(16.7.20)
(a/n: this is like a direct continuation from the last chapter, also i headcanon miahs name as jeremiah)
"Do you like, like a boy now?" Linda asked, breaking the awkward silence.
"Uh, well, there's this one boy I think is..." Gary laughed "...cute"
"Ooooo who" Linda laughed with him.
"Well, you know, Jeremiah in my history class"
"Kind of...wait isn't he the fucking nutcase that always speed walks and literally has coffee running through this veins"
"Yep...that's the one"
"He's an absolute dickhead, you know that, right?"
"Yeah...I wouldn't ever like try and talk to him, I don't even know if he's, you know, into boys"
"No one at our school is out so R.I.P to us, I guess"
"Yeah"
"Sorry, I kinda fucked today up, we were just doing our hw and I just, you know, dumped all my problems on you, sorry"
"No no no Linda, I fucked it up, and I don't think lowkey coming out is dumping your problems on me"
"I'm still sorry, also like I don't want to be...you know..."
"Gay?"
"Yeah..."
"Why?"
"Because it's like, everything would be so much easier if I was straight"
"Linda" he put his hand on hers to comfort her "It's...it's okay, you like don't have to change, you know? And, you don't actually know yet, don't stress until you know, and even when you do know you don't need to stress because...it's fine Linda, it's fine"
"Thank you, Gary"
———
The next day, Linda regretted everything she told Gary. Although he told her it was okay and she had nothing to worry about, she couldn't help but hate the fact she could potentially be gay. She tried to ignore it for now.
"Hey Linda" Gary said, pulling her out of her thought.
"Oh- um- hi Gary"
"You okay?"
"Yeah um... please forget what I said yesterday, I wasn't thinking properly, just forget I said anything..."
"oh okay..."
"But like, I still accept you, I just am..."
"Confused"
"Yeah...sorry"
"Don't worry, it's okay"
"Okay..."
———
After many hours of classes, it was the end of the day. Linda was going to be studying with Becky. At Becky's house. Linda was nervous, really nervous, she had no idea why though.
"You just want to make a good impression after the...incident in middle school" she thought
"You just want to be like her so you don't want to seem like an idiot around her"
"You're just jealous of her, that's it"
She kept coming up with more and more reasons in her head. Although deep down she knew none were true.
"Hi Linda!" Linda was pulled out of her thoughts as Becky greeted her, bubbly as usual.
"Hi Becky" Linda replied, slightly awkwardly.
"You okay? You've just seemed a bit...off today?"
"Oh....I'm fine, I'm fine, just some things at home...uh, nothing to worry about though! I'm good"
"Oh okay, you can talk to me about anything, you know"
"Yeah, thank you" Linda replied, what Becky had said reminded her of middle school. The things Becky said. Linda didn't think she'd ever be able to forget them.
———
Every time they would study, it was the highlight of Linda's week. She just couldn't wait to see Becky, every Wednesday after school. It should have been obvious that Linda was slowly falling for Becky since the first maths lesson, when Becky offered to help her study. Linda denied it for so long, she denied it until nearly halfway through their sophomore year. Then she realised.
"Oh God..." she thought, she was sat in her bedroom, alone. Her parents had to visit her aunt upstate so she had the house to herself. "No...you can't be...you just- just- haven't been with a boy so you don't know...yeah, just try it you'll be fine"
———
Linda quickly dialled Gary's number, he picked up almost immediately.
"Hey Linda, you okay?"
"Gary can you come over?"
"What? I didn't hear you, it cut out"
"Can you come over?"
"Yeah sure, why?"
"I'll explain later.."
"Okay...I'll be there soon"
"Thank you, Gary"
"It's no problem, really"
"Okay, see you"
"See you, bye"
"Bye" Linda barely even said the last word, it was just a breathe, Gary probably didn't even hear her.
———
Linda jumped slightly when she heard the knock at her door, she immediately got up to get it. She opened the door to see Gary, she tackled him into a hug as soon as she could. He hugged her back.
"What's wrong?" He asked
"Nothing"
"Sure?"
"...yes"
"Okay"
Gary could tell something was wrong but he wasn't going to pry into it, he knew Linda would tell him when she was ready. She then pushed herself away from him.
"Are your parents here?"
"Um, no...they've had to go visit a relative"
"Okay..."
"Sorry, I just was like kinda lonely coz my parents are away and-"
"Linda you don't need to apologise for asking me to hang out" Gary smiled "That's what friends are for"
"Thank you, you wanna sit down?"
"Yeah sure" he sat down on the couch
"You want a coffee?"
"Yeah sure"
"I know you want a-"
Then they both recited it at the same time "normal coffee just with milk and a sugar"
They laughed at the fact they'd known each other so long they just knew how the other person liked their coffee. Linda sat down next to Gary on the sofa and passed him his coffee before taking a small sip of her own. Deep down, she didn't want to kiss a boy but she felt she had to, and Gary was literally her only male friend. She was so desperate to be "normal" that she was almost willing to sacrifice her perfect friendship.
"Gary"
"Yeah" he turned to look at her, she stayed silent. She was almost paralysed because of her nerves, just staring at him like deer in headlights. "Linda, are you okay?"
"Kiss me"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Kiss me, Gary"
"Why? I thought you were-"
"No"
She went to kiss him but he stopped her.
"What are you doing?"
"Please"
"It doesn't mean anything?"
"No, it doesn't"
"Fine"
She kissed him, he was fine with it. If we're being honest, both of them are horrendously touch starved and have never kissed anyone. Gary just needed some sort of attention from someone, too bad that the attention he got was from Linda's twisted plan to force away her feelings. He went to cup her face but she shied away, like physically cringed. He pulled away immediately.
"Linda, you don't like it do you?"
"No, I- it's just like- um- the first time I've kissed someone so uh-"
"Oh, same though"
"Oh..."
They went to kiss again, it was awkward since neither of them actually knew what to do. Linda eventually leaned in to continue but Gary could still sense the little things that were off. He tried to ignore it but then he just couldn't pretend anymore. The heard her sob. Well, he thought he did, he heard a noise of pure pain that sounded like a heart-wrenching sob. He broke the kiss immediately and pulled her into a hug.
"Oh my god, Linda, what's wrong?"
She sobbed into his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him. She couldn't speak for a while, all she could do was let out her tears, loud ugly crying. Gary almost started crying as well, just by hearing the absolute pain that had taken over his best friend.
"I'm sorry, Linda, was it me? Did I do something?"
She just shook her head.
"Okay" his voice was quieter now, he was just holding Linda, to protect her from whatever horrendous pain the world had given her.
"I-I'm sorry" her quiet voice shook as she tried to calm down from crying.
"Why are you sorry?" Gary was quiet as well, he felt that would make her feel better somehow.
"This"
"No no no, don't be sorry...but, if you're okay to answer this, why are you upset?"
She stayed silent, her breathing heavy as she tried not to let her worries and nerves take over.
"I think I'm a... you know"
"Huh?"
"Likes girls...just girls"
"Oh, so then why did you...why did you want to..."
"'Cause I...I don't want to...like girls, that is"
"Oh, I-"
"I'm sorry" she began to cry again.
"Linda please stop apologising, you have nothing to be sorry for"
"I just feel really bad that I lied to you like that"
"Linda, it's okay, just like don't do it again" he laughed slightly, she laughed a little as well "Was that actually your first kiss though"
"Yeah..."
"Oh"
"What? Was it that bad?"
"No, I just feel really bad now that it was with me-"
"Come on, you're a nice guy"
"That's what girls say before they horribly reject someone"
"I think the fact I'm.." she paused "not straight is rejection enough"
"I'm over you anyway, I just wanted... something, you know"
"Yeah"
"No ones ever wanted to like...kiss me before so when you asked I just...I didn't care who it was...I just needed something, you know"
"I understand"
"I'm so lonely"
Linda laughed "Same, wait, what about that guy you like?"
"Jeremiah?"
"Yeah"
"What about him?"
"Ask him out"
"Are you insane?"
"Maybe" she laughed
"I can't ask him out, he's probably straight"
"He walks too fast to be straight"
"You can't use stereotypes to prove anything"
"Has he ever had a girlfriend?"
"Not that I know of, but that doesn't mean-"
"At least talk to him"
"Come on Gary, I'm like your only friend at this school"
"My cousin paul is probs coming here next year"
"Firstly, that's next year, secondly, don't you hate him"
"He's annoying"
"Just talk to Jeremiah"
Gary just shook his head.
"Do you want me to talk to him?"
"And say what? "Hi my friend has a crush on you, are you by any chance gay and into complete nerds?""
"No of course not, just like, he might mention if he's gay, or I could somehow get him to talk to you"
"Linda, okay, fine, but please don't make me look like an idiot"
"Deal"
He smiled at Linda and pulled her into a hug again. "It's all gonna be okay, I promise"
*1558 words*