The clock was ticking and time was going by faster than Ellie or Draco would have liked. Ellie could feel the beating of her heart and compared every beat to that of a clock ticking, completely oblivious, as she sat there on the stairs in the astronomy tower -- leaning against a statue, eyes furiously speeding through words, -- to Draco Malfoy right beside her, almost leaning into her side as he read through the pages of Nikolai's journal with her.
It had been an hour that the pair had been reading, and neither of them knew it, but both of their mouths were dry.
~ ...it's just a legacy is all it is, and I know my parents put a face on, a face that masks what they feel deep down whether they know it or not. They do feel the same as I do, and I know they support what I'm feeling and what I want to become, and they are loyal to Him still. I know I wasn't turned in by them over what happened with Alexander for the sole reason that it's clear I'm the only child of theirs who was destined to follow in my family's footsteps. Mother and Father were loyal before, even the Malfoys are still supporters whether that idiot Draco knows it or not. ~
Ellie and Draco looked at each other at the same time, the Gryffindor girl inhaling softly -- not at how close their faces were, not at how electric and emotional and frightened Draco's eyes looked, but at the simple fact of what had been written by an absolute moron. Ellie kept staring at him for a moment, waiting for the Malfoy boy to say something, but he didn't. All he did was lick his lips in thought, like he was, too, waiting for her to say something. He definitely wasn't going to budge.
Ellie licked her lips too and swallowed, looking down in thought for a moment, feeling her eyebrows crease inwards in confusion.
"There was more than once that Nikolai had shown you and the others a journal, I think it might have been the other one judging by your... reaction to this."
Draco continued to stare at her for a moment with a hard look. Ellie swallowed thickly. Had he regretted showing this to her? It can't have been a set up by Nikolai... Draco wouldn't do that to her... But the look on Draco's face, and his silence, was scaring her. Draco seemed to cotton on to this and softened his eyes, looking away from her. The boy cleared his throat.
"What of it?"
"Well, what was it all about? The journal, I mean. Here all he's been talking about is a legacy and his parents supporting You-Know-Who, and his relatives, and how awesome his dumb ancestors were. Don't get me wrong, it's creepy and all, and it makes me ill, but... there's got to be more," Ellie said quickly.
Draco paused for a moment, and he looked as though he was arguing with himself in his head. "His grandfather's journal. Orlov boasted about it a couple times -- it's all about his grandfather and You-Know-Who, his grandfather being a huge follower and all that rubbish. That's the legacy he's going on about."
It clicked.
"Oh," said Ellie, looking down at Nikolai's journal. It was disturbing to hold it in her hands and she had the sudden urge to drop it. "That makes more sense now."
Ellie chose not to say anything about Draco's family supporting Voldemort. Everybody already knew his father supported him; he was all over the daily prophet last year when He returned. And she definitely didn't want to upset Draco.
~...I can't say much about the Greers. They're secretive. Even Father said they're the most private family he's ever met. Perhaps that's why I've been put forth to wed their empty-headed daughter. Perhaps I've been put to a task. I wonder if Father needs me to find out where the Greers' loyalty lies? With the Dark Lord, or is this family just disposable? Not many would like them being rid of. They're Purebloods. Even the Dark Lord doesn't like disposing of Purebloods.
He'd be proud to read or hear that I've done my research, been so much more inspired by my grandfather who isn't even alive anymore. His journal opened my eyes so much more than they were before. The Dark Lord needs someone like me. I want to be like my grandfather. I'll show Him this someday.
I'll get the Dark Mark inked into my arm as soon as I can.
My Lord, let me prove my devotion to you... Let me prove my worth.-- ~
"I can't read anymore!" Ellie exclaimed, flipping the thick journal shut.
Draco was staring distantly down at his arm, his eyes bigger than they were before. He shook his head and looked at Ellie, shooting her a look of disbelief.
"What did you expect, Greer? That he'd be writing about school crushes and how much he hates his homework? It's Nikolai -- look at how he's treated you," the pale boy scoffed, half his face darkened by the shadows and the other half... the other half just wasn't happy.
Ellie sighed. "I know. I had a feeling, I just hoped that I was wrong. And he's so young, which also attributed to the fact that I also had a feeling -- or just a hope -- that I may have just been exaggerating my thoughts."
Draco nodded slightly, his eyes suddenly looking distant again.
"Besides," Ellie huffed in disbelief, catching the attention of Draco, "what complete noodle-brain even has a journal? How much of an imbecile do you have to be to write that kind of rubbish down for anyone to just nick and read?"
Draco chuckled for a split second, catching Ellie off guard, before he flicked his eyes up to meet hers, pursing his lips. "So... what now then? You've read all about his wet dreams."
Ellie laughed, causing Draco to smirk at her. Her laughter slowly died out when she realised that she didn't know what to do now.
"Should we give this to Dumbledore? We need to give it to someone," Ellie suggested. Draco shook his head at her.
"What's Dumbledore going to do? Send Nikolai to Azkaban for writing about supporting the Dark Lord? Nobody who likes Him gets sent away, only those who act on his orders and are stupid enough to get caught," Draco said with a soft huff. Ellie frowned; she didn't like the way he referred to this evil man as 'the Dark Lord.'
"But he might be able to do something about this!"
"Think about it, Ellie, what he can do?" Draco said, raising his voice slightly. Ellie could see that Draco wasn't angry with her, or annoyed with her, the concern for her in his eyes said otherwise. The Slytherin pursed his lips for a few seconds, his eyes searching Ellie's. "Don't make me regret going behind Nikolai Orlov's back to do this for you. Dumbledore can only do so much over some stupid diary. Nikolai would figure out somehow that I took part in it. And his father... isn't a very nice man, Ellie. One word to his father is all it would take for mine to go down. And me. Do you want that?"
Your father's in Azkaban, what worse could happen to him while he's in there? Ellie wanted to say.
There were so many thoughts and emotions swirling through Ellie's mind and body that it was hard for her to even concentrate... hard for a simple clear thought, a simple clear decision. A simple sentence, even. She stammered for a moment, sighed, and stood from the steps, followed by Draco, who still watched her with fear and concern.
"I understand what you're saying but, come on," Ellie scoffed softly, her disappointment causing her heartbeat to pick up. "Please don't tell me this was all for nothing. It's got to be unheard of for a Hogwarts student to have a Dark Mark, Draco, what if he's got it now? Dumbledore so wouldn't allow Nikolai to attend here anymore if he has the mark. Look at the date it was written. Look -- that's before we even started sixth-year -- August -- 'I'll get that tattoo inked into my arm as soon as I--"
"I know what it says!" Draco grunted, turning his back to her and walking a couple steps forward, his hand raised to his mouth.
Ellie suddenly grew agitated and stalked up to him, even so as he had his back to her.
"I understand this might be scary for you, Malfoy, but I have to marry him!" she snapped at him. He turned around and watched her with narrowed eyes. "Me! I'll have to be alone with him, behind closed doors...it frightens me to think of what could happen in those moments, so excuse me if I want--"
"If you want to do things like tell Dumbledore?" Draco poked at her mockingly. Ellie could feel her shoulders sag with hopelessness. "He can't help! Use your brain, what can he do? Send the journal to the Ministry, have them scan over it... oh, it's just a little boys journal he'll grow out of whatever he's going on about. No evidence here. He can have his journal back, Dumbledore, that was pointless."
"You make me feel so hopeless, Draco..." Ellie whispered.
"Well, you have no idea how hopeless you make me feel," replied Draco, in a simple voice. He dropped the sour look on his face and sighed. "You're wrong and you know it."
"What?"
"You don't have to marry him. You don't have to be alone with him. Your parents have probably just been trying to scare you into thinking you've got no choice but to go through with it, but you'll be of age at that point and free to do as you like. This is all stupid, Ellie. And for the last year, maybe you've just been overthinking all of this and scaring yourself as well."
Ellie shook her head and looked down, doing exactly what Draco said she was probably doing for the last year: overthink. "And what if you're wrong? I'm not gonna just sit back and do nothing if there's a chance that it is real and I do have to."
"Tell me, what's everyone gonna do when you say no? Drag you out of bed, shove you in your pretty white dress and somehow force you to say I do?"
Ellie vividly remembered Silas saying something similar to this.
"Please stop..." Ellie said quietly. "This is giving me a headache."
Draco seemed to realise that all of what he was saying was making the redhead feel lost with no direction to go thereafter. He sighed and, though clearly reluctantly, said, "I'm sorry."
It was clear he had a ton more to say about the matter.
Ellie's mind began to feel numb yet fuzzy at the same time and she could feel her hands begin to shake. The beating of her heart had picked up so much by now that it felt abnormal, like her heart would soon beat so hard that it would poke out of her chest... Her chest, oh it hurt so, so bad. Were these palpitations? And was it normal to sweat this much just by standing still in a cool evening?
Ellie felt Draco's hand swipe at hers before it grabbed it and tugged, and he was saying her name questioningly, but she couldn't even focus on that. She had never experienced any feeling like this before... never had to breathe so loud and hard because she feared she wouldn't be able to soon.
"Come on, Ellie, let's take a short walk around the tower," Draco said softly, gently pulling on her hand. He lingered it over hers for a moment after pulling it, and Ellie gripped it, which made him grip her hand back. "And keep taking deep breaths maybe..."
Even through Ellie's intense fear, and intense emotions, and intense everything, she could tell that Draco had no idea what he was doing, but obviously hoped that he was doing something right... or did he know?
Ellie's shortness of breath kept her feeling as though she was struggling to intake air the more she exhaled. "I think I'm having a panic attack... Please take me back to my dorm."
"I realise that," Draco responded, his voice shaky. "Is it okay to --"
Draco cut himself off for a moment and gestured with his free arm, silently asking her if it was alright to hug her. Ellie didn't say anything, just stood there breathing in deep and slow, feeling her heart slow a little, before walking into Draco's embrace and feeling his arms wrap around her, rubbing her back.
Ellie didn't think it would help at all. A hug seemed like it would've made her feel trapped with no way to breathe. But her fear disappeared in the span of a couple seconds.
"Tell you what," Draco started, his arms still wrapped around Ellie, and hers wrapped around him. "We'll think on what to do... alright?"
Ellie nodded, feeling herself tremble slightly.
"In the meantime, this journal needs to go back where it was before."
Ellie nodded again.
"I can't just protect you forever, you know?" Draco whispered into Ellie's hair.
"Don't worry about that. It's Nikolai who needs protecting."