Care and I raced downstairs and collapsed on the brown canvas sofa while our grandparents played cards upstairs. Mom had laid out a banquet of popcorn, Doritos, and sweets on the marble coffee table in front of the giant, old-fashioned TV cabinet that housed my beloved Nintendo system and a collection of old VHS tapes.
We could hang out in the furnished basement without our families spying on us because it was at the furthest end of the house. They hadn't added any doors, which meant we would notice them from far away if any curious people decided to pay us a visit.
"Man, I adore Super Mario Bros 3," exclaimed Care as we coasted through World One. "It'll always be my first love. Even better than the original."
"Same here." Somehow I had room for popcorn after all that lunch and threw a few kernels into my mouth. "Though you are lucky to have a SNES."
Care grinned. "Hope to get a Nintendo 64 as a graduation present."
"You're so lucky!"
"So are you." She gave me a playful nudge. "Guess who's gonna see Eeeeric!"
"Not me."
"Say what now?" she asked, mildly perturbed.
I pressed pause and said in a faint whisper. "He's dating someone else."
"Hell no! I don't believe it."
"Believe it. It's true."
She sighed as though I was the stupidest person on the planet. "What did he say, Jess?"
"Don't sigh at me," I growled. "He said it with his own two lips. Well, not really because I was chatting with him online, but you get the point."
"What did he actually say?" she asked pointedly.
"He said he went dancing," I said, folding my arms. "With a girl. He'd worn her out. And we all know what that means. Besides, she was still there this morning."
Her jaw dropped. "No way!"
"Yes, way."
"Get the hell outta here!" She gasped. "How? But...? I...? What?!"
"Eric has a girl." Putting on my best acting skills, I gave a nonchalant shrug. "No biggie. I wasn't that fussed anyway."
"Okay, Sour Grapes."
"I'm not Sour Grapes!"
"You're a terrible liar," she said before chomping on a Dorito. "You know that, right?"
"Dude..."
"Look, I ain't gonna argue with you on your birthday." Care crossed her arms. "But the way that guy asks about you can't be casual platonic interest."
I leaned back against the cushions with a huff. "Maybe it's a deep platonic interest."
"Jess, I'm serious."
"Me too."
Care flopped against the sofa and hummed in thought. "Did he say who he went dancing with?"
"None other than Helen," I said in a petulant tone.
She cracked up laughing and gave me a playful tap on the arm. "Oh, my God! Jess, you're such a dumb-ass!"
"Hey!"
I crossed my arms in aggravation. When Care tried to stifle her laughter, it burst forth from her.
"This isn't a freaking joke!" I insisted.
"Dude, Helen's gay."
Now it was my turn for my jaw to drop. "Whaaaaa?"
"She is one-hundred percent into women." Care took a deep breath. "Sorry I laughed. I'm just so relieved." She threw a few kernels of popcorn at me. "You had me worried, you weirdo!"
"Helen doesn't like guys?" I asked under my breath. "Oh, gosh! I'm such an idiot."
"Dude, she is not competition. Like, at all." She waggled her eyebrows. "Maybe he tried to gauge how you'd react."
"Oh, great! Way to make me feel better."
"It worked," she said in a childish sing-song. "Now he knows you like him."
I took a deep breath. "At least I wasn't a total idiot. I left abruptly, but that's it."
"It's Eric, Jess." She rolled her eyes. "I know you have trust issues, but you gotta give him the benefit of the doubt. He's not going to invite you to Holy Cross to say, Here's my real lady."
"Why didn't Eric tell me they were buddies? Or that he likes night clubs?" I murmured. "I know so little about him, but he talks to you. What's up with that?"
Care tossed a kernel of popcorn at me and laughed. "Oh, my God! You're such a jealous brat!"
"I am not!" I growled, tossing the kernel back at her.
"Eric talks to me because we're friends," she said, rolling her eyes, "and because my grandparents aren't as strict as yours and because if he pisses me off, there's less at stake. Dummy!"
I huffed.
"Once you guys start chatting on a regular basis, I'm sure Eric will forget all about me," said Care with a sad expression. "Which is too bad because he's an interesting guy."
"I don't want him to stop talking to you," I said. "You're friends. I'm not a jealous weirdo."
"Then relax!" She shook her head. "When are you going to realize I don't like Eric like that? We're sisters. I don't date guys who are into you."
"Sorry...I'm so nervous." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I haven't liked anyone like this before."
"Awww." She grinned at me and gave me a playful nudge. "You're such a nut, but you're a cute nut."
"Pot, meet Kettle."
"Even if you and I weren't friends and Eric did like me, I'm not gonna start dating someone right before graduation," said Care in a decisive tone.
"Why not?"
"After eighteen years of surveillance," she replied, "I'm not about to hand my freedom over to a guy right away."
"Aren't you dying to date?"
She shook her head. "No way! Eric knows that too. A long time ago, back when we first met, I told him that if he started flirting with me, I'd block his lame ass from now till Kingdom Come."
I chuckled. "Oh, gosh! What did he say?"
"Care, you know I've never liked you like that," she said, imitating his low, matter-of-fact baritone.
"Now I kinda love him and hate him."
She gave me a perplexed look.
"You're so awesome," I explained. "I'm kinda pissed he said that."
She grinned. "Nah, it's cool. It'd be way more awkward if he did like me because I'm not attracted to his pale, rational ass."
"Hey!"
"Don't judge, man. But I want a passionate guy to freaking sweep me off my feet," she said. "He'd be tall and tanned. Toned, but not stupidly muscular."
"You like someone, don't you?" I squeaked in a hushed whisper.
She turned a deep shade of crimson. "Shut up! They'll hear you!"
"Oh. My. GOD!" I squealed. "Who is it?"
"Promise you won't get mad?"
"Why would I get mad?" I asked, furrowing my brow. "Oh, Lord! Is it Bryan?"
"No, worse..."
"Who is worse than Bryan? No one..." Then it hit me. "Oh, no!"
"Jess, trust me!" she said, flustered. "Jack's nice once you get to know him."
"Seriously?" I threw my hands up in the air. "But you always hated him!"
"I never hated him." She paused and gave me a wary look. "I wanted to tell you we became friends this year, but you were always so damn busy."
"I'm a sucky friend," I muttered. "I don't even know who your crush is."
"No, you're determined to get a good place to study. That's a good thing." A giggle tumbled from her lips. "Besides, he's a friend crush, not a crush-crush."
"I'm just surprised is all." I gave her a crooked smile. "You're right. Jack isn't half-bad once you get to know him."
"Right?"
"He's been cheering on my blog."
"Yeah, I saw!" Care grinned. "He's a sweetie once you break down the ugly stone walls around his heart."
"Real talk now..."
Care's grin melted into a serious frown. "All right."
"Did you tell him about my blog?"
Her eyes widened in surprise. "No, he found it on his own because--"
"Because--?"
She cast down her gaze. "I'm not allowed to say, and honestly it's not my story to tell."
"I think I already know."
"About who he likes?"
"Yeah..."
She sighed. "Yeah, Jack wants to go to prom with a friend." She took a deep breath and gave me an anxious look. "So he asked me."
"What did you say?"
She blushed. "It'd be fun if we went as a group of three or four..."
"You totally should go with him." I waved a dismissive hand. "I don't even know if I'm going at all."
"You can come with us!" said Care with an eager giggle. "We can both dance with Jack and make Nicky jealous."
I laughed. "Make sure you let him know now before he asks someone else."
"Now?!"
"Yes! Call him!"
Her eyes twinkled with mischief as she took out her cell and dialed his number. After exchanging a few pleasantries, she turned crimson and asked him to prom. Her eyes widened as she stifled a squee along with me.
"Okay, sounds good!" she said aloud, breathless.
Silence hovered in the air for a moment.
"I'm wearing silver-gray, so anything goes." A beautiful smile spread across her face along with a deep blush. "Hey, is it cool if Jess comes with us? We can all dance together and--"
She grimaced as Jack spoke on the other end, his indistinct baritone murmuring.
"Ewww! Jack, she's my sis! Don't be gross."
After I gave her a confused look, Care waved her hand to dismiss his nonsense.
"Cool. Sounds good. We can talk about the arrangements at school." She paused. "Thanks. See you. Bye!"
She hung up, and we both squeed so loudly that Mom came downstairs. I wrapped her in a hug. Care was so relieved that happy tears welled in her eyes.
"Are you two girls okay?" asked Mom as she rushed forward to my friend.
"Care's going to the prom with Jack!" I exclaimed.
Mom's eyes widened as she swept Care up in a warm embrace. That launched her into a long-winded speech about Jack's awesomeness, punctuated by tight squeezes from her that made Care give muted squeaks of surprise.
Oh, well. Mom meant well.
"Jack is great, isn't he?" said Care.
"Now Jess needs a date for her prom," said Mom with a worried look.
"Don't worry!" Care turned to me. "You're coming with us, right?"
"As long as he's cool with it."
"He thinks it's a great idea."
Mom frowned in confusion. "But you have a date now, dear."
"Jack and I are just friends," said Care. "We can all go as one group."
"Young people do that nowadays?" asked Mom, skeptical.
"Sure!" Care replied. "They sit us eight to a table. Most songs are fast ones so that you can dance with friends."
Eeek, I wish I didn't have to dance at all.
"That sounds lovely. What do you think, Jess?"
I smiled and joined the group hug. "Yeah, I'd like that."
To the extent that I like prom at all...
After Mom went upstairs, Care and I played Mario and Tetris until the evening and then watched Wrath of Khan on VHS. It was one of the few movies we could both watch.
Even though I'd turned eighteen, some rules stayed in place as long as I lived with my grandparents. One of them? No films with a higher rating than PG.
Who cares, though? I love it anyway.
Before Care left to go home at midnight, she gave me a tight squeeze. "Make sure you tell Eric everything's cool. He's probably panicking right now."
"That kid?" I asked, shaking my head. "He never panics."
"Not that you see, no."
"Hey, what does that mean?"
Care curled her lip. "Just do it, Jess."
"Hey, wait--"
She closed the door softly behind her.
When I signed on to AOL, the mailbox flag flipped up with the notification of "You've Got Mail". I hadn't deleted all the spam before a familiar trill informed me of Eric's incoming instant message.
AceofClubs: Jess?
AceofClubs: Did you have a nice party?
CelibateForLife: it was great! :D
CelibateForLife: wish you were there! Care and I played retro games.
CelibateForLife: tons of food, movies, snacks. No beer though :-P
CelibateForLife: still you'd like it
AceofClubs: wish I'd been there
AceofClubs: sounds fun!
AceofClubs: do you have time to chat? :)
CelibateForLife: a couple of minutes, sure
AceofClubs: I wanted to clarify from earlier
AceofClubs: Helen is my friend
AceofClubs: a good friend, but just a friend.
CelibateForLife: don't worry
CelibateForLife: it's important for you to have friends :)
CelibateForLife: and fun
CelibateForLife: I'm sorry if I sounded weird before
AceofClubs: you weren't weird
AceofClubs: a bit abrupt maybe
AceofClubs: but you had to get ready for your party :) I understand
CelibateForLife: I'm sorry
CelibateForLife: I didn't mean to sound rude
CelibateForLife: it's just...
For a long time, I stared at the screen. Unsure what I should say. If I admitted to being jealous, it would make me sound like that insane nut job in Fatal Attraction. On the other hand, I didn't want him to just think I was a callous weirdo who didn't give a crap.
What should I say? Maybe I should play it cool? Not talk about it?
AceofClubs: Jess, I'm going to say something I shouldn't.
AceofClubs: I hope you don't take it the wrong way.
Oh, no! Here it comes.
"Jess, you're cool. But you acted like such a psycho, and I've changed my mind."
AceofClubs: I like you.
AceofClubs: as much as I did back in high school
AceofClubs: if not more
AceofClubs: I can't explain it because I don't understand it either
I gasped when I read his words. My heart burned with a warm glow that had nothing to do with the three thousand calories I'd eaten that day.
AceofClubs: I dance at clubs to exercise and get out of my head
AceofClubs: girls don't approach me because I go with Helen
AceofClubs: when they do, I brush them aside.
AceofClubs: because they're not like you
CelibateForLife: not like me?
CelibateForLife: but you hardly know me!
AceofClubs: is that so?
AceofClubs: I knwo I don't want what they want
AceofClubs: *know
AceofClubs: they are vapid and uninteresting
AceofClubs: when I look in their eyes, they're not like yours
AceofClubs: you stare intently with a piercing intellect I admire
AceofClubs: you fight fiercely for what you believe in
AceofClubs: you stand by your friends
AceofClubs: you sacrifice for your interests
AceofClubs: and you have a rich inner world
AceofClubs: hidden deep inside your head and heart
AceofClubs: it sparks my curiosity
As I stared at the screen, happy tears welled in my eyes. How could he know me so well whereas I didn't know a thing about him?
A wave of regret washed over me. Oh, shit! Am I self-centered?
Since Eric had bared his soul to me, I thought it only fair that I did the same.
CelibateForLife: I'm not going just for the language labs, you know.
CelibateForLife: I haven't dated all of senior year.
CelibateForLife: I mean, I've been too busy.
CelibateForLife: But even if I weren't, I wouldn't want to.
AceofClubs: no? why not?
CelibateForLife: promise not to be creeped out?
AceofClubs: as long as you don't want to murder me in my sleep ;)
CelibateForLife: :D nooooo! lol
AceofClubs: well, that's a relief. haha!
CelibateForLife: they all fall short.
CelibateForLife: I can't help but compare them.
AceofClubs: compare them? to whom?
Oh, God! Do you really not know?
CelibateForLife: to you!
CelibateForLife: but you're ace
CelibateForLife: and I don't want you to think
CelibateForLife: that I don't respect your identity
AceofClubs: remember zero to four?
CelibateForLife: types of attraction?
AceofClubs: yes
AceofClubs: I feel zero
AceofClubs: one
AceofClubs: two
AceofClubs: three
AceofClubs: and...maybe...a bit of four
CelibateForLife: really? :D
AceofClubs: perhaps.
AceofClubs: it's hard for me to tell.
CelibateForLife: platonic? aesthetic? emotional? sensual? romantic?
CelibateForLife: for me?
AceofClubs: yes
A pleasant tingle spread from my heart to every part of my body once Eric told me how he felt. It came as such a relief as well as a cause for joy. Because I felt the same way about him.
AceofClubs: don't think badly of me
AceofClubs: but tonight was movie night
CelibateForLife: so your confession
CelibateForLife: was catalyzed by liquid courage? ;)
AceofClubs: maaaaybe ;)
CelibateForLife: that's cool
CelibateForLife: you should have fun.
CelibateForLife: but you can tell me anything. you know that, right?
CelibateForLife: at least, I hope you feel like you can
AceofClubs: I don't want to scare you away again
CelibateForLife: you never scared me away
CelibateForLife: everyone tried to scare you away from me
CelibateForLife: it's my fault
AceofClubs: nothing is your fault
AceofClubs: I didn't have the courage back then to fight or tell you what I think
AceofClubs: but I do now
Silence hung in the air as I waited for him to continue.
AceofClubs: I like you, Jess.
AceofClubs: and I can't wait until Sunday
AceofClubs: helen's yelling at me to stop breaing my soul, she's telling me to be mysterious
AceofClubs: beraing*
AceofClubs: ah screw it lol
AceofClubs: remind me not to drink beer on an empty stomach
This was a whole new side of him. Jeez! I chuckled under my breath. Even when he was drunk, Eric was direct but affectionate. My heart expanded until it filled my whole chest like a blown-up balloon.
CelibateForLife: noooo! please be honest! I hate having to guess
CelibateForLife: because I usually guess wrong, trust me
CelibateForLife: I usually assume/fear the worst
AceofClubs: don't...please don't
AceofClubs: Care always told me it's not just me but I want to hear it from you
AceofClubs: we've waited long enough to be sure...over a year!
My heart thudded against my ribs. Fueled by alcohol or not--typos or no typos--his confession meant the world to me.
CelibateForLife: I feel the same Eric.
CelibateForLife: I really, really like you.
CelibateForLife: And I can't wait until Sunday. :)
AceofClubs: :)
Mom called down and told me not to stay on the computer too long. So Eric and I made a chat date for Monday.
As I fell asleep, I pictured him snuggling beside me, wrapping his arms around my body. Basking in his warmth and spicy scent. Similar to the dream he'd revealed to me weeks ago.
For once, the idea of snuggling felt right.