"Does it feel weird?" Brandon asked as they sat down on the lobby chairs of the pediatrics floor waiting for Nova's discharge from the hospital to be finalized.
Once the hospital ran the paperwork through the system, Billie and Brandon would be well on their way home to start their lives as parents. Billie gazed down at Nova resting in her arms, bundled in her green blankie. She smiled, her heart swelling in her chest as she watched her sleep.
"No. I've been waiting for this day for a long time."
I can finally take my baby home.
It'd been a long summer of hospital visits and learning how to be a caregiver and mother to Jellybean while she made the change from being dependent on the hospital to care for her needs to depending on Billie. Her time in the special care nursery hadn't been more than two months at most, but it felt like it'd been a year, each day that Nova stayed in the hospital another day that Billie grew more impatient for her to be able to come home. It wasn't so much the process that was annoying, so much as the fact that being in a hospital longterm was starting to lower her morale quite a bit. There was something almost dark about hospitals and a few of the sights she'd accidentally seen were real spirit dampers.
Billie had mixed feelings about her transition into motherhood after Jellybean became more of her charge. On the one hand, she'd been glad that her baby was finally on the way to healing and she could now hold her, but on the other, it scared Billie that now she was being held responsible for most of the care. As weeks went by, the doctors had slowly put her and Brandon more in charge of things concerning Jellybean so when she was finally discharged, they would be ready for full time handling of their baby.
The first time Billie held her Jellybean, she'd been terrified, her fingers trembling as she'd picked her up from her cot. Billie's biggest fear had been that Jellybean would start crying or fussing because she didn't want to be held by Billie or worse, that she could accidentally drop her precious baby. Brandon had reassured her that everything would be alright, and he'd been right. Nova had been so light and small and fit in Billie's arms perfectly. It had been a magical moment and Billie was absolutely positive she had fallen deeply in love as she held her little bundle of joy. Billie had found that holding Jellybean and resting her head on her shoulder, bouncing her lightly and talking into her ear was the best way to lull her to sleep. After that, it didn't become very hard to take care of Jellybean.
Breastfeeding had been a whole other story though.
The doctors had taken a sample of her milk to test it and ensure it was safe for her baby. Traces of her AEDs were found so her regimen was alternating between breastfeeding and formulas so as not to accidentally "hook" Jellybean on any of the drugs, so to speak. Once it was safe, Jellybean's primary care provider had implored her to learn as it was the best method to feed her baby. Billie's first time was a nightmare, easily the most awkward thing she'd ever experienced in her life, even beating out when she'd lost her virginity to her ex Micah when they'd both been virgins. Not even the awkwardness of their floppy fish sex held a candle to breastfeeding.
Billie had kicked everyone out of the room save for one nurse because she'd felt completely uncomfortable and embarrassed with the doctors around and even Brandon there. Nurse Johnson had stayed behind and had given her tips for nursing as well as comfortable positions and how to understand Nova's cues for when she wanted to feed.
She wouldn't lie, it had been just strange at first and she hadn't been able to grasp her head around the fact that she could breastfeed (she'd always just seen it as something older woman could do), but now it was almost second nature, though she still wasn't at the point where she could comfortably take care of her baby in front of everyone. It was funny though. However scared Billie had originally been to hold Nova, she didn't want to set her down for one second now.
It had taken Billie about a month or two, but she'd finally developed a sort of rhythm to being a mother. After work, she'd head to the hospital, and then she got used to the simple things like bathing Jellybean, feeding her, talking to her as she lounged on her hospital cot. Billie knew it was going to be more difficult because she wasn't going to be assisted by hospital staff who were there when she wasn't, but she was prepared. Fatherhood came surprisingly natural to Brandon (the asshole) who pretty heavily treasured Nova. Billie already expected him to spoil her, but she did have to admit seeing Brandon so lovestruck by their daughter warmed her heart.
As for Nova, her lungs were still not as strong as the doctor would have hoped, but sometimes Billie wondered if that was true because she had quite the set of pipes when she cried. She was still fairly calm, but Nurse Johnson had notified Billie that that would probably change once she got used to a more fixed environment.
But Jellybean had grown a lot since her NICU days. Her baby hairs had to grow, dark brown and soft and curly on her head. Her eyes were had gone from their crystal blue, as Billie had assumed, to their dazzling dark hazel brown. As well as his eyes, there was also one thing Billie knew for sure was that Nova would probably take after Brandon a lot. Everytime Nova's mouth would curve up into that adorable toothless, goofy grin when Brandon nuzzled her nose with his, Billie saw his smile.
As if on cue, Nova woke up, her eyes fluttering open slowly. She blinked up at them drowsily, her eyes dazed and sleepy. Billie took her tiny hand in hers and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.
"Good morning." Billie murmured softly, "Did you sleep well, Bean?"
Nova scrunched up as she squirmed in the blankie, and Billie picked up her pacifier from her bag, putting it in Nova's mouth. She sucked on it quietly, settling down as Billie gently rubbed her tummy to calm her. Billie knew she was lucky that she had a pretty tranquil baby, but she knew Brooklyn was right when she said that Nova wouldn't remain calm like forever. Technically, Jellybean was four months old, but her premature birth had slowed her development and the doctors stated that at the current moment she was about at the same place as a three month old baby. Given time, she would catch up and probably at a very high rate now that she would no longer be in the hospital. Billie expected her to get more rowdy as time went on.
"Why do I get the feeling that Nova's going to start out so quiet, but she'll become just like you?" Brandon asked, a warm smile on his face as he gazed down at their baby.
"I was just thinking the same thing." Billie chuckled, "In a few months, I bet she's going to be crawling all over the place and giving me a hard time though."
Brandon went silent for a few seconds, his brows a bit furrowed on his face. He looked pensive, and Billie became a bit concerned from the expression on his face.
She frowned. "What's wrong?"
"Listen, Billie. I've been thinking about something for a while now but...You should take the offer to work at the music studio."
Billie's brows lifted slightly in surprise. "How did you find out?"
"Drew told me," Brandon said. Billie sighed, knowing she shouldn't have told Drew about the news. "I know you're interested. And I know you're giving up music for good, but I think it's okay for you to continue what you love. I can sacrifice some hours and take care of Jellybean so you can write."
"Brandon, you already can't go to your top choice school. I can't do that to you. And I'm not going to not watch Jellybean just because I want to write. I can't put more time into anything other than our baby. That's selfish."
"Billie, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." he said seriously. "I want to do it for you. You deserve this chance. You earned it, especially after how crappy this year has been. I'll watch Jellybean when you want to write so you can spend some time enjoying what you love to do. You want me to continue school and not give up my dreams, and I want the same for you."
"How would that even work?" Billie asked hesitantly.
She couldn't lie that the prospect was intriguing to her, but she meant what she had said. If her writing music took away time to take care of her baby, she wasn't going to indulge herself. Nova came first.
"I have classes during the day while you're with her. And I'll come back home after work and when you want to write, I can watch Jellybean. You can even spend time writing while she's napping. We can make this work."
Billie hesitated, momentarily glancing away and chewing on her lower lip. It was a tempting offer, but Billie was still hesitant if it meant not giving her full attention to Jellybean. But Brandon took her chin and turned her face so she was looking him in the eye.
"I want you to have this opportunity" Brandon said seriously, "Billie, take this shot. You worked hard and earned it."
"Fine. I'll consider it and maybe do a little bit, but not right now. I'm going to wait until things have settled down, and we have a stronger handle on being parents. And even if I accept the offer, the second it feels like I'm not spending enough time with our kid, I'm done, got it?"
"Yeah. I understand."
Brandon smiled, leaning forward, and pressed his lips to hers softly. When he pulled away, Billie stared at him in slight surprise, though it had been a pleasant surprise.
"What was that for, Kane?" Billie asked.
He had a shit eating grin on his face. "Because I love you."
She could feel her cheeks grow a little warm. Billie wasn't really one for PDA, and his frequent and easy displays of affection flustered her. She would be lying if she said she understood why he was so handsy sometimes. There were times Billie didn't understand what it was about her that Brandon found so great, because half the time, she couldn't see herself in any way other than as a screw up.
"What brought this on?"
"I just realised how lucky I am that some random girl with silver hair introduced herself to me in our chemistry class in the ninth grade."
She rolled her eyes and snorted at the reminder. Brandon's expression sobered as he glanced down at Nova, gently stroking her head.
"And I realised how lucky I am that we became best friends, that she took a chance with me for real, that we had a daughter. And then I realised I'm happiest and luckiest when that random girl with silver hair is by my side."
He reached into his jacket pocket and fished around before removing his hand. What he pulled out was a beautiful black ring with a bunny on it. Billie's jaw slowly dropped in shock, her eyes wide as she shook her head.
What the hell was he doing?
"Billie, I know we're only eighteen. I know we might be immature and maybe a little stupid, and I know I've screwed up more than once. Some people might think it's ridiculous to think this this early, but I know one thing for sure is that I love you, Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. And I don't think I ever will love anyone else as much as I love you. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our daughter."
Billie stared at him, feeling utterly conflicted. She was barely able to grasp her head around the fact that she was a mother. Her life was too hectic to get married, and if she was being honest, she wasn't sure she even wanted marriage in the first place. Getting hitched would jinx them and doom them to fall apart.
"Wait. Hold on Brandon. Don't you think this is a little rash? We're barely adults and just because we had a kid doesn't mean we should jump into marriage. I don't want to ruin what we have. Let's wait until we're ready."
He snorted. "I know. I agree."
"I mean, my aunt got married as soon as she found out she was pregnant and look how that turned out for her. She got left. My life has already been too similar to hers. I don't want it to be anymore like hers from now on. And look at my Mom. Left as well because of a coward."
"Billie, it won't turn out anymore like her life because I'm not proposing."
"And speaking of my mother, I want her to be at whatever wedding I may or may not have in the future and until she wakes up, there's no way I'm ever going to get hitched without her. I'm sorry, marriage is the last thing on my mind. I don't really want it."
"I don't want it either." Brandon rose a brow. "At least not for a while."
"And then there's the fact that we've already got-mmph."
Brandon stopped her chattering with his fingers, shushing her gently and looking like he was about to die of laughter.
"Billie, calm down. Let me finish." He caressed her cheek, that same look of fondness on his face. "This isn't a proposal, Billie. At least, not the kind of proposal you're thinking of. I'm not asking you to marry me, Billie. I'm asking you if you'll wait for me to become someone who can support you and Nova. I'm not good enough right now and I let you down, and I do want to marry you, but only when we're both ready and only when I can be someone you could be proud to call a boyfriend or husband. However many years down the line that is. Or if that's a never, I understand, but I'll still want you."
He took her hand and slid the ring on her finger, and Billie's heart felt like it was going to fly out of her chest.
"That's what this ring is. A promise from me to you. I just want you to believe in me, even if it takes me a long time. I got one for myself as well so we can always think of each other."
"I do believe in you, Brandon." Billie looked at the ring, unsure how she felt about it. Part of her was definitely feeling ecstatic. She wanted to gush over it. But she also felt a little weird about it in some ways. She wasn't sure what it was about it, but the other part of her felt like something with this much weight would accelerate or set into motion something unpleasant for them. The locket for her birthday was one thing, but this was a whole other. "But I don't want you to have expectations for something I might never be ready for, you know?"
Brandon nodded. "I understand that. I'm not going to push you to accept the promise. But I just wanted to let you know how I felt because I couldn't hold it in anymore. I won't bring it up again unless you're ready."
"Okay." She slipped her hand into his, lacing their fingers together. "It's beautiful. Thank you for getting it for me."
"Of course" He gave her hand a soft squeeze. "Also, just so you know, Drew is throwing a surprise 'Welcome Home' party at my mom's place for Jellybean. I thought you might like to be prepared since I know you don't like surprises."
That explained why Drew hadn't answered her phone at all the entire day.
"Thanks for the warning." Billie rolled her eyes, rocking Nova gently when she started fussing slighting in her blanket. "I should have known Drew would do something like that."
"I guess she just wanted to throw one big party where everyone could get together before she left for UCLA."
Billie supposed it made sense. Prince was going to be leaving for Moorpark College soon and most of their friends were also leaving for college soon if they hadn't already left already. Brandon's freshman orientation was the next week and he would be very busy, so this was the most opportune time to throw this party, before everyone's college lives started and they became too busy to spend time together.
"Mr. Adams? Ms. O'Connell?" the receptionist called out from her desk. "You're good to go."
"Thank you." Brandon responded before he stood up. "Well then, I guess it's time to go. Did you want to visit your mom again before we leave?
Billie shook her head with a sigh, giving Brandon a reassuring smile when he watched her in concern. "I saw her earlier today. I'll be back tomorrow again with Nova."
Mom, Jellybean and I have left here for good. It's your turn now. So hurry up and wake up soon.
"So it begins, huh? Parenthood."
"Yeah...I guess it does" Billie stood up carefully, stroking Nova's cheeks when she cooed softly, kicking her legs inside the blanket. "We'll be okay, right?"
Billie looked around the hospital, a grim reminder of how trying and difficult the past months had been for them all. It was hard to believe that a little less than a year ago, Billie had just found out she was pregnant. It felt like years had passed, and she wasn't entirely sure they'd escaped the situation with minimal damage. Aside from her epilepsy and her mother still comatose, Billie kept feeling like there was something lingering around the corner, waiting for her to drop her guard before it pounced. Like worse still was yet to come. She tried not to focus on that thought-she was trying this new thing with having hope-but it was always clinging in the back of her mind.
Brandon wrapped an arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. "As long as we stick together, I'm sure we will."
Billie nodded, leaning against Brandon. She believed him. If he had hope that things would be alright, then she would too. Maybe they weren't perfect, and maybe not knowing whether or not her mother was ever going to wake up again after all these months had passed was terrifying Billie like nothing else, but she could at the very least believe that maybe things would be okay. Or at the very least, they were starting to pick up, right? At least that much, she believed.
She was eighteen, and she barely knew anything about motherhood and didn't know how to handle all the new responsibilities that were suddenly thrown at her, but she would do her best. For Brandon, for herself, for her friends and family. For everyone that helped her get to where she was. And especially for Jellybean.
"Let's go home, Brandon."
They walked out of the hospital, ready to begin a new chapter in their lives.
Parenthood, ready, set, here we come.
_______________________________
Finish!
And what a better way to end my soap opera with a super cheesy and corny end!
I just want to say thank you so much to all of you for supporting this story and reading it everytime a new chapter comes out. I only do this for you guys so thank you a million! It means the world to me and you guys make me so happy. I really didn't think I would enjoy writing this book but I did and here we are. So all I can say is thank you.
I also may be starting a new book if you guys like the idea.
An old time western fic about Billie who knows she's not destined to be a married woman at the age of 19, living her life raising multiple children while her husband goes off screwing who knows who. She wants to live life freely as she wants. Brandon was cast out at 7 and lost everything. He comes back into town. And he's got some scores to settle as he seeks revenge. Their fates intertwine unimaginably when shit hits the fan.
How you like. Let me know?
Love you all and love each other beyond words.
~M.
p.s. sorry landry about not adding the gucci blanket. it felt wrong when they are new young parents struggling to get by. I can add it if it's needed that much😔