Something flickered behind Arnav's eyes as his lips caressed her name and Khushi flinched. Her own name uttered by him struck her as unfamiliar, clouting her as if it was an intentional verbal blow. A moment of doubt assailed her. Khushi? When was the last time he had called her that? Had he called her by this name on any other day when she wasn't looking at him, she probably wouldn't have responded to him. For Arnav, her name had never been Khushi. Years ago, in a moment of jest, he had started calling her Khush, and it had seemed beautiful somehow. The name had stuck to her skin like glitter, and from that day onwards, she had been Khush to all her friends and most of her relatives as well.
Khushi felt nervous and fidgeted under his scrutiny, wondering what was going on his mind. She had been caught off guard by his address, and her mind had stopped working altogether.
"Ma has been waiting for you since morning." He breathed out in a hoarse voice.
She looked at his implacable expression. What was going on in his mind, she wondered. Her eyes threw a mute, impassioned plea towards him and she knew that he had heard it. But paying no heed to her request, he simply turned around and strode away towards his bedroom.
Khushi stood at the door, stunned as her mind raced to find all the plausible explanations for his reticent behaviour. She desperately tried to remember everything that had happened between them in the recent past, until her memory brought to the fore the moment on the train, where she had refused to take money from Akash to call him. So, that was it? All this fuss over such a petty issue?
She felt hot rage take over her senses—rage against the man who said he was in love with her, yet had left her standing at her door with a few words, all proprieties been damned. This kind of behaviour from him was completely unexpected, and she couldn't decide if she was more livid or shocked. It had taken him just three minutes to deride the pain, the agony and longing of three months that he had kept blathering about on all the phone calls to her! Not to mention the state of mind she was in over the last couple of weeks, which added to the fire, turning it into a full-blown blaze inside her. Incensed, she turned on her heel and started walking away. She was halfway across when Shaila Kaki's voice halted her feet.
"Khushu beta!" Shaila hollered. "What happened? Are you leaving without meeting me?"
Khushi stood still for a moment with her back to her, eyes closed, struggling to rein in the anger that had set her alight. She sighed as she turned around with a smile on her face.
"We've missed you, Khushu! Everything was so quiet when you weren't around!" Kaki enveloped her in a warm hug the moment Khushi came running into her arms. She then took her hand and dragged her into the kitchen. "Have tea with us and tell me all about your trip and what you did!"
"Nako, Kaki. I just had something to eat and—"
"Just tea and I am not listening to any more nako!" She reprimanded her lightly. "And where is Arnav? Did you not meet him? I was expecting you to scream seeing him here right now!"
Her heart skipped a beat the moment he was mentioned, and she hurried towards the crockery shelf and picked up a couple of mugs. "I met him downstairs, Kaki. I got a shock of my life."
Kaki laughed. "We all did! It was meant to be a surprise! I had called his dorm in the morning that day, would you believe it? And the operator told me that he was out and would be back in the evening! It appears that Arnav had taken the operator into confidence!" She smiled. "Khushu, can you call him for tea? It's almost ready."
A familiar feeling inside her heart had her stomach in knots. She hesitated but decided to ignore the tingles all over her body and call him before things became too suspicious for Kaki. Standing by the closed door of his room, she knocked on it a couple of times. Her heart was beating to a mad rhythm as she waited for him to open it. When he didn't respond after a few knocks, she pushed it open slightly and found him sitting at his desk, his attention entirely devoted to a bunch of papers before him. He glanced at her, and their eyes met once again.
"Tea." She said with a slight tremor in her voice.
"No, thank you." He stated in a clipped tone and got back to the papers in front of him.
She had been dismissed rudely, and it hurt and angered her at the same time. She closed the door and swallowed hard in an attempt to ease the tightening in her throat. The determination to keep the tears locked behind the lids was almost exhausted. She somehow found her voice with great difficulty by the time she walked back to the kitchen. "Kaki, he doesn't want it."
Shaila stopped pouring the tea into the mug. She glanced at Khushi for a long moment before resuming to pour the remaining tea in the last one.
"He was pestering me to make tea all this while! Take this one to his room and leave it on his desk." She said with an edge to her voice as she handed over a mug to her. "I have made some for Anagha as well, so I am taking a mug for her. I will have tea with her, okay?" She didn't wait for an answer and walked out of the kitchen.
Khushi stood staring at Kaki as she walked past her towards her house, a tad bit surprised by the sudden change in her plan. Weren't they meant to have tea together? Shrugging the thought off and not willing to spend more time on wondering and contemplating, she walked towards his bedroom once more and knocked on it. Without waiting for his response this time, she opened the door and placed the mug on the desk.
"I think I said I don't want it." He said a bit too harshly.
"Throw it in the sink then." She bit out and turned around to walk towards the door, the anger now beyond her control.
"Wait."
Her heartbeats picked up pace, but she didn't stop. She was too angry to turn around and face or talk to him. This insolent behaviour had gone on far too long for her taste, and it was the last thing she was willing to put up with after an exhausting day and trip.
"Khush," He said with a longing in his voice as he took a step towards her. "Please."
The justified anger which she had held onto with all her might betrayed her the moment he uttered her name the way he always would. She stopped and turned around to face him from the doorway.
"Where is Ma?"
"I don't know." She snapped, her eyes spitting fire at him.
"Where is your tea?"
When she didn't reply or look at him, he shook his head and walked past her towards the kitchen. Returning with her mug in his hand, he handed it to her and then shut the door behind him.
Khushi jumped as she heard the door close, and her heart stopped beating when she saw him walking towards her. Her eyes flickered for a moment as she opened her mouth to protest and then closed it again. She realised she was nervous, very nervous. Desperate to find that one object to focus her entire attention on while her emotions swung between two extremes in her head, she concentrated on the mug, which shook slightly because of her trembling hand.
"I was hoping to have coffee made by you. It's been —too long." He said in a husky voice as he stood next to her.
"You should have—"
"Some other time." Arnav took the mug from her hand and placed it on the desk. "You will spill it. Why don't you sit and drink?" He asked while pulling out a chair for her.
Mortified, she sat down, placing her palms on her cheeks to stop them from catching fire. She glanced at him and found him staring at her. Bhaggu ji, spare me, please.
Seconds ticked away, and the silence drove her mad. She had to say something. Now! She cleared her throat and asked, "Why did you clos—why don't you open the door?" Her voice shook, and her eyes caught the motionless fan hanging from the ceiling above his head.
"Why?" He asked as a grudging smile touched his lips. "This door is—"
"It's warm in here, don't you feel it? The fan is off too."
"Is it?" He asked as the creases at the corners of his mouth deepened even more.
She looked away, unable to bear the amusement in his eyes. "Look, someone might—"
"Might?"
"Walk in —and think—"
"Think?" He took a step closer to her.
"No. I mean they will assume something—"
"Something!" He could not hide the amusement in his eyes anymore.
"Arnav!"
"I am listening."
"They will misunderstand."
"Aah!" He stopped midway and stared at her. He then gradually walked back to his desk, his eyes not leaving her's for a moment. "What could happen here to be misunderstood, Khush?" He stood leaning against the desk, looking at her with his arms folded in front of his chest. "It's not the first time you are sitting here in my room with the door almost closed, are you?"
"No." She got to her feet quickly and opened the door, the simple act relaxing her instantly. She took a deep breath to calm down her heart and got back to the chair once again. She was sure this had amused him to no end, and she knew that while she battled a myriad of emotions inside her mind, he probably was trying hard to control his laughter from erupting inside the room. However, when she glanced at him, he was looking at her impassively.
"How was your trek, Khush?"
"It was good."
"Enjoyed it?"
"Yes." She said with a smile.
"You didn't inform me about it when you got your bookings done."
Her eyes met his in a flash, and she realised that her assumptions about the reason behind his behaviour today had been wrong. It wasn't about the money she had refused to take from Akash that day. She was sure of that now.
"Got them done a bit —"
"—Late?" He asked her interrupting her mid-sentence.
"Yes."
"Don't bother to lie. Kaki told me you had booked it a couple of months ago."
"Were you —"
"No. I would never do that to you. Kaki mentioned it casually in a conversation. You can ask her if you want." His face was set, but his eyes glimmered with the truth. She shook the thought out of her head, knowing well that he would never go behind her back and check on her.
"I wasn't sure I was going. If the submissions weren't ready in time, I would have not gone, maybe." She spoke without meeting his eyes, her index finger rubbing over her thumb nervously.
"So when did you decide to go?" He asked, his voice firmer than it was before. "Two days before you left, I presume?"
Khushi knew he hadn't bought it. There was no point pretending, she realised it. It had always been hard to keep things from him. Always.
"I am sorry, Arnav. I should have told you about it earlier, I agree. But for now, just let this be. We can talk about this later, and I promise to tell you what happened. Can you give me that right now, please?"
He stared at a for a long moment and nodded sipping on his tea.
Silence filled the room again, and it reflected the change that had seeped into their relationship. It became evident that something was amiss and that it was the first time in their lives where they sat in front of each other, not knowing what to say. They couldn't look at each other properly! It was an alien feeling, and she was sure he was feeling the same too.
"Aai was telling me you got the job. I am assuming this is the RA position you were telling me about?"
"Yes."
Admiration lit up her face, along with happiness. "Congratulations, Arnav!"
"Aise?"
"M-matlab?"
"Sitting so far away from me?"
She knew her heart would eventually stop beating by the end of the day. It had endured enough exercise to last for a whole year in the last couple of hours. Right now, as he stood there with his hands folded across his chest, his eyes holding her in his grip, she was feeling anything but 'far away' from him. Gathering enough courage to get her through this situation, she decided to walk towards him and shake hands to congratulate him. Just the thought of it, however, turned her palms clammy in an instant.
Khushi rose from her chair, and so did her pulse. As she walked towards him, she felt like an idiot for making a big deal about such a silly thing and offered her hand to him. "Congratulations, Arnav!"
He stared at her as he took her proffered hand firmly in his. She swallowed a smile when she saw his eyes turn dark for a moment. And then the look was gone, leaving her to deal with a blank expression on his face.
"Why didn't you call me when you reached Delhi, Khush?" He said as he held onto her hand.
The look in his eyes ripped her heart apart. It told her of the turmoil and restlessness he had experienced while he had waited for her to reach Delhi and call him. And she hadn't called him, not just on that day, but for almost twelve days after that.
"We reached Delhi late that day, Arnav. The train had been severely delayed. They got us out of the train and made us board a bus to the base camp immediately. We didn't get time, I am sorry. There were no telephones once we reached the base camp until we got back to Delhi."
"No, don't apologise, that's not what I was looking for." He paused for a moment. "In my mind, you refused to take cash from Akky and —"
"I couldn't. And I won't in future either." She pulled her hand back the moment he let go of it. "I am sorry, that's how I am. Difficult maybe, but you know me, Arnav. I would never hurt you because of some petty things. You know that too."
"That's what it was for me, Khush. Petty. I just wanted to ensure that the lack of cash doesn't become a reason to hold you from calling me, if and when you wished to call me that is."
"I know how this looks, Arnav. But I would never dream of —" She swallowed a lump in her throat and looked at him "We need to talk Arnav, about many things — and soon. Right now, just don't misunderstand me, that's all I ask of you."
"I won't, Khush, and I apologise. I've been a jerk since you've come back. I've been in hell all this while and perhaps a bit angry too. At times I forget that I don't have the right to question you like this because you don't feel the same—" He pursed his lips and turned away quickly towards his almirah.
When she glanced at him, she saw him look at her once, the warmth in his eyes was gone, and so was every expression on his face. "Arnav, I—"
"It's okay. I understand. Don't worry about it. It's not your problem." He said with a forced smile on his lips. He opened the almirah and pulled out a paper bag and handed it to her. "I picked up a few bestsellers for you in London. A couple of them are Grisham's new ones, which might take some time to come to the Indian markets."
"Oh my god! Thank you! Thank—"
"Anything for you." He said, as he saw her smile and browse through the paperbacks. He watched her in silence for a few moments before he spoke again, "This place is not the same when you are not around, Khush. I have bugged Ma a lot in the last two days." He said with a soft smile.
She gave him a sideways glance. "Which means you had enough time for Kaki!" She grinned. "She must've greedily lapped up all the attention from her Raja beta!"
"You mean to say I don't give her any attention when you are around?"
Her eyes widened. "No! I didn't mean—" She faltered when the look in his eyes changed as soon as the words were out of her mouth.
"Of course, you didn't." He said. "No, I was not joking. In your absence, everyone keeps talking about you all the time! It's crazy how much my parents miss you!" He chuckled. "Especially Ma. I wonder if they miss me so much when I am not there!"
"They do. Everyone does." She said as her face softened slightly.
"There are so many memories in these two houses, Khush. Everything reminded me of us, of you—" He said, not wanting to look at her, and focussed his attention on arranging the papers on his desk.
"I know what you mean. It's like you were everywhere and in everything I did! I had gone insane after you left —"
"I know, I was—" He stopped abruptly and snapped his head in her direction "What did you just say?"
Khushi shot up from her chair like a jack in the box, and a couple of books lying on her lap fell on the floor.
For a moment he stood still, a slight frown creasing his brow. "Khush?" He rasped. "What did you just say?"
"They—they all had gone insane when you left. Especially Kaki."
"They?" His brows kicked up in question while he tried hard to hide a smile that was threatening to break on his lips.
"Ye —yes! Kaka, Kaki, Aai, Baba, Kabs, Akky—"
"Pi?"
"Haan, Pi—" She spoke with an effort as realised she was breathing a bit heavier than before.
"Nikhil bhi hoga?"
"Ni—Nikhil. Yes. Everyone !" She giggled nervously. "Oh and I—I didn't thank you for the books, did I? Sorry! Thank you for these, so so much! I love reading these type of—I mean, of course, you would know what kind of books I like to read because you know me so well, but this—"
"You are most welcome, Khush. And you already thanked me."
"Oh, I did, didn't I? God, look at me!" She laughed nervously "I am just too tired, I guess. And thank you for the tea as well. It was—"
"I didn't make it."
"Yeah, I know, silly!" She giggled again "I mean I wanted to thank Kaki—"
He took a step towards her. "Khush—"
"I — I need some water. I think I am thirsty." She picked up the books lying at her feet and flung them over his bed in a hurry and rushed towards the door.
"Khush!" He took another step towards her.
"I—I—actually I am hungry. I'll go home now. I'll see you later, Arnav."
"Khush!" He almost shouted as he saw her bolt outside, leaving a big smirk on his face.
***
Khushi ran outside, not knowing where she was heading and why. Her heart was beating so loud that she felt dizzy. Her entire body was on fire as she darted towards the door and rammed straight into Kabir.
"Kabs!" She squealed as she tried to steady herself.
Kabir held her and stared at her. He then laughed as he looked at her all flustered. "Khush!" He mimicked her tone and laughed some more. "What's going on? Are you okay? Kab aayi tum?"
"Just now! I meant a while ago. Not right now—it has been a while but not too long ago and—"
"Alright, alright. I got it!" Kabir looked at her, almost about to laugh, amusement twinkling in his eyes.
Arnav walked out of his room that very moment and saw her looking at him and then at Kabir. Suddenly, her face blanched, her smiled slipped, and a grim expression took over.
"Oi! The trek — how was it? Mahadev ji mile kisi pahaad pe?" Kabir asked with a grin on his face.
"Nahin."
"Leh! What was the point of going then?"
Khushi took a deep breath in and stared at Kabir properly as he sat down on the sofa and took his shoes off. He seemed— different, less aggravated and calm. Somehow it seemed like her old Kabs to her, and she wondered what had brought about this sudden change in him.
"Kabs?"
"Yes?"
"Is that—you?" She asked hesitantly.
He knew exactly what she was asking him. His eyes told her that. "Nope! Mera bhoot!" He smiled. "Khush Wush, I've got a gig tonight!! And guess where!" He asked her, excitement written all over his face.
She shrugged. "I dunno!"
"Xavier's ke auditorium mein. Christmas bash. You want to come?"
"Tonight?"
"Yes!"
"That is so tempting Kabs, but you know I am not allowed to be out at night. And I am tired, I think. Exhausted."
"But that is when the music takes over, right?"
She smiled as she watched him speak to her like they hadn't in ages. She had lost all hope of things getting back to normal between them. But now she could see that he was making an effort, and it warmed her heart. Her old Kabir had turned up at the station, after all, the guy she had known all her life. The thought brought up a big smile on her face.
"Achcha, listen. I am going to pick up my guitar right now. Do you want to come along? We can have a quick catch-up chat."
The happiness she felt at that moment soaked deep inside her bones. This was her buddy, and something had made him come back to her! Had the break helped them both? She wondered. If it had, she didn't intend to blow it up by making it awkward between them all over again.
"Sure. Where to?"
"Tony's. He's learning guitar with me. He doesn't live very far from here. We'll be back in half an hour. Promise."
"Pukka?"
"Guitar ki kasam."
"Chal phir!" She giggled and walked off in a hurry, and as she reached the doorway, she glanced back to see Arnav smiling at her. She smiled hesitantly and closed the door.
*****
Her nerves were frayed as she got ready to go out with Kabir. Suddenly everything had changed. Arnav was just a few feet away from her, and Kabir was back to being his old self. It was a lot to take in one evening, and all she could think of right now was to have a quick dinner and just dive under her quilt and sleep in her own bed which she had missed so terribly. Her emotions were all over the place as she walked to the kitchen to inform her mother and Kaki that she was stepping out with Kabir for half an hour. She was lost in thoughts as she grabbed her handbag when the doorbell rang, startling her.
"Hi." Arnav stood at the door with her suitcase in his hands.
Her nerves jumped altogether and in all directions. She kept staring at him and then at the suitcase, trying to regain control of her voice.
"Your suitcase was with me. Did you forget?" He placed it inside the living room and glanced at her. "Do you want me to keep it in your bedroom instead?"
She snapped her head in his direction. "No!" She almost shouted as she stared at him wide-eyed. "I—I'll do it, thank you."
"Khush—"
"I —I was just stepping out. Kabir and me are going to—"
"Tony's, I know. I was standing there, I heard." Arnav said cooly as he took a step towards her. "Khush—"
"I will be back in half an hour." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear nervously. Their eyes locked for a moment, and she saw something change in his eyes which made her look away immediately.
"Did you have dinner? You were hungry." Arnav asked in a voice as soft as velvet.
She shook her head, dumbly. "I will have it once I am back." She bit her lower lip thinking about what to say to him next. "How about you?"
He stood still, unblinking, staring into her eyes. "My dinner is not ready." He almost whispered as he took a step closer to her, "And I am famished."
As she stared into his dark eyes, her heart was pounding with the sensation which began at the base of her spine and travelled all the way up to her neck and upwards, setting her ears and cheeks on fire.
"Khush—" He took another step towards her. "I'll wait for you on the terrace tonight. Say, around ten?"
She gasped. Surely he was pulling her leg?! That was an unearthly hour to dodge parents, risk a hell lot more in the bargain and just go to meet him for— for whatever reason he wanted to meet her!
"Te—terrace? Why?"
He shook his head, ignoring her question. "10.15 pm."
"Arnav, I won't be able to—"
"10.30." His eyes hardened as he kept staring at her.
Her eyes widened. "Arnav! This is—"
"I am learning from your Yash Chopra kind of movies, Khush. You know where the guy waits for the girl all night—even in the rain?"
"Wh-why?"
"Why?" He looked at her amused, a devilish smirk playing on his lips "Because I want to meet you!"
"But —but we just met!" She cried, staring at him in disbelief.
"We haven't Khush. Not yet." His eyes turned dark again, and he said in an unsteady voice. "And I don't want to wait anymore. So please, don't make me."
******************
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