My other three apologies this week, using the same language that Chloe accepted by Chloe and Kendall ignored, were less dramatic. Given the circumstances, I couldn't have asked for better reactions.
Alexis Martin changed her nickname to Alex to distance herself from her embarrassingly low score. She threw the most heat back at me. I took every word she hurled and apologized again. Her blue eyes were wild with untamed emotion, her chest heaved with raspy breaths, and her lips parted. After my third mumbled, "I'm sorry," her mouth snapped closed, her eyes studied me for a few tense moments outside her English class, and she nodded.
Janelle Thoms filled her water bottle at a fountain and tossed it in my face. I ran one hand over the drips that tickled my cheeks, apologized again, and she mumbled back she hadn't expected that and stomped away.
Christina Torres was the most difficult to speak with. Her friends erected a security circle around her. Once I apologized to each of them, Christina stood with tears streaming down her cheeks. It was enough of a reaction that one of her friends slugged me in the gut. I clutched the sore area while they escorted her away without a glance back.
"Guess I deserved that," I mumbled to their retreating high-fives and over-the-shoulder glares at me. I tried.
By Wednesday, the 'Logan Hightower apology tour' gossip thankfully was wiped out by game excitement. I used the same leverage and benched Bryce and everyone else whose mouth spewed the word 'game' that wasn't referring to Friday's matchup. Coach Williams raised an eyebrow at six guys riding the bench by Thursday's practice, but they got the hint without me punching anyone. I told Coach a personal conduct issue had come to my attention and required me to handle it myself. Once I promised they'd play, he took my word with a silent nod. I'd never prevent them from playing in a game but ensured each benched ass squired from uncertainty if they played.
"Bold move," Josh teased and tipped his sweat-soaked head to the clean guys scowling and holding up the wall while the rest of us changed. I grunted and shook my head. Being manipulative and exploiting their weakness to force compliance was uncomfortable for me. I didn't want to be a militant, 'my way or get off the team' guy, but they'd forced my hand and shot my patience to shit.
I scrubbed my damp hair with a towel and grabbed my phone. "Thanks for the reminder."
Me: No more games, guys. Focus on the season. Scholarships.
The team, coaches, and staff knew the weight of this Friday's game. Our rivalry against Santa Cruz was critical to the school, the community, and the guys. Recruiters from multiple colleges were coming, including UCLA and USC. Most guys were interested in one or both powerhouse football programs.
Most, but not me. I hadn't told anyone, including Mom, about my early admission applications for Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and Cornell. The Admissions offices were surprised, but all four Athletic Departments were interested. Based on my conversation with Ellie, her applications were also submitted.
"There's my beautiful girl." I blinked out of my thoughts when Josh wrapped his arms around Ava and pulled her into a kiss.
Dressed in her black and maroon cheer tracksuit, she broke off with a pout. "How are you sweaty if you just showered?"
"There's no off switch, Ava." I dragged the back of my hand over my damp forehead.
My laugh dried up when Josh kissed her again. "You like me sweaty, babe."
There's my leave cue. I passed their PDA and groaned. "Goodnight, lovebirds."
"Logan, wait!" Ava tugged on my arm, her eyes glittering in gossip collection mode. "Your Homecoming date! Who -"
"I asked someone already."
"You did!?" She released a squeal high enough to shatter glass. Her loud gasp suggested Josh kept Ellie a secret for now. I didn't have the... persuasion techniques over him that she did. "How did you ask? Was she surprised? What sweet, romantic gesture did you use?"
"Huh?" I shook my head at the stupid-ass efforts Josh went through, a public display in the cafeteria for his girlfriend of two years. He got the marching band to play her favorite song and showed up with a sign asking her. If I hadn't known he'd gotten laid for that effort, I would've-
"So, how did you ask!?" Ava stomped her foot. "Where were you?"
Good question. I rubbed the back of my neck and shifted my weight between my feet. "We were at the beach, and -"
"And? And!? I need details! Day, sunset? Was she excited? Did she cry? And who the fuck is this Mystery Girl!?"
I squeezed the back of my neck. A sunset and crying were involved, and I asked Ellie... Did I ask her? "I said I wanted to take her."
A small hand swatted my chest. Mosquitoes hit harder than Ava, but I pretended to flinch back a wounded man. Her screech though pierced my ear and made me wince. Josh stood still, flipping through his phone and probably deaf by now. "Logan Alexander Hightower! Do you like this girl?"
I wasn't sure where this line of questioning was headed, but it sounded like a trap. "Uhhh... yes?"
Ava's hands met her jutted-out hip, and she glared at me. "I'm beginning to doubt Mystery Girl exists, but if she does, your giant dumb butt needs to ask her properly!"
"Now?" I blinked. Josh's smirk down at his phone was no help. "She's at work, so no."
"Then you ask her tomorrow!" Ava pulled out her phone and set a 'Logan HoCo reminder' on her calendar. "Oh gosh, what if she's worried you don't want to take her? And she says yes to someone else. You could've blown your chance! Right, Josh?"
"Blown shot," he muttered without a lookup. "Travesty."
Ridiculous. None of what Ava said was a possibility. Given Ellie's week, Homecoming was probably the last thing on her mind. She also probably had a line of guys who wanted to kiss her to take her, but not with Jake on bouncer duty. "I got it, Ava." She had a point; the last person I needed to talk to before Ellie was Jake. We'd never be friends, given whatever beef the guy had with me, but I wanted to let him know my intentions with Ellie. Although I doubted he would listen, he deserved to know upfront.
I wasn't going anywhere unless she kicked me out of her life.
Me: Jake, this is Logan Hightower.
Me: I need to talk to you.
Surprisingly, he responded on Friday before lunch. I wasn't surprised at his reaction.
AngerDanger: Fuck off. Looking forward to seeing you lose and cry about it on Friday. If I see you between now and then, you won't have my sister to keep me from smashing your face in. Nothing to say to you, asshole.
Charming. Stubbornness was a Harrison family trait, and I much preferred Ellie's quieter form. For the record, I hadn't cried after I lost a game since I was ten, not that Harrison knew. I dragged a hand through my hair and sighed. We had to do this the hard way, face to face.
My week of apologies was a "swear I'll come out a better person" moment. I hoped my efforts were enough to impress her. Hopefully, they were enough that she trusted me. Between apologies and a lot of self-loathing, soul-searching, rock-bottom introverted thoughts, I thought about her a lot. My chest tightened about her charity, and, as much as I wanted to talk to Ellie, I left her alone to maximize her privacy.
Let's see if the other Harrison was in a better mood. She'd be at the game tonight, and I wanted to see her afterward. Correction, I needed to see her afterward.
Thanks to her reminder, Ava barked at me again for not asking Ellie directly about Homecoming, so I scribbled a note and texted her. After the inevitable upcoming shitshow with her brother, I owed Ellie a proper date. She'd said she'd give me a do-over, but I wanted that yes in person. A brief fly-by moment before her brother punched me and I saw her ridiculous-but-cute-on-her work uniform wasn't enough.
Ellie: Not sure how your school will react if you bring Ellie Harrison though.
Ellie. I traced those five letters with my thumb and grinned like a fool. Ellie Harrison, not Elle. Fuck, my heart tingled, then dropped in my chest, then pounded faster beats. It exploded relief and surged happiness through me, lightening the heavy ache in my chest all week. I couldn't stop grinning so hard that my cheeks pinched. She had that effect, but fuck, I didn't care.
Me: Ellie. 😊 I wish I could kiss you now.
I tucked away my phone for class, checking it as if that produced her answer, but none came. Thirty minutes became an hour with no response from her. In case she checked her phone before the game, I wanted her to get an apology too.
Me: You there baby? Guess not.
Me: In case I don't see you until after the game, I've been apologizing this week. I am trying to make things right. Easier said than done, but I deserve it.
Me: You're my last apology: I'm sorry, Ellie. For everything. I hope to make it up to you and someday I'll have earned your trust. ❤️
Brody: Jake trashed Elle's phone.
I choked on my pre-game banana, read, and reread Brody's message. Why the fuck would he do that? Was that why Ellie hadn't responded? Had she not gotten my apology?
Me: Why?
Brody: You.
Fuck, this was bad. And this distance didn't help. Was she okay? Breaking a phone took more than a simple drop on the floor. Who did that, and to his sister? Did he see our conversation? He must have. It explained why I got her voicemail every time I called after school. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a few deep breaths to calm the tightness taking over my chest.
Brody's update made me leap into action. I grabbed my bag and drove with my foot pressing the accelerator flat. The stadium clock showed I was thirty minutes early when I needed to report to the visitor's side, but I mumbled to Santa Cruz's locker room door, "I am insane."
After Jake's initial "fuck off" response to my text, he ignored my subsequent calls and texts, so a face-to-face confrontation was my only option. I squeezed my gear bag's strap on my shoulder and palmed the metal door. Bleach-based floor cleaner mixed with body odor hit me first.
"Can I help you, son? You look a little lost." A cross-looking assistant coach in a red polo shirt with a Cardinals' logo, khaki pants, and a gray-haired flat-top haircut greeted me six inches inside.
"I need to see someone," I said.
His narrow-eyed look screamed the only place I was going was back outside, but thankfully Brody's head popped out between two rows of lockers. His eyes and voice filled with confusion. "Logan? You shouldn't be in here."
"After what you told me?" I blinked and stated the obvious, "I need to be."
"I didn't think you'd show up," Brody mumbled. "Here-here."
My voice tightened into an unrecognizable sound, bitter and detached, and I squeezed my bag's strap on my shoulder. "Where is he?"
"Hold up." The coach jerked a thumb at me. "You know this guy, McCallister?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "Logan's my older brother. I-I'll stay with him while he's in here."
"If you say so, McCallister. Remember, any bullshit, stupid shit, or plain shit-shit is on your head. Got it?" Coach Skeptical finished his 'leave your shit outside' speech with his eye slits directed at Brody.
"Yes, Coach. Get it, got it, he's good," Brody said.
"Mmm-hmm." Coach Skeptical frowned, standing at the door like a bouncer. He crossed two meaty arms covered with faded ink and glared eye daggers at me.
"I need to talk to Jake." I approached Brody, half-dressed in his red pants, white Under Armor shirt, and no pads. "Now."
"Is this about Elle?" he asked. I nodded, but my cheeks tensed from my clenched jaw. "Bad idea."
His head shook to warn me against what I knew was a stupid decision. But I committed myself to see it through since I slammed Mom's house door behind me. "He's been extra pissed off since he got here. We've all kinda avoided him since he broke Ellie's phone."
I scanned around the locker room space but saw no signs of Jake. "Do you know if Ellie's alright?" Jake needed to get his temper under control, for Ellie's sake, if not his own. The source being the deep desire to protect her wasn't a good enough excuse. No one deserved to be Jake's punching bag, especially not her.
"I don't know." Brody's eyes flickered a shade darker. "No one's seen her since it happened. Jake won't say a word. She was crying hard."
My fists tightened at the thought of Ellie being upset, especially at her brother's hand. I couldn't do a fucking thing about that right now. None of what Brody said changed what I needed to talk to Jake about, so I looked him straight in the eyes. "I need to talk to him. Now."
Brody sighed and pointed down a hall past the lockers. "He's on a bike."
I followed the hall to their conditioning room. Shocked and wary looks greeted me on the guys' faces that turned in my direction. "Get out" and "Wrong side, asshole" comments glanced off my ears. Dressed in casual workout gear, Jake warmed up his legs on an exercise bike. His head was low, earbuds were in his ears, and he held a white-knuckled grip on the handles. His hair, dark brown like Ellie's, hung down over his forehead and hid his face except for his forehead and the bridge of his nose.
The room stilled when he lifted his head. A frowning scowl tightened his jawline. Within a blink, his eyes darkened, his lips pressed into a firm line, and his facial expression shifted to enraged anger. He jumped off, ripped the cords from his ears, and took long steps to me. I braced my stomach, his hands fisted my T-shirt at my chest, and he slammed my back against the wall.
Shit, again? I looked over his shoulder at Jake's teammates. They stood and slipped out. Cowards. His dark eyes glared hot enough to burn me on the spot if possible. Jake wanted my existence obliterated with one look, and I swallowed. He couldn't hit me before a game in front of witnesses.
"Hightower," he warned in a low, threatening tone. "Get the fuck out of here. Showing up before the game, that's-"
"I'm not here about the game." I put my hands over his fists and pushed him off. He was strong and angry, but I was strong, stubborn, and possibly a bit stupid. Fine, I was the head of the stupid department. We could thank his sister for that. My cool, even tone had zero effect on the fire that burned in his dark irises, identical at first glance to Ellie's but so different based on the person behind them. "I want to talk to you about Ellie."
"Ellie," he echoed. Venom soaked his words as he spat, "You don't deserve to call her that. Or even breathe the same air as she does. You fucking piece-"
"Ellie's allowed to make her own decisions, Jake." Irritation clipped my tone short, but I took a slow breath. We needed to stay calm and level-headed and his enraged Hulk breathing didn't help. "It's her life and her feelings."
"Her feelings are what I'm fucking worried about." He stepped closer until his chest was an inch from mine. It pitched with sharp, uneven breaths. Within the waves of heat, an aura of angry tension radiated off him. The blocked muscles in his arms were strained enough the veins protruded, and his face flushed red. Textbook bully before he punished a victim. "I tried to warn you to stay the fuck away from her, but you don't seem to listen very well."
"Jake, I'm not going to stay away." My voice was low but steady as I looked him straight in the eye. I took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in my throat. "I can't. Not anymore. Because no matter what you say or do..."
"I'm in love with Ellie."
Oh, fuck. Did I say that? I did. By the soaring sensation in my heart, I meant those words but fuck, they weren't for him. My confession, given to the wrong person, rendered Jake still. His eyes widened with flickers of disbelief and his mouth parted in more hot, angry breaths. "Don't. Fucking. Say. Her Name." Within one breath, his muscles from shoulders to wrists tightened again, with the fists he balled at his sides.
"I don't expect you to believe me, but I am." I lifted my hands, palms first. "If it'd make you feel better, then go ahead and hit me aga-"
Crack!
This time, I heard Jake's punch before I felt its contact. His fist connected with my left eye socket like a ton of bricks collided with my face. The blow pitched my head to the side, and a metallic taste burst onto my tongue not from his blow but from where I bit the inside of my cheek. I grunted and hunched over. A ringing sound pierced my ears, then faded into throbbing pain radiating over the upper left side of my face.
Served me right. I didn't think he'd actually do it. Who was I kidding? Of course, he'd hit me again. I palmed my eye socket and blinked against the blurriness in that eye. The black mat flooring came back into focus under the toes of Jake's white athletic shoes.
"You think you're any different than every other asshole who tells me the same bullshit to try and sleep with her?" his deep voice issued a demand over me. "You think I won't beat your ass like anyone else who tries to shoot their shot?"
"Yeah, I do." I tucked my chin into my chest, mumbling to the floor more than Jake but I was serious. "And not just to sleep with her. If that's all I cared about, then I would've done it already. You know that."
I straightened up and locked my gaze on his, one inch taller and not at all afraid of his threats. Tingles of pressurized swelling filled my eye socket. "Don't believe me? Ask Ellie. Ask any one of my fucking teammates, starting with the one I punched earlier this week defending her reputation."
With my even tone returned, I wasn't angry or even frustrated at the situation. I only wanted him to know that my ass wasn't going anywhere, both my ass and my left eye burning with hot pain. "Hit me as many times as you like Jake." He took one step closer but paused when I squeezed my tight fists. "I gave you one freebie for Ellie. Try it again and I'll hit you back."
Potentially a poor choice of words. I liked breathing.
He scoffed and flicked his punch-hand fingers at his side. "You wouldn't."
"For Ellie, I would." I kept my voice as steady as my glare straight into his eyes. "I'll take every fucking hit you have to throw, but you'd better be ready for some back. I'm not interested in USC, but I heard you were. Good luck explaining to the recruiters if we're both suspended today."
Under the opportunity that his silent stillness offered, I pointed to my left eye and reiterated my point, "For Ellie's sake, how important she told me USC is to your family, I won't nark on you. But you can't change how I feel about her, or how she feels about me." The skin on my knuckles strained tight enough to burst. "Need proof? I know, Jake."
"Know what?" he muttered.
"What he did to her," I gritted out through clenched teeth. "Why you're really angry. And despite him, you, and anyone else in this whole fucking world..."
His eyes dared me to say the words again. So I did. "I'm still in love with Ellie."
I braced my abs for another oncoming punch. No part of me wanted to get suspended for fighting, but I had no choice but to defend myself if he tried again. Some bullies couldn't be reasoned with, but Jake deserved a chance to do the right thing for his sister's sake. Deep down in my gut, I was the right guy for her.
He stared at me. What was he looking for? I didn't know but stared back. My heart pounded faster than the slow seconds that passed. We stood, chests puffed up like a couple of baboons before Jake scoffed again. He sniffed, making my nose twitch. The burn in my left eye was brutal but I held my stare. No fucking way was I backing down.
Jake expelled a loud exhale, and our mouths twitched. The sound broke the tension, and we both blinked and let out a small laugh. Once they started, heartier laughs flowed out of both of us. Laugh after laugh poured out, each louder than the one before. My shoulders bounced, my lungs burned, and tears rose into my eyes. The left one stung.
To anyone who walked by, we looked insane. Fuck, I couldn't explain it. Totally did not expect this reaction from Jake, but I accepted it over the alternative of picking my teeth up off these floors.
Our laughs subsided. Not that we had any chance to be friends, but I got a small sense that things would be different. Into what, I had no idea but he wasn't my priority. He was a barrier in the way of what I wanted, nothing more.
"Get out of here." Jake put a hand on his stomach. "Before I kick your ass."
I released a shuddered breath when the door shut behind me. Clearing that barrier left me with Ellie herself. A huge, invisible weight lifted off my shoulders, inflating my chest with hope. That girl deserved to be with who she wanted, and I was insane enough to prove that guy was me.
Tonight.