August 20, 1993
Pune
"Hey! I was just coming over to have a word with Kaka about—" Arnav paused as he saw Khushi standing in front of him, looking like a million bucks. "—are you going out somewhere?"
He had been standing at her doorstep, about to ring the doorbell when she had opened the door. Despite making a conscious effort to not stare at her blatantly of late, he winded up doing precisely that at that moment. She looked stunning in black leggings and a simple turmeric yellow kurti. The colour suited her, bringing about radiance to her persona. He saw her hair left open and drew in a shaky breath. But more than anything else, the thing that always drew his attention of late was the kohl in her eyes. The weird part was that he just couldn't remember the time when she had started wearing it. And now, whenever she did, it transformed her face — from gentle to a vibrant one or —even spicy? It enhanced the shape of her light brown eyes, rendering them even more expressive and beautiful. For some reason, the kurti was making her eyes look smokier or was it her face that looked more alluring? Whatever the reason, she had no idea of how beautiful she was looking right now —absolutely no idea!
"Baba is in his room reading a book. You can see him now. I was just stepping out to meet Kabs." Khushi replied as she wrapped her scarf around her neck, which would then go round her head once she was on the road.
"With Kabir —at this hour? It's 8 pm! Kaka allowed you to step out?" Arnav asked, surprised and slightly irked.
"Shhh! I fed him an entertaining yet compelling story. I think he bought it. But I got to be back in an hour." Khushi whispered near his ears.
The moment she leaned in, his heart skipped a bit. She was standing close to him, the mild whiff of her summery perfume and the fruity smell of her shampooed hair hit him at the same time, buzzing his senses. Every passing day, he noticed a new thing about her. With every moment he spent with her, it was getting challenging to rein in his feelings. Over the months, he had grown adept at concealing them from her, but lately, it was wearing him out, more so with his impending travel to London.
"Why? What's going on?" Arnav whispered back, stealing a glance at her lower lip which was caught under her teeth.
"A new girl, after a long time. I am all excited!" Khushi whispered with a twinkle in her eyes.
Arnav was surprised. Despite being close to Kabir, he didn't remember a single moment where there was a mention of any girl that he was interested in. Why was he always the last one to know of his interests?
"That is number two in two years. And I am not counting the crushes and little flings, especially now that he plays the guitar! I hope for his sake that this one stays for more than one week!" Arnav smiled.
"I hope so too, Arnav." Khushi smiled back.
"The guy never tells me anything, and neither do you Khush! What the hell?"
"Arey! Do you need to be informed of everything that happens with everyone?! Kahin ke maharaja ho? Besides, it is always better to ask a girl about a girl. It's between him and me. You might be close to him, but I am closer!" Khushi spoke to him, flicking the tip of her nose with her finger in the air.
"I see. So tell me Khush, how does it feel being very very very close to a monkey??" Arnav asked, mirth dancing in his eyes
"Simple! All I have to do is come close to you to see how it —" She stopped mid-sentence when she realised that his eyes had lost the amusement and the light orbs had turned a shade darker. She looked away quickly and fumbled in her handbag for her house keys.
"St-stop calling him a monkey, Arnav! He is an amazing guy. I know his ways are all weird and brattish, but inside, he has the softest heart. We both know it."
"Wow, the defence lawyer for Kabir is ready with her sword to fight the world!"
She frowned. "Very funny! And don't make fun of him in front of me, Arnav. I don't like it. Not everyone is as perfect as you are! There are mere mortals like him and me in this world too!" Khushi spoke with a slight irritation in her voice.
Something about the way she said it, irked him. He wasn't expecting her to react this way. He knew she and Kabir were close, but not close enough to warrant this kind of reaction. It felt like they were together as a team, and he was an outsider. The thought disturbed him, but he masked it.
"Who said you are not perfect?" He asked, looking straight into her eyes.
The question hung in the air between them. The look on her face changed the moment he uttered the words. She stared at him for a moment and recovered quickly.
"Want to check with my mum?" She giggled and waved him goodbye.
Arnav was pensive as he watched her leave. Why would Kabir hide this from him? He stood still outside her door, troubled, unable to understand the need for this secrecy. He had come to meet her father for some work but decided against it and went back home.
***
"Where on earth are we going? You just missed the turn, Kabs!" Khushi asked Kabir as she saw them pass by the restaurant they were supposed to meet his friend. Girl Friend!
"Relax Khush. There was a last-minute change in the venue. I am taking you to this jhakaas new restaurant. You will love it! She will come there." Kabir replied as he made his way through the evening traffic
"Kabs, my father will kill me. This whole thing better be quick. Why the hell didn't you tell me about this before? We could have done this some other time!" Khushi muttered nervously looking at her watch.
"Almost there Khush, next turn and we are at the restaurant."
They passed a huge roundabout and turned into a road that looked like it was cut out from a forest. The restaurant they parked in front of seemed almost like a farmhouse.
"Holy cow! This place is beautiful, Kabs!" Khushi squealed as they walked through the marbled lobby of the restaurant.
Kabir walked towards the reception desk and spoke to the receptionist. She pointed them towards the garden, and they walked towards it, taking in the interiors as they passed by the enormous main lounge. Huge windows with large embroidered curtains, dark coffee coloured candlelit tables, soft instrumental old Bollywood music— she loved it all!
"I am glad you like it. It is a new startup by my friend, his father technically. Remember my friend, the snobby Aarav? The loaded guy with nothing else to worry about in life?" Kabir chuckled as he saw her eyes gleam with excitement.
An attendant ushered them to a table in the garden area through a stone path near a huge pond. There were over a score of glittering diyas floating over the water illuminating the entire space around it, a sight which left Khushi awe-struck.
"Do they light these every day, Kabs?" Khushi asked him softly, staring at the golden lights flickering over the water body in semi-darkness.
"How can simple stupid things like these make you so happy and excited, Khush?" Kabir chuckled, staring at her face.
"You won't understand it. It is a beautiful sight, Kabs! A sight that makes your heart happy." She smiled. "Where is your friend? I mean your old snobby Aarav? Is he here? I would like to tell him how wonderful this place is and pat his back for the amazing layout and design of this garden! Besides, I can see this as our new adda! I am definitely coming here again." Khushi sat down on a chair and looked around the place in a daze.
"Adda? In this forest? You got to be kidding me! And who will come this far?"
"Shut up! When was the inauguration of this place? Is it very new? Can I look around? Is this thing a part of a forest or something? Just look at the green here, Kabs! I love those small machans set up on those trees! Can one go up there? Or is it just —"
"—Okay, stop! My head is buzzing with so many questions! One at a time, alright?" Kabir smiled as he pulled out a cassette from his pocket and handed it over to her.
"What is this?" Khushi asked, staring at the cassette a little confused.
"Arey kuchh nahin. This is the combination you wanted. Remember you mentioned you had wanted the entire collection of Roxette and Genesis on one tape? I had got it recorded a few days ago. Forgot to give it to you."
"Holy mother of God! Thank you so much, Kabby boy! All this in return for checking your girl out?" Khushi winked with a tongue in her cheek.
Kabir got to his feet suddenly. "Let' s—-mmm let us just walk around. I'll show you something you will love more than that cassette." He pulled her up to her feet and ushered her towards a large glowing hut draped in bright antique lanterns and fairy lights.
"O Sir ji! Let me remind you again. We don't have a lot of time for this. And where the hell is your Sanaya? Look, if she can't get here on time, I will have to —Oh wow, Kabs! This looks like a beautiful mountain hut!" Khushi kept chattering as she entered the hut followed by Kabir. "You know the ones where—"
"There is no Sanaya."
Khushi stopped mid-stride and turned around to face him. "Sorry?" She narrowed her eyes at him, watching his face glow in the brightness of the fairy lights.
"You heard me, Khush. There is no Sanaya." He said, looking down at the lawn under his feet, appearing very nervous.
"Kabir, what on earth! If there is no—" Khushi stopped talking midway as the realisation dawned on her. "Oh."
"There is no Sanaya because there has always been only one girl in my life, and that girl is you, Khush." Kabir said as he finally lifted his face to look into her eyes. "I don't know how, when and for how long—but this is it, really. You are the one, Khush."
Khushi stood there dumbfounded with a blank stare on her face, as though she had heard him wrong.
"I have wanted to tell you this, but you are never available, you know. Always surrounded by friends or your music. You and I never spend that kind of time together and —I have been looking for an opportunity to find some alone time with you and—"
"So you tricked me?"
"Would you have come if I had told you?" Kabir questioned her with a pained expression on his face.
"That doesn't clear it, Kabir! I came here for you and Sanaya, and — what are you saying? How—"
"I am sorry. There is no Sanaya. And there was no other way to bring you here. I have been burning in this feeling for a while now, Khush. I had to tell you. I am—I have been meaning to tell you this for a long time but—himmat nahin hui. But now it's suffocating me."
"And so you bring me here, late in the night to tell me this? And how? I am sorry, but I am shocked right now and pardon me if I ramble but Kabir, you are a whole year younger to me! How can—I am so sorry, but this won't work. Wait! Why the hell are we even talking about this?"
"And age should be the deciding factor? Seriously?" Kabir asked incredulously.
"Hell, yes! It makes a difference because it is not about age. It is how I have always looked at you because of that age! You've been my young friend and —and I can't—how can you even think—" Khushi swallowed the lump in her throat.
"You are the only person who cares for me and understands me, Khush. You always have. You are perfect to me." He said in a voice barely audible to her ears.
The way Kabir said those words melted her heart. She felt his pain and wondered how this had happened. How could he have thought of her in that way? Was she doing something wrong that had made him— "And I always will care for you, Kabir, and will understand you even if the world doesn't. But what you are asking of me is just —I am sorry I can't!"
Khushi realised that Kabir had been standing very close to her in the hut. He was a tall and broad-shouldered guy for his age. Being a fitness freak, he was muscular with an almost perfectly symmetrical face, tousled curly hair and dark eyes. She felt intimidated as he suddenly stepped into her comfort space, the soft expression over his face evaporating the moment she uttered those words.
"And at this moment, I don't know what I am more upset about, Kabir. The fact that you tricked me and brought me here —" Khushi took a step back from him." —or the fact that there is no Sanaya or the fact that you have—"
"Don't make this an issue because it isn't! There was no other way of bringing you here, and you know it. And trust me, I am not kidding about my feelings, Khush." Kabir sounded slightly irritated by the distance she had deliberately put between them.
"Even if I trust your words, honestly, I don't think you are ready for any serious relationship right now. It's simple, Kabir. You have a reputation that follows you everywhere. Though I know you well, sometimes I don't understand you or the things you do. You've never been serious about anything you do in your life, and now you are trying this with me knowing —"
"I am not trying anything with you!" Kabir bit out in frustration. "You know me, Khush! You know it all. There have been a few crushes, but I was never serious about anyone. But trust me, I am serious about you. You are that girl who can make me a better man. You are that—"
"God, please don't do this to me!" Khushi finally snapped at him. "What are you trying to say? That if I say no, you would never be a better man in life? What rubbish is this, Kabir! Stop pulling this Bollywood shit on me, okay? "
"At least give me a chance, Khush! I can be the man you want me to be! With you beside me, I can change—"
"You are looking at me like I am some shrink who is going to help you resolve all your issues in life! How can I help you, Kabir? It's you who has to bring about that change in yourself!! We are good friends, we always have been. Let's not screw this up, please. God, why are you doing this?"
"Because I have fallen in love with you, Khush! And it wasn't a decision, it just happened. The realisation made me get serious about my life. I know the kind of girl you are, and I have already started making changes in my life. I want you to look at me the way you look—"
"Stop it!" Khushi had had enough. The fact that he had tricked and brought her here for this had started to infuriate her with every passing minute. "With the stunt you've pulled on me today evening to just get some time with me when you know my father could kill me if I don't go back home in time, shows how responsible and serious you are about everything, Kabir! This is about you! You haven't thought about me!" Khushi moved away from him. "Can we just leave right now? I want to go home, and I mean, right now!" She glared at him and started walking towards the door of the hut.
In a few quick steps, Kabir was standing in front of her, holding her firmly by her shoulders. Khushi bristled with the sudden contact. By the time she figured out what was happening, she felt his fingers slowly move to her cheeks as her eyes met his imploring ones. "I have thought of you every single night and day of my life. I've thought about us. I have thought this through. I want this with you Khush. I want you in my life. God, I want you so much!"
"Please, Kabir!" Khushi pleaded as dread filled her veins and fear clawed in staring at the gleam in his eyes. She tried to get away from him. "Let's just go home. I am getting late. Baba won't appreciate the delay."
His strong hands didn't allow her movement. His thumb caressed her cheek and her lips lightly as he kept looking into her eyes. Ice filled her veins as she felt his fingers move over her lips, and her instinct was prompting her to push him away and run. But she was frozen on the spot, unable to move or talk.
"I know you like me, Khush. I see how you are with me, and I know I haven't read you wrong. You don't realise it now, but you will eventually. Just trust me and give us one chance. You won't be disappointed. I promise. One chance to prove myself." Kabir pleaded with all his heart.
Fear gripped her heart as she saw his softened face staring at her with a glint of emotion in his eyes which she couldn't decipher, but she didn't show it on her face. Khushi looked at him one last time, took a long breath and let out an understanding sigh as she nodded her head. "Okay." She said flatly, trying to control the tremor in her voice.
"Okay?"Kabir stood stunned, disbelief written all over his face. His heart hammered as the word stole his breath. "Are you saying what I think you are saying?"
"Yes. But first, please take me home, Kabir. Please."
Kabir pulled her towards him in a tight hug, and she froze in his arms. Seconds passed by slowly and painfully, and she counted each one of them holding her breath. He smelled of cigarette, and she felt suffocated. She didn't move a muscle. She didn't say a word. She just waited for it to be over.
"Thank you. Thank you so much."Kabir said pulling away from her. "We will be fine, Khush. I won't give you a chance to complain ever. I promise." He promised her holding her chin with his index finger.
Khushi feigned a smile as they walked out of the restaurant towards the bike. She rode back with him in silence while Kabir happily yapped about everything under the sun. He was over the moon and couldn't stop laughing or talking. Khushi finally released a long breath of relief when they reached their building. She jumped off the bike and ran towards her house without saying a word or looking back at a smiling Kabir.
*****
Kabir woke up with a smile on his face the next day. The morning felt light as if some weight on his chest had been taken off, allowing him to breathe easy. He got up and decided to go for a jog. Today he would break his previous record, he thought happily.
As he brushed his teeth, he wondered what Khushi would be doing right now. A smile lit up his face with her thoughts. The way she had looked yesterday evening, her smoky eyes lined with kohl, her hair— she was beautiful, in so many ways. Even a blind man would fall for her, he mused, for her beauty was not just physical. The warmth inside her heart could reach people and absorb anybody into her world very easily.
Khushi made everyone around her feel comfortable, but she always made him feel extra comfortable. She made him feel wanted. She made him feel important. She always listened to what he had to say and never left him alone. She never made fun of him. She was always a buddy to him, a party to all his pranks and mischiefs. When the world pointed fingers at him, she always defended him. She was his angel, almost God sent. She was everything he needed.
And now she was willing to share her life with him! Of course, she had to do all the drama before she finally agreed, he mused fondly. She loved him! Why else would she give him a chance? How did he not read into these things she did for him all this while? He had mistaken it for friendship! How stupid could he have been? She had always loved him and had no reservations in expressing it in so many ways. How could he have not seen it? But that talk about he being a year younger to her irked him. Had that held her back from confessing her feelings to him? Did she believe it was a reason good enough to not hope for a relationship between them? When did age ever matter in love? Silly girl! But now, his girl. His to be forever. Kabir and Khushi. The names felt like they were made for each other. He felt his heartbeat double up speed with the thought. This girl was going to drive him crazy someday. Her thoughts didn't leave him for a second! How was he going to function at this rate! He laughed at himself and got ready for a day full of hope and promises and things to do.
A couple of hours later, a very impatient Kabir was ringing Khushi's home doorbell. He had thought about nothing else but her since morning. There was an excitement and a pang of growing hunger in him to spend some time with her. "Khushi hain?" Kabir paused, "Sorry! Namaste, Kaki. Is Khushi home?" He asked Anagha, looking around for any trace of the girl who had made him lose his mind since morning.
"No, beta. She left for college a while ago. Come in, would you like to have lunch?" Aai asked him with a smile on her face.
"No, thank you. I just had brunch. I saw her bike downstairs and thought—anyway. I'll come over some other time."
Kabir smiled and left a bit disappointed. Payal must've picked her up today, he thought. He would need to know Khushi's schedule now. They would have to plan their meetings, their calls and their—the thoughts made him crave for her. He couldn't wait to see her anymore.
***
Khushi walked out of her bedroom a few minutes after Kabir left. She walked into the kitchen with Aai following her with a thousand questions in her head.
"What's going on, Mithhoo? What was that about?" Aai asked with concern in her voice. "Why were you hiding inside?"
"You know how me and Kabir are, Aai. We fought ugly, and I don't know if or when this issue will resolve. At the moment, I would rather zip my mouth. You know how I talk when I am angry. I might say something more than I should and regret it later." Khushi explained digging into the poori bhaji her mother had made for lunch.
"When are you both going to grow up, Mithhoo?"
"Arey! I am not the only one to blame here!" She pouted childlike, looking at her mother.
Khushi managed to mask her feelings well and carried on with her life in front of everyone. The fact was, she didn't know how to handle this situation. She hadn't expected Kabir to do something like that, and the way he had suddenly touched her inappropriately had given her the fright of her life. She had known him for many years but had never seen this side of him. She couldn't understand what had suddenly changed between them and made him think about her in that way. Baffled and disturbed by his behaviour, her first instinct had been to stay away from him as much as possible. And that is precisely what she did in the days that followed.