TW: From here the angst really kicks in, so just a forewarning. I will be mentioning self harm, suicidal thoughts, gore, panic attacks, depression, emotional trauma, and MANY other types of angst that may be triggering. Please don't read if you are uncomfortable with the above topics, as this story was always intended to be heavily angsty. Thank you guys if you read this far and want to stop because of the aforementioned triggers <3333
-Don't Leave Me To the Monsters-
Two days post breakup. George doesn't leave his bed, and he doesn't want to eat anything. He doesn't have any energy to do anything, and for the first time in forever, he didn't attend classes. I've been bringing him food, but other than that he doesn't have the energy to interact with anybody. To be honest, I do feel kind of bad seeing George so sad and heartbroken.
Even though I needed to instigate this seperation, it would be a lie to say I didn't partially regret it.
"George?" I knocked on his door. No response, just a feeble cry. I bit my lip and set down a plate of food in front of his door.
"There's food outside the door if you get hungry." I said, pausing for a reply. The following silence was deafening. Throughout the day, I checked to see if George had eaten, at two hour intervals. I listened for the opening of his door, I listened for anything. But at the end of the day I went to check on George and the food one final time.
The plate remained untouched.
Five days post breakup. George has been leaving his room more, but he eats even less than before, somehow. When he isn't crying or laying down alone in his own room, he's in mine because he feels lonely. He still doesn't go to classes, because the panic attacks started. The worst panic attacks I've ever seen in my life. Hyperventilation, crying, shaking, loss of touch with reality, lightheadedness, a choking feeling, hallucinations, hearing things and then some. George's sadness and depression is beyond pain I've ever felt, and ever will feel.
Even though I was emotionless, it would be a lie to say it didn't hurt me to see such anguish.
"George!" I rapidly knocked on his bedroom door, ignoring the burn in my knuckles. Fear rose in me, stifling and cold as it swelled. I immediately shoved the door open and burst into his room, my heart hammering in my chest. My eyes fell upon George, who was curled up in the corner of the room. I could see the erratic rise and fall of his chest as he struggled to draw ragged breaths.
"I-I-can't-" George's voice was hoarse and weak, strangled in his throat, "I c-can't breathe-" He choked out, his hands around his neck. I reached out a hand, but George shoved it away with the little strength he had, his hand trembling.
"I hate you!" He screamed. I drew back in fear, my eyes locking on his scared expression. The tears gathering in his wide eyes, the bloodless pallor in his skin. His eyes were fearful but hollow. As if he was elsewhere other than reality. He seemed to see different things than I did.
"George, I-, I just want to help-" I said, my voice shaking.
"Don't hurt me, don't hurt me, please don't hurt me!" George shrieked, his voice a frail, broken record.
"What-"
"I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself," George sobbed, fighting for breath,"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" His hyperventilating worsened, and between his shaky cries and his fast, shallow breaths, he was really struggling.
"You don't have to be sorr-"
"Olivia-" George whispered, a broken little sound, all strangled with tears. Suddenly, I realized something.
George doesn't know I'm there.
A week post breakup. George can't spend a single second alone without extreme anxiety and his mind spiralling. Trauma is getting worse, and his depression deepens more daily. I manage to force him to eat some food, but he has no appetite and still no energy. The panic attacks are getting more frequent and more major, and George needs me even more than before. He literally cannot handle things on his own, and everything's just too much.
Even though I liked knowing George needed me, it would be a lie to say I liked seeing his pain.
"I have to go to class now." I said, glancing at the clock. George quivered, and I could hear his shallow breaths as they dragged in and out in laboured motions.
"NO! Please, please, please, stay with me, please!" George choked out, his eyes dilated and frantic as they locked onto my face, wide with fear.
"Please!" He cried again, his voice breaking.
"JUST SKIP CLASS, don't leave me! D-don't leave me to the monsters, please!" George screamed, his desperation evident.
"DON'T LEAVE ME TO THE MONSTERS!" He repeated, his shrieks bloodcurdling. Goosebumps rose on the skin of my forearms.
"But-"
"They'll kill me, they'll kill me, please don't let them hurt me." He whispered, not unlike a kid afraid of the dark or a kid scared of the monster under their bed. For George, the monsters were in his head. Swimming in front of his eyes, drowning out his ears, breaking him from the inside out. His ghosts were a harsh reality in his mind.
"George-" I was cut off by another broken plea.
"P-please, I-, I'll fall apart." George's shallow breath caught. I tightened my hold on him and stroked his hair in what I hoped was a comforting gesture.
"I'll fall apart if I'm alone." His voice was nearly inaudible.
"What?" I asked softly, my tone warm. Tears spilled down George's face, glistening in the dim lighting. His sobs were ragged and broken, every word weak and feeble. George inhaled shakily, his entire body shaking too.
"Dream, I can't handle this without you." He whispered.
A week and a half post breakup. George can't sleep, and it's getting harder to get him to eat. I thought time healed all, but maybe I was wrong. The panic attacks are horrible, and every second George spends alone is a second he has to suffer at the hands of the monsters in his head. I've stopped going to classes because George can't be left alone anymore. His depression and anxiety is only getting worse, and I never thought his thoughts could get so toxic.
Even though I wanted to help George, it would be a lie to say I knew how to combat the demons inside his mind.
I awoke to a soft but urgent knocking on my door.
"Hello?" I called out, clearing my throat. I rubbed my heavy eyes and sat up in my bed. Glancing at the time displayed on my alarm clock, I groaned. It was two in the morning. I'd only gone to bed around thirty minutes ago, and I was not ready to get up.
"Dream?" George's timid voice came from the other side of the door. I immediately slipped out of bed and made my way to my door. I set my hand on the doorknob and twisted it, opening the door to George. Deep shadows were under his eyes, the pallor in his skin ghostly in the dark.
"What's the matter?" I asked gently, leaning against the doorframe.
"I-I can't sleep-" Tears gathered in his eyes, "and I just c-considered hurting myself a-and maybe doing more. I'm s-scared, please make sure I d-d-don't do anythi-" His demeanor broke. Wrapping my arms around him, I processed what George had said.
Once it hit me, I felt as if an ice-cold steel rod had prodded my heart. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if George ever did anything like that. The icy fear in my chest was stifling and heavy, an all-consuming sort of feeling I couldn't combat nor eradicate. It was just there, and it was inevitably there. Actions have consequences, and I just had to face mine.
"Of course." I said, my resolve hardened by the thought of living in a world without George, without the light at the end of the tunnel I'd dragged myself towards for so long. I couldn't let the sole reason for my existence go this easily.
"Do y-you promise? Promise you'll help me and make sure I don't-" George's voice caught, a sob building in his throat. I tightened my hold on him and steeled myself. The thought of anything harming George that way infuriated me, sent shocks of both fear and anger running through my veins. I wouldn't let him die at the hands of the monsters.
"George, I promise I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you're safe."
Nothing touches my George.
Two weeks post breakup. Neither George nor I have spoken to anybody for two weeks by now. We've been completely offline. The panic attacks are the same, if not worse than before, and the anxiety and depression have snowballed. I've never personally seen and witnessed such anguish, such devastation. And the worst part is that George isn't just sad and depressed.
He's lifeless.
Even though I promised to keep George safe, it would be a lie to say I could.
-----------------------------------------------------
Author here; a final reminder that the rest of this fanfic will be ANGSTY, DARK and potentially TRIGGERING to read. Please don't keep reading if any of the trigger warnings I put in the introduction to the fanfiction are things you are not comfortable reading. I love writing angst and dramatic scenes, so I wrote this AU as a way to indulge :) Anyway, if you are stopping reading this fanfiction now, I love you and thank you so much for reading this far and supporting my work. But if you are continuing to read...STRAP IN HONEY WE'RE GOING FOR A HELL OF A RIDE! Love you guys, see you next time <333