Trepidation : a feeling of fear about something that may happen
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*8 Months Later*
Lydia White
Have you ever lived as if you were dreaming?
It's like you can't comprehend that your daily basis is a reality. You try and appreciate every moment you have, because you don't know when you're going to wake up.
That's how it's felt for the past eight months.
I've been trying to live for every second, but there's moments where I have to step back and take it all in...
...Take in the fact that I have a daughter. Take in the fact that the love of my life is her father.
Today was one of those moments.
I stand behind the tall wooden set of doors with my father, letting out exhales of nervousness.
My father smiles at me, crinkles by his blue eyes.
"You've never looked so beautiful." he says. I could hear the emotion in his voice and see the tears forming in his eyes.
"Don't cry, dad." I chuckle, already on the verge of tears myself.
"I know. I know, I'm sorry." he nods.
Seeing him all flustered pulled at my heart strings.
He raised me, and he's watching me grow up.
I put my hand up on his shoulder and look into his eyes.
"Please know how much I love you."
He immediately pulls me in for what might be the tightest hug he's ever given me. I feel a small tear escape me, which I curse because I didn't want my makeup to look ruined.
"You'll always be my little girl." he mumbles into my shoulder and I hug him tighter.
I pull away and smile at him once more.
He's come so far in accepting my life choices. He used to resent Harry so much for what he did, but now he's realized how much we love each other.
And we love each other so much.
Before I know it, the soft piano music strikes up, and the wooden doors begin open.
I take a deep breath and feel my father's arm hook around mine.
My eyes glance up and I see everyone standing, looking at me...
The bride.
I saw my family members on one side, then members of The Kings on the other. We had told my family that they were Harry's close friends.
I saw my mother, holding my beautiful baby in her arms. She was dressed up in a pretty soft pink, fluffy dress, a white bow in her blonde hair and her tiny fingers hanging out of her mouth.
I look forward as my father and I walk and see Eliza in a beautiful pink gown on one side of the altar, looking probably the classiest she ever had. She gave me a smile and a nod of approval.
Then, on the other side, I saw Louis and Niall. They were dressed in grey suits.
I know how much they hated suits.
But they did it for us.
And finally, the second that my eyes met his, I felt everything move in slow motion. All it took was one glance and it was like I was reliving falling in love with him for the first time.
He was dressed in a black and white suit, his curls done up all nicely and his skin glowing in clarity.
His lips slowly curled into that same smile that I had admired all this time as he watched me being walked down the aisle by my father, who was getting ready to give him his daughters hand in marriage.
As I approach the steps, my father goes to sit by my mother. Harry reaches out for my hand like a fairytale prince that I really could only ever imagine in my wildest dreams.
But he was real.
I hand the bouquet of flowers to Eliza, then allow Harry to take both of my hands in his.
We stand under a flower covered arch in the centre of the platform.
His hands were still covered in rings. As always.
He smiled at me as I stood in front of him.
I couldn't believe that the epitome of what I imagined as love was right here...and I was about to marry him.
The officiant -which was one of Harry's gang friends- said so many jumbled words that I really didn't pay attention to. All my focus was on Harry.
It wasn't a wedding you'd see in the movies.
We didn't have vows. We didn't need those. We didn't have many people here.
But we don't need a full church to validate our love.
It may not be your traditional wedding, but it was still so perfect to me.
I'm 24. I know nothing. I still have so much personal growth left to do. But I'm with him until the world ends. He is all I want to know. Him and Daisy.
When the time for rings came, Harry held my small hand in his and slid the silver ring on my finger. It fit like a glove, sitting perfectly around my skin.
It was my turn. I took his hand and put the ring on his corresponding finger. He smiles at me once the band is all the way on.
And just like that, I married him.
"You may kiss the bride."
The sentence was barely complete before Harry wrapped his arm around the small of my back and pulled me in for our first ever kiss as husband and wife, and the room erupted into claps and cheers.
I wrap my arms around the back of his neck as he smiles into my lips.
When we disconnect, I look into his eyes and see nothing but adoration. He grabs my hand and then leads me down the steps.
Now was the time where we walk down the aisle as husband and wife.
Harry quickly pauses and goes up to my mother, kissing her on the cheek quickly before taking Daisy from her arms and securing her in his own and holding her on his hip.
He looks at me for a moment and bites his lip.
"I'll run if you run." he mumbles, making fun of the classic walk down the aisle.
I laugh and pick up my pace, my hands at the sides of my gown, holding it up so I don't trip.
We run down the aisle like a runaway couple who ditched their own wedding. Our daughter laughed in Harry's arms as we joyfully ran out the doors.
When we were officially away from everyone, in a more quiet area of the church, we caught our breath and laughed.
"I cant believe it." he chuckles. "We're married."
I smile at him. "I love you so much, Harry."
"And I love you, Lydia Styles."
I widen my eyes and laugh a little bit. "That's gonna take some getting used to."
Hearing my last name replaced by his was definitely new. But I really wouldn't want it any other way.
Daisy places her hand on Harry's cheek, guiding his attention to her. He leans in and gently kisses her on the side of her face, causing a wide grin to crawl upon her childish face.
I lean my head on Harry's shoulder as we both admire our beautiful eight month old daughter in his arms.
I smile to myself. "I've never been more happy."
I can feel Harry's eyes glancing at me. He pecks the top of my head with his lips before resting his head against mine.
We've been through so much together and I don't think that either of us could believe that we were married now.
"We'll be alright." he murmurs.
I'm coming to realize that if you allow yourself to live in peace, then peace is what will come to you. It'll seek you out.
There's still so much we're working around.
We've both suffered a lot of trauma, but we're both putting in efforts to help each other through it.
Before, when Harry used to say that we'll be alright, I never believed it.
Something bad always followed it.
But this time, as I stand with him and our child, I don't feel that impending doom.
I just feel at ease.
So, something tells me he's right.
The three of us will be okay.
//
Harry, Lydia and Daisy Styles, aka the most beautiful, love-deserving family on planet earth.