.Regret is a terrible emotion. I would say the worst by far. I have come to this conclusion as you don't only feel the emotion regret itself , but also all the other horrific feelings that are attached. Grief, sadness, anger, self-hatred, guilt and the constant thought of 'what if'.
What if I had not walked out on Emily? or been able to fight off Gerard? But the sad reality is that I couldn't of stopped this. Gerard has been watching over me like a hawk, it was inevitable even if I didn't know it. Yet I still feel regret. I'm regretting starting to trust that monster.
Opening my stupid mouth, and whoops Emily's dead. Everything I care for. Dead. Well I suspect that. He's been gone for over two hours so I'm sure he's nearly done clearing out her poor corpse of any blood that once flowed through her dainty veins. Though the heart that loved me.
I miss her, she sliced through my heart but I saw regret filling her eyes. Regret was actually the last thing I saw in her before foolishly storming out. Never to see the brown beautiful gems again. Maybe we could of worked things out. Maybe we could of lived happily ever after.
But now she lays, eyes open and cold, blood stained, a victim of pure evil. Her caracas rotting away, everything I love being demolished by him. The kind cruel beast that messes with my mind. The hate I feel is also the thing I love.
His mystery intoxicates me, I lose sight reality and fall into the land of lust and need. The irony is that the things I lust for will be my destruction, my downfall. And he knows that.
I'm suffocated by the confusion and the evil chaos trapped in these walls. Love but with hate. Lust but with pure disgust. Protection that turns into claustrophobia in a blink of an eye. Fear that turns into sexual want with a look at those pink lips. And the worst thing is, those lips are ripping my one true love to shreds yet I still want him.
I pace through the empty halls, hating the awful silence. One more push and I will for sure snap, lose my mild. I need to know what's happening. I have no power over this, I cannot do anything and that's killing me. I run a sweaty hand through my short black hair, chewing on my lip ring.
I have an anger I can't deal with so I settle with punching a hard brick wall; sending terrible shooting pains through my bony hand. I let out a gasp while swearing, cursing at my fucking self and the whole god damn, mother fucking situation.
I pick up a glass vase sitting on the closest oak shelf. In pure anger i throw it full speed at the wall, watching it shatter. The pieces flying back off the crimson bricks. Contentment fills my body.
Next I throw the marble clock to the floor. Stamping until the glass breaks, the black hands bend. Until the marble sold structure starts to crack. I stomp and stop to eventually it shatters. As it does so I fly back to the other wall. Anger dispersing. Sadness returning. I slide down to the floor and weep into my knees, arms wrapped around my head.
My cries echo in the empty cold house. The freezing marble floor feels bitter to my touch. The coldness seeping through my jeans and socks. The smashed pieces lay at my feet, making shadows onto the dark tiles.
I slow my cries until the hall is silent again. And it stays that way until the door clicks open, a eerie creak booms throughout the house and into my ears. My head shoots up, fear paralyses me. Eyes open wide, my heart beating fast. The door shuts. Familiar footsteps get closer and closer yet I cannot see him. I stare at the end of the corridor and soon enough the dark figure appears.
I look up at him with cold eyes, no emotion showing. I'm hiding behind my tough guy mask I hate to wear. He stands tall above me and comes to a halt. Staring at the Brocken clock and vase now smashed beyond repair. His face is angry but calm. His hands in his pockets. Blood escaping out the corner of his unnaturally blood red.
'That was my grandfathers clock.'
'That was my girlfriend'
I fire back with no expression in my voice. He bends down and starts picking up the pieces. 'I loved that clock Frank, it was the last thing he ever gave me before he was stabbed in the heart.' He speaks with more emotion and I do to. 'Well you just stabbed mine.' I break, my mask falls, I cry. The vampires face softens as he realises what he's done to me.
He sits next to me and puts an arm around my back. The touch makes me tense up. I can smell her on his jacket. Her dying breath. 'Im sorry Frankie. I couldn't bare the thought of her hurting you!' He pleads. I push him back. 'No you couldn't stand the thought of me loving her and not you! I will never love you! Your a cold hearted monster and i hate you!' I shoot up and run to the door; rattle the handle but it's locked shut.
Gerard grabs my shoulder, I instantly calm under the soft touch. 'I really am sorry Frank. But I can't let you put yourself in real danger. You don't understand.' I turn to him with sad eyes. 'I do but. But I'm trapped here Gerard. It's scary.'
He runs a hand through my hair. His face kind, beautiful and I feel the knot in my stomach again. 'I love you Frank. I'm so sorry you hate me.. I...I am a monster. I can't change that.' I see a tear roll down his face. My heart melts onto the floor. 'Your not a monster. I don't hate you' I hug him and he smiles.
'Im going to get a shower.' He smells of dirt, blood smeared on his neck and hands. I nod and watch him walk away until I see him no more. What now? I guess I've excepted my fate. What's the point? There's no way out of this one. I hear the water running from the other end of the household. The blood running down the drains to be cleaned into pure water. It will never be pure. How can death be pure?
I walk slowly into the kitchen to see if there is any food to eat. A bowl is placed on the kitchen top. Many different colourful fruits fill the silver holder. A label reads 'to Frankie' I smile at the gesture. I lean down to pick up a apple. As I do so my fringe slightly sways to my right. A freeze breeze hits my face.
WAIT. A breeze from outside. My head shoots up to the left. An open window. Freedom. I approach the window and look outside at the sky, trees, grass. Things I have missed. However something is pulling me back. Bert. The man after me.
But the pull towards the fresh air I crave is too much. I can move away, maybe to Canada or England. Be free like I used to be where no vampires can touch me. I need to leave. I was starting to fall for Gerard but my love for my own well being and self respect flattens any loyalty I feel.
I jump onto the black counter top, open the window wider before swinging my legs over the side. The cool air hitting me straight away. I leap down. My socks becoming wet due to the moist grass beneath me. I run out of the giant garden without looking back. My freedom meters just ahead. I jump over the back fence. I'm out.
Once I'm on the pavement I look back at the huge mansion I call my prison. The dark trees that surround it adds to the somber look. The house placed on a large hill with well kept grass either side of a gravel path.
I then look forward. I have no idea where I am. This place is far from my house. I walk past house after house. A young man sits on a nearby wall. He has long black hair and wears a misfits hoodie. He looks friendly enough. I walk up to him and cough to secure his attention. 'Excuse me. I'm lost, where is this?' I ask with a confused face. He smiles and turns to me. 'Methley Hill. Where do you want to be?'
'Newark.' He pulls a amused face. 'Wow that's a few miles away. Turn left at the end of this street. Go through the alleyway on the right and you will find a main road. It leads you all the way to Newark.' I smile 'thanks.' He nods his head as I carry on walking down the posh street.
Each house seems different. But all very expensive. One house has a large swimming pool out front filled with hot chicks. I wave and wink. They giggle and wave back. A girl in a red bikini blows me a kiss as I pass. It's probably her rich daddy's house. Either way. Fit.
I'm already enjoying my freedom. The breeze hitting my face; making me feel alive again. The blue sky slowly fading into night. After a 20 minute walk down the long street the sky becomes dark. I reach the alley. From experience I'm not fond of alleyways now. However, I want to get home. And this is the way.
The alley isn't as rough as the one in Newark. The fences are painted a blue yet in the dark they look indigo. The street lamps lighting up ovals of colour. The pavement lighting up slightly. I breath before venturing into the dark walkway.
I never stop, I just charge ahead, looking forward. But half way through I see a figure. As I get closer I realise it's the guy from earlier. How did he get here before me? He looks a lot scarier in this light. His pale skin makes him look sickly. I stop and stare at him. slowly he lifts his head from looking down, red eyes glow.
I try to run but he grabs my collar. 'B..Bert?' He smiles. 'Oh so Gerard's hold you about me. All good things I hope.' What have I done? Gerard was right. He chuckles, showing his blood covered fangs.