Dear Harry,
a month had gone by last time you saw me i looked so well. i was full of life but things change. things went down hill pretty quickly. im being monitered more than usua because i was told my chemo wasn't working for me anymore.
it wasn't doing anything. i couldn't get any better. today they told me i had less than a year to live. less than a year. it broke my parents heart. the thought of loosing another child to cancer sucks. why did god have to punish them?
i couldn't tell them everything was going to be fine because it wasn't. i couldn't lie to them.
dad told me he was happy you came into my life, because this journal is the only thing that can keep me from loosing my mind. this journal is the only way i can actually put my feelings out to the world. i couldn't tell anyone how i felt because i didn't want them to cry more.
this pain, it hurts. sometimes i dont even have enough strengh to get out of bed to go to the toilet.
sometimes i dont have enough strengh to write this. like now im forcing myself to write because im bored and i dont want to stare at them white walls for hours.
i know you'll blame your self for this, for how weak i am but i want you to know. its nothing to do with you, its my body, my body wants me to be ill. my body wants me to have cancer and i cant do nothing about this. only my body can decided whether i live or die.
Harry i want you to know no matter what happens to me, if i die or if i live. i will love you. i will love you for eveything you have done for me. for being kind to me. for helping me with life. for everything Harry.
with so much love,
Leah x