Peeta's POV
THE SECRET DIARY OF PEETA MELLARK- THE BOY WITH THE BREAD
It has been really odd, living with Katniss. She's beautiful, mysterious, angry, hurt, kind, and a mix of everything. Sometimes I catch myself staring into her lovely eyes and lose myself...
Ever since I saw her at that meet and greet, I knew that I would not be able to live the same if I didn't see her again.
And hey, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I did that on purpose, and I stalked her. And I'm being totally honest, Finnick and I were lost and just happened to enter that diner. If everything goes well... that might have been the best decision I've ever made in my life.
So, I have composed a poem in hopes of capturing her beauty because my drawings look like fanart of a twelve year old.
Oh, fairest maiden Katniss
Thou soul is beautiful
Thou eyes take my breath away
Thou hair is like waves of chocolate
Thou heart is damaged yet kind
Art thou in love with that of mine?
I am very proud of this poem. One day, I will show her this and she will be blown away.
Good bye for now.
I was barely able to find my way to the guest bedroom where Finnick still slept, tripping over the invisible furniture in my way. Something I learned; I don't do well in the dark. I don't know how, but I was able to find Finnick's room and flip on the light. I was greeted with a slight groan.
"Turn off the light," he said, stuffing his face into his pillow, muffling his comment.
"No," I said. "I need your help." Finnick turned around and looked at me, only half awake. I sat on the edge of his bed.
"What?" He asked groggily. He fluffed up his pillow and propped it at a slant against his bed, sitting up and staring directly into my face. "This better be good."
"You know the song I wanted to write for Katniss?" Finnick nodded. "Well, I have some lyrics in mind.
"You do know Gale is going to be gone for three months, right? He won't hear it for a while, he won't learn it for even longer, and we won't perform it for double that." He looked at me unconvinced.
"Oh damn you, idiot. Can't you just listen to what I have?"
"Fine." Finnick's guitar was resting in the far corner near the closet, something I hadn't realized he had brought. I unlocked the case and set it across my lap, strumming the keys lightly before beginning.
"I used to believe in love;
One day it was all taken away.
It's hard to keep going at first;
But romance isn't a game.
I thought it was all a lie,
until I looked into your beautiful eyes.
They concealed all my fears;
I forgot about my tears,
And I knew you were the one for me.
You control the strings to my heart.
You are what keeps me going.
It wasn't until then that I thought it wasn't true.
But you hold the strings to my heart."
Finnick's mouth gaped open. I wore nothing but a smug smile on the outside, but on the inside, I was filled with pride and a sensation of accomplishment no song had ever brought me before. "You guys are up early." I almost dropped the guitar, barely able to grip it with my sweaty hands.
"Katniss, what the hell?" Finnick let out a sigh of relief.
"Oh shut up," she said, shaking her head at me. "The girls' alarm goes off at eight AM. I need you guys to come to surprise them." Finnick, still reluctant, got out of bed, taking the guitar and sealing it back in its case. All the lights were still off in the small house, but the bright light from the television illuminated what I couldn't see before.
"Just sit on the couch and wait until they come out of that bedroom." She pointed to the right and walked off. A couple of minutes later, I could hear the alarm go off in the room Katniss had pointed to, but quickly it shut off and the door opened.
"They are much better at getting up then I am," Finnick said, not actually joking.
"Shit dude, be quiet." Both of the girls rubbed the sleep from their eyes as they made their way to the bright television. They still hadn't noticed us, until right before they sat down on the couch. They backed away from the couch, one of them resumed rubbing their eyes, trying to focus.
"Ahhhh!" They both screamed simultaneously. "Katniss!" Katniss played along perfectly and ran out of her bedroom.
"What the fu-. Oh, hey guys." Finnick and I both waved sheepishly. I was barely able to contain my basket of laughs that begged to come out.
"What's going on here?" I turned my head and the source of the voice dropped her phone, the crack I was honestly hoping for not coming. Her eyes widened. "Hell! What!" The three girls on the other side of the couch gaped up at her.
"Sorry. But seriously."
"I don't think I have ever heard those words come from your mouth," Katniss said with a snort. "But anyway, these idiots got lost. Which makes no sense. But yeah. Madge, Annie, Prim- they live here now. For a little while."
Prim and Annie let out a squeal. "This has to be the damn best day of my life!" Said, Prim.
"Oh gosh I'm so glad I don't live here," said Madge. Annie's jaw was still dropped in disbelief. She shook her head and her surprised look quickly flipped to a smile.
"I cannot believe this. When did you get here?"
"Last night," I said. "We're idiots and Katniss isn't smart, but she's generous." Katniss gave me a death glare, and I retracted my statement. "Ok. She's just generous."
Katniss glowered with a mischievous grin. "Peeta," she said, disgustingly sweet. I knew it was a trap. "How about a welcome song? Like the one you were singing earlier?" She stared me down and I faked a smile and gulped.
"You heard that?" I asked.
"Hell yes- your door was open and you were playing the guitar. Of course, I heard it."
"Naw- we're good." Finnick put up his hands.
"Oh, my heck I cannot wait to tell my friends that New Capitol is living in my house!" Prim squealed and pulled out her phone.
"No!" Everyone looked at me, even Finnick. "I mean please no. If everyone knows we're staying here, then everyone will show up. And so will the paparazzi and what not. How about a break from that?"
They all looked a little confused until I could see a lightbulb go off in Katniss's brain. Figuratively, of course. "Madge! You need to change them. Like they're style and looks. If they look even a little different, the crowds won't see what we don't want them to see!"
"Why me?" She asked, taken aback.
"Shit girl. You're a makeup artist. Do something!" Madge looked absolutely helpless.
"I should have chosen a different job," she muttered. "Fine. I will tell my grandkids one day that I turned one of the most famous dudes in the world to a girl."
"WHAT?!" I spluttered. "No! No way! What?!"
"Yes," Madge said dryly. "Now get your ass over here."
"Madge, darling, there is no way I'm doing that," Finnick insisted. "I'm sure you are quite talented but why don't you excersize your skills on somebody else?"
"Your flattery charms don't work on me, idiot."
"Worth a shot," Finnick muttered, before finally relenting and following Madge into her bedroom to receive a once-in-a-lifetime makeover.
Katniss and I exchanged a look, and the contained laughter in her eyes was too much and set me over the edge. We both burst out into loud laughter while Prim and Annie stared.
"Shit," I gasped, wiping his eyes. Katniss shot me a warning glare, clearly telling me to stop cursing in front of Annie and Prim. "Shit, sorry," I said quickly. "Oh my God I'm sorry. SORRY SORRY!!"
Katniss's glare intensified but she shook her head, as if giving up. "Shut it, Mellark."
I smiled sheepishly and tried not to show how much I truly enjoyed her company. Although I did enjoy my fans, it was nice to be treated normally. Usually I was swarmed by hordes of drooling teenage girls but it was nice to be in the company of someone who felt more like a friend and less than a fan. Katniss made me feel... different. Alive. Human.
And I loved it.
At last, Madge announced that Finnick was done.
"Presenting... Finnicka!!" She said, gesturing towards the door.
Out trudged a very sad looking person, who vaguely resembled the Finnick Odair I knew.
His face was... quite bizarre. It lacked any definite feminine features but at the same time wasn't masculine.
In all honesty, he just looked like a woman dressed up as a man or vice versa.
And God, it was terrifying.
Katniss clapped her hands to her mouth and rocked back and forth on her feet, too shocked to laugh.
Annie and Prim looked horrified and backed away slowly. But I couldn't contain my deep amusement and burst out laughing. Katniss saw my reaction and followed suit. The two of us were roaring with laughter, leaning on each other's shoulders to keep from collapsing onto the ground.
Finnick (or shall I say Finnicka) did not look amused at all and scowled.
"No one's gonna recognize you like that, hon," Madge declared.
"But what about Peeta?" he demanded, gesturing toward me.
"Oh no," I said, backing away. "I'll just wear a hat or something."
"No. No," said Madge, and I knew I was in for it. "You're not getting away this easy." She grabbed me by my wrist and I shut my eyes, already terrified. I knew that if I ended up looking anything like Finnick, Katniss would laugh just as hard; if not harder.
"Madge, this is not what I meant at all." Madge looked at Katniss. "Wash off Finnick's makeup. I meant cut his hair and give them glasses or something." I let out a sigh of relief. Finnick didn't hesitate to wash off his two minute nightmare, leaving me to wonder what would happen next.
Katniss was gone and back in a matter of seconds with multiple boxes. One of them filled with hair dye, another with contacts, and the last with cutting supplies. As much as I didn't want this, it was so much better than ending up like Finnick's little spananza.
"So, you just happen to have a box of colored contacts lying around?" I asked. Katniss glared up at me.
"Curiosity killed the cat. Shut it." And that was the moment I realized I was living with a vicious predator who I should probably never question and stick to her good side. The hidden side. The slightly smaller side.
"You guys are both super noticeable," Madge said. "I'm gonna switch you up. Blue to green, green to blue. You'll look like different versions of yourselves." Uh oh?
We started with the eyes. My sparkling blue waves turned into a weird seaweed mesh when I put in the green contacts, and Finnick's dashing green eyes ended up looking like mine. A mix between our two originals. We were definitely passing as brothers.
Madge turned my hair from golden to bronze. It didn't look much different, but when I looked in the mirror, I looked different. And so did Finnick. His hair was brown and he actually pulled it off.
"Are we actually going to get away with not having to cut our hair?"
"Yes and no." Finnick stared at Prim and Annie who were giggling next to the mirror.
"What do you mean?"
"Peeta, we're going to need to straighten your hair. Maybe messy it up a bit. Finnick I think you're fine. Maybe we give you bangs?" I burst out laughing, unable to control myself.
"What's your problem?" Finnick asked.
"Sorry. I'm just trying to picture Finnick with bangs." I spit again. The image in my head was unbearably hysterical.
"Ok, no bangs," said Madge. "I'll just cut the front a tiny bit." When she was done with our hair, we looked recognizable, yet completely different. It was obvious, though, that people wouldn't be able to set us apart in public.
"We should test it." Finnick continued to run his fingers through his hair.
"Test it?" I asked.
"Like go somewhere; see if anyone notices." I simply nodded, trying to tune out Prim and Annie's unstoppable giggling- it had been going on non stop.
"Let's go to the diner, maybe I can get you a job there too." Katniss walked off, grabbed her keys from the table and left without even waiting for us. Simultaneously, Finnick and I looked at each other and bolted out the door, following behind Katniss and slamming the door behind us.
"You two sit in the backseat," she ordered.
"But-" Finnick protested.
"NO BUTS!"
"Fine, geez."
Katniss shoved the key into the hole and twisted it, but nothing happened. She took it out and twisted it more vigorously, but then again, nothing happened. She swore loudly, kicked the car, pushed the key in, and nearly bent it with her force. She kicked it once more, and then the engine rumbled to life.
"Well, that didn't look concerning at all," Finnick noted. I privately agreed but didn't want to risk my life making a snide comment about Katniss's car. In fact, I felt a little bit sorry for her. I, being one of the members of New Capitol, one of the most popular bands in the world, certainly had a lot of money. And I could easily afford to buy Katniss at least eight more cars, but knew she would never accept it. Maybe if we were getting along better when Christmas came along, I could get one for her.
"Shut it," she growled.
Finnick looked only remotely abashed but kept his mouth shut.
After a few minutes of silent driving, I figured it would be safe to ask where in the world we were going. "Hey, Katniss?" I asked, sort of tentatively. "Uh, where are you taking us?"
"To the diner."
"The diner."
"Yes. Where I work."
"Oh." I paused. "Why?"
"To get you a job," she answered.
"WHAT?!" Finnick and I exclaimed simultaneously.
"Yes," she said in a dignified voice. "You are staying in my house, so therefore under my control."
"WHAT?!?!" we said, even louder.
"Okay, okay," Katniss said, grinning a little. "Not under my control. But you are not going to just sit on my couch all day long, taking up space and using up the electricity bill. You're going to come to work with me. It'll only be part-time."
"B-but," Finnick spluttered. "We're already multi-millionaires!"
"Multi-millionaires who are staying in MY house."
"That's-"
"Finnick," I said, cutting him off. "It'll be fine."
"Thank you, Peeta," Katniss said in that same dignified voice.
Finnick gave me an "are you sure?" look and I nodded reassuringly. To be honest, a job at a small cafe would be amazing. It would be one of the most normal things I've ever done.
As a superstar, I've been lucky enough to have many things: money, prestige, and an abundance of constant love and support. But I've never really had any stability, especially since I started at such a young age.
And I'm not even one of those attention-seeking people either. All I've ever really wanted in life was a house, a wife, children, and stability. Although I could easily purchase a house, get married, or have kids, stability would always be missing.
And for some reason, I felt that when in Katniss's presence. Stability. Care. Love. Getting a job at her cafe, where nobody would recognize me, made me feel at ease. Because it sure was stressful, having swarms of drooling girls recognizing me and following me everywhere.
I think maybe Finnick understood, too. At this point, I regarded him more as a brother than a friend.
"But first," Katniss broke in. "We need names for you two." There was a mischievous tone in her voice and, for whatever unknown reason, it made me smile.
"Oh god," I said.
"I know," said Finnick, grinning his evil grin.
"Uh oh," I said. "I've known you for too long. That face means trouble."
"What about... we chose each other's names," Finnick suggested, his smile widening.
"YES," Katniss said loudly, before I could protest. "DO IT."
"Fine," I said. "But it has to be a decent name. It can't be like Ben Dover or something like that."
"Okay," agreed Finnick. The car was silent for a minute while we all thought long and hard about the other's name.
"Aaaand, time's up," announced Katniss.
"Okay," Finnick said, smirking. "I'm ready." He cleared his throat for dramatic effect. "And your name will be... BARNABAS DICKSWORTH!"
"NO."
Katniss howled with laughter and had trouble driving due to her immeasurable bursts of laughing. "BARNABAS," she choked. "DICKSWORTH!!"
"NO," I said loudly. "No way in hell that will be my name."
"It's the rules, mate," Finnick said, grinning. "Now, what's mine?"
I glared at him and said pointedly, "Murphy Buttswell."
"NO!!!" Finnick yelled.
"Then change mine!"
"No!"
"Then keep yours!"
"FINE, DAMMIT!" he said.
Katniss, meanwhile, was shaking with laughter. She wiped tears of laughter from her eyes and said, "YES!! My manager will love your names."
"Good God," I muttered.
At last, we pulled up in front of the small cafe, and we followed Katniss in. Out of habit, I kept my head down, so I wouldn't arouse any screaming and desperate autograph signing. Then, I remembered that I vaguely resembled one of Finnick's druggy cousins, so it was safe to look up.
We walked around back into the employee entrance, where Katniss led us to her manager. "Hey, Bethany," she said, nodding. "I'm here with two... uh- friends who are looking for a job here until January."
"Sure," Bethany said without looking up from an enormous pile of paper. "Names?"
Katniss bit back her laughter and motioned Finnick (or shall I say Murphy?) and I forward.
"Fin- I mean Murphy," Finnick said in a monotone tone.
"And last name?"
Finnick sighed, and said in a resigned voice, "Buttswell."
Much to my relief, Bethany merely raised an eyebrow and jotted Murphy Buttswell down on a sheet of paper. "And are you also applying for a job?" she asked me.
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"Name?"
"Barnabas, ah... Dicksworth."
Bethany raised the other eyebrow but wrote my name next to Murphy Buttswell. "Odd bunch of names," she said.
"Yeah," Katniss broke in, chuckling. "They got bullied a lot when they were younger."
"Sure," said Bethany. "Anyway, you too can start today for a trial shift. If I like what you're doing, then the job is yours."
"Okay, thank you," Katniss said, nodding at us. "We'll just change and start work."
"You do that," Bethany said, and went back to her pile of paper.
"Murphy Buttswell," Finnick hissed. "THAT WAS SO EMBARASSING."
"At least there weren't fifty people following you, chanting, 'Finnick Odair!'" I pointed out.
"True," he said grinning. "Rather a nice change."
"Here you go," Katniss said, chucking a boring-looking uniform and apron at Finnick and I. "Change, then meet me outside in three minutes."
"Okay."
And three minutes later, we were squeezed into too-small uniforms and revolting aprons. I looked in the mirror and winced, but Katniss laughed. "You'll be fine," she told us. "No one pays attention to the waiters and waitresses anyway."
"Ouch."
"Well, I thought you might enjoy it. It would definitely be a break from constant attention," said Katniss.
"True," I admitted. "I feel... almost normal."
"What a weird feeling," Katniss said, rolling her eyes. But she was smiling, too.
"I almost forgot." Bethany walked over to Katniss who was fixing her hair in the staff bathroom mirror. I couldn't make out their conversation. Katniss froze and sent a glance my way.
"IDs?" I heard her whisper. "Just a second." Finnick was whipped away from where he was standing and we were pulled into a corner. "She needs your..." she gulped "IDs. I don't have fake ones for you yet."
"I know someone." Someone about the same age as Katniss walked over to us. "Sneaking celebrities in, huh? Fun."
"Johanna, shit." Katniss began to play with her shirt. "I should have known you would've found out."
"I know someone, I'm not kidding. Her name's Cressida. Kinda sketchy. She's nice." Katniss stared at her long and hard, until Johanna could do nothing but surrender. "I'll take them with me. We'll be back in an hour."
"Fine." Katniss shoved her off and Finnick and I reluctantly followed Johanna out the door. I turned my head to see Katniss talking to her boss as the door clicked behind us.
"Why do I feel like we're going to die today?" I whispered to Finnick as we slowly walked behind Johanna. I got no verbal answer, just the look of agreement in his eyes that he felt the same way.
"So," Johanna began. "New Capitol, huh?"
"Uh..."
Johanna laughed. "I get it! If I were you, I'd definitely want some peace. Now all we have to do is make two fake IDs."
"Is that legal?"
"Guess we'll find out," she said seriously.
Finnick stopped in his tracks. "Actually?"
"No, you idiot," said Johanna, rolling her eyes. "I'm not that dumb."
"Still!"
I reluctantly agreed, and within the hour, we had two, crisp, fake IDs.
Cressida was just as sketchy as Johanna made her out to be. With the thick, ivy green tattoos down her neck and head and her blonde hair slightly shaved off, she seemed like someone who had been running from the cops for years and eventually had to go undercover to hide. It was like this was her own fake ID.
I had asked for my name to not remain as Barnabas Dicksworth, and Johanna reluctantly obliged to mine and Finnick's whining.
"Smith? Really. That's what you came up with?" I asked Cressida. "You're supposed to be professional." Her eyes curved.
"If it was a bizarre last name, people would question. You'll fit in perfectly now." Finnick and I seemed blatant to whatever was going on. Johanna and Cressida were involved in their own mess, because in seconds, two stiff IDs, rich with every detail needed to pass it off as real, were handed to us. "Rowen," Cressida said as she handed me mine. "And Merrick."
"Really?!" I asked as I looked down at the still warm card. "My name is Rowen Smith?"
"We going back to Barnabas Dicksworth?" She asked.
"Rowen Smith is great, thanks," I said with a fake smile. "Let's go, Merrick." Finnick shook his head and left without hesitation.
Afterwards, we finished our shift at the diner, which, much to my surprise, was rather fun. I got to joke around with Katniss and Finnick, and before we knew it, it was time to go home. So just as Finnick was hanging up the sign that read, SORRY, WE'RE CLOSED, a tall, burly, blonde man walked in.
"You seen Katniss anywhere?" he asked in a gruff voice.
Finnick raised an eyebrow and looked at me.
And in that moment, I decided that I hated this man. Perhaps it was his voice, or the stupid smug look he had, or the Nickleback shirt he wore. But as Katniss walked out of the changing room, he walked right up to her, planted a sloppy, wet kiss right on her mouth, and I knew that was the main fuel behind my hatred for this man. I was filled with jealousy and rage, but I told myself to stay calm because there was no reason for me to be jealous, watching this man kiss Katniss.
"Cato," Katniss said in an embarrassed voice, wiping off her mouth. "We talked about this. Please don't just go up to me and kiss me."
"Well I gotta mark my territory," he said, leering at Finnick and I. "Don't want these two lookin' at you the same way I do."
"They're not doing anything wrong. They're my friends," Katniss said quickly. It seemed that she had forgotten that we were living with her, too.
"Uh-huh. Well anyway, Marvel is having a party tonight. Wanna come?"
"Oh!" Katniss said, looking at Finnick and I. I looked stonily back. "Um..."
"Come!" Cato said in that terrible, deep voice of his. "It'll be fun!"
"I-I guess," said Katniss, looking down.
"Good! Meet you at Marvel's at eight," he said, kissed her again, and sauntered out of the cafe, slamming the door behind him. Once again, Katniss wiped her mouth and sighed.
There was an awkward silence.
"Who was that?" Finnick asked.
Katniss sighed again and said in a monotone voice, "That was Cato. He is my... um... boyfriend, I guess?"
"You guess?" he asked.
"Yeah," she said. "Not super clear about that."
"Well, do you like him?" I found myself blurting out.
Katniss glanced at me, startled. "Well," she started. "Yes. I suppose."
"Okay, then he is your boyfriend!" I said, throwing my arms into the air.
"If you say so," she said.
"Why are you so hesitant about this?" I demanded. "Why aren't you happy in his presence? Why are you acting weird?"
"I'm not!" she cried. I was surprised to see tears in her eyes.
I opened my mouth to say something more, but Finnick nudged me and said, "Don't push it."
Katniss stalked outside, and we followed her at a distance. The car ride was silent and tension was thick in the air. Neither one of us made any effort to make conversation. And when we got home, she went right into her (our?) room and slammed the door, leaving me, Finnick, Annie, and Prim just standing in the hallway.
The two girls looked at us, blushed, then looked down.
"Welp," Finnick said, shuffling his feet.
"That happens kind of a lot," Annie said in a quiet voice.
"It does?" I asked, feeling of guilt intensifying.
"Yeah," said Annie. "It's always something about Cato. Or other times, when she's feeling really awful, she... she..." Annie hesitated, then shook her head.
"She what, Annie?" I asked, a feeling of worry beginning to gnaw at my insides.
"Nothing," she said quickly. "Sometimes she's just unhappy, that's all."
"Shit, Annie!" I blurted. "What! I know you're hiding something." She coiled back at my sudden outburst and Finnick grabbed my shoulder.
"She'd probably kill me if I told you. She doesn't like it when we talk about it. Let alone tell people about it." We all stood there in a moment of awkward silence, and by then I could do nothing but push it. We were still standing in front of Katniss's room after fifteen minutes.
"Please just tell us." Annie began to fidget with her hands, and then the bracelet on her left wrist, twisting and turning it back and forth until the skin on her rest was red.
"She just isn't herself. She gets angry... and takes it out on herself. She... isn't smart. She has scars. External and out." From what I understood, this was as much as she was going to say. But I had caught on. And the worst thoughts came to my mind.
Katniss slowly opened the door to her bedroom and walked right past the commotion in the hallway. "Where are you going?"
"You twerp. I'm going to the party. And so are you. All of you. Let's go." Stunned looks we're worn on every face of the room, but quickly we realized she was serious and we all sprinted out of the house after her, piling into the car.
As I closed the car door, I noticed Katniss's phone lying on the sidewalk. She must have dropped it and not noticed. I stooped down and picked it up, running my finger over the slightly cracked screen in the top corner. With a bright flash, the phone turned on and opened right up without a password or fingerprint, showing her most recently viewed screen; her texts with Johanna.
Before I knew what I was doing, I began scrolling through the most recent conversation. About the party. How much she didn't want to go but she had no choice. So I did something I probably shouldn't have done, but I felt no regret for.
Johanna. Come to the party. It's at Marvel's house. I did my best to sound like it was Katniss texting and not me. I sent the text and snuck the phone in next to Katniss as if nothing had happened.
Katniss pulled up to a large house booming with life, color seeping through every window. Her shit of a car lurched to a stop before she lifted her foot off the brake, and she had to forcefully move it against the curb before officially parking.
"Ahh, baby, you made it." I wanted nothing to do with Cato, but he popped out of the house before Katniss was able to get her whole body out of the car.
"I am not your baby," she said, pushing his face away when he went in for a kiss. He backed away with a shifty smile on his lips.
"Whatever you say. Baby." Katniss shot him a look and he stepped back. Another car pulled up next to ours with a long honk, making me and everyone else jump.
"Johanna?" Katniss asked. "What are you doing here?" The hell- I knew I was in for it.
"Who the hell is this?" Cato asked.
"Hello to you too, you piece of shit." Johanna climbed out of her car, slamming her door, followed by another beep.
"You don't even go to our school. Why are you here?"
"You texted me; asked me to come." Katniss looked at her, confused.
"No. I didn't. Who-" she scanned the circle of people and her eyes landed on me. I shook my head lightly, but when she didn't buy it, my heart dropped into my stomach. It was all I could wish at that moment that I would last the night.