"Manny?"
I loaded into the game alone. Confused. Manny had been next to me when we started our VR spheres. But as the music started and Love or Nothing came into view, I was alone.
In the open lush fields of grass, I turned, scanning the horizon for my cousin. "Manny?" I called out again.
Nothing. Not even the wind responded.
I frowned and turned toward the town. The entrance was a few yards away. Maybe Manny had gone ahead without me. Not that it was a bad thing; he'd done it before. Once or twice Love or Nothing loaded us in-game minutes apart and he just assumed I had gone into town for safety, then went to look for me. Maybe this was one of those times.
Hurrying into the town's square, I quickly smiled at the NPCs who greeted me. I looked at the market stalls and buildings beautifully brightened by the faux sun; everything Love or Nothing had to offer. But I didn't see my cousin.
Nervously, I bit my lip.
"Chari?"
My uneasy heart jumped at the sound of my name. I thought it was Manny and reacted to it. I turned, fully prepared to grab my cousin, embrace him, and make sure he was okay. But it wasn't him. It was Luis. I sighed as he approached.
"Hey." Luis stood in front of me and placed a hand under my chin to lift my head. He looked into my eyes. "What's wrong?"
It took just one look from Luis and the pressure eased off a bit. It wasn't much, but enough to let me know I could breathe.
"Manny," I said, taking in a deep breath. "Me and Manny logged in and I don't see him. I thought if he loaded in before me, he'd be right here waiting for me."
Luis let out a nervous laugh as he turned, looking back at our NPCs waiting near the town's side buildings. He gave them a wave, as if he acknowledged them, before looking back at me. "I'm sure he's around here somewhere. I haven't seen him. Maybe he went somewhere and—"
"No." Quickly, I shook my head. Manny wouldn't just go somewhere without me. Something's wrong. "I shouldn't have let him log in."
Luis frowned. "Has he gotten worse?"
Luis knew. He'd seen it over the past few days, so there was no denying it. Manny had changed. My cousin was the strongest person I knew, but to see a game meant to help those in need destroy him; it hurt me because I felt like I hurt him.
"I'm sure he's here somewhere, okay?" Luis gave me a weak smile before hugging me. His fingers slid through my curls as he cupped my head. With my cheek against his chest, I took in his scent. I closed my eyes, listening to him as he said, "We'll go find him before we do anything else."
"What if I don't want to do anything else?" I grabbed onto Luis' vest. My fingers found the folds of leather to hold. "I just want to get Manny and have him log out. That's it."
"That's okay," Luis whispered into my hair as he planted a soft kiss on top of my head. "We can do that, too."
I sighed. Hearing him gave me hope was what I needed. With his arms around me, I felt safe. I closed my eyes and sank into the moment.
"I'm going to help you every step of the way." Luis' voice was peaceful against my ears. "I promise."
I lifted my head to look up in his eyes. But as I did, I caught sight of a massive head pressing between us, pushing us apart. I stumbled as I was forced out of Luis' arms, feet away from him. With the distance between us, I saw who had interrupted us. My cousin.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, wonderful." Manny placed himself between Luis and me. "Don't you think y'all a little too close lately? Hm? This love-dovey shit from the dude who made my cuzzo cry. You think I forgot?"
Oh, no. I raised my hand and covered my lips. Manny, what are you doing?
"Sorry." Luis defensively lifted his hands. "You know I'd never do anything to hurt Chari, Manny. Me and her, we've moved on from that day. We were just here—"
"Ahuh." Manny huffed.
"—Planning on a way to find you, that's all." Luis took in a deep breath. "But you're here, and that's good. We think you need to log out."
"Yeah," Manny said. But it was the way he said it. It wasn't rough Manny or too cool Manny. He was agitated. Borderline exhausted. "We. You kiss Chari once and think you family? Ain't nothing about you family."
I placed my hand on Manny's arm to get his attention. "Manny, he didn't do anything. We just..."
Manny looked at me. His dark skin was moist, sweat on his temple. One of his eyes was red, bloodshot, like he'd been in a fight and took one good swing to the head. But I knew it wasn't a fight. It was the game.
"Again... we." Manny looked away, eyes to the sky. He arched his back and raised his shoulders. "Y'all ain't worried about me. Just pretending to be is—"
I squeezed his arm. Hard. It was my desperate attempt to get him to see me, his smaller cousin, his best friend. It was like when we were kids and I needed him most; the way I held him, no matter how tight, just to let him know. "Manny."
"Chari, I..." At first his voice was stern, hard, scary even. I squeezed his arm again rather than move away. Feeling my emotions must have hit him, because he lowered his head. Sweat dripped from his nose. "I'm sorry, I didn't—"
"Hey." I tried to look at him.
"Should I bring Anna One? I can get her. She can help log him out, no?" Luis said quietly, but he didn't leave. He looked at the two of us. A hint of regret was on his face.
"Get her, please" I said. As Luis left, I turned Manny around, made him face me, and cupped his face. "Manny, look at me."
"I'm sorry," Manny whispered, eyes closed. He took in a trembling breath. "I don't..."
"No, no, it's okay." My hands slid from his face to his shoulders. "We're going to log out, okay? We're going to relax, lie down. I'll call abuela to grab some aspirin or something."
"Aspirin?" Manny sighed. "Do you think that'll be all I need?"
I honestly didn't know. I wanted to tell him yes; aspirin was all he needed. A simple pill to fix it all was my hope.
Cupping his head in my hands, I observed every corner of his face. Red darkened his brown cheeks. Sweat outlined his brow. When he opened his eyes, there wasn't a drop of white in them.
Emotions swelled up in my chest.
Manny let out a sad, pained snort. "Mom thinks this is drugs," he whispered. "Did I tell you that?"
He didn't have to. I heard her. Drugs. Manny dripped into a downward spiral. In a game designed to keep us all straight and narrow.
Manny sucked in a breath. "Since we were kids, I said..." Another breath. "I would join you in everything you wanted, 'cause the other kids were little shits." He lifted his head. The skies of Love or Nothing cast a pink light on his face. What should've been a beautiful glow was eerie. The veins pulsed in his neck. "I couldn't let you do this alone."
"It's just a game," I whispered as he slumped forward, head on my shoulder. His body, larger than mine, was heavy, but I wrapped my arms around him. I tried to hold him up. "It's really just a game."
"Chari?" Luis called to me as he hurried back to the market stalls. He waved his hands over his head. Anna One ran beside him. Her face was normal, detecting information the way she was programmed to do. No concern, no care.
I frowned. It made me sick.
"Chari..." Manny lost all balance. His knees buckled, arms limp. I couldn't hold him. And I fell back as his weight forced me to the ground. All I could do as we crashed was make sure his head didn't hit the floor.
"Manny!" Luis yelled.
"Manny..." With my back against the stone ground, I tried to turn Manny, so he'd look at me. But his body wouldn't budge. Shifting my shoulders, I wiggled enough out from under him to look at his face. Panic gripped my chest as I struggled to pull him onto my lap. "Manny?"
No response. No reaction. He was limp as I held him close to me. Tears burned in my eyes.
Frantically, I looked up as Luis and Anna One came closer. While he dropped beside me, trying his hardest to check on Manny, Anna One had no reaction. The pink and purple in her eyes flickered, but nothing else.
There was more care and concern from the other players in town than this NPC.
"Why isn't he logging out?" I cried. "Log him out!"
Anna One blinked. "Unfortunately, Pantherlily, another player cannot make that request for someone in the game—"
"We're the same player tag, aren't we?" I brought Manny's head to my chest as I cradled him, mentally pleading he'd just open his eyes. "You can do that! I'm making the request!"
We had everyone's attention—players and NPCs alike. They slowly approached, observing. Concerned whispers were pushed through the air. The sweet scents of Love or Nothing were mixed with the worries and anxieties of the human soul. It wrapped around me. Suffocating me.
Holding my cousin, I wanted to scream.
"Manny?" another voice called out. Malcolm. With tears blurring my vision, I saw him push through the crowd. "Manny!" he cried.
Rather than let Malcolm approach, Luis stood, grabbed him, and blocked him. He tried to push back to get closer, but Luis shook his head, shushing him. "Hey, hey," he said. "She needs to get him out. We can't do this here."
"Manny," Malcolm cried, leaning against Luis' shoulder. "Manny, he..."
Seeing Malcolm like that, the love and pain in his eyes, hurt me even more. As I looked back at Anna One, I made one more desperate attempt. "Log him out," I said through gritted teeth. "You have to. Can't you see he needs help!"
Again, the reaction I was hoping for wasn't what she gave me. She shook her head, hands shifted to her side. Rather than sigh or frown, she smiled. "Unfortunately, Pantherlily, when a player logs in, they must complete the quest of the day before they log out or else proper game progression within Love or Nothing will not be saved. Logging him out now will only disrupt the natural flow of the game meant to calm the ache of realities."
"What if I took off his spheres?" Tears slid down my face. "What if I pulled him out of the game? What then?"
Anna One simply blinked. "Disconnecting from the game without properly logging out can cause data corruption."
That's it? Just data? Who fucking cares about data!
A small smile lifted the corner of her mouth. "And Pantherlily, you wouldn't want to have all of this game progression lost, would you?"
"Are you serious! You can't... you just... Fuck this game..." I held Manny tight with one arm as I forced my menu system to open. Anna One didn't react as I slid my option down to the log out. Without thinking, I pressed the option and watched as the world turned black.
|||
For the first time, I was woozy. I wasn't sure if it was my sudden choice to log out or the emotions clogging my head, but I knew I had to push through it.
As my eyes opened, I didn't take the normal minute or two to focus on the ceiling. I ripped the VR spheres from my temple the moment I could. And I rolled back against my pillows.
"Manny?" I stretched my arm out as I turned on my side. Manny had been lying next to me when we logged in, but he wasn't there. His indent was, but he and his laptop were gone. I gulped as I searched my room. I caught the glow from a laptop screen on the floor. "Manny...?" I hiccupped.
Love or Nothing played on the opened screen. The soft, mellow music came from the speakers. I scooted closer toward the edge of the bed, and saw him, Manny. His bare feet were on the laptop's keyboard.
A whimper slipped past my lips as I pulled myself closer to the bed's edge, only to see my cousin sprawled out on the floor. His eyes were open, blue and bright with the light from the VR spheres. Yet his face... was frozen. Stiff. Lifeless.
"Manny!" Quickly, I crawled off my bed and landed beside him. I cradled his head against my chest before glancing at his computer. There weren't any options on the screen. Just a title, just colors. Just lies. "Come on!"
Reaching over, I pressed the escape key, the enter key. But nothing. The music continued to play.
"No, no." I turned back to my cousin and his eyes. The blue flickered across the brown, like poison sinking into his blood. "Manny, you can't be in this anymore."
Without thinking against it, I swiped my thumbs up against his temple, flicking off the VR spheres clinging desperately to his skin. It was my last attempt to pull him back home. Though the light faded away from his eyes, the life once vibrant in them didn't return. What was once brown was now black and hollow. A cry left me.
"Manny?" I cupped his face, rubbed his cheeks. When he didn't respond, I dropped my hands and shook his shoulders. "Manny!"
Nothing. Silence. Just like in the game.
Panic came over me. Something was wrong. As if his mind were empty, Manny laid on the floor gone; far from me. My cousin who was always at my side was hurt and taken, lost to the game I wanted to play, because he wouldn't let me do it alone.
Wake me up...
Pushing to my feet, I ran.
I can't wake up...
With my socks, I slid into the dark hallway outside my bedroom. Beba scurried past my feet, hissing when I got too close. I shot her a look, filled with tears and apologies, but I couldn't stop. I needed help.
Save me...
"Abuela!" My hands slapped against my grandmother's bedroom door as I rushed inside. She popped up from her pillows instantly. The bonnet on her head fell on top of her pillows. She watched as I crashed into the end of her bed, fisting her quilted blanket with two tight fists.
"Abuela, it's Manny," I whispered, crying. Tears slipped between my lips. "He's... he's..."
"What, nena?" My grandmother crawled off the side of her bed and hurried to my side. She cupped my face. "What happened to Manny?"
I hiccupped. I coughed. My reactions were everything but words.
Seeing my panic, her eyes widened. And like me, she hurried out into the hallway, passed the cat, straight into my room. Her scream rang through my soul as I followed but didn't enter with her. I stood outside the open door; my shoulder pressed against the dark wall within the hallway. The light from my room brought shadows to my feet; my grandmother's frantic movements as she pleaded with Manny to look at her. To say something. Anything.
Just like I'd done...
If only I hadn't let him play again.
My back hurt as I slid down the wall, onto the floor.
If only I had kept him calm, in the room, just like when we were kids.
"Chari!" my grandmother cried. "Chari, call the ambulance! Call Suzette! Call—"
I squeezed my eyes shut and hummed through my tears. If only I was brave like him...
"Chari!"
I forced myself to stand, even if I couldn't look. The house, I grew up in it and knew it like the back of my hand. I hurried down the hall, towards the house phone my grandmother refused to throw away.
My hand wrapped around its cold plastic receiver when I reached it. Slightly opening my eyes, with blurred vision, I dialed 9-1-1. As soon as it touched my ear, there was a voice on the other side. Help. "9-1-1, what's your emergency?"
I dropped to my knees as I heard my grandmother scream, cry, and plead for Manny to move, even if it was just once.
"My cousin... he... he..." I hiccupped into the phone.
"What's wrong with your cousin? Is he in danger?"
Yes... "Send help, please." Save him...