"Put the mash potatoes in a bowl, and go set up the table," My mother demanded. I arrived exactly when she had told me too. Since I had gotten here she had been barking orders at me left and right. I could feel myself returning further into my shell. Its what these people did to me.
My father had left a little while ago to pick up my brother from the airport. I had used the train to get here. It was about two hours from New York to Connecticut, specifically to my home town located in the southern most part of the state.
"Aren't you excited to see your brother Lora? It's been a while hasn't it?" My mother said. "Sure," I said softly nodding my head. "Apparently he's getting a promotion soon! How exciting, apparently he's moving up to work along side the investment firm in his company. He's gonna be assisting in investments worth hundreds of thousands of dollars! How cool!" My mother gushed.
My jaw ticked. She couldn't be serious. It wasn't worth it. Remember Lora you had to spend the night here. It wasn't worth it.
Then again, you had to spend the night here which means you were gonna have to listen to everyone gush about your brother doing a watered down version of your job. Before I could calm myself down my mouth opened.
"Are you serious mom?" I asked. She turned around, her head whipping forword. I don't think I had said a full sentence since walking through the door. Her face fell in confusion.
"What is it that you think I do?" I asked. She stared at me in surprise and shock. "Uh-I never-well is it something similar? Y-Your always so quiet Lora. I didn't think-," She cut off. "Didn't think what?" I said staring back at her.
She stayed quiet staring blankly at me. We both stood staring at each other. "Do you also assist in investments?" She asked breaking the silence. I scoffed, "Assist? Mother I'm the one who curates them directly working with the clients, not just hundreds of thousands but multi-million dollar deals. I work exclusively with the world richest clients at an elite hedge fund worth billions," I said. I don't know where I got this backbone from, but I had no doubt it was from Marcus.
Her eyes widened in shock. "I-wow, I had no idea," She said. "Of course you didn't because you never ask," I said.
"Y-Your right. I should ask more," She muttered giving me a once over. I crossed my arms in victory. It felt nice to stand up to her. "I should be asking you more about your life, I just thought-you seem so quiet. I didn't think-" She cut off again. "Didn't think what?" I asked.
She looked me up and down again. Her eyebrows scrunched up. "If I ask you more about your life will you tell me why your so skinny?" She asked. Check and mate. This woman was good.
"You don't look healthy, it's concerning Lora," She said. I looked down, why did she have to bring up my biggest insecurity? "I'm fine," I said. There it was. The barely audible voice was back again. I swear nobody knew how to knock me down a peg better than my family. She turned back around facing the oven.
"You don't look fine, the moment you walked through the door your father almost had a heart attack. It's okay to be a little chubby Lora, better than being a bag of bones," She said. "Then why did you hate me for it? Huh? Why did you and everyone else treat me like shit for being fat?" I erupted.
My mother almost jumped in the air at my outburst.
Just then the door opened. "Hello! Look who I ran into at the airport! Its Mr. Big-shot soon to be junior regional investment assistant!" My father announced as he walked through the door. My brother followed behind him carrying a duffle back. "Okay okay, I haven't gotten the promotion yet, let's not get ahead of ourselves," He said laughing.
My brother stood just as tall as my father. I particularly blamed his towering height and good looks for the way he turned out. He smiled at everyone showing off his dimples. I hadn't seen him in a while. He seemed just as smug as he had always been.
"Hello Lora," He said putting his bag down. I didn't say anything back. It didn't go unnoticed. "Oh! My son! How was the flight? Was it comfortable? Did they feed you? I hope not because I've- I mean we've been cooking all day," My mother gushed as she ran to hug him. They didn't even try to hide the favoritism.
I finished setting up the table. "No, they didn't feed us. Even if they had I wouldn't have eaten it. I've been thinking about your cooking all day mom," He said taking his shoes off. My mother rushed to the kitchen opening the oven so she could pull out the roast. "Lora, bring the green beens and mac'n cheese to the table," My mother asked. She just ignored what I had said moments ago, like nothing happened.
I wasn't surprised. After bringing all the food we sat down. "Close your eyes," My mother said. We lowered our heads and closed our eyes. "Lord, we thank you for the food we are about to eat. We thank you for watching over our children as they live their lives. We thank you for the prosperous opportunities given to my son and my daughter. Please continue to protect and watch over our family, amen." My mother finished.
"Enjoy the food, we worked hard!" My mother said joyfully. "Did you get a new job Lora? How come you didn't say anything?" My dad asked smiling. I had had it. Sliding back my chair I stood up walking away.
Nobody tried to stop me. Nobody said anything. I walked down the hall and went into my childhood bedroom and slammed the door locking it behind me.
I tried to take a deep breath. What was wrong with me? I thought for a moment, I knew what it was. I deserved better, I was finally seeing it. If Marcus Dane could see something incredible inside of me then why couldn't I? If Marcus could give me better, show me I was deserving of attention then why couldn't my family do the same? No, I was not going to feel guilty over this. I deserved better.
I picked up my phone. Two text messages.
Hey babe, hows ur family? Call me if it gets to hard luv u
The first ones from Ricky.
I heard u were seeing the fam. :( call me if you need to talk.
The second from Charlotte. None from Marcus, come to think of it, did he even have my number?
I sat on my bed biting my lip trying to hold back tears. I just needed this weekend to be over. I didn't want to call my friends and burden them with my shitty emotions. It didn't seem fair.
I laid down. I felt a headache coming along. I closed my eyes hoping, wishing it would just be over now.
-
I opened my eyes in a cold sweat. My little nap had taken longer than I had thought. It was completely dark outside now. I looked at the bottom of my door. The lights were off, everyone must have gone to bed.
I swung my legs over my bed, grabbing my phone I stood up. Opening the door carefully I made sure not to make any sound. I made my way down the hall into the kitchen turning on the lights. My stomach was hurting from not eating the whole day. I opened the fridge and stared at the leftovers, was it worth it? I was so close to my goal.
Buzzzz
My phone began vibrating in my hand. It was an unknown number. I answered, "Hello?" I said. "Hello, Lora," A voice spoke. It was deep and sultry, I recognized it. It was Marcus. "Hi," I said. Shit, I already said hello. I felt myself getting red everywhere. Flashbacks filling my head.
"How are you?" I said. He chuckled darkly, I could hear his crisp smile from over the phone. "I'm fine. How are you?" He said. My knees weakened, he sounded so rough. His voice was so attractive. "I-I'm good," I said. Anxiety rattled my bones, I couldn't think of anything to say. "Did you get my flowers?" He asked. My heart filled with warmth. "Yes," I said smiling uncontrollably. "I'm serious when I say I don't want you to forget," He started.
"I want you to drown in the memory, feel the desire I struggle with everyday, every time I look at you," He said. I stayed quiet breathing heavy. I wanted to so badly tell him, tell him I was doing just that. Drowning in the memory. "Can you do that for me Lora? Desire me just as much as I desire you?" He asked. The words choked up in my throat. "Y-Y-Yes," I said.
He paused. "Are you sure? Are you sure you can even understand how I see you? Lora, can you handle the thoughts I have running through my head, the images?" He asked. I shivered curling my toes. "Marcus I-" I couldn't even formulate sentences.
"When I get back. I want to sit you on my tongue. I can't get the taste of your sweet cunt out of my head. I'm going to devour you Lora. Watch you come undone," He said.
I almost dropped my phone. "O-okay," I said. My heart was beating fast. My thighs squeezing together. "Three days," He said voice shaky like it was affecting him too. "Three days," I mimicked. Then he hung up.
I took the phone from my ear. I felt like I was vibrating. "Who was that?" A voice cut through the kitchen. I jumped being caught by surprise. I turned to see my brother.
Hands in his sweatpant pockets. He had a white shirt on with a curious expression on his face. I stared back opening my mouth but no words came out. There was no way he heard anything from this distance so I was safe. But I didn't know what to say, Marcus wasn't my boyfriend, yet.
"Uh-its-uh a friend," I said. My brothers eyes narrowed. "Which friend?" He asked. "J-Just a friend," I said.
He looked down tonguing his cheek. "Well which one? I know for a fact from your facebook you only have two. Ricky, he's gay right? And Charlotte, the white girl," He said. "So which friend? Which friend was calling you at eleven forty at night? Which one are you stuttering over and squeezing your legs for?" He asked.
I stared at him. I didn't know what to say. It was so embarrassing. "Okay, fine. Not like I actually really want to know. Just a little worried about my baby sis," He said.
I rolled my eyes. "Worried? Since when did you give a shit about me?" I asked. His eyes widened neck springing foreword. I was getting bolder and bolder. I think this is the first time he had heard me curse.
"Of course I care about you, your my sister," He said. I scoffed. "You don't know me," I said. He paused, his face shifted downward, he was upset. "Is this the attitude mom was talking about? Where is this coming from?" He said. "Jordan, please. There is no need to pretend. There's nobody around," I said.
"This isn't the Lora I know, mom was right. Something's different about you and it's not just your malnourishment," He said. "Is it that guy? He's got you acting all different?" Jordan said.
"What are you talking about? There is no 'Lora you know' you never knew me. And neither do mom or dad," I said. "So this is you? Mean? Picking fights with mom about how we hated you?" He asked.
"Well you sure didn't like me," I said.
"I want to meet him," Jordan said sternly. "No? Why do you suddenly give a shit? Can't we all just keep going like we always do? That's actually better then everyone playing clueless about how shit actually happens in this household," I said.
"What is it? Is it because mom and dad didn't know what you do? Is it me? Tell me what went wrong here today," He said. I felt like pulling my hair out. "Today? How about my whole life Jordan? All of you, all of you treated me like a freak in my own home then your surprised when I don't like you? What the hell? Jordan, this the most we've ever spoken to each other in the past two years! What is it that your trying to accomplish by acting like I'm crazy for calling all of you out on it? I know you Jordan, you may not know me, but I know you Jordan. You don't actually care about me or my feelings, your just doing this so you can feel as though you tried to get through to me for own selfish reasons. So when mom wakes up tomorrow and you have your secret little meetings in which you apparently talk about me, you can tell her how you tried! How her golden boy tried to get through to the insignificant freak weirdo daughter that could never live up to the expectations and appearances of her shitty superficial family," I said.
"Jordan, you don't have to do this. You don't care and you never cared in the first place. I lived my whole life knowing it and it doesn't have to change now," I finished.
He stood on the other side if the kitchen where he had been, blinking.
I turned back around to grab the leftovers trying to save face. But the tears were welling up. I couldn't stop them from falling. I whipped back around.
"None of you. Not a single person got up from the dinner table to see if I was okay. You just moved on and ate your food and had your conversations as if I wasn't even there in the first place. That's what it felt like Jordan, to grow up in a house that doesn't even want you there. That your empty seat is actually better for everyone else around you," I cried holding containers full of food.
"Now do what your all so good at. Pretend I'm not even here and go back to bed. I'll be gone in the morning so you and mom don't have talk about me in private," I finished reaching for the cupboard.
I was having a hard time reaching for the plates while holding the leftovers. I sniffled trying to pull myself together as my brother stood and stared. I got up on my tippy toes trying to reach it, it was almost there.
Through my tears I hadn't noticed Jordan walking towards me. I sniffled again as he reached for the plate for me. He grabbed two. He said nothing, he only waited for me to put my food.
He watched as I put a small amount of each dish onto my plate. It felt like he wanted to comment on the small amount of food but he didn't. He stayed quiet waiting for me to be done so he could put himself plate.
I stuck my plate into the microwave wiping my tears. Why was he here? What was he trying to do? He stood across from me, his forehead creased with worry lines, his mouth a straight line. When the microwave dinged I pulled out my food and sat at the dinner table.
He warmed his food and then sat across from me. We ate in silence.
-
Whooo that was intense. More chapters coming soon! Hope you enjoy!