CHRISTIE'S P.O.V
After school, I waited for Alice to leave before catching Matthew and Sara. I scoffed as they thought they could get away with this. I'm certainly not going to let that happen. When they were walking, I sprinted after them before tapping them both on the shoulder. Turning around, I saw there faces. Matt looked like he was going to throw up any minute, whereas Sara had a guilty look.
"A word, my dear friend and best friend?" I politely asked. Sara sighed before nodding, whereas Matt didn't say anything, just followed. We went to the gazebo and I decided to let them tell me in their own time.
"Well seeing as Matt had know idea it was going to happen, I guess I'll explain," I turned to Sara. "Well I played a small trick on Alice, which was me pretending to be Matthew and saying all that 'I'm break up with you' crap," I could feel his glare on Sara as she said it. "But when she spoke to him, I thought I was in trouble. So he decided to tell me about it and then... I just did it. I kissed him," I winced at the way she emphasized the 'sss' in kissed.
I looked at Sara, who was nervously looking at her feet. She wouldn't have done it purposely. Then I turned to Matt. He seemed to be okay. So maybe this was an accident. Maybe this wasn't supposed to happen. Maybe... maybe I am using way too many maybes.
"You know, I could be angry," Sara closed her eyes, prepared for the worst. "But there's nothing to be angry about. It was just a kiss. They happen all the time."
She looked at me, dumbfounded. Before I could inhale another breath, she engaged me into a big, breath-taking hug. And I repeat, breathtaking. I struggled to pull away from her, but luckily Matt saw me try to break free, so he helped. Once being pulled off me, she apologised, before walking home. That left me and Matthew. Great... he started scanning my face, looking at every detail. It was like I was a painting!
"I never asked you this," he muttered before raising his voice, so I could hear. "What do you want to be when you're older?" I was to mesmerised, by his breath taking smile, to respond straight away. But this was more of a figurative breathtaking moment, not literal.
"Well I actually have one thing in mind," I grinned. "When I'm older and have the right qualifications, I want to be a-"
"Teacher?" I looked at him, curious as to how he knew.
"Yeah, how'd you know?" I asked him.
"Well, you're great at handling situations and you're not biased, which is the key to become a great teacher. But also, I remember you going on about it. How you couldn't decide which subject you wanted to specialise in. And when I suggested being a primary teacher, the biggest smile ever came on your face."
I was taken back by what he said. He actually remembered? Even I didn't remember, yet I was aware of having the conversation with someone. I just forgot it was him. How could he remember, was yet a mystery. But what I did know is that I couldn't let him go. Whether we were friends or not, I had to keep him close. However, he misinterpreted the signs as he leaned in. Normal Christie would've caved in, let the kiss happen. But this wasnt right. When he was about to touch my lips, I dodged the bullet. He looked at me, shocked before he started apologising nonstop.
"Listen, now is not the right time. You just came out of a relationship. Im not a rebound. Also, I can't... be with you. The pain that you chose her over me is still there. We can only be friends."
Feeling sympathetic, I placed my hand on his shoulder. But he moved it, making my hand fall to my side. I was confused until I saw it. Anger. One of his baggage was having a bad short temper. I took three steps back, before he punched his hand on the gazebo furiously. His breathing became heavy. His shoulders raised up and down quickly. He was a beast.
"What do you mean we can't be together? We love each other. Isn't that enough? The only girl I've ever cared about was you, yet you always have the trouble of letting me in. Breaking down your walls. That's why I left you for Renee, that's why. But this is just stupid. I thought what we had was real. I thought that you wanted this as much as me. But you really don't. Christiana, I know the odd things about you. Like how you secretly like pink clothes, or how you were crushing on Nick Jonas when he was in Camp Rock 1 and 2. And I know how you'd hate to see your friends turn sour. I even know how you love writing, but was never inspired by your teachers to take it seriously. If I know all that about you, surely you'd know that what we had wasn't a joke!"
"I..." my mouth went dry and nothing could come out.
"You know what, you really are messed up. I've heard how the other girls want to be like you, and how the boys want to date someone like you. But if they really knew you, the comments wouldn't be so nice."
I was still trying to process everything. He cheated on me because of me? Not long ago he said he left me because of him liking someone else. It's not my fault that I couldn't give him everything of me. It's not my fault that I couldn't give up every piece of my dignity. Because if I did, I know I would've been in a more worse state then when he actually dumped me. So I held back my tears. The boy in front of me... he wasn't the boy fell in love with. I guess I've only held onto him because I thought that he would never change. That he would always be the fun, loving, geek I fell for. But this was it. I couldn't hold on. It was time for me to let go of the rope and let Matthew go. He was un a calm state so now was the right time.
"You know..." I started to pace around the gazebo. "You're not in love with me anymore. And I'm not really in love with you too."
"I totally-"
"Am not love with me," I finished his sentence. "Yeah, what we had was real, but now? It's gone. You've changed and so have I. Matt, what do you love about me?" His eyebrow rose in confusion.
"Well I love how you're this total innocent girl who has the time for everyone. I love that you don't try too hard and that you want what's right for everyone."
"You know what that proved?" Tears started to fall from my eyes. "What you just said proved that you don't love me. You love the image of me that you formed from imagination. Because I'm not innocent anymore. I'm not generous all the time. I do try too hard some times. And I'm not always considerate when I do things."
"I don't understand..." he shook his head. "What are you saying?" Honestly, I didn't know myself. But I knew it was something that saved me from heartache.
"I'm saying that what you love about me, isn't about me," nope, still didn't understand myself. "I'm not the same girl from all those years ago. And you're not the same boy that I once knew. We've changed and what we thought we knew about each other is no longer important. Because now... we really don't know anything about each other."
It went really silent. I didn't know what to say, what to do. My face was already covered with tears, but my hands couldn't wipe them. This was going to be hard. Years of history with Matthew was gone. After today, we won't be Christie and Matthew. We'll be... Christie.....and Matthew. I know how humiliating it is to confess your love for someone, only to be turned down. But the difference here was that being with Matthew was addictive. Like a drug. And seeing him with other girls, or the way he played with my feelings made him a very unhealthy drug. He took a seat, his elbows leaning on his thighs and his head rested on his kunckles. He was thinking. And so was I. We were 2 weeks from the last day of school. After that, we'll never see each other.
"So..." I could see tears were started to sting his eyes as one slowly came down his cheek. I walked up to him, kneeled down and wiped it. His eyes drifted from the floor to me. Those baby blue eyes never seem to do anything but make my heart melt. "What now?"
"We um," I took a big swallow, which was hard to do with a lump in my throat. "We can't see each other anymore, okay? I need you to forget me, Matt."
He looked down before looking back at me, with his eyes even more watery. "What if I can't?" He whispered, there was a strain in his voice. He was the one who couldn't let go. I wiped my forehead, before leaving my palm to rest on my cheek.
"You can do it. Just close your eyes and count to 20." He listened and did what I told him to do. This was the hard part. Reluctantly, I got up and silently walked away.
When I got to the gates, I slowly popped my face to see that in the distance, Matthew opened his eyes to see no one there. He sighed before going to a different exit. This was the right thing, right? I repeated multiple times in my head. Surely it was. But why does it feel so wrong? Maybe it feels wrong because I've been too attached to him and I'm finally letting my first love go.