They say you don't know what you have until it's gone. It's always just a saying until you actually experience it. There is no place for me in this world.
If you're reading this it's because I couldn't take it anymore. The emptiness.
Therapy and depression facilities only served a good distraction. In the end nothing could fill the void.
To my family, I'm sorry for the pain my actions will cause.
To my friends, I wish we'd worked things out.
Dineo silently read her friend's last words as a lone tear strolled down her cheek. She wiped it off then looked around the room to see her old friends with the same sad face. It hurt.
She stood up to go outside to get a bit of air but found herself in the boy's old room. She smiled when she saw a picture of all of them together still on his bedside table. It was one of the rarest photos of all of them together. She lifted the picture up to get a closer look when, "You hated that so much", a voice sounded startling the girl. "I'm pretty sure I threw it away, how did he manage to get another copy?", she asked as she put the picture back on the table. She had been talking and no one told her they were taking a picture. She'd been really mad when she saw it. She was pretty sure Connor kept it just to mock her. "That right there is the power of digital platforms", he replied sarcastically, earning an eye roll from the girl.
"Hi", Nathan had said a short silence later. "Hi", she responded. They stayed quiet for a while. Not knowing what to say. For the first time ... ever.
They hadn't spoken in years and it felt like they were strangers. She then faced the door to leave when her scarf slid slightly, she fixed it. But not before Nathan saw the blue/purple mark on her neck. "Uhf, that looks like it hurt", he said stopping her. "Oh haha, it's nothing", she replied nervously as she made her way back to the lounge where her old friends were gathered.
She saw Mariska standing with a familiar figure just as she approached the pair. "Hi," she said awkwardly. She hadn't seen the girl in forever and didn't want to seem too forward. Mariska was about to answer the girl when, "You're kidding me. Bruno?!" Nathan said as he approached them. "In the flash," Bruno responded to his old friend. "Wait, what? I thought you looked familiar", Dineo said as she stared up at the boy. "Did you get cuter?" she followed up with that as the others chuckled. "I know right? like damn," Preshani commented as Bruno blushed.
Dineo stopped laughing when she sensed a familiar presence next to her. She felt her heart beat fast when the boy slightly touched her arm. "Everyone, this is Michael," she said introducing the boy. "My fiance" she finished as everyone stared at them. "Oh congrats," they said awkwardly a short moment later.
They weren't weirded out because she wasn't wearing a ring or because of their age gap. They were weirded out because Dineo's entire perky mood changed the moment the boy joined them. Like she'd just been told about Connor's death. They let it go though, whatever it was wasn't any of their business.
The group had gone to Connor's house after his burial to pay their respects. When they got there they were given copies of the boy's suicide note as it had been his last dying wish. They were able to gather that the first sentence was referring to their separation. That it had taken a toll on him. He felt he didn't belong to a world without their presence in it.
They were going to right their wrongs.
"Wait, wait I got one. Remember that time at the mansion when all three of his girlfriends showed up at the party,"... "How can we forget the world's most memorable party?"..."He somehow managed to convince them they were better off friends than hating each,"... "And then he went on and hit on someone else," they laughed. "It's like his third leg was always doing the thinking," Mariska commented as they continued laughing.
That evening, the old friends had met up at a bar. They'd shed enough tears and it was time they remembered the boy how he would've preferred, with a lot laughter and alcohol. They were talking about his most memorable moments as they'd been a lot. His absence was deeply felt.
They were somehow able to forget all about their troubled past and the tragic end of their friendship. They hadn't spoken about what happened between them but it was like the boy's death had made them realize what was most important.
They'd also caught up with their friend Bruno whom they hadn't seen in over a decade. The boy had been sad to find out that not only did Connor die, but Vickie did too. No one was able to tell him as they couldn't get a hold of him.
They'd all been sitting and conversing when Dineo got a call. She ignored it, for the third time that evening. She knew she was going to be in a lot of trouble for that but she wanted to enjoy that moment with all her friends. She'd have to answer for her actions later.
She'd somehow convinced him to let her go commemorate her late friend. But he'd given her a curfew and she was way past it.
The thought of that made her heart hurt. She knew he loved her, she loved him too. He only puts his hands on her because he cares, at least that's what he says. He also says that the bruises on her body are a reminder of how much he loves her.
She smiled at that. He's not perfect and neither is she. He's got flaws but the most important thing is that he loves her. Right?
She knew her ranting mind wouldn't stop so she decided to call it a night. She stood up, said goodbye to her friends and made her way to the parking lot. "Are you ok?" of course he followed her. Dineo wiped off her lone tear, turned around to look at her friend and said "Never better," before driving into the night.
If she gets home sooner she'll have it over and done with quicker. That way the pain will be gone by the time she goes to sleep.