In my life, I wasn't a stranger to pain. No one would call me an expert, but it had touched the depths of my soul. I'd felt anguish and hunger. Both physical and mental boundaries had been crossed over the years. And in a single moment, everything flooded back as if every paper cut, poke, prod and sorrow were re-inflicted. It was a meld of pain hitting me all at once, the flashing of my life before my eyes.
I squeezed them shut, against the pressure in my skull, my body curling into a stiff ball on the floor. I could feel fire rush through my veins. The sheer force of it whipping through me was enough to make the delicate blood vessels bust open.
My screams were useless against it all. My voice was stolen, crumpled into a ball and shoved back down to be lodged in my throat. I choked on it.
It felt like that pain went on for a lifetime. I wasn't sure how long I was in that closet, chained to the floor, in the darkness. It all just consumed me.
If I tried hard enough I could make out voices and remember lights and scenes of my capture. I could remember marble statues and the fullness of the moon. It had hung above me, peering down with a sorrowful face as it watched me be dragged into some foreign place.
I remembers some arguing, yelling, the crashing of glass against the floor. But I couldn't see who it was, nor could I make out what the fight was about. I guessed it was me.
As time began to pass, the less I notice, the more I was consumed by the darkness. It blanketed me. It made me blind to the world. And all I felt was pain. It was in my throat now, burning from the inside out. Growing tight and itchy, I wanted to scratch at it, to tear it open and make it all stop. As if a response to my cries, I was doused in wetness. I couldn't tell what it was exactly but I opened my mouth at the end and caught some, desperate to extinguish the fire. It slid down my throat with ease, fulling me to the brim with a hazy hope.
I wasn't sure what was going on. I could feel my body moving. I could feel cold air whipping around me and could hear voices brush past my skin, just missing my ears. I found myself sucking on something and this time I could taste it. It was so sweet, so juicy. It popped in my mouth, spraying to the back of my thrust. I couldn't hear it but I knew I moaned in satisfaction, in the sudden relief flooding me. I felt it like I felt the tapping at my back. It like the patting of a hand, sad and slow as it thumped against my spine.
I was beginning to wake up, to emerge from the the hole they had dig me in. And though it hurt, like my eyes had been crusted closed by cement, I forced them open.
What I saw, I don't think I could ever forget. Her big blue eyes swallowed me up, as big as the moon. I looked into them, confused and afraid. I could see myself reflected in her hollowing gaze. It was me, but not. I was covered in red, coated like I had been thoroughly sprayed. It had even reached Kana's face as she gripped me. I looked at the droplets strange placing. They edged her jaw and projected outward from her neck. And when I saw the chunk missing from her slender ivory skin, my mind went blank.
All I could do was look at it. It tinted my gaze red and brought back all of the fire that had finally gone away. But this time it was different, this time I was aware of what I was doing. And still I lowered my mouth and bit back into her.
My soul ripped in half. I could feel it fall apart at my actions. I wished it was all a dream. I prayed to any god that would listen that I had imagined it all.
But when I opened my eyes again and found myself beneath a concrete ceiling, surrounded by concrete walls and strapped to a bed by leather bound chains, I still had the taste of her on my tongue. And I wanted more.
Hot tears slid down my face, burning my frozen skin. I was so cold but a warmth lingered inside me. Somehow, I knew it was only a matter of time before that faded. Though I couldn't make out my memories or anything that had happened since my capture, I knew what I was becoming. It was painfully clear. It burned at my gums and sent a dryness to my chest. It felt like I had inhaled sand, gritty and like fire.
"She's awake." The voice stunned me, my wrists pulling against my chains as I jumped.
Prying my head from the pillow, I looked past the foot of my bed and found a wall of bars and man sitting in chair just outside them. I watched as a second man, just as unfamiliar as the other, stalk from out of view and stood to look at me. He grimaced, taking his time to accumulate spit to shoot at me. It landed on my shin, scattering across my skin.
"What did I do?" My voice left me like sandpaper. "Is Kana okay?"
I let my head fall back down to the pillow and set my gaze on the ceiling as if I could look through it and find the same moon with had gazed upon me with sympathy. But it was just a concrete slab, cold and hard. There was no comfort in it. And I didn't deserve any.
"You really don't remember?" He hissed. "You ruined a beautiful ceremony. You killed two people."
My heart squeezed at his words, my eyes swelling and bursting as I was flooded with this immense guilt. But it was strange because this wasn't me. I wasn't cruel or violent. They had turned me into a monster.