To Be So Lonely // Ben Solo

By xxwinterschildxx

48.2K 1.2K 220

[based on TFA, TLJ, and TROS] in which the woman he can never quite fall out of love with finds her mission i... More

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724 21 0
By xxwinterschildxx

Aboard the Finalizer once more, Ben was notified of a dagger found by the Stormtroopers that was being transcribed. He kept walking briskly, trying to separate himself from them, until they notified him that a Wookie was captured, and not just any Wookie, but his fathers old friend. He thought for a long, tense moment about seeking him out. Ultimately, he did not. He did not have time for words with the Wookie— he had to keep moving.

A droid was transcribing the dagger when Ben found where they were keeping it. The translators said some words about having to find a droid programmed to read ancient Sith language, but Ben was not listening until they gave him the coordinates, the riddle, and then he was off to his quarters with it in tow.

He could not say much more than he had a feeling Chewbacca would not be staying with the First Order long. Whether it be a breakout scheme by Rey and her friends, or Ben releasing him secretly, he knew the dagger needed to return to them for her and her friends to discover the coordinates. He knew not where they were any longer, but he knew he could count on them discovering their next location. If he could beat them to the Death Star remains, destroy the second Wayfinder, Rey would be forced to work with him. He could tell her then, in private, with trust, that he was ready for it all to be over.

Ben found Chewbacca's bowcaster and his sash in his quarters. He slipped the dagger back into his bag. As he brought back his arm, it nudged against the lightsaber on his hip. Ben looked down, where the silver handle was poking out from his cloak. He carefully grabbed Cyra's lightsaber from his waist and held it softly in his hands. With a sigh, he put her lightsaber in his bag as well. He had no idea where it would end up. Somewhere better, he hoped beyond belief, somewhere it could rest, too.

When he returned to the floor, he was notified Rey and the other Resistance members were spotted on Kijimi. Ben asked the Knights to take off after them in a separate ship while the Finalizer caught up. He waited on the Finalizer until they were in Kijimi's orbit to land in the city on his own craft, seeking out Rey on his own, away from the Knights. If he could just get her alone...

Ben parades through the town once, finding no sign of Rey or her friends. His Knights reported no sightings either.

Then, suddenly, as he stepped through the town square, he saw her. Her back was to him, standing out like a sore thumb with her white clothing against the dark town. Her head was cast down, her shoulders tense. He could sense her emotions. Grief, anxiety. Confusion, so deeply, as of late.

"Rey," he said softly, causing her to flinch and raise her weapon at him. He paused. "You are hard to find."

She was angered by the mere sight of him. "You're hard to get rid of."

Ben nodded, almost apologetically. "I needed to see you. I need you to see who you are. I know the rest of your story--"

"You're lying," she said immediately.

"I never lied to you," he refused, his tone laced with hurt at the thought. If there was one thing he had done, it wasn't lie to her. "Your parents were no one. They chose to be to keep you safe."

Rey's forehead came together in refusal, her eyes clenched shut momentarily to ward off the tears. "Don't."

But he had to keep going. "You remember more than you say. I've been in your head."

"I don't want this," Rey gasped, shaking her head.

"Search your memories," tempted Ben.

"No!" Rey yelled, and she swung at him. He dodged it carelessly.

"Remember then. See them. They sold you to protect you," he insisted to her. He just wanted her to remember. To be repulsed with her lineage, like he was, before he showed her a new way to accept it.

"Stop talking!" she snapped, turning away from him, trying to distance herself from him.

"Rey, I know what happened to them," he told her.

She swung her lightsaber again at him. He blocked it, holding her, pushing against her saber, until her grip released and she cut through a bin of berries. They both stepped backwards to avoid stepping on them, but suddenly, he realized that she was not on the same plane he was. They were being connected through the Force.

Ben swung again, taking mean strokes at her, aggravating her as he showed his skill compared to hers. She was not as powerful with the lightsaber when she was angry. All it took was one irritated swing, one swing she didn't think through, and as her lightsaber cut through an object on her plane of existence, and the damaged helmet of his grandfather fell between them, he knew precisely where she was.

He rescinded his lightsaber. Her eyes were wide, knowing that she was caught. "So that's where you are," he muttered, and turned, severing the connection between them.

Ben ran back to his ship. He flew back onto the Finalizer and he waited patiently in the hangar bay closest to his chambers. As Troopers lined the bay behind him, having been on high alert for not only Rey, but her friends as well, Ben waited. He assumed Chewbacca was long gone by now. He cared nothing about them. Only her.

Soon enough, Rey did appear. She was alone, only a lightsaber in her hand. She took in the mass of Troopers behind him, before her eyes settled on him. She took in a breath at the sight of his face. She didn't have to dig deep into his feelings to see the fatigue in his features, the sadness behind his eyes. She knew within seconds why he kept his helmet on. He was so visibly broken.

She stepped closer to him. Far enough to not warrant the Troopers pointing their guns on him, close enough for only him to hear her.

"Why did the Emperor come for me?" she whispered, her eyes lost. She knew without his pushing who her blood belonged to. She had to accept it, but it didn't mean in any sense that she liked it. "Why did he want to kill a child?"

"He saw what you would become," said Ben. He almost smiled at her, remembering his own confused feelings when he found out about his own bloodline. "You don't just have power. You have his power. You are his granddaughter. A Palpatine."

Rey reacted little. It only confirmed what she knew in her memories and in her heart that it was true. Although Chewbacca was alive and safe, she still took innocent lives by destroying that transport. She still lost control, still felt the Dark Side flowing through her so easily and so easily provoked.

"My mother was the daughter of Vader, your father was the son of the Emperor," Ben said, trying to appeal to her. He stepped closer to her, noticing that she allowed it. "But what Palpatine doesn't know is that we are a Dyad in the Force, Rey, two that are one. We'll kill him together. "

Rey's eyes widened. She looked behind him, at the Troopers, as if he had announced it to them. But she was the only one who heard. Ben could have been offering to work together to kill a man who wanted to take his power, that's what the First Order would believe, but she knew better. She could feel him. He didn't want to kill Palpatine for power. It was something else, she knew, and as she stood there and stared at him, trying to push into his head to decipher his emotions, all she could feel was grief.

"Was it him?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Ben's chest started to raise faster. It told her all she needed to know. He didn't have to say it for her to know Palpatine was the one who killed Cyra.

Avoiding talk of her yet again, Ben stuck out his hand to Rey. It was different than the other times he had offered his hand. He was desperate for her help.

"You know what you need to do," he told her, trying to maintain the menacing attitude of Kylo Ren, but Rey was one of the few who could see through him. Kylo was dead the minute Cyra was killed. It was time for Ben Solo to return.

But Rey could not accept his hand, not here. She needed to tell Leia, tell her friends what she discovered about Ben before she blindly worked with him. She nodded. "I do."

Suddenly, there was a whirring sound behind them—engines, engines belonging to the Falcon. The ship turned quickly, exhausting itself to blow back the Troopers. Ben and Rey forced their hands down, holding onto the Force around them to steady themselves.

Rey pushed through the wind generating from the Falcon and sprinted towards it, jumping off the hangar, and catching Finn's outstretched hand as he leaned off of the ramp. They ran up the ramp together, with not so much as a glance back to Ben, but that didn't mean in any sense Rey could take her thoughts away from the truth he admitted to her. Though it wasn't explicitly said, Ben was himself again. There was hope.

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