Jin's POV
I woke up just to see that YoonGi is laying on the floor unconscious. I got him up and looked at his face and what scared me the most - the neck and arm. I've seen too much detective movies to know that something wrong happened.
"YoonGi! Wake up!"
I shouted at the man while lightly shaking him.
He opened his eyes and got up by himself just to crawl beside me and show the bathroom. I got him up and helped him to get the bandages ready. He let himself help for the first time.
"What the hell YoonGi? Why did you self harm?"
I asked the boy who was looking at the ceiling. He didn't speak.
"Yoo-"
He suddenly cutted me.
"BECAUSE I HAD THIS NIGHTMARE THAT AGUST D TRAPPED ME IN CHAINS AND CHOKED ME TO DEATH!"
He looked at me with anger and turned to the ceiling. The man calmed down.
"Get notes because I'll tell that nightmare only once."
I got my book for his dreams and a pen. I was taking notes while he was telling me the whole story with tears in his eyes.
"...And I got the handle-"
"By what hand?"
"By two hands. And I opened the door."
He got his hands on his mouth.
"Just to see Agust raping Y/n."
His voice cracked and he started sobbing. It was hard for my best friend to tell that since he really cares about his past girlfriend.
I left the pen and my notepad just to go hug him. I feel so bad for the boy.
"After that, I saw my body from above for a while and I died."
He sat up and I stopped him, leaning him back to his pillow.
"You need to rest now YoonGi, don't force it."
He hesitated for a while but gave up.
"Don't tell anyone but John. Okay?"
I nodded and smiled. He cracked one too and it made me happy.
'It's good to see YoonGi happy since he practically never shows his feelings. He's getting better at it though.'
Y/n's POV
BlackPink chose to fuck around and do everything.
ARMY's were fuming with anger hence I hurt my ex, the fandom that I was personally a part of, threw me out the door.
I hung out with Harry after the comeback promotions for the second BlackPink album rolled around. Hence our hits Black Dress, Peek-A-Boo, Dramatic, Bad Boy, and my diss track The Baddest gained a massive push from the general public, we were performing for a month and a half.
Rosie walked beside me to record my mixtape and put it together. When we walked down the street, everyone was looking at me with disgust.
'Fuck, it's still bad.'
I lowered my head and we headed to the studio as I felt Rosie hugging me in comfort.
"Don't think of it, just go."
We stepped to the studio. Rosie went for a date with Jamie. I locked myself in the pitch black room, cracked my back and sat in the purple chair.
'Let's roll.'
After three days, I got out of the studio with sixteen tracks for my mixtape.
YoonGi's POV
I was checking Twitter just to see pictures of Y/n skipping while holding a cd proudly. I furrowed my eyebrows because in every picture taken, she has a smile on her face.
The door opened, revealing members storming in my side of the room. They sat with TaeHyung's laptop on the floor and Jin sat next to me, on my bed. Jin probably saw my confusion and whispered to me.
"Y/n's mixtape dropped."
I widened my eyes as I flashbacked myself to my words, asking the woman for her mixtape release. Jin leaned back on the wall. I dropped my phone on the pillow. Everyone got quiet and the music started.
The old movie tape rolled as the five second countdown started and when it ended, I heard her voice. I held myself.
"The more we focus on each other as people and not what we look like, what we're wearing, our gender, our hairstyle, our sexuality, the colour of our skin but focus on each other on a soul level. The more we realise we have in common, The more we listen to each other - the more one we become. You judge because you don't focus on me. You don't focus on each other. You judge because you focus on appearance, on clothes, you focus on what you want from me. What you want from people, how you want them to wear their hair..you judge me. You want to see me dress a certain way, how you want me to wear my make up or do my eyebrows, you focus on what you see and think what I should be like... for you. But when you stop-"
The tape cutted.
"-and you actually focus on the people around you, you start to see the light in them. When you focus on me, you see the light in me. When We focus on each other, We see the light in each other."
The first track was called Dollhouse. A ticking clock filled the room.
Hey girl
Open your flood
Play with your blood
"We'll be a perfect family"
When they walk away
Is the time when you prey
The echo on your four walls still say
"Mum, please spare my life,
don't throw your knife."
"You're just a son of a bitch."
They've never listened,
This small devil unleashed.
I've even heard their dirty talk in the kitchen.
Places, places,
I'll go places.
I've dreamt of Flying to Korea,
getting my new, fresh face
Everyone seemed to be perfect
Please don't let them look through the pictures
Picture, picture
Gather for a picture
Pose with your parents
Won't you be a good kiddo
Everyone thinks that I'm good, well,
Don't mind me if I say my prayers
D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I saw things that nobody has else seen
D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I saw things that nobody has else seen
Hey girl,
Look at my mom,
She has her knife game on
Ha!
You were blinded by her jewelry
When you go to sleep,
she snaps an' burns your back
And next morning she tells you "You've slept bad, dear."
Oh
He's coming with his belt, now, crying
I need to stop crying
I've let my soul take control and start trying
They've never listened
I've lost my verbal abilities
But I still heard their dirty talk in the kitchen
Places, places
I want to visit new places
Passion of doing music burning deep inside me
But they are stopping me, where else can I be?
They are now starting to lock the doors
This home feels like prison, no joking
Picture, picture
Take pictures of my granddad
He returned the peace to my heart
He's the one who saved all his money
Just for her granddaughter
to "let all my frustrations"
Hey girl?
Hey girl?
Where are you from? Where's your home?
I've made my first friend Lisa, now I won't go back home
Places, places
They tried to get me lower, wreckless
Got my own shit
And introduced my new fate
Now you see me getting known among the crowd
Where's your fucking easy girl now?
Picture, picture
Gather for a picture
Four little girls standing beside together
Strong and devour with a little bit of power
Yes, I'm saying, Y/n has debuted with in BlackPink
D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I had seen everything, ptsd still likes me
D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I locked me in chains, my brain couldn't forsee, this creature doesn't want me.
D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I've thought I saw everything, where my life will lead me?
The song ended and I already had tears in my eyes. There was a lot more to her parents then meets the eye. Afterwards, came Carousel. The lyrics clearly spoke about how much she wanted to be like us - idols, to debut whatever the cost.
Next was Rough Love.
'The story unfolds with every track on her mixtape, I should've done that.'
The track was started by the piano. I silently calmed down.
'It's one of the meaningful ones.'
Pulling teeth, straight out of my mouth reeks
All the insecurities, you poured into me
If my thoughts could talk, they would tell you
"Stop"
Stop with the murdering, of my dignity
All the YG boys wanted was to gaze in my eyes
All your sick little brain craved was to see me cry
Look at me
What have I become?
I'm just a toy
You played and destroyed
What is Love?
Does it push and shove?
Does it haunt you?
Make you feel like a fool?
All the YG boys didn't want me cause I wasn't good enough.
Now, I'm stuck with these nightmares of me accepting rough love.
"Every tear that falls from me,
It's the last one, you'll see."
I've told this myself all the time.
I don't know what will change my mind.
All the YG boys wanted was to gaze in my eyes.
All your sick little brain craved was to see me cry.
All the YG boys didn't want me cause I wasn't good enough.
Now, I'm stuck with these nightmares of me accepting rough love.
The song ended and my right eye started crying out of nowhere. I took the stain off quickly, not wanting to seem weak. Next chapter of her life was called Bittersweet Tragedy.
Sweet girl, straight out the movie screen
Getting all of the knives away I've reached my dreams
"Rosie I don't think I'll manage to let this feeling go."
I scream upon the winter day,
That small place won't let me stay.
Melting, through the cuts from my hands.
I guess I've held on for too long.
I'm done, with your Bittersweet, Bittersweet Tragedy.
It's not fun when I'm letting you cut your soul into me
Changed the fate and let the greed take over my remedy.
And I'm surely wanting to go
You put yourself between my friends and me.
Your bitter taste won't let me be.
One, kiss, was supposed to be so sweet.
But I found your sweet revenge.
Old gum is all you'll ever be to me.
I'd spit you out and brush my teeth.
Except, I can't because, then, I would die.
I guess I need to hold you for oh so long.
I'm done, with your Bittersweet, Bittersweet Tragedy.
It's not fun when I'm letting you cut your soul into me
Change the fate and let the greed take over my remedy.
And I just want to set me free.
Yet, I've searched the boy, you see,
He, was nice, didn't pick on me.
No wounds left on my arteries.
My bittersweet shit was a tragedy.
I'm done with my bittersweet, bittersweet tragedy.
It's so fun, going back and seeing the old me.
And I'm saving all my feelings to go see my future me.
'I saved her life. I have actually saved her life. Although we didn't knew each other, I saved her fucking life.'
I got away my tear stains from my right cheek. Next up was Play Date.
You call me on the telephone, you feel so far away
You tell me
I'll come over, there's some games I want to play
You're walking to my house, we're all alone
Just me and you and you and me alone
We're just playing hide and seek
It starts getting hard to breathe when I walk past you
I don't want to play no games
I'm tired of always chasing, chasing after you
I don't give a fuck about you anyways
Whoever said I gave a shit 'bout you?
You never share your life or communicate
I guess I'm just a play date to you
Wake up in my bedroom and there's nothing left to say
When we try to talk we're always playing board games
I wish I had monopoly over your mind
I wish I didn't care all the time
We're just playing hide and seek
It's getting hard to cover my real self when I walk with you
I don't want to play no games
I'm tired of always chasing, chasing after you
I don't give a fuck about you anyways
Whoever said I gave a shit 'bout you?
You never share your thoughts or communicate
I guess I'm just a play date to you
Ring around the rosy
I never know, I never know what you need
Ring around the rosy,
I want to give you, want to give you
What you need
The breakdown ended as I heard whispers.
I don't give a fuck about you anyways
Whoever said I gave a shit 'bout you?
You never share your life or communicate
I guess I'm just a play date to you
The girl sighed loudly in the recording.
"Literally fuck people who tell me shit like 'you fucked up' or 'I hope you die tonight'. Wait. This didn't make sense hence I'm already so harsh on myself. If you want me dead, bitch, I can relate. Do you know how fucking hard it is to be me? Don't you know how much I want to kill myself every fucking day at every fucking hour? Damn, if y'all only knew."
The woman's vocal was sore and full of pain but she still finished the song.
You know I give a fuck about you everyday
Guess it's time that I tell you the truth
If I gave up my living self, will you let me stay?
Don't want to leave this play date with you
I looked at Jin just to let him now that I'll cry any minute now. I hid my emotions successfully though. The next song was called Dead To Me.
My condolences
I shed a tear with your family
I'll open a bottle up
Pour a little bit out in your memory
I'll be at the wake dressed in all black
I'll call out your name but you won't call back
I'll hand a flower to your mother when I say goodbye
'Cause baby you're dead to me
I need to kill you
That's the only way to get you out my head
Oh, I need to kill you
To silence all the sweet little things you said
I really want to kill you
Wipe you off the face of my earth
Bury your bracelet
Bury your bracelet
Six feet under the dirt
Rainy days and black umbrellas
Who's gonna save you now
Can you cheat from underground?
"Oh fuck."
I spoke while widening my eyes and everyone looked at me.
My condolences
I'll shed tear with your family
I'll open a bottle up
Pour a little bit out in your memory
I'll be at your wake dressed in all black
I'll call out your name but you won't call back
I'll hand a flower to your mother when I say goodbye
'Cause baby you're dead to me
I'll mourn when you go
'Cause baby you're dead to me
I'll mourn you when you go
I need to say I'm sorry
That's the only thing you say when you lose someone
I used to say I'm sorry
For all of the stupid shit you've done
So now I'm really sorry
Sorry for being the apologetic one
But if I told you again, if I told you again
You would think I was crazy
My condolences
I'll shed a tear with your family
I'll open a bottle up
Pour a little bit out in your memory
I'll be at the wake dressed in all black
I'll call out your name but you won't call back
I'll hand a flower to your mother when I say goodbye
'Cause baby you're dead to me
I'll mourn you when you go
Baby you're dead to me
I'll mourn you when you go
'Cause baby you dead to me
"Well, now you know how she feels YoonGi."
Jin encouraged me.
"Thanks for the help."
I've tried to smile but I failed. It's the fourty fifth time this week.
Next track was signed by the name Y/n. It was a interlude filled with quotes that she made in these past five years. Next up was Bombs Are Falling.
'Wonder what this song's about.'
Pinky promise
I'll still love your garden
Even with no flowers
Even with no flowers
Doctor's orders
Don't be brokenhearted
Time will still be ours
Time will still be ours
Never thought that something
Something so tragic
Could ever happen to
Our peaceful, little perfect family
I promise
Promise to love you
You and the children
Carousel spinnin'
Our neighborhood will always be this pretty
Bombs are falling
On Monday morning
Waiting for the news together
An explosion, any moment
You make moments last forever and ever
You make moments last forever
Eyes like hazel
I widened my brown eyes, knowing that Harry has green.
Twinkle in the starlight
Even when they're crying
Even when they're crying
Constellations
Forming out of scar lines
Even when they're dying
Love will still be trying
'Is this...no it can't be.'
Never thought that something
Something so tragic
Could ever happen to
Our peaceful, little perfect family
I promise
Promise to love you
You and the children
Carousel spinnin'
Our neighborhood will always be this pretty
Bombs are falling
On Monday morning
Waiting for the news together
An explosion, any moment
You make moments last forever and ever
Bombs are falling on Monday morning
Bombs are falling, you make moments last forever
Bombs are falling
On Monday morning
Waiting for the news together
An explosion, any moment
You make moments last forever and ever
I've cried waterfalls after the song has ended.
'She forgave me for cheating. She doesn't deserve me at all.'
"Mad Hatter is next!"
TaeHyung shouted, probably to shut me up.
'Well, he did a good job.'
I got my tears off.
My friends don't walk, they run
Skinny dip in rabbit holes for fun
Popping, popping balloons with guns, getting high off helium
We paint white roses red
Each shade from a different person's head
This dream, dream is a killer
Getting drunk with the blue caterpillar
I'm peeling the skin off my face
'Cause I really hate being safe
The normals, they make me afraid
The crazies, they make me feel sane
I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad
The craziest friend that you've ever had
You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone
Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong
Over the bend, entirely bonkers
You like me best when I'm off my rocker
Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed
So what if I'm crazy? The best people are
All the best people are crazy, all the best people are
Where is my prescription?
Doctor, doctor please listen
My brain is scattered
You can be Alice, I'll be the mad hatter
I'm peeling the skin off my face
'Cause I really hate being safe
The normals, they make me afraid
The crazies, they make me feel sane
I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad,
The craziest friend that you've ever had
You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone
Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong
Over the bend, entirely bonkers
You like me best when I'm off my rocker
Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed
So what if I'm crazy? The best people are
You think I'm crazy, you think I'm gone
So what if I'm crazy? All the best people are
And I think you're crazy too, I know you're gone
That's probably the reason that we get along
I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad,
The craziest friend that you've ever had
You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone
Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong
Over the bend, entirely bonkers
You like me best when I'm off my rocker
Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed
So what if I'm crazy? The best people are
All the best people are crazy, all the best people are
All the best people are crazy, all the best people are
'Is that a girl I want to date?'
My rethorical question was answered by me with a speed of light.
'I love her. How could I say no? I need to see her. Everyone will think that's just a song. I need to run to her but I can't.'
I thought to myself while looking at Jin and the rest.
Center of attention once again
They don't understand
They don't understand, no
"It's the song she wrote when I was calling her after our two year gap."
I spoke, not knowing that it was out loud. Everyone looked at me.
Then they try to tell me who I am
But they don't understand
They don't understand, no
If you want
A perfect picture to believe in
Then you can't be looking for me then
I don't need to live by your rules
You don't control me
Until you've walked a mile in my shoes
You don't know me
And I know, I know, I know you don't like it
You don't, you don't, you don't know where I've been
It's my life so truth be told
I see you thinking but there's just one thing, dear
And you think you know but you don't have no idea
Think you know me but there's more to see, my love
The same arguments time and time again
And you watched them all happen
But they don't understand, no
Thinkin' you're the reason that it ends
And you won't be back again
But they don't understand, no
You want a perfect picture to believe in
Then you can't be looking for me then
I don't need to live by your rules
You don't control me
Until you've walked a mile in my shoes
You don't know me
And I know, I know, I know you don't like it
You don't, you don't, you don't know where I've been
It's my life so truth be told
You don't know me
The girl you see in photographs, is only
A part of the one I am, don't judge me
'Cause that's not reality and all I can be
Is in love with who I'm becoming
Think you know me but there's more to see, my love
You think you know but you don't have no idea
I don't need to live by your rules
You don't control me
Until you've walked a mile in my shoes
You don't know me
And I know, I know, I know you don't like it
You don't, you don't, you don't know where I've been
It's my life so truth be told
I see you thinking
You don't know me
I don't need to live by your rules
You don't control me
Until you've walked a mile in my shoes
You don't know me
And I know, I know, I know you don't like it
You don't, you don't, you don't know where I've been
It's my life so truth be told
I see you thinking but there's just one thing, dear
And you think you know but you don't have no idea
Think you know me but there's more to see my love, my love
I thought while I slowly clapped, having my hands near my face. I was shy and awkward since I don't know how to react to her while having Kim TaeHyung in my presence.
'Does she still like me?'
I've tried to figure out the truth but everything was too much for me to handle. Everyone had gone to their rooms and I was left with Jin.
"SeokJin. Tell me. Is it really worth it? Is she really fucking worth it?"
I looked at Jin.
"Look Min YoonGi, no, listen. Who saved you from Agust when you were undiagnosed? Who has given her all so Agust is now gone? Who self-harmed because she waited for you? Who cried and smiled with you? Who did you wrote Flatline for? Who talked with you? Who did you vent to? Who listened to you throughoutly not saying a word?"
He looked at his phone and searched something.
"Who cried every night having nightmares and is still living? Who had that terrible past but still managed to gather her determination and seek out for her dreams? Who did nothing wrong but still hold on to the feeling of hope of your relationship? Who is a Dangerous Woman but still cares and Thinks 'Bout You?"
He stood up and threw his phone in front of me, it was a picture of me and Y/n hugging on the eighth of March.
I widened my eyes and started to remember all of the things she did for me while having eyes full of tears.
"It's Y/n Grande."
That said, he closed the door.
"...fuck."
I layed on my bed just to get the glasses off and change my bandages. I stared at the ceiling. I flashbacked myself to our first kiss just to cover my tear filled eyes, the pain in my lungs was hurting more.
I got my laptop and produced for a while. After finishing a draft called Seesaw, I saw that TaeHyung sent me a link onto Messenger. It was a link to Y/n's stream.
'Damn, that girl's quick.'
I came to the stream.
"..so have you guys listened to the mixtape? I hope it was nice!"
She smiled and looked at the comments.
"Do you have the pictures of you which you've mentioned in Dollhouse? Yes I do! I even have the photos of myself when I was a little child!"
'...Why does he want me to watch this?'
I thought as I watched her smile through the screen. I did the same action but upside down.
"So, you want me to talk about the concept of the song Dollhouse? It isn't just words. You'll find the meaning into it when you think beyond the words and try to put yourself into my shoes. There, I'll be your explanation."
She got her head and layed it onto her hands while looking at the chat. It was filled with hearts and supportive messages. She smiled.
Then suddenly, a shit ton of fans asked about Play Date's message.
"So you guys finally realised that I'm also human. Huh, seems a tiiiiny bit too late."
She rose her eyebrow as she smirked.
"Go get your screen recorders ready because I'll tell you my current relationship status."
She waited for a while, hesitating.
"Y'all good? All right. I'm single. I don't want to go into shit that has already passed. Me and both Suga senior and Harry Styles are only my friends. End of discussion."
Her and I looked at the chat just to see huge impact about the ship that partly sailed.
"Don't end your recorders yet! I have a surprise for you at the last tour leg! Two, three even! I look forward to them the most! This concert will be livestreamed so no fan gets left behind! I'm so excited!"
She scrunched her nose and smiled to the camera.
"I can't watch you acting as if I didn't hurt you."
I looked away from the screen. Jin was watching me all along. I looked at him and looked at the wall on my left.
"J-Jin f-fuck!! I-It's not what you think-!"
I held my head in my hands.
"Please don't lie to yourself."
He saddened. I hid my face in my hands just to look at him.
"I am just feeling what I should feel because I'm not willing to hide my emotions from now."
I felt that I'm being patted on my shoulder. I looked at my right just to see NamJoon, TaeHyung, JungKook, JiMin and HoSeok in front of me.
They all helped me get up and hugged me. After we pulled away and settled down in the living room couch, Hobi asked.
"So YoonGi, when's the apology mixtape?"
We all howled with therapeutic laughter and started talking about everything.
"I'll record a live today, showing my studio and all of that. Care to join anyone?"
Joon asked.
"Sorry, I need to work on Chicken Noodle Soup first."
HoSeok spoke and we hyped him up because of the fact that he needed to pay two million in royalties.
"We're going with the Tae, Kook and Jin to the café to talk so we can't."
JiMin told and I looked at the face of my friend.
"I can visit your live if you want."
I told blankly, worrying about the responce I'll get. I traced the hidden scars of mine through the white bandage.
"Look at him, already making me more proud than I already am!"
Jin encouraged me by giving me a highfive, which I gave back, putting a forced smile on my face.
"And if we are talking about lives why not watch Y/n? She's actually having it now."
TaeHyung got my laptop from my room just to put it onto the black coffee table.
"...Want me to react to something called Y/n Grande - human. Okie. Wait, lemme get my laptop first."
"Volume up to the max, please."
I tapped JiMin as I whispered.
She pointed the camera to herself. She quickly searched up the video that she's going to react to and played the video.
As soon as she saw the photos her grandpa she broke down to tears. I got my hand on my mouth, knowing that this is what was on the other side of the door after I cheated.
'Don't cry YoonGi, you can do this. You're a man.'
I told myself as I bit my now quivering lip. My vision went blurry and I felt hot tears on my cheeks. I lowered my head. Soon after, I've felt everyone hugging me.
I cried waterfalls.
'It's good to be back home. Without anger, picking on each other, constant complaining about everyone's insecurities.'
"Guys-!"
I sniffed.
"I love you."
I got off the fresh set of tears. JungKook, HoSeok, JiMin and NamJoon were shedding tears due to me crying.
"We love you too, YoonGi, we love you too. No matter what happens next."
TaeHyung's deep voice filled the room as we heard Y/n sniffing. We got off our tears away just to see the girl doing the same.
"Fighting Y/n!"
JungKook shouted at the screen which made me laugh. I put my hand on my belly and leaned back. I proceeded to howl with laughter, still having my throat sore.
'I have never laughed like that in ages!'
I took my tears off.
"Oh Kookie, that was good."
I looked at Y/n through the screen.
"Oh my gosh, Sweeties, I- After that mixtape. Holy shit, Guys. How can I give you something of that scale? I love every single one of you and I want to hug you all and thank you all and oh my god I love you!"
Her voice was shaking through the words she spoke, making me feel horrible again. She needed to took time for herself to calm down.
"I have a thousand words to say thank you but I just can't."
She then proceeded to talk about her past life and the most important lyrics in her mixtape.
"Guys, I have an idea."
JiMin turned to us.
"Let's buy her seven or eight dogs since she was there for all of us!"
He looked at me and I looked at Jin.
"Yeah, to show that we care!"
TaeHyung's voice cracked and we started chuckling.
"But for real though, let's ask Joan Grande first."
We dialed her number from my phone and she picked up.
"Hello?"
We did our greeting.
"2, 3, hello we are Beyond the Scene!"
"Oh it's you guys! Nice to finally meet you!"
I looked at NamJoon.
'Wait, "finally"?'
I furrowed my eyebrows for a split second.
"Well we want to buy seven or eight dogs from each member for her birthday, will it be possible and will you accept it?"
I showed NamJoon two thumbs up, he did a great job.
"No biggie, will do! It stays as a secret between us eight. Am I guessing correctly?"
"Yeah, thank you for doing this miss Joan!"
I told in English just to see NamJoon and the rest shook.
'Oh shit!'
I got my hand on my neck and looked down, knowing that I exposed the results of my English studies.
"Call when you will get the dogs. My next client is coming, bye!"
We thanked her again and closed the phone.
"I have an idea everyone, after the dogs let's make YoonGi sing Flatline to Y/n with a guitar!"
HoSeok showed his quirky side.
"You know I can't sing for shit when I'm pressured. Remember what happened when we recorded the harmony for Hold Me Tight."
I flinched at the memory.
"Come on YoonGi! She loves to hear you sing from what I've heard."
NamJoon told.
"No. The answer is no."
"You have to apologise to her somehow."
'Shit. I think I might cry again.'
"So, what will you say YoonGi?"
TaeHyung spoke.
"No."
After my bold speech, everyone moved away from me. I felt oh so lost and shitty at that moment.
After going back to my safe space with my laptop in hand, I proceeded to talk with Max. The man was also a producer and wanted to know our culture. We bonded and soon after, became friends.
You're all over the news man
Did something happen?
Oh really???
I'm okay
It's probably about Y/n and I
I still don't understand why do you want her so much
I listened to The Lost Story and from what I heard, she's kind of fucked up
Max you don't understand
What do you see in her then?
Back when we were still in YG Entertainment, she looked so confused.
I wanted to kiss her so I asked for permission. She said something along the lines of "Yeah I'm not used to guys asking for permission, they only did it".
When I wanted to hug her she flinched away from me as if I was going to hit her.
I can tell this girl was hurt before which is why I want her to expierience love in the right way.
I envy that you want to help her even though she isn't yours.
People don't have that kind of attachment anymore.
You really love her still.
Thanks
YoonGi it's been nice but I need to go
I understand, see you on the course again!
See you!
After dropping my phone on my pillow, I got to NamJoon's Rkive.
"People just break into your room?"
I speak as I enter the small space. The smell of wood and scented candles filled my senses as I entered the green and brown space.
"I heard that the biggest producer was on the show."
I hold my neck, fighting my ever-growing shyness.
"Yes."
NamJoon got the book away as I made my way to the phone that he was streaming on. I leaned on the wall, staring at the vastly moving chat.
"You should show them your room. Your room is prettier than mine."
I looked around to see small changes in the plant family. The tiny eucalyptus was on the right side of the monitor instead on the left.
"My room? I'll show it later."
I smiled, remembering about the metallic white paradise of mine.
"Since Suga is working on music arrangement, his room is one and a half times bigger than mine."
Joon told the actual truth.
"My room is nice."
I told just to change the topic while getting my hair out of my eyes.
"Your room is nice. My room is nice. Everybody has a nice room."
I looked at the figurines he has.
"We have a huge TV in our living room but you have a bigger one."
I chuckled.
"I'm busy watching Netflix on it."
I told a lie just to laugh faintly. The joke here was that I only work on the TV and watch the series on the smaller screen that is my laptop.
"You are busy watching TV shows?"
NamJoon asked while changing the filter.
'This is going too far, subject change!'
"Your room is nice."
Joon changed the filter again.
'Make your mind already.'
I looked at the phone.
"It's been a while."
I spoke up.
"Show them your face."
NamJoon stood beside me now.
"I just ended my courses."
I leaned onto the phone just to see the effect of my doing.
"Post some selfies."
I was quite shocked about that statement of Nam's.
"Okay. I was busy making music."
"Well, I danced..."
The room was silent for a minute.
"Anyways.."
I turned away to go to my room.
"You should go on V live too. Introduce the revamped Genius Lab."
I walked out of NamJoon's studio and headed to the kitchen to get myself a snack. I matched routes with Jeon just to leave to my room.
I dropped my Twix onto the bed as I clutched my teeth together. The stinging of my bruises brushing the material was unbearable.
I ran to the bathroom just to unwrap the bandages. I stared at the sight of blood on my inner left arm.
'Goddamn, why now.'
I questioned as I swiftly changed the material into a new one. Looking at myself in the mirror after putting my arms on the black marble faucet, I noticed that I didn't take Lithium for more than a week.
'You look better than yesterday Yoon! Keep it up.'
My head started hurting. I got my hair by my hands. The pain was much worse than the last time, when I was with Y/n.
I thought about the times I had with her and the pain increased.
I opened my eyes. I was crouching on the floor with my one hand mending my hair and the other on the floor.
'Oh no, it's getting worse. He's slowly getting his control back. I'm going to relapse again....'
I stood up just to hear a familiar voice. It all started to go black.
"........SeokJin?"
Jin's POV
I heard YoonGi's call just to hear something drop down. I walked quickly to see him on the floor, crying heavily with a opened up whiskey on the side. I got to him and hugged him. I could smell the blood on him.
'He has done the worst possible thing again.'
"Jin. I-"
He cried. I stroked his back.
"What happened?"
The best friend of mine looked up to me.
"Agust happened."
I was shocked, no, I was devastated.
'He was doing so well..'
I wiped his tears.
"YoonGi, everything's gonna be alright. I don't hate you and Y/n probably doesn't too."
I replied, not knowing what to say.
"Yeah, nothing can replace her, nothing..."
He looked down, tears falling down his jaw as he got his bandage away. It was way worse than earlier. I got the bandages immediately and got back to the boy.
I got his head and looked at his face. His eyes red like blood, cheeks swollen, smile was faded. I looked down as I was finished bandaging him up. After tying the material with visible ease due to practice, I stood up and got the bandages back to the bathroom.
I needed to record Epiphany so I got to the handle just to look at his side.
"YoonGi, do you need water or anything? Because I can-"
"No, I'm fine thanks."
He cutted me off, his eyes never leaving the window. I sighed heavily, I shook my head in concern.
It was horrible to see him that way. So dull and lifeless.
"How about I-"
YoonGi's POV
"Jin, I said I'm fine, I just need sometime alone, please."
Noticing my lips quivering, He nodded in defeat and left the room.
The second he closed the door behind him, the tears formed in my eyes and soon started trickling down my hot cheeks as my chest heaved up and down from the pain.
Not able to go anywhere, I moaned because of the pain that was resonated by every little, single move.
'I did that to myself.'
Being away from home is a killer. I'm just a burden to my old friends, my family, my bedroom but most importantly, to Y/n.
I can't tell her anything I wished to because I'm not in her house.
"I want to g-go home. You're h-home to m-me."
I whispered shakily to myself, squeezing my eyes shut. I got the razor from my coat's pocket.
"Fuck, I hate my life..."
Jin's POV
"We have to do something!"
Hobi spoke as I looked at the sleeping YoonGi in his black and white paradise. The living room was obligated in the discussion.
"I have a bad feeling about this."
I told while getting my eyes from the snoozing boy and looking at the leader of our group.
"He's abusing himself when he's hurt. Maybe it's because of Y/n? Maybe he hurt..."
TaeHyung got to him after inhaling his air. He looked as he was in a verge of crying. TaeHyung suddenly called for YoonGi whilst closing the door.
We only heard TaeHyung's deep voice cussing YoonGi out troughoutly. I've decided to take action just to see TaeHyung having half-alive YoonGi pinned to the wall.
"Hey, get away from him!"
TaeHyung's appearance slowly begun to get back to normal. I got Tae by his ear whilst comforting my YoonGi. I dragged the two to the living room. We talked and figured out what to do.
"Why don't we just leave her alone? She went through horrible stuff with us seven. She, too, needs some rest!"
JungKook shouted.
"Yeah, I'm sick of watching her cry and it's because of you!"
HoSeok reluctantly stood near Jeon and pointed at YoonGi.
'It wasn't his fault though, she is only touring....'
I was in deep thought.
"She needs to have some space for existing too! Let her have that and not speak to her!"
JiMin got angry and boy it was terrifying.
"No! I think we should've write to her so she can stay!"
NamJoon looked at the pale boy and patted him in the back.
They always had each other.
"Two on four. You don't stand a chance! Besides, she stayed long enough."
JiMin told.
"So on which side are you on, Kim Seok Jin?"
Every eyes were turned onto me.
'JungKook has a point but YoonGi is on his stairway to heaven, at this point.'
"I'm not on anyone's side. Kook clearly has a point but we need to care about YoonGi too, don't you think?"
We discussed until three a.m. struck the clock.
Sadly, JungKook's crew won and we left the discussion alone.
I couldn't fall asleep and neither did my friends.
"Are you sleeping guys?"
I told, my voice filling the scilence.
"No."
"Nope."
Two of my friends' voices filled up the room.
"What are you feeling right now YoonGi?"
'Jin PHD strikes again!'
"Lost, empty, guilty."
Hearing these words, I turned to his room just to see my friend having his hands on his face and see his chest moving up and down.
'He's crying softly.'
I stared back at the ceiling, feeling bummed out.
"I'm sorry for you YoonGi."
He wiped his tears off of his face and put his hands on the pillow. After ten minutes of not moving, He sat up quickly and his breath was faster than usual. As soon as the man's wail hit my ears, I turned my night light on.
"What happened?"
I sat up to look him in the eyes. The brown spots seemed lost and disoriented. I got the notepad that I had under my pillow and wrote the date.
-25th of August-
I stood frozen in Y/n's part of the room and she was having fun with TaeHyung. When Tae saw me, I gazed in his eyes and something in me broke.
I put the dot and left the notepad and the pencil under my pillow.
'I know what that means but I can't tell him. Yoon is breaking inside.'
"Try to fall asleep, could you?"
I layed down, neglecting the saddened visual of Gi's.
TaeHyung's POV
"He's been like that for the past two days. Should we ask Yeol again?"
Jin looked at his dearest friend and got his hand. He stated that it was colder than ever. He looked at us.
'I have to do something.'
"I can try something but it requires one condition. I need to go to sleep. Trust me. I've met him in my sleep multiple times."
I spoke.
'I've promised myself that I'll never fight in sleep.'
I regretted my decision.
"Let's go for it."
NamJoon told as they made Jin's bed so I can sleep comfortable. Jin stopped me before I drifted away to my unconscious mind.
"Taehyung, save him for me."
He spoke, nearly crying. I held YoonGi's hand tight and let it go after a while.
'I hope he'll be alright.'
"I'll do everything I can to wake him up."
We nodded knowingly and I hopped in Jin's bed. I layed on it and immediately drifted away.
××
A black room showed up in the corner of my green walls. I got the chains which were locking the door handle and tried to overcome the combination of numbers that led to opening the lock.
'Let's see. His first kiss? 3rd of March. Nope. Date he fucked Y/n? 25th of May. Nope. His anniversary? 8th of March.'
The lock opened, leaving me the door to open.
'Whatever's behind it, you can overcome it. Do it for YoonGi. Do it for your friend.'
I got the handle just to see millions of razors scattered around the dark room, walls stained with blood and YoonGi's body cuffed in chains that you often see in castle dungeons.
I've felt a strange presence of someone else in the room. I turned around just to see a demonic figure with glowing red eyes and grinning teeth.
I straightened my back and layed my hand on the small knife I always carried around.
'So V, we finally meet.'
The clone of Min YoonGi's was wearing the same fit as in his Give It To Me music video.
'I'm not V! I'm Kim TaeHyung!'
I shouted while getting into my fight stance.
'Hyung....d-don't........'
A faint voice came to my ear drums. I turned my head just to see YoonGi with his neck ripped open and his abs all in blood.
I got angry. Real angry.
I looked fiercely at his demon and started talking while showing him my right index finger.
'So it's you Agust D. It's you who left my best friend crying his eyes out on the 21st of September, 2013. It was you who locked him in his room on the 4th of December, 2014. It was you who drove him insane to the point of self harm on the 30th of April, 2015. It was you who stood behind his starvation in the whole summer of 2016. It was you who got his wrists, neck and arms wide open. Look at you now Mister Agust D, locking the boy up in his dreams because you can't stand shit against him since he lived through all of that. You can kill every single human except us eight but we will stand. We will survive because he's with us. We will survive because he is alive. We will survive because we love him. No one does that to you!'
I showed my fist into Agust's face with tears in my eyes and he faded away. I stood there, dumbfounded.
'Right wall.'
I heard Gi say. I quickly got to it and felt under my hand that there's a key. I got that and unlocked YoonGi's dungeon cuffs with them. He fell down but luckily I was there to hold him. The heavy breathing still in my head.
××
I woke up with tears in my eyes just to look at YoonGi who has woken up the same way as I did. I got to him and we hugged. The man cried.
"YoonGi! You're alive!"
I shouted. Thanking somebody above.
"Thank you for saving my life TaeHyung. I didn't think that I would last longer."
He spoke and looked outside the window. I hugged him once again, this time, with everyone.
"How long was I asleep?"
I looked at Jin, he'll tell the sad news to Gi.
"You have been sleeping for two days."
Our friend started shaking a little. This was not a good idea.
"Oh fuck, oh no, oh my fuck. Did I really? Do you have problems because of it? Fuck. I'm sorry that I failed you guys."
I looked at Jin as he spoke those words.
"Everything's fine and well, don't worry."
His calm voice got to our friend so he stopped shaking.
"What about Her, is everything okay with her? She did say that she's hating herself."
At the last two words, his voice cracked.
'Damn, I adore his protectiveness.'
"Everything's fine with Y/n. Calm down now. We don't want you relapsing again."
Jin patted the man a little on his back.
'He's doing it all the time when he's happy about something. It's actually funny how the two speak without words.'
"So what did you do when I was sleeping?"
He asked with concern.
"We stayed up here 24/7 and looked after you."
I told, revealing the boxy smile everyone adores.
"Thank you guys, truly."
YoonGi got his phone and stayed on Twitter. We left him alone to gather his thoughts. He must've been terrified after sleeping through a whopping fourty eight hours.
Y/n's POV
I lazily woke up to the alarm and did my routine. I grabbed the suitcase after I got dressed and closed the door.
After getting every dog, I took a cab to the airport and checked in. I gave the dogs to the right person.
My ears perked up just to hear the flight I needed to hop in. I quickly got into the plane. I found my seat and sighed heavily.
Countless people were storming in and someone with curly hair sat next to me. I didn't care at first but I notice that he had a mask and shades on his face too.
'Is he an idol too?'
We took off and I took the mask away from my face
I saw the people being tiny ants. I recognised my street immideately and somehow my eyes landed on the Tannies' dorm.
"I wonder how are they all doing, I hope Hyung didn't mislead the facts.'
I put my phone on the airplane mode so it won't waste battery that fast. I smiled as I reminded myself of HoSeok's verse in Airplane part two.
I felt someone poke me lightly and I turned to the stranger and...oh my god no.
'Curly short hair, green eyes, beautiful face.'
"Hi, long time no see Grande."
'Oh god.......no.......'
The English accent filled my eardrums like honey the same way as on that night. He reached his hand to shake it and my anxiety blew up to the roof. I shaked it quickly and nodded slightly, wanting to cry my eyes out.
"Good to see you too."
I forcefully smiled and we started the small talk. My past, mentally abusive lover was visibly excited to see me. In an adult way, of course.
"I'm just visiting my New York house, it's been more than half a year now since...you know."
I looked at him and watched his face saddening.
"I'm still very sorry for your loss. I've never experienced a death in my family and I'm older than you."
'February First, Ninety Four liner. One year younger than ex but older than HoSeok and Joon.'
The time flew on talking and in a blink of an eye, I stood on my mother ground.
I got the dogs from the right person and said bye to Harry since he was starting to get bombarded with fangirls, even with the mask on.
I got the cab and told the address while putting my suitcase into the trunk of the car. I opened the door and got every puppy into the back seat with me and closed the door.
"Where to?"
"Bay Terrace, Seventeen Avenue, please."
My accent rang me a bell as I bittersweetly smiled. We rode in silence and I petted the pups.
I got my suitcase from the trunk and gave the money to the driver. I walked to my doorstep, doing the same route as I once gone but backwards. Seeing the same flowers I used to water withering on the porch, I teared up.
I got the keys from my hand bag and got the key labeled "First, Real Home". I put the object into the key hole and the unlocking sound was heard right after.
'I missed this sound more than I could ever imagine.'
I got the leashes and my suitcase in my right hand. I took a deep breath and opened the door by my left hand.
I saw the same walls and the flashbacks made their last return. I walked slowly just to feel the marks under my fingers that the knives made when I was leaving this house.
Four years ago I stood here and told them the truth.
"I fucking hate you all. I can't do this anymore."
I spoke out loud and my words faded into my memory.
'My voice changed.'
I pointed out and let the dogs in. I put my suitcase near the door and closed it by the key. The dogs started to sniff the whole place out while I got the leashes off of them. Only Strauss and Toulouse stayed by my side.
'Toulouse is a dog from my ex.'
I suddenly remembered and started to unpack and get this place clean like it never was.
"Now HoSeok's skills of cleaning would help."
I laughed about it and started cleaning while singing. Just like in the old days.
'It's good to be back.'
Five hours later I cleaned all of the rooms except mine.
I wiped off my sweat from my face just to stand in front of the door that led to hurting and wailing.
I got the key that was once available only for my parents.
I put the key in just to destroy the lock that was keeping me from everyone else. Strauss gave me my phone and Toulouse sat near me as I knew I was finally free.
'I'm free.'
I've tried to smile but eventually broke to tears since I'm not locked anymore.
'I finally am free.'
I wiped the tears away just to see all of the dogs getting towards me.
"See, I'm not crying!"
I smiled and Toulouse nuzzled his face into my leg. I petted him and thanked him, fully knowing that it's a dog.
I stepped into my room, it was brighter and wider than I remembered.
'Was it because I was insane?'
I thought and saw the dogs laying on my light grey sheets. I laughed just to get my phone and snap a photo. I opened the window hence I wasn't able to breathe.
I suddenly spotted a earring laying in the shelf whilst I was putting my clothes on the shelf. I spotted a note.
I always knew you'd come. Stay strong and be happy with yourself. Also stay with that Min guy, he's the one.
- Your/Grandpa's/Name
I put my hand on my mouth as I calmed down from sobbing. I got the Moon shaped earring and dashed to the bathroom.
I took my right grey lightning earring off and switched it to my grandpa's last gift. It fit my ear perfectly.
I called for the people that Joan rented to help me and soon, twenty people came. Most of them were men in their forties but two of the cast were women that helped me pick the designs and paint.
"Thank you all so so much for coming! Let's set this dump into a paradise!"
After fifteen minutes of picking over beige or gray for my walls, I stuck to beige. The builders grabbed the five cans of paint, initiating the renovation of my past house. It took couple of hours each.
My and grandpa's past rooms were now an aquamarine colored guest rooms. The white living room matched with the wooden kitchen hence the rooms were not separated anymore. The now brand new bathroom was a mix of marble and chrome, giving it a fresh and futuristic look. My room was now the main bedroom hence I took my parents' place to live in.
Hence the walls were beige, the visually pleasing decor was beaming red and wood. The room looked as if I was in a hotel rather than a house. After bidding goodbye to the people after a whole day of hard work, I was still shaken at how beautiful everything was.
Tired due to my psyche not being able to catch up with the huge changes in my life, I finally unpacked my suitcase. Pignoli, a second dog from Hobi, took my teddy bear and I got inspiration for a song. I called mom.
"Y/n! Is everything alright with the renovation?"
"Yep! They just ended. This town changed drastically!"
After I locked the door, I went shopping, taking Toulouse and Strauss out. I bought everything my family doctor had wrote so I'd keep my diet correctly.
We went to the vet and bought the largest bag they had for the dogs. I got back home and left the groceries at the wooden island. I let Strauss chill with other dogs but Toulouse wanted to go back to the vet with me so badly.
'I'll regret that.'
When we got to the vet they saw that I'm barely holding the bag. After being begged to rent a cab, I soon was in the backseat with Toulouse hence the bag took the passenger seat.
After ten minutes of waiting, a nice kind man took off.
"Are you Y/n Grande? The musician?"
He asked suddenly, crashing my daydreaming.
"Yes I am."
The accent got a hold of itself and smeared like butter from my vocal chords.
"My daughter adores you! Can I get an autograph? She'll be so happy since her birthday is coming this weekend!"
"Alright, can you lend me a paper and a pen?"
He then gave me a fountain pen and..a birthday card.
'A BIRTHDAY CARD!?!?!? IS THIS BITCH INSANE!?!?'
"Who should I sign this to?"
I asked, not wanting to sound rude.
"To Zoe Barkstop."
I nodded just to proceed writing a cute message.
Happy Birthday from Y/n Grande to Zoe Barkstop! Love you, my dear Sweetie!
I gave him the card and the pen back.
"Here let me pay."
I gave him the money which he softly declined.
"No, don't worry I can pay for you."
"Oh, thank you."
Mr. Barkstop requested that I should sing a little. And I did, the whole way to my house. My throat was really sore after two songs but I still managed to talk.
I thanked the driver again for the ride just to see pull away from the busy road. I barely walked to my porch and got the bag inside, not speaking a word.
'Damn, how strong must I be?'
I questioned myself as I got to the house and locked the door after calling Toulouse's name. It started raining as soon as I got inside of my house.
"That was very lucky, don't you think?"
I got the brand new bowls out and gave the dogs their food. I made myself a salad and ate with them, sitting on the floor.
Suddenly the thunder stroke and I flinched. My dogs apparently sensed my fear because they layed on my legs, creating a comfortable blanket.
'What shelter were they from? Are they trained?'
I thought to myself and tried to figure it out. I looked at the drying walls.
'The wallpaper always looked fucking disgusting.'
I was eating while Toulouse looked at me the whole time. As if he was making sure that I'll eat everything.
I munched the last piece of the lettuce and I slowly got all of the dogs away.
Careful, not to wake them up. My Strauss, JungKook's Cinnamon and ex's Toulouse made it quicker for me and I petted their heads as a way to say thanks.
I put the bowl into the dishwasher.
'We didn't have a dishwasher before though.'
I furrowed my eyebrows.
'Y/n you trippin, you had a renovation today.'
I shrugged the thought off of my head while going into my room. Now sorting all of my clothes into the wardrobe's shelves.
I got my phone and my black mask just to go out and get some fresh air.
'Calm down.'
I closed the door behind my puppies and looked at my street.
'I need to get a fence here so I don't need to lock them. On the other hand, someone can steal them. I need to think about that.'
I murmured to myself. It stopped raining as I went to the park.
Everyone was looking weirdly at me and shortly after, I knew I was recognised.
It didn't bother me as I looked at every detail just to see that nothing hasn't really changed. Only the names of a couple streets.
I walked past my high school and saw that it was rebranded.
'Maybe tommorow.'
I told myself, promising that I'll go to my teachers and the director. I saw some familiar faces when I walked past the bakery. They already had kids.
'They look as if they're eighty to be honest.'
I thought and saw three girls. I knew I seen them somewhere but I couldn't really remember. They looked at me and started talking to each other while staring at me. I raised my eyebrow.
There was no one on the street beside them so I just stared at the girls. They came near me.
"Are you Y/n Grande, Y/n from BlackPink?"
"Yes I am."
I took off the mask and they widened their eyes.
"Remember us? Cindy, Kate and Lizzy?"
Everything suddenly clicked.
"Oh my god, it's you guys! I remember you! From high school!"
We all shared a big big hug.
"Want to take a photo?"
The woman tapped her flower patterned phone case.
"Sorry but no. I can't."
I pokerfaced, moving my hair back just to cup the limbs in front of me.
"Want to start a new trend?"
Cindy asked with hype.
'Ah, Cindy Grasmore, always hyped up and painfully funny. You didn't changed a bit.'
"It's called The Movement! You can operate the camera if you want!"
Cindy smiled.
"Okie!"
After ending the recording, I gave Cindy her phone and made sure that she'll tag me in the video so I could easily follow her. She did and we parted ways after budding goodbye.
I got back to my house. I walked past my childhood dentist's building just to see that it was a nursery school now.
I walked to my doorstep and after I unlocked the door puppies started barking and howling happily. I happily patted every single one of them and headed to the bathroom where I washed my hands and applied hand cream.
I went out just to see that the puppies are following me. I walked to my bed just to sit in it. Every baby of mine followed me, searching their place on the master bed. I looked on my left just to see Toulouse giving me a meaningful stare.
'What are you trying to say to me buddy?'
I asked myself. Then, my phone rang. After staring at my lit up screen, it knew it was Jin. I picked up, already wearing a smile on my face.
"Hi!"
I cheered.
"Hi Y/n."
His voice was way different then his normal tone. I looked back at Toulouse. The pup was staring at me and suddenly left the bed I was laying on.
"Why does your voice sound so sharp?...Did something happen? What's up?"
I furrowed my eyebrows, worrying a bit.
"Bad. Real bad. YoonGi.....He.....How to say that...."
'Toulouse is a dog from Him.'
I gasped lightly.
"Gi tried to kill himself today."