Death
R-18: Trigger Warning: Death
"Atty. Alonzo, pwede bang iwan n'yo muna ako?" Pakiusap ko sa aking abogado.
"Pero Ms. Anonuevo..."
Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. "Please? I...I just want to talk to him...alone...for now."
Bakas sa mukha ni Atty. Alonzo ang pagdadalawang isip pero sa huli ay napapayag ko rin ito.
Narito ako sa presinto, hinihintay ang paglabas ni Hayes. Ilang araw na simula noong nailibing ang pamilya ko pero ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na bisitahin siya rito.
Dalawang araw mula sa araw na ito ay magsisimula na ang hukom sa kaniya sa korte patungkol sa pagpatay sa pamilya ko. Nasasaktan ako. Nasasaktan pa rin ako sa katotohanang siya ang idinidiin sa pagkamatay ng pamilya ko. His father is also on the run. Their fingerprints was found on the crime scene. While Nathan, he is nowhere to be found too.
Umaasa ako na sana...sana itanggi niyang hindi niya iyon ginawa; sana ay wala nga siyang kinalaman sa nangyari dahil kung totoo nga ang ibinibintang sa kaniya ay walang alinlangan ko siyang buburahin sa buhay ko.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin nang may umupo sa kaharap kong upuan. Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa aking kamay sa ibabaw ng mesa.
After seven months of not seeing him...here he is.
Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi ko para pigilan ang nagbabadyang pagragasa ng emosyon ko. His hair grew longer. He has now some small stubble on his chin. He looks tired.He looks pained but his eyes screams unfamiliarity.
"Hayes," nauutal kong sabi.
I felt my tears rolled down to my cheek immediately as I look to him. I am expecting him to show some emotions or to at least utter some words but he was just staring at me...like he didn't knew me at all; like he is not pleased to see me.
"What are you doing here?" He asked.
Halos kilabutan ako sa pagkadiin at pagkatigas ng pagkakabanggit niya sa bawat salita. He seems mad. He seems like he didn't want me here. Ganitong ganito siya noong naghiwalay kami. Pero...kahit naman ako. Ayaw ko rin na nandito ako kung hindi lang sa kagustuhan na malaman ko ang totoo.
Maluha luha kong muling sinulyapan ang kabuuan niya. Nakaposas ang mga kamay nito. Iyon ang palantandaan na siya ang suspek sa pagkamatay ng pamilya ko.
Hindi ko kailanman naisip na siya ang gagawa sa akin ng ganito. He killed my family? After his disappearance, he came back as a murderer of my own family.
Hindi ko inaasahan na sa ganitong sitwasyon kami muling magkikita. Hindi sa ganito. Hindi sa sitwasyon na siya ang idinidiin na pumatay sa pamilya ko.
"They told me that..." hindi ko maituloy ang sasabihin ko dulot ng pag-iyak—at sa ideyang hindi ko matanggap na dahilan kung bakit nga siya nandito.
"That I killed your family?" Kaswal niyang tanong na para bangh hindi iyon malaking bagay.
"It's not true. I belive you," sinubukan kong abutin ang mga kamay niya sa ibabaw ng mesa pero iniwas niya iyon. "Hindi mo magagawa iyon. H-hindi mo kayang pumatay ng tao, Hayes. Hindi mo p-pinatay ang pamilya ko."
Kilala ko siya. Kahit na gaano kalupit ang pamilya niya pagdating sa negosyo, hindi ganoon si Hayes. Hindi niya magagawa ang lahat ng ito! Alam kong maikli lang ang panahon na nagkasama kami pero hindi siya ganito! Hindi siya mamamatay tao!
He laughed sarcastically. My breathing hitched when I saw how sarcastic he is.
"What makes you think that I can't do that Layana? You think I'm a saint?"
Nasasaktan ako sa paraan ng pakikipag-usap sa akin ni Hayes.Para bang ibang tao siya. Na para bang wala kaming pinagsamahan. Na tila ba inaamin niya nga na may kasalanan siya.
Umiling iling ako. "No. You didn't kill them. Nathan did! He is the culprit, right!? He told me that he was a former member of this certain group. Ang sabi niya—"
Napaigtad ako nang malakas na hinampas ni Hayes ang ibabaw ng mesa gamit ang mga kamay at matalim akong tinignan sa mga mata.
"Bullshit! He's innocent Layana! Why can't you just accept the fact that I," he stand up and leaned forward to me. He never left my eyes as if he is trying to make me understand everything he is about to say. "I killed your family."
Nanginig ang mga kamay at labi ko dahil doon. "No" Pilit ko. "You didn't kill them. I believe you."
His smirk became more deadly. "I killed them! I killed them! Can't you see how bad their injuries are!? Layana, I was the one who did that!"
Dumapo ang kamay ko sa kaniyang pisngi dahil sa labis labis na emosyon. Ang kaniyang ulo ay nanatiling nakaharap sa kanan dulot ng pagsampal ko.
The anger inside me is growing bigger and bigger. How can he act like this as if my family is just a toy!?
He put his tongue behind his cheeks and smirked evily to me. I can see no pain or guilt in his eyes.
Did he really do that? Did he really kill my family?
"Slap me all you want, Layana. Slap me! Come on! Hurt me!" he provoked me.
The tears is pooling in my eyes. I touched my tummy and asked for my child's forgiveness because he witnessed this.
"Hurt me!" He shouted with so much desperation. His voice even broke in the end. And tears from his eyes dropped.
Nandilim lalo ang paningin ko kay Hayes. Nanlisik ang mga mata ko sa kaniya pero hindi man lang nagbago ang emosyon nito.
He is like a monster.
A dangerous monter.
"Y-you...you didn't kill them..." pagtanggi ko pa rin.
He squeezed his eyes out of frustration. I can see how deep his breathing is. Pana'y ang pagtaas at baba ng kaniyang balikat.
No. No. Hayes didn't kill them! He didn't killed my family!
"Can't you see the autopsy result? What about the result in forensic?" He asked me again, but this time his eyes are full evil. "The evidence is pointing to me, Layana. Huwag kang tanga. Ang tanga mo na nga dati, magpapakatanga ka na naman ngay—"
Isang sampal. Dalawang sampal. Ang pagtulo ng luha ko ay hindi na mahinto.
"Iyon lang ang kaya mo? Really? That's all what you've got?" Niyukom ko ang kamao ko dahil sa galit. "Layana, I killed your family and that's the only thing you can do? You're wea—"
I slapped him again but this time it is full of rage. I am hurting, yes! but I am raging mad right now! I love him, yes! but the fact that he killed my family, the fact that he seems no conscience in doing that, I will never forget those!
"Demonyo ka," I said in my greeted teeth. "Mamatay tao ka."
As much as I want to believe that he didn't do it, he is pushing me to the edge. How can he act like this!?
He looked into my eyes again and was about to smirked again but I slapped him again. My hand hurts but my heart is aching more.
"Can you imagine the pain, Layana? After I crashed their car, I even choked your dad...with a rope. Besides, you should thank me at least because I didn't do it too to your sister."
"Why did you do that!? Why did you kill my family? Tell me!" I shouted, crying.
I can't properly breathe because of so much emotions. How can he smile like that? It pains me. Para bang wala siyang pakielam kung nakapatay siya ng tao o hindi! Demonyo siya!Wala siyang puso!
"Anong kasalanan ang ginawa ko sa'yo para gawin mo lahat ng 'to!?" Sigaw ko. "B-bakit...bakit dinamay mo pa ang pamilya ko kung pwede namang ako na lang ang saktan mong gago ka!"
Pumasok ang abogado ko at ang ilang tagabantay doon para pigilan ako sa paninigaw kay Hayes. My eyes are bloodshot. My tummy hurts so I took a deep breathe to atleast calm myself but it was no used.
He is not worth it to be called as father! Sobrang lupit niya! I will never show my child to him! My child deserve better!
"Ms. Anonuevo calm down," Mr. Alonzo said but I didn't listen to him.
"Mabubulok ka dito sa kulungan! Sisiguraduhin ko na hindi ka makakalabas dito! Tandaan mo iyan!" My voice cracked.
I cried my heart out but Hayes is just staring at me. I saw a glint of pain in his eyes but he immediately looked away.
"I will make you suffer, Hayes! I will make sure that you will experience hell in this place! Even your family, I will bring them to the mud! You will never be free from your sins! You will call for me! Cry for me! You won't be sleeping here peacefully! Not even once! You will always call for me! To beg! To ask for forgiveness! But I will never come for you!"
"Ms. Anonuevo, calm down."
"How can I calm down knowing that the killer of my family is right infront of me? How can I can down if the love of my life is the murderer of my own family!?
Sinundan ko ng nanlilisik na mata si Hayes. The humor is now gone in his face. It is now stoic, cold, serious and dangerous.
"Because you are the reason why my brother died," he said without a paused.
Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko, hindi agad maproseso ang kaniyang sinabi.
"I didn't kill anyone. Hindi mo ako katulad, Hayes. Hindi ako mamatay tao!"
He smiled but there is no trace of humor there."I always despise you, are you aware of that?"
Hindi ako sumagot. Naguguluhan sa mga bagay na kaniyang sinasabi ngayon.
"My brother died because of you!Buhay pa sana siya ngayon kung hindi mo siya pinilit na umuwi ng Tagaytay noon!"
Brother?
Mas lalong bumigat ang paghinga ko nang marinig ko iyon. Hindi ko masundan ang sinasabi niya pero nakapagdulot iyon sa akin ng kakaibang kaba.
"River died because of you! He got into car accident years ago, ibinalik ko lang sa'yo ang sakit, Layana. How does it feel? Masakit 'di ba?"
River...died?
"Tama na ang daldal, Espinoza. Tapos na ang oras mo," saad ng bantay at handa nang ibalik sa selda si Hayes pero nagpumiglas ito.
Hindi pa rin nawawala ang demonyong ngiti nito pero hindi katulad kanina, puno na ng sakit ang mga mata niya...puno ng luha. Pero imbis na maawa sa kaniya ay mas lalo akong nagalit.Wala siyang karapatang umiyak ngayon sa harap ko. Wala siyang karapatang masaktan. Mamatay tao siya.Wala siyang konsensiya.
"Remember Anthony? That is my twin, Layana. River Anthony Espinoza." He smiled evily. "Does it ring a bell? I can't believe that you failed to recognize me. You're such a pity."
Umiling iling ako. I can't process anything anymore. Everything is too much. Everything seems so unreal.
Hayes broke up with me. I am impregnated by him. My family went on hiatus. We almost lost everything...my father and my sister died...The love of my life killed my family...and now, this?
"What do you mean River died?" I asked breathlessly.
He didn't answer. Lumuluha ito pero nanatili itong seryoso.
Umiling iling ako. "What do you mean I'm the reason why he died! What the hell are you talking about!"
Anong kapatid? Papaanong namatay si River? He is River. He is my first love! What the hell is he talking about?
"Yes, Layana. That's it. You're right. River died. My twin died. And it was because of you!" Sigaw niya.
Natuod ako sa kinauupuan ko at sinundan siya ng tingin habang kinakladkad ng mga pulis papalayo sa amin.
"You are so stupid for not recognizing me, Layana! Put that in your mind! You are so stupid for falling in love with me!"
My breathing rugged. Mr. Alonzo tried to calm me down but I can't help it. Everything I heard is too much.
River died...The River I knew...died? and the River I spent my days with is...not the River I met before.
Everything makes no sense! Everything is bullshit!
Does...does it mean that he didn't love me at all? That everything we've been through, it was all about his revenge? Sa lahat ng pinagsamahan namin, alin doon ang totoo? O baka ang lahat ng iyon ay pawang kasinunghalingan lang?
"Gagawin ko ang lahat mabulok lang sa kulungan ang lalaking iyon...pinatay niya ang pamilya ko...pinatay niya," madiin kong sabi, lumuluha at nakatulala sa kawalan.
Forget my love about him! I am raging mad to him. He fooled me. He hurt me. He killed my family. I pity myself for falling in love with him. I am ashamed of him becoming part of my life.
And if it's true that...that he is not the River I knew. I won't stand still. He...played me! He made me fe to his lies! My River...he is so far with Hayes. River will not do it to me. River will never hurt like what Hayes is doing to me right now!
I felt a stung on my chest as I finally realized that the person I fell in love first died...without a trace. And died because of me. I don't know how to handle the pain anymore. I don't know what to feel anymore.
Tinanggal ko ang singsing at kwintas na suot ko at itinapon iyon sa kung saan sa kwarto ko. Wala ng silbi ang mga iyon.
The trial for Hayes' case started. Kahit isang beses ay hindi ako um-attend sa korte. Ipinagpaubaya ko ang lahat kay mama at kay Atty. Alonzo. I might kill Hayes if I see him once again.
Hanggang ngayon ay nangungulila ako sa pamilya ko at maging kay River. He died. No matter how much I tried to accept it, I can't.
"Layana, my class ended. Come on, I'll accompany you to your OB."
Wala sa sariling sinagot ko ang tawag ni Lene. I have a scheduled to Dra. Almirez for my check up for today. I gazed at myself in the mirror while combing my hair. My baby bump is very evident now.
Why am I still continuing this pregnancy? I can't see the reason why I am still carrying this child.
This is the child of a murderer.
Child of a liar.
Child of a cheater.
Child of demon.
I can't bear to raise him. His father caused a death to me. His father is the main reason why am I so down right now. They...they ruined my life so badly.
I caressed my tummy and tears started to form in my eyes. I smiled painfully while looking at ourselves.
This is not my child.
I hate this child.
I hate it.
"Can we rest for a while?" I whispered, talking to the baby I am carrying in my womb. "I want to rest."
I kept on caressing my womb as if it'll be the last time that I can do it. After this, we can all rest. I can rest. This is not the life I wanted. Not like this. Hindi ganito kasakit. Hindi ganito kalupit.
"Layana are you there? I'm almost there. Magprepare ka na."
I smiled weakly. "Sure. Magpeprepare na. Bring me some...ice cream."
"Ice cream? You're craving for ice cream? Uhm, what flavor ba?"
"Cookies and cream," I said weakly.
I smiled painfully again when I remembered River. Sorry for not recognizing you. I am sorry for being the reason why you died. If I didn't pursue him to come home in Tagaytay years ago, he might be still alive right now.
"Okay. See you!"
"See you, Lene."
Bumagsak ang balikat ko nang maibaba ko ang tawag. I am too tired. Pagod na pagod na ako. I should rest now.
I went to the kitchen and stared at the knives hanging on the wall. My tears kept on flowing but I felt nothing. What I want right now is to remove this thing inside me.
I don't want it anymore.
I don't want to carry a monster.
It makes me want to puke.
I caressed my womb once again and whispered. "This won't hurt, I promise."
Dahan dahan akong naglakad papunta roon at nanginginig na kinuha ang isang kutsilyo. I can see my reflection to it. Sobrang talas. This will do.
After that, I went to the bathroom and filled the tub with water. While waiting for it to be full, I wear a white dress and some makeup. My tears won't stop that's why my make up ruined. I looked like a mess. I pity myself. The pain and tiredness is very evident in my face right now...but not anymore.
I locked the door in my room. Wala si mama, nasa korte. Ate Fely is busy downstairs. No one can stop me right now.
Nang marinig kong umaapaw na ang tubig ay pagod akong naglakad doon. Kinuha ko ang kutsilyong nakapatong sa lababo. Lumusong ako sa bathtub at ipinamahinga ang likod ko. In my right hand, I am carrying the knife...and on the other hand, I am touching my womb. I stared at the ceiling.
Hayes hurt me so badly. Hayes killed a part of me. I hate him so much. Dinurog niya ako. Ang akalang pagmamahal na mayroon kami noon ay tila paraan niya lang para mapaikot ako. Paraan niya lang para maipaghiganti ang kapatid niya.
Pero isa lang ang nawala sa kaniya...bakit dalawang buhay ang kinuha niya sa akin?
I positioned the knife on my womb and pierced it without any hesitation. The blood easily dominate the water in the tub. But to my desperation, I withdraw the knife. I am breathing heavily because of the pain...but I want Hayes to feel the pain more. I want him to feel the feeling of losing someone.
I once dug a knife on my womb. And after that, I sumberged myself on the water.
I can now rest.