THE MORNING AFTER THE PARTY, Martina awoke to a sound -of which could only be compared to a cow giving birth- from down the hall. She looked over at the clock on her nightstand to see how ungodly early it was and resigned herself to get out of her comfortable bed and investigate where the annoying noise was coming from.
She stepped out of her room, rubbing her eyes as she did, and followed the noise to the room beside Bucky's.
She stopped briefly in front of his closed door, and the memories of the night before hit her all over again. She was blushing furiously as she recalled the way Bucky's hands had felt on her waist, the way his cool gloved fingers brushed against her exposed lower back, and the way she could feel the rapid beating of his heart with their chests pressed together.
Those marvelous thoughts were interrupted yet again when another round of unpleasant sounds- akin to a whale call- rang through the hall.
She moved to Artemis and Loki's open door and peeked her head in.
"Artemis?' Martina called, daring to inch her way into the room. "Artemis, is that you?"
When she had made it far enough into the room, she looked to her left and saw Artemis on her knees in front of the toilet with a dutiful Loki holding back her hair.
"Loki," Martina said, watching the way he barely spared her a glance as he rubbed Artemis' back. "Is she okay?"
Loki curled his lip as Artemis threw up again and finally turned to look at Marina. "It seems my fiancee can't handle her alcohol."
"Little prince," Artemis coughed, tilting her head up and wiping stray vomit away from her lips. "Don't make me throw up on you."
Martina was about to ask Artemis if she needed anything- a towel at the very least- until she heard a deep chuckle behind her.
"Artemis," Bucky said, leaning against the door of her bathroom. "I thought I caught a whiff of shame and humility. Thor mentioned what happened at his coronation. Seems you didn't learn your lesson."
In the middle of throwing up, Artemis raised her right hand and flipped him off as Loki continued to rub her back.
Bucky brushed the crude gesture aside and looked down at Martina, gently placing his hand on her shoulder as he tipped his head. "Ready for our session today?"
Martina nodded her head as she waved a sheepish hand at Artemis, who had moved to curl herself into a ball on Loki's lap, and left the room with Bucky.
"Let me just change," Martina said as they entered her ice-cold room, leaving Bucky to stand just at the threshold. "I'm sorry it's still so cold in here. Tony only had it installed in order to keep my powers contained- and while I don't think I really need it anymore- it doesn't bother me. but I think I have a pretty good handle on it."
Bucky shrugged his shoulders as he let out a breath and saw it dance around him. "It doesn't bother me."
Bucky, however, was lying. Sure, his physical body was enhanced and made to adapt to whatever environment he found himself in, but Martina's room was almost subarctic.
He could only feel a tickle of chilliness, and he found it hilarious that Martina was walking around her room in a tank top and shorts.
She was rummaging through her closet for clothes and he took that split second to admire her. It wasn't something he had been planning on doing, but almost an involuntary action. Even though she wasn't wearing the provocative dress she had on the previous night, he could still not tear his eyes away from the sight of her.
Her shorts clung to her figure, riding up just slightly on her butt and giving it a more pronounced shape than he had originally noticed. Her tank top, which was a deep honey color, suited her skin tone. The fact that she wasn't wearing a bra just amped up his attraction to her; he could see her hardened nubs straining against her shirt and he felt his cheeks flush.
When she reached down and grabbed the hem of her shirt, his breath hitched and he found himself licking his lips.
"Sarge, you're staring."
Martina's teasing voice snapped him out of the tranquil- and some what inappropriate- peace he had found himself in, and he had to remind himself that it wasn't socially acceptable to watch a woman change.
"Um, yeah," he said, looking down at his feet and scratching the back of his neck. "I'll just- um- I'll just wait outside."
━
Back in the safety of their secluded little safe haven, Martina immediately knew that something was going to be different today.
Bucky was sitting on the floor, wringing his hands and bouncing his knees. Judging by the little throbbing vein on his neck, Martina realized that he was deep in thought. His facial expression loosened then hardened and loosened than hardened- almost as if he was simultaneously talking himself in and out of something.
"Bucky?" Martina asked, anxiously pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her knuckles. "You're kind of freaking me out here."
Bucky's head snapped up at her fearful tone and he shook his head. "I'm sorry. It's just that today's gonna be pretty tough. I noticed during our talks that you're the most uncomfortable when we talk about the memories before the car accident. I think that it's time to move on to the next step of EMDR and try to tap into some of those memories."
Martina gulped as she joined Bucky on the floor and crossed her legs. "So, what do I do?"
"They usually use lights but...this should work." Bucky sucked in a breath as he removed the glove on his left hand and held one metal finger up in the air in front of her. "Your eyes are going to follow my finger as I ask you to focus on certain physical sensations you feel when we talk about your past. You really need to concentrate because EMDR is sometimes known to cause false memories if not done right."
"Okay, this is it I guess," Martina whispered, focusing her eyes on his pointer finger as her forehead creased. She had to use all the strength she could muster to keep herself from trembling and stop her eyes which were burning in anticipation of tears.
Bucky felt an unbearable tug in his gut as he watched her try to keep herself together. He leaned forward slightly and reached his right hand out to her. "It's hard but it's necessary. You want to know, right?"
Martina nodded her head and quickly reached for his hand and, despite her efforts, tears were beginning to fall down her cheeks. "Bucky," she sniffled, too embarrassed to look up at him. "Can I- can I hold your hand?"
He smiled warmly at her as his thumb brushed the top of her hand and nodded his head. "Yeah, you can. Just as long as you follow my finger."
Martina let out a deep shaky breath and looked up, surprised to see how much gentleness was present in his brilliant blue eyes. All the warm bubbling emotions that seemed to consume her were melting under his gaze.
Fire and ice.
He cleared his throat and began to move his finger, watching her intently as her golden eyes followed its path. "Think back as far as you can. Your parents died in a car crash. What do you feel when you think of that."
Martina followed his fingers and gulped, experiencing a surge of emotions that she had sealed deep in her mind. "Um...hurt. I feel hurt. My nose itches because of the smoke."
"What do you hear?"
"I'm- I'm screaming." Martina was gasping lightly as she forced her eyes to stay open and follow his finger.
"Why are you screaming?" Bucky asked softly when he felt her grip tighten.
"I'm hurt," she whimpered, her lips quivering. "Mama y papa are hurt too."
"Think, Martina."
Martina couldn't help it any longer and forced her eyes closed as she was pulled into the recesses of her mind.
In a flash, her mother's beautiful face was in front of her, stray wisps of grey hair coated in blood.
"It's okay, mija. Everything is okay. No te preocupes."
Their red car was clear in her mind now, bent in odd angles all around her as her tiny fists pounded against her head. She was still screaming and the smoke from the engine was rapidly filling the cramped space.
However, as soon as those images violated her mind, they vanished.
She screamed as she shot her eyes open and fell backward, scrambling away from Bucky after looking down to see the hand that held him was letting out little trickles of smoke.
The heat she felt while she was in the corner of her mind was overwhelming, consuming her and causing her body to convulse on the floor.
"Oh dios, el olor," she yelled, fumbling to her feet as she tore off her sweater and threw it across the library, feeling like she was being suffocated by the layers she had on. "No puedo, no puedo, no puedo!"
"Martina, please calm down." But when Bucky reached for her, she let out a deep growl and began to claw at her hair. "Martina, wait!"
She had bolted out of the room, so quickly, that it caught him off guard before he even had a chance to stop her.
━
Despite wanting to run after her, Bucky knew better than to push a traumatized person to the brink. He had sulked around the compound all day, waiting to see if Martina would show up around the corner to explain herself, or at least tell him what she saw.
However, the afternoon came and went, and it was night by the time he decided to actively search for her.
He looked around the compound, feeling guilter by the minute when he could not find her. He looked in the training room, the lab, the kitchen, the library, even Artemis' room to Loki's deep chagrin.
Finally, he wandered outside the complex, and down the hill to where Martina had first displayed her powers to them.
He breathed a sigh of relief when he found that she was safe- relatively calm- and laying on the wet ground.
"What are you doing?" he whispered quietly, narrowing his eyes as he made sure that there wasn't a scratch on her.
Her eyes drifted to him and she smiled softly as she patted the spot next to her. "Stargazing. It's so much more beautiful than I pictured it to be."
Bucky lowered himself gently beside her, his breath hitching when he felt his arm graze hers. "You've never seen them like this?"
"No," she said, shaking her head as her heart began to pound when she felt his metal arm touch her. For whatever reason, he hadn't decided to wear the usual long sleeves he normally wore, and she wondered why. "I only know my constellations from textbooks."
"Philosophers study astronomy?" he asked quietly, tilting his head to look at her while she continued to stare at the night sky.
"Yeah," she said, her eyes softening at the mention of her greatest joy. "A lot of them would look up and wonder about whether or not there was someone looking back," she lifted her hand in the air and pointed her finger directly in front of them. "That one reminds me of Artemis."
Bucky strained his eyes to make out what she was looking at. She reached out and took his hand, holding on tight when her skin made contact with the metal and traced the shape of the constellation. "It looks like a man holding a bow with his arm raised above his head."
"What's it called?"
"Orion," she said, her hand still on his wrist as she retraced it. "The great hunter. His job was to gather meat for the gods. Artemis was impressed by his abilities and he wanted to please her so badly, that he went and shot down every animal he could find for her. When she saw what he did, she freaked out. Artemis is the Goddess of the Hunt, but she's also the protector of animals and Orion needed to be punished for killing more than he needed to eat. She killed him, but in honor of his service to the gods, Zeus placed him the sky."
Bucky chuckled as he lowered their hands, still keeping them nestled together. "That sounds like Artemis."
"Yeah," Martina laughed, using her right hand to push her hair back. "How much do you know about constellations?"
"I was in the military, doll. I know where the North Star is and that's about it."
Martina smiled at his term of endearment and began to trace patterns on the palm of his metal hand. "I like constellations. They're so clear; so precise. If you ever feel lost, just look up and you'll always find your way home."
He let them linger in silence as she continued to stare at Orion before turning on his side. "Do you want to talk about what happened today?"
Martina finally looked at him as she adjusted herself so that she was facing him. "I'm sorry I ran off like that. I didn't mean to worry you."
"You have no reason to worry, doll," he assured her, resting his other hand on her arm as his lips twitched.
"I saw my mama," she whispered, gulping harshly as her eyes flickered to their joined hands. "She was hurt and bleeding. She kept telling me everything was going to be okay."
"It will be."
"You can't say that," she cried delicately. "I'm not okay. You're still not okay."
Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second, not knowing where that rude comment came from, but he rubbed her arm in reassurance.
"I'm sorry-"
"No," he snapped. "I told you, you have no reason to apologize because you're right. I'm not. Everyone expects me to be because of how much time has passed, and since I don't talk to them about it, they think I am."
"Then talk about it-"
"I do," he said, shaking his head lightly. "I talk to Sam and he helps me with my PTSD. My nightmares have finally gone away."
"That's not what you need to talk about. Your nightmares might be gone but you still say you're not okay."
Bucky sucked in a sharp breath as his hand stilled and he bit his lip. "I'm...lost, I guess. I've always had a purpose. First, it was to keep Steve safe, and then it was to go to war for my country. After that, as shitty as it was, my purpose as the Winter Soldier was to kill," he retracted his arm because suddenly he felt like he was violating her the innocent aura he felt all around her. "Now...now I don't know. My life is finally my own and I have no idea who I am or what I'm meant to do."
Martina laughed at his final line. "You know, existentialists think that our lives have no inherent meaning or purpose."
He scoffed. "That's depressing, thanks."
"No, no," she insisted with a roll of her eyes, tugging at his arm- initiating the contact that he had deprived her of. "It's beautiful. They think that it's the purpose we create for ourselves that gives our lives meaning. It's only what we choose. The universe, society, god even, they don't care what we're doing and it gives us a scary amount of freedom."
"Freedom," he whispered back, finding that he had scooted himself closer to her. "That sounds nice."
"You're free, Bucky," she said, pursing her nude lips as her eyes twinkled with all the possibilities that awaited him. "Finally, after all this time, you're free. The question now is, what do you want to do with that freedom?"
He was suddenly aware of how luminous her eyes glistened underneath the moonlight. The gentle breeze was blowing pieces of her honey hair in front of her face. He could feel her warmth, it's little fingers curling around him, drawing him in.
"What do I want to do with that freedom?"
Bucky looped his arm around her waist and his tongue darted over his bottom lip and his eyes flickered down to her lips.
"This."
Martina held her breath in anticipation as he took his time, moving his hand up her arm, leaving an icy trail in its wake. His fingers played with the strands of hair blocking her eyes and pushed them out of the way.
Time seemed to prolong those infinite seconds as he leaned down, his cool breath tickling her cheeks, as he brushed his nose against her forehead.
She sucked in a shaky breath, watching the ways his eyes were so focused on her lips. Her eyes finally fell shut when he took one long slender finger and traced her bottom lip, before finally taking his freedom in his own hands by eliminating the final inches between them and pressing his lips to hers.
The intimacy of that moment was beyond compare with the way Bucky held her cheek as his lips moved fluidly against her own. She breathed in the way he smelled- like morning dew after a rain shower- and she savored the way he tasted faintly of citrus. She had kissed men before, sparingly of course, but had kissed them nonetheless. She had nice kisses before- decent kisses- kisses she thought about for days after it happened, but it was nothing compared to kissing Bucky Barnes.
It felt like he was cherishing her the way a boy cherished his first kiss. He was reminding her that with his fingers tickling the back of her neck and his lips brushing against hers, that she was safe and wanted.
In the past, Bucky had thought that he would never experience another first kiss- not that it was a pressing need- but the thought had come to him in the dark hours of the night. Whenever he saw Loki and Artemis kiss, it reminded him that perhaps he was meant to be lonely for the rest of his long unnaturally extended life.
Martina made him feel clean and rejuvenated. The tiny Hispanic woman had managed to coax out of him laughter and joy that he had long forgotten. He didn't feel empty when she was around and he didn't feel like the man he had been before- such a distant memory. He wasn't doting on her or using his brilliant smirk, or his flashy uniform to charm her to join him for a night of wonderful fleeting companionship.
He was finding himself in her sweet taste, exploring what his new wants and needs were. When he had first met her, he could not deny that he had an unexplainable urge to help her, but it had evolved into something so dangerously frightening.
Martina Garcia was melting Bucky Barnes' frozen soul.
He pulled back reluctantly and they both chuckled breathlessly. Martina brushed her knuckles across his prickly cheek and then trailed her fingers down the bridge of his nose.
"I don't want to go back inside yet," she whispered, flicking her eyes up to his as she bit her lip.
"We don't have to," he replied, playing with her hair before repositioning them so his metal arm wrapped around her small frame and her head rested on his chest.
"You don't have to be ashamed of anything with me." She wasn't looking at him, but he could tell how serious she was by the tone of her voice. She didn't need to state the obvious because he knew what she was speaking of.
Acceptance.
"I know," he said, lifting her up slightly so he could leave one last lingering taste of him on her lips.
He reached carefully into his back pocket and placed something in front of her.
Martina raised her eyebrows as she lifted up Beyond Good and Evil and held it in front of his face. "Do you just carry this around everywhere now?"
She felt the rumble of his chest underneath her as he continued to play with her hair. "What can I say-" he kissed the crown of her head "-I get attached to things."
She bit her bottom lip as she opened up the book.
"The great periods of our life occur when we gain the courage to rechristen what is bad about us and what is best."
―A/N―
Ah! It finally happened! What do we think?
Oh my god, you do not know how long I've been waiting for y'all to read this! I hope y'all can see their growing connection on more than just a physical level. They really suit each other, but not just because of the things they have endured.
Oh lordy, it's about to get intersting y'all! You have no idea what I've got cooked up!
Also, on a personal note from your friendly author, I cut my hair today!
Not only did I cut my hair today, but I also did this-
I am crazy and it was spur of the moment and lordy did it hurt. If you're going to get your rook pierced- TAKE IBUPROFEN
(Also, sorry mom)
Well that's enough for today! Hope you all have a great day and I'll see y'all Friday!
Until then & faithfully yours,
Bella.