"Can you help me doing some school requirements later?" I asked my classmate. She's one of the genius in our room and I admit, she has this pretty face.
Itinukod ko ang magkabilang kamay sa upuan niya at nilapit ang mukha, sinisigurong hindi niya ako tatanggihan.
Napatungo ito at sinarado ang librong binabasa, ibinibigay sa akin ang kanyang atensyon ngayon. A smirk slowly appeared to my face when she finally agreed.
As a reward,I gave her a quick kiss on her cheek before going back to my seat.
Binigyan ko ng masamang tingin si Maverieck na ngayon ay nakatingin na rin sa akin gamit iyong matatalas niyang tingin. The hell I care? Kung bakit lagi na lang galit iyong reaksyon niya tuwing napapadapo ang tingin ko sa kanya. Pakialam niya ba?
We're not in good terms. Ewan ko kung anong trip sa buhay at hindi na ako kinausap simula noong high school pa. Nagka-girlfriend lang ako noon, hindi na niya ako tinuring na kaibigan o kaya naman kinausap man lang.
Bahala siya. Hindi ko ikamamatay ang hindi niya pagkausap sa akin.
The night came and I patiently waited to my genius classmate. Dala ko iyong mga gamit ko sa school at mga importanteng mga gagawin. It took her few more minutes before finally going out of the room.
I carried her bag. Muntik pa akong mapaluhod nang malamang sobrang bigat niyon.
Ano bang dala niya rito? Bomba?Sobrang bigat, eh. Ako nga isang simpleng bag lang tapos kasya na lahat doon ng mga gamit. Hindi naman kasing bigat nito. Mga babae talaga.
It's already 7 in the evening. Dumaan muna kami sa convenience store habang kinakausap siya at nakikipagtawanan sa nagiging joke niya sa akin. I really find it corny but to go with the flow, I followed her move. Nakitawa na lang ako kasi ayoko namang out of place. May gagawin pa kami.
She got the iced tea and an ice cream. Iniwan ko muna siya saglit dahil wala naman doon ang gusto kong bilhin.
I have no condoms left on my wallet. Hindi ko naman ginagamit pero minsan ay nawawala na lang at hindi ko alam kung saan napupunta.
I don't fuck girls. Only dating them.
I stood in front of the counter. Nangunot ang noo ko nang mapansin iyong cashier na may binabasang kung ano.
She's wearing her work uniform while reviewing. Nanatili iyong tingin ko sa kanya, kinikilatis at sinubukang agawin ang kanyang pansin.
When she finally noticed me standing in front of her, she greeted me. My other hand's on my pocket. Her chubby cheeks defined when she smiled.
Itinuro ko iyong brand ng condom na bibilhin ko at agad na binayaran pati iyong nakuha ng kaklase ko.
Nagpalibre pa.
Hindi rin nawala sa paningin ko ang hindi kagustuhan ng cashier sa binili ko. She's cute and beautiful but has a problem with me buying a condom? I won't use this anyway. Sa loob lang ng wallet ko 'to.
We headed to the nearest hotel and then did our work. Ayokong isama sa condo dahil hindi pa maayos doon. Medyo makalat at hindi maganda ang atmosphere.
Inubos namin ang oras sa paggawa ng mga importanteng gawain. Inumaga na bago natapos kaya doon na natulog.
Of course, I did what I want. I kissed her torridly, touched every part of her body.
Second base. That's my rule.
Hanggang halik at hawak na lang ako muna. My body's reserved for my future girlfriend. Ayokong may makahawak at makatikim na kung sino.
"Thanks for helping me. I enjoyed it." Alas sais na ng umaga. Her uniform is in a mess.Inayos ko na rin iyong akin bago lumabas sa hotel, leaving her being satisfied.
Papasok na sana ako ng kotse kaso nakasalubong ko iyong cashier na binilhan ko kagabi. She walked in front of me, completely ignoring my presence. Hahabulin ko pa sana para itanong ang pangalan niya pero hindi na ako naglakas loob pa.
Why the fuck I suddenly want to know her name? I mean, she's just a normal person. Siguro kung ibang babae ay magkakandarapa na agad sa akin matanong lang kung pwede ko rin ba silang i-date.
But her? Why does she act like he doesn't know me? Like we never saw each other last night?
Makakalimutin ba sa mukha iyon? If I don't have a schedule last night, I'd probably hitted on her.
Sa lahat ng babae, siya ang pinakamaswerte. Imagine? I noticed her. Hindi ko man kilala ang pangalan ay nagkaroon agad ako ng interes sa kanya. I wonder if she likes me too?Having these features of mine? Mahirap tanggihan.
I thought it will be the first and our last meeting, but I was wrong.
Sa batis, sa San Lazaro malapit sa Galleria. Doon ang ikalawa naming pagkikita na hindi ko inaasahan.
I know it was surprising. I was just making out with someone there but I didn't know that I'll meet her there, witnessing what we did.
"Name?" tanong ko sa kanya habang nakatalikod sa akin.
She's trembling. Pati iyong pulsuhan niyang hawak ko ay nararamdaman ko ang lamig. Why? Is she traumatized by what she saw? First time ba niyang makakita ng naghahalikan sa buong buhay niya?
Base on her looks, she looks innocent. Well, not purely, just a little bit.
Siguro naman ay pamilyar siya sa ginawa namin? Damn. She looks cuter especially her chubby cheeks. Parang gusto ko tuloy pisilin iyon, kaso sa reaksyon niya pa lang ay alam kong galit kaagad ang maaabutan ko sa kanya.
But I didn't waste my time. I got a chance to introduce myself but not formally. Nakatakbo na ito pero nahabol kong isigaw kaagad ang pangalan ko.
"Next time na lang. May isang diwatang nakakita sa atin," sabi ko pa sa babaeng kahalikan ko kani-kanina lang.
I can't continue what we're doing. Dahil sigurado akong mauukupa niya ang isipan ko at magpapatuloy lang iyon.
And that's what happened. She occupied my mind until we meet again, for the fourth time.
I guess,w e were played by something that is related to love? Pilit kaming pinagtatagpo sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon.
I thought she'll walk away and then avoid me again. Hindi ko na inaksaya pa ang panahong iyon para tanungin kung anong pangalan niya.
I'm dying to know her name. I've been seeing her in an unexpected time. Siguro naman ay hindi problemang tanungin iyon sa kanya?
Just her name only. I won't ask for her number.
I smiled when she suspected me to buy some condom again. She stared at me while I'm smiling in front of her.
Na kahit pagtitig niya sa akin ay nagmumukhang inosente sa paningin ko. She then avoided when she noticed that I am now doing the same to her.
Hindi ko alam na ganito pala kahirap malaman ang kanyang pangalan. To think that she's not charmed by my looks. Mas lalo tuloy akong naging interesado sa kanya.
I'm starting to like this girl. Grasya na ang lumalapit sa kanya pero patuloy pa ring tumatanggi.
Ria. I'll remember that name. It is owned by a beautiful random girl I've met many times who made me interested to her. Na kahit anong pilit na iwas niya sa akin ay patuloy kaming pinagtatagpo, hindi man niya gustuhin.
And as days goes by, I dated a lot of girls. Maraming nakakaalam at nakakakilala sa akin kaya hindi nabago sa paningin nila ang makita akong may kasama na naman. It's just a part of my life, to love girls.
Is it wrong to let woman feel loved even just for a day? Na kahit isang araw man lang ay mapahintulutan akong mahalin sila?
My mom experienced being loved, but for the mean time only because the great man or should I say my father, left her, leaving nothing but only me. The fetus me. Hindi ba pwedeng nasa bokabularyo ko iyong i-date sila?
Lame reason but that's how I treat girls. Kilala ko man o hindi. I don't take advantage of them. Sabi ko nga hanggang second base lang ako, hindi na lumalagpas pa doon.
"What are you doing here?" We bumped on each other... again. I was just about to get my things upstairs but we met here, where darkness is ruling around the building.
At anong ginagawa niya rito sa campus namin? Did she planned to see me here? Or am I just hallucinating?
Oo nga pala. Hindi siya interesado sa akin at walang balak na makilala ako. I can sense it from her. Alam kong ayaw naman niyang parati akong nakikita pero anong magagawa ko? The time is the reason for all of this. That it lets us meet everytime, in an unexpected moment.
Ngayon ay napagkamalan pa akong may agenda rito. Who would I fuck in this school by this time? The roaming ghosts? Ganoon ang tingin niya sa akin na para bang diring-diri tuwing makikita ako at iyon na agad ang nakahandang tanong sa kanyang isipan.
"I date girls but I don't fuck them. Hanggang second base lang ako."
She gave me a questioning look, didn't understandwhat I've said.
And that gave me an idea. She doesn't know things like this. Bakit nga ba nakuha ko pang ipaliwanag iyon sa kanya? To make things clear for her? Na hindi ko pa iyon nagagawa kahit na kanino? That I value giving myself to someone?
But my good friend entered the scene. Nainis agad ako nang hawakan man lang nito sa braso si Ria nang hindi nakakatanggap ng kung ano-anong salita.
Magkakilala ba sila? Do they know each other? Do they have the same feelings or are they in a relationship already?
Ewan ko pero naiinis lang talaga ako. Ako ang unang nakakita at nakakilala sa kanya pero bakit siya ang nakagaanan ng loob? Bakit masama pa rin ako sa paningin ni Ria? Did I really introduced myself to her by letting her see my imperfections?
I watched her turning her back on me while Maverieck held her hand, never gave me a last glance. Mapait akong nangiti hanggang sa tuluyan na silang nawala sa paningin ko.
I didn't got interested to girls. I was used dating them for a day only. Pero hindi ko aakalaing makukuha niya kaagad ang atensyon ko sa ilang araw lamang. She stole my attention, even my heart beats fast whenever I interact with her.
Siya ang babaeng nakakagawa niyon sa akin.
Mas lalo lang akong nabaliw sa kanya nang nakita itong nanonood ng laro ko. I was not supposed to play the game but one player got injured, didn't got a chance to play anymore so I was the only choice left.
Pinatos ko na kahit na hindi ako masyadong magaling sa basketball.
And I got a chance to tease her. I let her wiped my face while I'm smiling and celebrating inside. I guided her, held her hand for a quite moment as she started to wipe the sweats from me.
Seryoso ko siyang tinitigan, pinipigilan ang sariling mangiti sa pagkakailang niya.
If I could just pinch her cheek now, I'd gladly do it. Lalo na dahil malapit iyong mukha niya sa akin.
Hiningi ko kaagad iyong number niya sa kasama niya kanina. And gladly, she gave it immediately. Nagpasalamat ako at sinimulang magtipa ng message sa kanya. Pero hindi kaagad ako nakakuha ng reply mula sa kanya.
Grabe. Pati ba naman sa text,ang hirap kausap? Magta-type lang naman hindi pa magawa.
I called her. Akala ko ay hindi niya pa sasagutin. But the moment I gave her my name, she turned it off, leaving me unsatisfied with that short call.
I hurriedly went out of the campus and tried finding her, hoping for a chance that I can do it.
At hindi nga ako nagkakamali dahil naabutan ko siya, pilit pa rin akong iniiwasan.
Dinala ko siya sa condo. Thankfully, I cleaned it yesterday. Maayos na doon at gusto kong mag-celebrate na kasama siya. Kahit ngayon lang. At wala naman akong planong masama sa kanya.
I noticed that she's been holding her phone all the time. Takot sa kung anumang gagawin ko.
That night, she got a chance to know me well. She knew about my family, how I hated my father since then, and all my rants. I got a chance to explain my side also to her. Na kahit sa ganoon man lang ay hindi na niya ako magawang husgahan na ulit.
I'm tired hearing all her judgments to me.
I let her to call me Gab. Ewan. I just want to be called different. Kahit na walang tumatawag niyon sa akin ay pinahintulutan ko siya. She's the only one I want to call me by that.
Hindi ko itatangging nakakuha ako ng magandang gabi noon nang dahil sa paghatak ko sa kanya sa condo ko. I fell asleep while having my smile and then woke up the next morning feeling inspired.
I texted her again to have a dinner with me. Wala na. Baliw na ako sa kanya.
How did I fell in that short span of time? I went to school but Maverieck saw me. Iiwasan ko na sana nang humarang ito sa harapan ko.
"Are you trying to play with Aria?"
"No. Ano bang problema mo at nanghihimasok ka sa mga ginagawa ko? Mind your own life."
I walked but he tried to hold me. Pinandilatan ko siya at binigyan ng masamang tingin. Kung pwede ka lang sanang masindak nito...
"I'm just concern for her! Maraming nandyan bakit siya pa ang naisipan mo?!"
Inis kong hinigit ang kamay ko. I glared at him more, letting him feel my anger.
"I am not playing with her. Ano ba ang tingin mo sa akin, ha? Na porque't gago ay mananatiling gago?Hindi pa pwedeng magbago ako?"
"I'm warning you. Huwag na huwag mo siyang paglalaruan. Stop playing with girls."
I chuckled sarcastically. Nawala iyong magandang gising ko dahil sa bungad niya.
"It's up to you if you don't want to believe me. Sino ka ba sa buhay ko?You're the one who ended our friendship. Stop acting like you really care. Mind your own business, not mine."
I left him, speechless and didn't got a chance to talk to me at all.
I waited for the night to came. Nakailang texts na ako at tawag sa kanya pero hindi nasagot.
It was already 8 pm but she didn't showed up. Parang dobleng sakit agad dahil pwede naman siyang tumanggi, hindi iyong paghintayin ako sa wala.
I got no choice but to went on her work. Kinausap ko siya at doon na naghintay para makasama siya. I waited for couple of hours until she finished.
Napagkasunduan naming sa condo nalang. Besides, I really cooked dinner for us. It is my way to congratulate her. Inviting her is one of my favorite time.
Madaling araw at kumakain kami ng late dinner. Nakakatawa dahil nagawa ko siyang hintayin para rito, para matuloy ang plano kong makasama siya.
I didn't wait for nothing. Mukhang may pakinabang rin ang paghihintay ko ng matagal sa kanya.
And I finally got a fact from her. That she loves the wind at night. Nangiti ako sa loob nang malaman ang tungkol doon. And starting that day, I also started loving the wind, the one that makes her calm.
Part of the dinner was my celebration for her for being part of the rank list on her school. Syempre hindi ko muna sinabi iyon sa kanya dahil sorpresa na rin. At ayokong masayang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko rito dahil para naman sa kanya ito.
The first time I made an effort for a girl.
And I started going to her work every night, doing nothing but seeing her how she really worked. I admire her.
Aside from her looks, she really is the dream girl of all. Matalino, maganda,mabait, masipag at bukod sa lahat ay may pinakamagandang pisngi para sa akin.
I love her cheek so much. Hindi ko lang magawang kurutin.
We became close to the point that I already gave her the spare key of my condo. Lagi ko naman siyang pinapapunta doon para lang makasama siya. And she's always there for me. As a reward, I always cook for her.
Nagustuhan yata ang paraan ng pagluluto ko. A way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. Naniniwala na ako dyan dahil nasasarapan siya sa luto ko which is good.
"I'll treat you on a date." Iyon ang naisipan kong kapalit kung sakaling manalo ako sa contest.
Honestly, hindi naman talaga ako ang contestant para doon. Minsan ko kasing napapansing bitbit niya iyong reviewer niya kaya nagawa kong pakiusapan ang in-charge na teacher para doon.
Buti pinayagan ako. I was good at spelling.
And to make her agree, I specified it as a friendly date only.
Hindi ko rin naman inaasahang mananalo ako sa contest na iyon kaya tuwang-tuwa talaga ako.
Finally! The date that I want to experience from her! It doesn't matter if it's just a friendly date, but for me, it's a real date. Basta magce-celebrate ako kasama siya.
My smile faded as I saw her, hugging Maverieck. Iyong labis na tuwa at sayang naramdaman ay kaagad na nawala sa akin.
I am the winner but why it looks like I never won the hug that I want her to welcome me?
Iyong simpleng gusto ko lang sana na mula sa kanya ay hindi ko matanggap man lang. Why is it so hard for me to have those if Maverieck can get it easily? Kailangan ko rin bang maging katulad niya?
Umuwi ako nang hindi nagawang sagutin iyong mga texts niya. I celebrated... alone. Hindi na nakapag-isip pa ng maganda simula noong hindi na naalis sa akin iyong imahe nilang magkayakap.
Fuck! I am really getting crazy over her. Bakit sa simpleng yakap lang ay naging ganito na agad ako? Sa simpleng yakap lang ay nainis na ako? I hate seeing someone touching her! Ni hindi ko nga nagagawa sa kanya ang bagay na iyon.
She went in and saw me, getting drunk. Sinubukan kong hindi siya pansinin o bigyan ng tingin man lang.
But as I heard that she cared for me, I immediately gave in. Natupok kaagad iyong inis sa loob ko nang marinig ang pag-aalala niya sa akin.
I didn't opened my phone or tried calling her. Tinadtad niya ako ng text at ni isa doon ay hindi ko pa nababasa. How can I let her wait for it? Pagdating sa kanya ay kaagad akong nanlalambot. I can't be mad at her.
As soon as I asked her if she was dated by Maverieck, I lost myself. Hindi nga sila nag-date pero siya iyong nakasama pagkatapos ng contest. She forgot the deal. And here I am, left alone and celebrated all by myself.
Bakit nga ba iyon pa ang naisipan kong deal namin? Am I that desperate to have a moment with her? For a date?
Fuck you Joaquin Gabriel! Kung bakit hindi ko masabi sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko ng mabilisan. Torpe at takot sa makukuhang sagot mula sa kanya?
I drink every night to finally forget everything about her. From all the things that I like about her. Hindi na rin ako sumubok pang kausapin siya at magkaroon ng kahit na anong koneksyon tungkol sa kanya. I just want to forget her, even my feelings.
Ni hindi ko na siya nagagawang kausapin tuwing magkasalubong kami. I dated girls again. Simula noong nakilala ko na siya ay tinigilan ko ang bisyo kong iyon.
Didn't know that she'll be the reason to get myself back on its old self again.
The playboy Joaquin who loves to date girls anytime and anywhere.
Fuck this feelings.
Bakit nga ba ako nagiging ganito sa kanya? I'm deeply in love but what about her? Does she have the same feelings for me too? Mahal niya rin ba ako?
"Gab? What's your problem? Bakit hindi mo na ako pinapansin?" she confronted me.
I get it. Hindi niya alam kung anong dahilan ng hindi ko pagpapapansin sa kanya. She really has no idea.
Pwede bang magalit dahil hindi ako iyong nakasama mo pagkatapos ng contest? Pwede bang magtampo kahit na ako lang ang may nararamdaman sa'yo pero parang wala lang ako sa'yo?
"Talaga ba? Hindi ko kasi napapansin, eh."
"You're different. May problema ka ba sa akin?"
I don't have a freaking problem to you. Sa sarili ko ako may problema. And I hate that I felt jealous about that thing between you and Maverieck.
Nagseselos ako kahit walang tayo, kahit na wala kang nararamdaman sa akin, kahit na ako lang ang nagmamahal sa'yo.
"No. Sorry, need to attend some classes."
At iniwan ko siyang hindi nakukuntento sa naging usapan namin. I became worse. I wanted to do the same thing, to let her see that she's not the only girl I'll be hitting.
Sumama siya sa condo ko. I let her sit with me inside my car, not minding what will be her reaction if she'll see that I brought someone there.
Sana man lang maranasan niyang masaktan. Sana man lang maranasan niyang magalit sa ginawa ko. I wanted to see how she looks like when she's angry.
To think that she really waited for my texts and calls. Sinadya kong hindi talaga gawin iyon sa kanya pero bakit nagsisisi ako? Her voice feels so soft when she said that. Iyong nagtatampo niyang boses sa akin.
And I know that that will be my weakness. Pinaalis ko siya sa unit ko pero hindi siya sumunod. She followed me until here. Na kahit naglabas na siya ng saloobin sa akin ay hindi ako nagpatinag.
And as what I've planned, I went to my room, kissing another girl. Wala nang pakialam kung anong iisipin niya. I hope she feels the same the time when I saw her hugging Maverieck. Kahit kaunti lang. Kahit katiting na galit lang na mula sa kanya.
Not until I saw her on our outing. Narinig ko pa lang mula sa kanya ang palayaw ng kaibigan ko ay kaagad na akong nagalit sa loob.
Sila na ba? Kailan at paano? Bakit hindi ko alam? Kami iyong laging magkasama noon, bakit sa kanya napunta?
Padabog akong naupo sa buhangin, nakaharap sa kanilang dalawa na ngayon ay sobrang lapit. I secretly gave them a dagger stare, lalo na iyong kaibigan ko na tuwang-tuwa dahil kasama niya si Ria. Akala ko ay may mas nakakainis pa doon pero nagkakamali ako.
He likes Ria and he kissed her! Mas napahigpit ang hawak ko sa boteng hinahawakan.
Why the fuck he did that?! Ni hindi nga ako makakurot sa pisngi niyan tapos siya ay biglaang manghahalik?
Napatayo agad ako at lumapit sa kanya. Namumuo ang tensyon sa pagitan naming dalawa.
"You're a bastard. Bakit mo siya hinalikan?" Hinawakan ko ang kwelyo niya at tinignan siya ng matalim. I like the girl he kissed!
"Gusto ko si Aria kaya bakit nagagalit ka? I'm minding my own life now so stop acting like you didn't know your rule."
"Gago ka."
He laughed and then harshly pulled out my grip from him.
"Pati ba naman ngayon gusto mong sa'yo mapunta ang gusto ko? Hindi lang naman sa'yo umiikot ang mundo ng mga babae. You're a piece of shit, Joaquin. Hindi ka magugustuhan ni Aria."
Kung walang umawat lang sa amin ay nasuntok ko na siya agad. The nerve of this ex friend of mine? Anong akala niya sa akin? Na porque't laging nakikitang may kasamang babae ay walang karapatang magseryoso?
Siya ba? Gusto ba siya ni Ria?
I followed where Ria went. Nakita ko siya sa gilid ng dagat, nakaupo at tahimik.
I asked her about the kiss, but it was an accident for her. Para sa akin, hindi. I felt relieved when she revealed that she and Mavy are not in a relationship.
Atbleast, I have a chance.
I grabbed the opportunity to confess. I was right, she never believed it. Pero buo na kaagad ang desisyon ko na ligawan siya. I can't let myself be the last again. Ayokong mahuli para sa babaeng gusto ko.
I did what I want while courting her. Sinusundo siya pagkatapos ng klase. Minsan ay ako na rin ang naghahatid sa kanya papasok. Wanting to see her first in the morning and last before I go home. The feeling of it was better.
Sinubukan ko ring sabihin sa kanya ang sakit sa puso ko noong napansin kong magkasama sila ng pamilya niya. They're complete and living the happy life. Samantalang ako ay hindi nakaranas ng ganoon.
The world's unfair. Kung bakit ako pa ang naisipang bigyan ng hindi kumpletong pamilya.
And I promised myself that I won't let my child in the future to experience what I've felt. Lumaking walang ama at hindi nakakasama. I'm contented with my life but a life without a father is completely different.
I hugged her, really tight when I saw her under the tree, letting herself not to be touched by rain when we had our tree planting. I tried my best to see her. Kahit na malakas iyong ulan at may kasamang kulog at kidlat ay hindi ako nagpatinag.
I still did my best to find her, only to see that someone gave her a bracelet. Napatingin ako doon na may hindi kagustuhan.
At nang sinabing mas pinili niya ako kaysa kay Maverieck ay doon na ako natuwa. It's not because she chose me over my friend but because I know that she really made a good decision.
Na kahit sa pagpili man lang sa akin ng babaeng gusto ko ay isang napakagandang pangyayari na sa akin.
I dated her. Cooked some food for her. Tuwing nangyayari iyon ay lagi kaming nasa condo ko at doon kumakain. And that's why I like her. Kahit na simple at hindi masyadong magarbo iyong set-up ay naa-appreciate niya. She likes simple things.
So I bought her a necklace. Pinasadya ko talagang ilagay ang pangalan niya doon.
It has simple design only which I think she might like. Kahit na ayokong makita sa kanya na suot iyong bracelet ay okay lang. Besides, it's a thank you gift for her for coming into my life.
It's an hours away before Christmas when she kissed me on my cheek. That was her first time doing that. Maski ako ay nagulat sa ginawa niyang iyon sa akin.
I lost my senses after that. Na kahit ilang minuto nang nangyari iyon ay ramdam ko pa rin ang lambot ng labi niya sa pisngi ko.
Damn this girl. She can make my world suddenly fall in its place. Iyong labi niya ang nagpanginig ng mundo ko. Her soft lips.
A celebration to remember. Our first kiss happened exactly at Christmas.
Una iyong sa pisngi ko, pero mas nagustuhan ko iyong pangalawa. I kissed her on her lips. I was really out of mind but I just can't think of anything anymore.
Tanging iyong napakalambot niyang labi ang namutawi sa akin. The softest part of her. Siguro dahil mahal ko siya kaya kakaiba ang pakiramdam? I felt satisfied and I enjoyed it though it's her first time. Kahit na sinusunod niya lang din ang bawat galaw ko.
We made promises that we'll settle after she finished studying.
Para sa akin, siya na ang gusto kong makasama. All I need to do is to wait for her, for the right time for us to settle and live our life.bAt handa naman akong tuparin iyon lahat para sa kanya.
She gave herself to me. We both not regret it. Not thinking what might be the possible effect of it for us.
Wala na. Tanging naisip ko lang noon ay ang kasiguraduhan ko sa kanya. We're not official. Pero handa naman akong panagutan siya kung sakali.
Right after my graduation, she answered me. I was the happiest that time. I was glad because it's a double celebration for me. Pinakilala ko rin siya kay Mama at alam kong gusto niya rin si Ria para sa akin. We both wanted her for our life.
"When I say I love you, it means I wanna marry you."
The promise that I said to her. Na hangga't mahal ko siya ay mananatiling siya ang nag-iisang babaeng gusto kong pakasalan. Wala nang iba kundi siya lang. I can't think of anyone but only her who owns my heart.
Ang babaeng sineryoso ko, ang babaeng tanging nagpabaliw sa akin. The only girl I want to hear my promises even if it means unsure. Kahit na hindi siguradong matutupad lahat nang iyon ay susubukan ko para sa amin. I will give her the happy life that she deserves.
Akala ko ay iyon na ang araw na wala kaming gagawin kundi ang magsaya lang, pero mali ako.
Her father took her away from me. He already knew about us. Handa naman akong harapin at tanggapin iyong lahat na isusumbat niya sa akin, pero hindi iyong tuluyang ilayo ang babaeng mahal ko.
I watched her walking away from me. The pain and sadness crept into me while I'm kneeling, hoping that I can still chase her without getting tired.
Wala na akong nagawa nang tuluyan na silang makaalis sa paningin ko, iniwan akong hinang-hina at puno ng luha.
I cried but I never got a chance to fight for us, for our relationship. Ang mga sinabi namin na ipaglalaban namin ang isa't isa ay hindi ko man lang nagawa.
I was weak and coward. Afraid of her father. Nagmahal lang naman kami, bakit yata lahat ay tutol?
Are we gonna live our life without being feeling free to love someone? Na kahit pagdating doon ay kailangan naming masaktan?
"You can do everything you want, Sir. Just let me be with your daughter," I said as I tried wiping the blood from my side lip. He punched me... and I deserve that. Ramdam ko ang galit sa lakas niyon.
I didn't fight back. Hindi ako lumaban dahil anong silbi pa? Nakailang suntok na ito sa akin pero wala nang mas sasakit pa sa loob loob ko. Ria didn't tried contacting me anymore. She didn't talked to me at all.
Ngayon ay tanging pagtanggap ko sa lahat ng sakit na iginagawad sa akin ang kaya kong gawin. Kayang-kaya kong tiisin iyon kung ang magiging kapalit ay ang makasama ang anak niya. Kung ang ibig sabihin niyon ay ang hahayaan na niya kami.
"Layuan mo ang anak ko. Huwag na huwag ka nang lalapit pa sa kanya dahil hindi ka karapat-dapat."
I was silent. Hindi na nakapagsalita dahil mali ang inaasahan ko mula sa kanya.
I smiled bitterly. Paglalayuin pala kaming dalawa.
"Sir—"
"Kung hindi ka lalayo ay ako mismo ang maglalayo sa kanya mula sa'yo. This is my last warning, Mr.Valdemora. Kung hindi mo titigilan ang anak ko ay hinding-hindi ako magdadalawang isip na gawin iyon."
I guess, he really has a power on that voice of his. And I can't do anything. Siguro nga ay iyon ang huling choice na meron ako, ang layuan na siya.
I wanted to fight, I wanted to save what we've started. Pero iyong si Ria ang lalayo sa akin? Hindi ko kakayanin. Nasaktan na ako nang makitang unang lumayo ito sa akin, at sigurado akong mas masakit kung siya ulit ang lalayo.
"Loving you was a mistake. I don't think being with you again is right."
And it hurts me saying those lines in front of her. Pinanood ko siya habang umiiyak ng nasasaktan sa harapan ko. Kung paano siya nasaktan sa sinabi ko sa kanya.
God knows how much I love her, how much I cared for her. Loving her was the best time of my life. She's not a mistake for me.
Gustuhin ko mang yakapin siya at pahiran iyong kanyang mga luha ay gagawin ko, pero alam kong galit siya sa akin.
I gave up. Sumuko ako kahit na labag sa kalooban ko. I know that it fucking hurts her. And hearing that she fought for us gave me guilt.
Ako dapat ang gumagawa niyon pero heto ako, tinatapos na ang lahat sa amin.
Siguro tama nga si Maverieck. I'm a piece of shit.
She threw me the necklace I gave her. The first gift I gave to her. At mas masakit marinig mula sa kanya na hindi na iyon importante pa.
And if only I can hold her, I'd gladly do it. Mas nasasaktan akong nakikita siyang patuloy na umiiyak at wala man lang akong magawa.
"You can leave now."
The moment I said it, she left me alone. Tuluyan na akong iniwan at alam kong pangmatagalan na iyon. Doon na ako tuluyang nanghina at nawalan ng balanse. Napaupo at doon na ibinuhos ang sakit na kinikimkim mula pa kanina.
If she only knew how hurt I am letting her leave me. If she only knew that I didn't mean saying all of those. If she only knew that I still love her. If she only knew that I wanted to comfort her.
Nakakalungkot dahil tuluyan nang natapos ang lahat sa amin.
Losing her was the worst part. Darkness covered my whole life. Nawala iyong dati kong sigla simula nang hindi na kami nagkausap pa. And years passed, we completely forgot each other.
Pero iyong pagmamahal ko sa kanya ay nananatili. Hindi nagbago at hindi naiwan sa isang masakit na alaala.
"Take this," I handed her the journal notebook that she left on my condo and then the necklace I gave her before. Napatingin siya doon at nagulat.
"How did you---"
"I've read the contents of that. The poems that you wrote and even the letter. Binasa ko noon at gusto kong sabihin na sobra kitang mahal."
She opened it. Naroon pa rin iyong bulaklak na ibinigay ko sa kanya noon na natuyo.
I hugged her from behind. Sinabayan ko siyang basahin ulit iyong nakapaloob doon.
Our wedding is fast approaching. Sa aming dalawa, hindi niya alam na mas excited ako kaysa sa kanya.
I badly want to happen it right away. Everything's settled already. Iyong 'I do' na lang namin ang kulang. And I can't wait for that.
"I kept the necklace. Alam ko kasing nagustuhan mo rin iyan at ayokong basta-basta na lang itatapon. You have your name there."
Isinuot ko iyon sa kanya. She touched it like it is still the best gift I've given to her. The first ever gift.
"Thank you. Pero naiinis pa rin ako sa'yo, lalo na sa mukha mo."
I chuckled and then tried reaching for her lips but she just avoided it.
"What did I do?"
"Wala naman. Distance yourself."
I groaned. Ilang araw na siyang ganyan at hindi ko malaman ang dahilan. She's not even saying anything to me. Paano kung hanggang kasal namin ay ganyan siya? Baka hindi pa matuloy.
"Baby, can you tell me what's your problem? Lagi na lang ayaw mong makita ang mukha ko. I've been sleeping in Theo's room for a week already." Reklamo ko pero ngumisi lang ito. She sat on the chair. Akma akong uupo sa tabi niya pero kaagad niya akong tinaboy. I pouted.
"I'm pregnant."
Uupo na sana ako sa katapat na upuan kaso naantala nang dahil sa sinabi niya.
What? She's pregnant? We're having another baby?
"Hoy!" sigaw nito nang buhatin ko siya at pinaulanan ng halik. She tried going down but I never let her.
Now I understand why she's acting like that. My soon to be wife's pregnant!We're having a new member to the family!
"Thank you so so much. I love you." A tear escaped from my eye while I kissed her.
Finally. Pagkatapos ng lahat ng paghihirap, pagtitiis at sakit, nandito na kami. We're now building the family that we want. At pinapangako kong simula ngayon ay tutuparin ko lahat ng sinabi. The promise that I want to fulfill ever since before.
The cold wind blew. The thing that makes her calm. Nangiti ako kung paano naging dahilan ang bagay na iyon para mahanap siya.
At the last deck of the ship, where I found her fastly walking in the wind. We found ourselves in a place that we've never been. Napatitig ako sa suot niyang sinasayaw ng malamig na hanging tumatama doon. Para siyang diwatang naglalakad habang sumasabay sa hampas ng hangin.
Never knew that the wind will be my guide to finally see her after years of living without her on my side. I watched her hair blown by the wind as she finally saw me.
The only woman I will love for the rest of my life. She was walking in the wind, finally after years of longing for her presence, we are now settling and ready to start another chapter of our life.