Artist Sincere DuBois
He havin conversations in the dark
It's just me, myself, and my heart
My heart said under any circumstance, or for any reason
Let down your guard again and imma stop beatin
Please friend, I cannot take it no more
"Nigga go hard." Vinny said, bobbing his head to the music coming from Andre's TV speakers.
"On everything." Andre nodded.
Cause you can't fuckin relate to the shit.
We was all over at Dre house for a change in scenery. Andre snd his big sister lived in a one bedroom on Avalon, but according to him, his sister would be moving out soon.
"You look like you goin' through it." Heir noted, nudging me. I nodded, laying down on the couch with half my body hanging off.
It had been a solid two weeks since Evre and me was talking, and I was really starting to miss her lil ass.
It wasn't no more "good morning" or "hope you have a nice day", encouraging messages. I didn't have nobody to talk to about my day and shit. A nigga was stressing.
I knew she was probably all fucked up in the head behind me and Myra fucking, so I was giving her time. I was gone give it two more days before I fucked around and blew up her fucking spot, and knocked her fucking head off her shoulders.
Oh, it hurt me to my heart the way our love ended
I blame you, you the reason I don't trust bitches
My heart so cold I done been crossed, I don't trust niggas
He say my name, he get knocked off just like that one nigga
(Yeah, yeah)
"Ok, and that's how it be! I ain't been, gettin' no sleep, I been runnin' the streets! I ain't been home in two weeks, I been lookin' for peace! In California on the beach, I'm lowkey in a Jeep, yeah!" Vinny stood on top of the couch, singing and shit while he took forever and a day with the damn blunt.
"Nigga, is you gone roll the shit or not!?"
"Heir shit the fuck up." Vinny said, dancing. "Sometimes I sit and think about Ray like "was it worth it"?"
"I heard he had plans to leave his brains on the ceilin'! He talk wit his pops and it healed him!"
"He said you go out, like a coward if you end it! You came too far, you can't look back, you've got to finish, yeah!"
Together, they stood on top of the couch and I moved over, watching them act like big ass kids. "On the road doin' shows all aloneeee! In another nigga city livin' wrong! Ain't no way I could make it back home! Even if I don't it won't be long!"
Rod Wave's Ghetto Gospel album had come out last month, and that shit was doing numbers. I mean, it was a good ass album, but the fact that I was going through half the shit in the song had a nigga depressed and ready to kill his damn self.
I fuckin' hated his fat, sad ass.
"So wassup?" Heir asked me when he finally got the blunt from Vinny, who was now singing "Poison" with Andre, jumping up and down on the couch and shit.
I shrugged. "Nothin' much." I double tapped one of Evre's pictures and then clicked off her profile, going to my explore page.
Telling E's brothers and Ro about our situation never crossed our minds, she never talked about it. I could tell she didn't want to, cause if she wanted to she would have, so I never really tripped about it.
Heir squinted. "I'm tryna be a good friend."
"Aint shit wrong." I shrugged. "Just stressin' about different shit."
"What?" He passed the blunt to me.
"I'm thinkin' about movin' out and gettin' my own shit for me and Ant. And then school and shit, all'at." I shrugged.
Even though she was just high yelling, Myra putting that bug in my ear bout me moving out did make me think a lot. Maybe I needed to, shit I was turning eighteen next month, and it wasn't like I didn't have the money, or a co-sign. Push come to shove, I would just cop a one bedroom, and take the living room while I gave the bedroom to my lil brother, hopefully shit worked out, and I got a two bedroom but living in Cali was fucking expensive.
"You finna fail or some shit?" He asked as I passed the blunt back.
"Hell nah." I shook my head.
This school shit was actually kinda easy. If I would have known the shit was gone be this easy moving out here—cause the curriculum was different from LA to Arizona—I would have been took my ass to school and got the shit over with, maybe even seen if I was eligible to graduate early.
I was even making more money at the school than I was on the block.
"Imma go to college and shit, I just gotta figure out which one I wanna go to."
He squinted, looking my way. "Who the fuck made you wanna go to college?"
Yo sister.
I shook my head. "Nobody nigga. I can't wanna go to college cause I wanna go to college?" I asked him.
"My bad, nigga. That's wassup tho. What chu wanna do?"
I shrugged. "I'on know yet. I'll find out when I get there."
"That's a waste of fuckin' money."
"Not if I find out what I actually want to do."
"Hmm." He sat back in the chair, nodding. "Yo' brother still want his hair cut?"
Since me and E's breakup—if that's what the fuck I would call it—I had stopped fucking with Myra on all levels. I didn't talk to her, but her up, and stopped answering her phone calls. If messing with Myra meant that me and E couldn't be together, then Myra had to go. I knew I had been fucking with Myra longer than Evre, but lil E had grown on me, simple as that. I couldn't see nothing more than a fuck buddy relationship between me and Myra, and I didn't wanna deal with that shit my whole life, so I was changing shit up.
So I said.
I nodded and stood up from the couch. "I'mma go get him and swing back round this way." I told him, dapping him before making my way to the door.
"Aye," he called after me and I turned around. "You like my sister?"
I shrugged. "Where that come from?"
"You likin' her picture on Instagram. I saw that shit."
"Oh." I nodded. "She cute."
"I'on have a pro'lem wit y'all talkin', so that's cool if you do. But she crazy as fuck." I laughed at him. Evre was like the only level headed female I'd ever dealt wit for real. So I wasn't paying attention to nobody calling her crazy. "Nah, I'm serious." He assured. "She'll fuck ya life up."
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