Geralt and Jaskier were only beginning to doze off when Mary came crashing into their bedroom with another breakfast tray for the pair.
"Morning!" she greeted them airily, placing the tray on Jaskier's bedside table. "I trust that you both slept well?"
"Since we only went to bed about an hour ago, not really," Jaskier grumbled, pulling the quilt over his head to block out the sunlight pouring through the windows.
"Oh? Well, it sounds like you two had a busy night," she chuckled. "Don't bother telling me the finer details. I am your mother, after all."
"Mum, no," Jaskier groaned. "That wasn't what I meant."
Mary didn't sound convinced. "Uh huh. Well, when you're both feeling up to it, your father and I would like to have a word with you. Both of you, actually."
Jaskier pulled the covers off of his head to look at his mother. "What about?"
"Nothing bad," she assured him. "We just have some thoughts about the wedding. There's no rush! Just come down when you're ready."
Mary pressed a quick kiss to Jaskier's forehead before leaving the room, closing the door behind her as quietly as possible. Geralt, no longer feigning sleep, pulled the covers away from his own head and looked at Jaskier.
"What's your mother up to?" he asked suspiciously.
"I don't know, but it's probably nothing good," Jaskier turned to face Geralt. "Do you want to try and get some shuteye before we find out?"
Geralt shook his head. "No, I won't be able to get back to sleep thinking about it. We might as well get it over with."
After a quick shower to wake themselves up, Geralt and Jaskier traipsed downstairs to find Mary, Albert and Grammy sitting in the kitchen talking quietly amongst themselves. When the pair entered the kitchen, the conversation ended abruptly and the trio plastered smiles onto their faces.
"Morning," Jaskier greeted them cautiously. He didn't like the look of this.
"Hello, boys!" Mary beckoned the pair to sit at the breakfast bar while Grammy prepared them cups of coffee. "We didn't expect you to be up this early."
"Couldn't sleep." Jaskier took the proffered cup from his grandmother. "So...what was it that you wanted to talk to us about?"
Mary and Grammy looked expectantly at Albert, who cleared his throat and folded his hands together on top of the kitchen table. "I, um...your mother was a little peeved at me. Apparently, I wasn't a very gracious host last night."
"There's no 'apparently' about it," Grammy muttered darkly, drawing her son a disdainful look. "I've been to bottom-dweller taverns with better customer service!"
"Okay, so I was an arsehole," Albert relented hotly. "You can imagine my shock, though, when you said that you're getting married, considering that none of us even knew that you two were dating."
"That's fair," Jaskier mumbled. "I hadn't intended to spring it on you the way that I did."
Albert shook his head. "I should be the one apologising. I'm sorry to both of you for how I behaved. It won't happen again."
Grammy and Mary turned to Jaskier to gauge his reaction while Geralt's gaze remained fixed on his coffee. Jaskier could count on one hand the number of times his father had apologised to him, and to do it in front of the family was no small thing. As infuriating as his father could be, he hated fighting with him. So, he gave Albert a curt nod and said, "Apology accepted."
Everyone in the room seemed to let out a collective breath then and Jaskier asked, "Is that what you wanted to talk to us about?"
"There was another thing," Albert continued. "Your mother and I have a proposition. I happen to think it's a terrific idea."
Mary squeezed Albert's shoulder and looked hopefully at Jaskier and Geralt. "We would like you two to get married here."
Jaskier blinked. "Get married here?"
"Next week."
Geralt choked on his coffee. "Excuse me?"
"Well, you're going to get married anyway, so why not do it here?" Mary added hurriedly. "Where we're all together and Grammy can be a part of it too."
"No," Jaskier shook his head and his mother's face fell. "Absolutely not."
"Why not?" Mary asked, sounding disappointed.
"We're here for Grammy's birthday party, it's her big day. We don't want to take attention away from that."
"Agreed," Geralt nodded. "We don't want to ruin it."
"I've had eighty-nine birthday parties, I don't need another one!" Grammy argued. "It would be a dream come true for me to see my only grandchild's wedding."
"How would we even be able to organise a wedding on such short notice?" Jaskier argued desperately. "We would need someone to perform the ceremony, for starters."
"Not a problem! We've already spoken to Wolfgang and he's agreed to do it," said Mary. "He got ordained and performed the rites at Shani and Thalor's wedding last year."
"You'd know that if you'd bothered to turn up," Albert added, but quickly shut his mouth again after Mary drew him a sharp look.
"So, you'll do it?" asked Grammy hopefully.
Jaskier and Geralt looked uncertainly at one another. "Uhhh..."
"Before I'm dead," she added with a sweet smile. "Which could be any day now, for all you know."
Finally, Jaskier's shoulders sagged. "Okay."
Mary clapped her hands together and grinned. "Wonderful! Now, don't you worry about organising the wedding, Grammy and I will take care of everything! Oh! You could get married under the old oak tree, like your father and I."
"It's a Pankratz family tradition!" Grammy informed them brightly.
"What a coincidence. I've always wanted to get married under a big old treehouse," said Geralt sarcastically.
"It's a sign!" Grammy declared, throwing her hands up into the air. "A sign from the universe that you're meant to be together!"
Mary threw her arms around Geralt and Jaskier, who reluctantly returned the embrace. "Oh, I'm so excited! I promise we'll make it the most magical day of your lives."
While Grammy and Mary chatted excitedly to one another making arrangements, Albert watched in silence with a small smile on his face, evidently happy to be out of the doghouse with his wife. Jaskier, however, felt sick to his stomach. He made his excuses saying that he was going to show Geralt around the island today and took his leave. When they were back in the safety and solitude of their bedroom, Jaskier flopped down onto his bed, grabbed the nearest pillow and screamed into it. Geralt sat down next to him, wringing his hands on his lap.
"This is getting out of hand."
"When my mother finds out that this is a sham, she's going to be crushed," Jaskier despaired, tossing his pillow aside in frustration. "And when Grammy finds out...gods, my grandmother is probably going to die!"
"They won't find out," Geralt argued, putting his arm around Jaskier's shoulders and rubbing his back. "I promise you, everything is going to be fine."
"Everything is not going to be fine! I'm going to break my mother's heart, kill my grammy, and prove to my father once and for all what a colosal fuck-up I am," he ranted. The anxiety and fear that Jaskier had been holding onto for days had left him feeling exhausted. Like a punctured balloon, he felt deflated as he let out a long breath and plopped his head against Geralt's shoulder. "I didn't think it was going to be this hard."
"I know," said Geralt softly. He hesitated a moment before he began to trace small circles on the bottom of Jaskier's back. "Listen to me, I know that this is tough but you're not alone. We're in this together, until the bitter end. And look on the bright side: soon enough, this will all be over. We'll go home, you'll be an editor, we'll get a quickie divorce and everything will be back to normal in no time. Soon, this whole nightmare will be behind us and we can get on with the rest of our lives."
Jaskier looked up into Geralt's face and smiled sadly at him. "You always sound so sure of yourself... you almost had me convinced."
"It will be fine," said Geralt more firmly. "And let's be honest, I'm sure your family won't be that heartbroken when we break up. It's not like they're that keen on me anyway."
Jaskier huffed out a laugh. "You'd be surprised. My mother thinks you're the perfect gentleman."
Geralt's laughter rumbled low and deep in his chest. "If only she knew."
"You've even got my grammy hoodwinked," Jaskier chuckled. "She's convinced that we're destined to be together."
Geralt's hand stilled. "Well, I wouldn't say I've hoodwinked her. Nothing I've said to her or your parents has been a lie."
"Except our entire relationship," Jaskier reminded him.
"Well...yeah, I suppose." There was a long pause before Geralt said quietly, "I haven't lied to you about anything. Everything that I told you last night was the truth."
"Well, I'd certainly hope so! We're supposed to be learning everything that we can about one another for the interview."
"I know that. It's just..." Geralt bowed his head, looking embarrassed. "A lot of those things I told you—stuff about my parents—I haven't told anyone else before."
Jaskier's eyes widened with surprise. "Really?" Geralt nodded. "Why would you tell me then, of all people?"
Geralt smiled at him. "I already told you: I trust you."
Jaskier's surprise quickly waned and he was struck with the same dangerous desire that had gripped him in the treehouse that morning. He wasn't sure when madness had begun to overrule reason, but he was pretty sure it was around the time Geralt had walked into their bedroom in nothing but a towel. Or maybe it had been last night when they had been talking—really talking to one another—for what felt like the first time? Regardless of when his feelings for his boss had changed, Jaskier felt like he was walking headfirst into trouble where Geralt was concerned. Really, what would be the worst that could happen if he kissed Geralt? He was already at risk of losing his job, anyway. More importantly, if the look that Geralt was giving him right now was any indication, Jaskier was quite certain that Geralt wanted to kiss him too.
Jaskier felt his heart thud painfully in his chest as Geralt's hand slid slowly from the bottom of his back to grip his hip. The little voice in his head telling him that this was a very bad idea was silenced by the pounding of blood in his ears as Geralt caught his eye, cautious and searching. As Geralt let out a shaky breath and inched closer, Jaskier felt as though the air had been sucked from his own lungs. Geralt's amber eyes, warm and inviting like the heat of the sun, began to close, as did Jaskier's, who was nervous and ready and willing for whatever was about to happen next.
Just then, there was a polite knock at the door. "Julian, darling, can I come in?"
Geralt and Jaskier froze. Jaskier was half in mind about ignoring his mother's call and just kissing Geralt anyway. But instead, he heard himself shout 'give us a second' and gave Geralt a wry smile. "Are you starting to regret asking me to marry you?"
Geralt smirked. "Not yet."
Reluctantly, Jaskier pulled away and answered the door to his mother, who smiled mischievously at him. "I'm not interrupting, am I?"
"No, mother," he sighed, beckoning her into the room. "As always your timing is impeccable."
"Well, I'm glad I managed to catch you both before you go on your walk around the island," Mary said as she brandished a notepad. "Your grammy and I are writing up the guest list. Geralt, can you let us know by tomorrow who you would like to invite? Money won't be an issue, so invite as many family and friends as you'd like."
Geralt's smile faltered and he nodded. "Thank you, Mary. That's very generous of you, but that won't be necessary."
"It is absolutely necessary!" she cried. "This is the single most important day of your lives and you'll want everyone that you care about to bear witness. Don't bother trying to argue with me about it, Geralt, just give a list of names and their contact details by the morning."
Geralt sighed. "Sure thing."
"Thank you. Now, we've also been discussing the matter of stag parties..."
"Mum, no," Jaskier groaned. "You know that I hate stag dos."
"I know dear, that's why we've organised a quiet fishing trip for you and your father instead." Mary ignored Jaskier's cries of protest and turned her attention back to Geralt. "While the boys are off on their fishing trip, we will be celebrating in style on the mainland! So make sure you get a good night's sleep tonight because tomorrow you, Grammy and I will be painting the town red!"
"Now that really isn't necessary," he argued, but Mary waved a dismissive hand to silence him.
"Nonsense, you'll love it," she insisted. "Right. I'm off to arrange the flowers and catering. You boys enjoy the rest of your day!"
Mary strode from the room with a spring in her step, leaving Geralt and Jaskier staring after her.
"I don't have a say in any of this, do I?" asked Geralt.
"You're a quick learner!" said Jaskier breezily. "Come on, I better show you around the island. Grammy will probably quiz you at dinner tonight."
"I'll bring a notebook, then," Geralt joked.