs like the helpless child I was, I murmured, “I’m sorry…”
Gail pulled me in closer for his lips to press onto the top of my head. As my eyes followed the students that were leisurely shuffling to the front entrance, I heard him whisper ever so soothingly, “I forgive you…but I’m just worried…you already know that… I don’t want to see you get hurt anymore…”
After nodding slowly, he released me, stepping out of the car to stride over to my door and help me out. My eyes veered to my protruding tummy—I couldn’t believe it was already my sixth month. And it wasn’t long until everyone’s eyes snapped over in my direction, shot me disgusted looks, and walked away. Here we go… I thought depressingly.
Gail tugged at my hand, and my attention was instantly brought back to him. Deep down, I already felt like crying; he gripped my hand tighter in response. That was when Alice, Jackson, and Lily came into play.
All three of them stared at my obviously jutted out tummy. Jackson was the first to speak, “Only three more months, huh…”
I held an apprehensive look. “I’m kind of scared…”
“Of going to school and facing more drama and hell, or giving birth?” he asked casually.
“Both…” I murmured weakly. When I felt the tension settle in, I instantly changed my mood, put a smile on my face, and said cheerily, “Well let’s not shilly-shally any longer; there’s only a minute until”—the warning bell interrupted my words, and all of us instantly ran towards the entrance, with Gail’s hand in mine.
Reaching the intersection in which Gail and I would depart from each other, he pulled me close and kissed my forehead, whispering, “I know this is probably a whole bunch of bullshit to your ears…but everything will be okay…”
I smirked before pulling away, and waving him goodbye. That was when I noticed Alice right next to me with a soft smile etched on her face. “I haven’t seen so…at peace…not in a while,” she said.
A small chuckle escaped my lips. “Surprisingly, I’m not so scared anymore. I thought facing everyone—especially Michelle Rauling—would be terrifyingly miserable.”
She smiled. “You have Gail now. That’s what you mean to say, isn’t it?”
I bit my bottom lip, nodding eagerly in reply. “It’s amazing how I’ve never noticed him until last month, but he’s known me…all this time since I met”—I gulped—“Nate.”
Alice scoffed. “You only noticed last month?”
My head cocked to the side. “What do you—wait, you’ve seen him?”
“I’ve seen him plenty of times. After all, he was in my French Three class last year. And I’ve also noticed the way he looked at you from a distance during lunch.”
My jaw dropped. “And you didn’t say anything?”
“Well…I didn’t want to assume too easily, but thinking about it now, I could tell he really loves you—then and much more now. If I remember correctly, he held such an envious face whenever Nate showed up around you; of course, he kept his distance from you as to not enrage Nate.” Before I opened my mouth, she cut me off, “If you’re going to ask why I didn’t say anything to you, then I’ll say it again. I wasn’t one-hundred percent sure and I didn’t want to assume things.”
She kept her eye on me as we entered our English Literature class and took our seats next to each other. Alice then continued, “But there was a moment where I confirmed it—however, at this point, you were already in a relationship with Nate. Despite the fact that I felt that you deserved someone better, you were happy with him.”
“Okay…and?”
Alice faced forward and explained, “I overheard his conversation with Matt in Spanish before class started. Gail was going on about how he had to move on from you because you had already found your happiness with Nate and he didn’t want his feelings to get the best of him and get in between you two. Matt told him how he shouldn’t beat himself in order to move on—that he went through the same thing last year. Gail mumbled on about how it was pointless to fall for you since you never noticed him. I could tell from his clenched fists and serious, grave expression that he was restraining himself from having a jealous frenzy. Everything else, I can’t recall correctly—it’s a complete blur.”
I rested my chin on my hand. “So how do you feel about this now, Gail and me?”
She leaned back in her chair, a gentle smile forming on her lips. “You two seem almost too perfect.”
Raising a brow, I inquired, “Is that a bad thing?”
Alice shook her head. “No, no, no, no, that’s not what I meant.” She paused. “Look, it’s not that I want you to return to the past or anything like that, but—well—despite the fights and drama, I feel that you and Nate seem…realer. You and Gail: idealistic and dreamlike. But whatever makes you happy, I’ll support you the whole way through.” I nodded slowly, and she added quickly, “I’m sorry if I’m making you think of him…I think I’m making everything much more complicated.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine, really. Personally though, I’m fully content with my relationship with Gail; I think it’s real. Alice…I’ve been tired of having fights, arguments, misunderstandings, and drama I dealt with Nate. With Gail, I’m so much more at peace—I prefer this serenity.”
“I’m just saying, but, what’s a relationship without their ups and downs?”
“Look, Stanford moved on from me and fell for Maria, and I fell for Gail Thomas Eisen,” I snapped.
Taken aback, all she could say at that moment was, “Was it really necessary to say his full name?” When she noticed that I didn’t care about it a damn, Alice asked seriously, “But have you moved on from Nate Stanford?”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course; I’m not stupid enough to stay attached to a jackass like him.” She held a doubtful face, but I easily dismissed it just as our English Lit teacher entered.
Still, she continued to persist, “Are you sure you’re not saying that because of what happened that night?—that you’re heartbroken, jealous, angry, and won’t admit it?”
I heaved an agitated sigh, turned to her so my eyes would meet hers with a stern gaze, and replied honestly and sincerely, “I’m sure.”
She, too, heaved a sigh, but one of impatience and doubt. “All right,” she finally said, and our teacher, Mrs. Gunderson, began roll call.
****
Michelle Rauling. I’ve always hated her—everyone has, but that didn’t stop most guys from having sex with her. She hasn’t changed since our last encounter, not that I’m surprised. Well, the only difference was that she didn’t dare make eye contact with me nor try to start up something directly—not meaning that I wasn’t worried about what she plans to do indirectly. That was what really sparked my attention when Michelle and Gail weren’t at lunch.
Upon noticing this, I hastily made my way out of the cafeteria and stealthily walked about the halls until I heard a slam of lockers and voices just above a whisper just around the corner. I stopped midway towards the corner where their voices were clearly audible.
“If you wouldn’t mind, Rauling, please get off me. I really need to go,” Gail said in a calm, passive manner. “Whatever promiscuous actions you plan on doing to me, I advise you to waste it on someone who’ll actually give you the attention you desire. And that is not me.”
She scoffed. “You’re in deep. Seriously…what do you see in her?”
“Everything that you don’t,” he hissed. “And I love her…so much. I can’t bear to lose her.”
Knowing Michelle, I could tell she was rolling her eyes. “Then you must feel very lucky to not have given up on her. I must say…you were so desperate when you first heard of her pregnancy.”
“Don’t remind me…” he muttered darkly.
“You couldn’t bear the thought of her making love to your best friend, and carrying his baby—not yours.”
“Shut up!” he snapped.
“So to mend your, broken—or shall I say shattered—heart, you came to me begging for me to sleep with you. I never imagined Stanford’s sweet, innocent, and pure friend would come to me. Yet still, you couldn’t do it. We were close, but you gave up too easily. You repeatedly told yourself that you weren’t going to give up on her; you didn’t care how terribly trampled your heart was. You chose to chase after her… In the end, you still remain a virgin.”
Gail sighed. “Please explain to me, why bring this up?”
I could tell that she was putting up a devilish smile. “Nothing in particular; but I can see how attached you are to her.” She pulled away and murmured, “Listen carefully, Eisen. Having a dangerously close attachment to her can be risky; the more you restrain yourself, the more pain you’re inflicting onto yourself.”
He rolled his eyes. “I can keep my composure; besides, she’s pregnant. I can’t simply make everything more intimate between us—it’s just not right.”
She smirked. “Oh, Gail, you could do so much better.”
Gail shook his head. “I’m afraid that’s an impossibility because you see, she’s perfect to me in every way. I couldn’t do any better than Jae-Hwa.” I smiled towards the way he said my name.
“And if Nate were to come between you two, what will you do?”
“I’ll fight for her,” he answered confidently.
“What if she chooses him over you?”
Gail paused. “Then so be it. If she’s happy…” he took a deep, dejected breath, “then I’m happy.”
Michelle scoffed, “You don’t seem too sure of yourself.”
“Just. Go. Away,” he demanded; finally, she left. As for myself, I quietly made my way back to the cafeteria.
****
Gail gently ran his hands over my belly in a circular motion as we listened to some classical music from my laptop. My eyes veered over to Gail, and all I could think about was his conversation with Michelle. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, and I shouldn’t bring it up or do anything to suspect that I overheard their discussion. Even so, I decided that I would at least ease the tension that’s been eating him alive since he fell for me.
I placed my hand on his cheek, turning his head so he would face me. “What is it?” he asked curiously. As much as I hated to push his limits, I pressed my forehead against his, letting my lips hover his, and my eyes staring straight into his. My hand rested on his chest where I felt his heart beat faster and faster; he taking deep breaths, almost to the point where he was holding it in.
He looked away, trying to catch his breath. Again, manipulating Gail was the last thing I wanted to do, but if his restraint his making it much harder for him, then I should relieve him a little. So I whispered warmly into his ear, “I love you…”
Gail bit his lip and muttered, “Don’t tempt me,” before turning to face me. My lips still hovered over his, breaths mingling; even I was enticed by all this. Finally, I kissed him as languidly and sweetly as I could. His hands weaved through my hair, and my hands pressed against his chest. “Please,” he said in between our kisses, “don’t—just stop—you’re—making me—some—uncontrollable—animal.”
He pulled away, much to both of our dismay. “I love you,” I repeated.
Gail swallowed hard, trying not to give in to my so called “seductions”. He caressed my face, pressed his lips to my neck where a small moan of pleasure escaped my lips, and he whispered, “I love you, too… But please…stop. This isn’t right. I mean, you’re pregnant. If you weren’t then I’d probably lose all control in myself by now.” After he pulled away, my lips met the nape of his neck and he moaned, “Don’t.”
His heart beat faster and his fists were clenching, fighting off his desires with every ounce of his being. “Even if you weren’t…” he began breathlessly as I kissed his neck and shoulder repeatedly, “I don’t think you’d enjoy it if I had sex with you…”
“Why’s that?” I asked in a muffled voice. But I already knew the answer.
Gail was hesitant. “I’m still a virgin.”
I asked, “So what? It’s better than having sex with multiple women.” He smirked, and from then on, I messed with his hair and pressed my lips against the nape of his neck.
It wasn’t long until he had reached his limit and he pinned me to the bed. “I really want to, but…you’re pregnant… It’s just not right, so why are you tempting me? You of all people should know better than trying to seduce your virgin boyfriend into making love to you while you’re pregnant.”
I shrugged and blurted out, “I thought it’d be best to get rid of that tension of wanting to get intimate with me…” Deep down, I mentally slapped myself for daring to mention it, especially when he pulled away and sat at the edge of the bed.
“Where did you hear that?”
It was a rhetorical question, so I said to him, “I think you know the answer to that.” I sat myself up and rested my forehead against his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Gail… I shouldn’t have done it… I just made everything much more difficult. I’m so stupid… But you’ve just holding back for so long, I thought I’d allow you to go as far as this. Seeing the situation as it is now though, you’ll be much more tempted. I’m so sorry…”
Gail shook his head and smiled. “It’s completely fine, Jae-Hwa. Sure, you pushed me to my limit and almost caused my heart to burst from that overwhelming…pleasure.” I chuckled. “Still…thanks for trying to get rid of the tension though—I really appreciate it.” That’s when he kissed my forehead, grabbed his sweatshirt, and uttered to me, “Well I think I’ve had quite a night, so if you’ll excuse me, I should go.” I bit my bottom lip, smiled, nodded my head, and saw him off to his car.
Never again was I going to pull such a stupid move like that…
****
I remember being told how, for some people, happiness doesn’t always last—that it could be as fleeting a moment as a shooting star. I never liked it when things such as happiness just come and go as they please for me; such happiness between Gail and I could be torn into bits and pieces, causing a rift in our relationship.
Well let me just say a few words regarding this: I never realized the temporariness my blissful peace was until I entered the end of my 7th month.
It was a normal Saturday afternoon at my house with Gail. After teaching me the secrets of his homemade, baked macaroni and cheese, we were basking in my glory of this delicious dish, along with a glass mixed with mango and orange juice. On the island lied two chocolate filled croissants. The bowl of candy was already set at the bottom staircase, despite Trick-or-Treating to start in about four hours. As for my parents, they were out of the house, getting through some extra work hours as usual.
Everything was at its normal, peaceful serenity until the doorbell rang, echoing throughout the quiet house. It brought about my interest to see who it was, but something in my gut was telling me that this couldn’t be good.
And it was right.
When I opened the door, I was greeted by those familiar neon blue eyes and messy dark brown hair. It was the very man who stole my heart and ripped it to bits. Nate Zachariah Stanford.
Here comes trouble.
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I'm not satisfied with this chapter at all...didn't go the way I wished. Sorry...
So what'd you think?
What's going to happen next?
What do you think she means by "Here comes trouble"?
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Until next time...