Keenan's POV
It's been an interesting couple of months, to say the least. I feel like my attempts to weaken the bond were pretty successful because right now my wolf hated my fucking guts.
I can't fuck other girls without having to mind-trick my wolf, I had to envision... her to even get it up. Before, I never had a problem with that aspect. Now I feel like a 90-year-old man with erectile dysfunction.
Now don't get me wrong, it was harder than I anticipated it would be, it went against everything inside me to just stand idle and let Vivienne humiliate and attack her. Her fear was so strong that day by the pool, that I could feel it through the weak bond. It's how I tracked her down there.
I only watched as my mate lay on the floor, she was wet, topless, and quaking with sobs, it was a challenge holding back my wolf's rage. But I had to remind myself that this is the very thing I have to inflict if I want to get rid of the bond.
But I made Vivienne delete all those pictures, I couldn't risk looking at them, I just didn't know what my wolf would do. Either become enraged or aroused by them, I don't know, so I had them deleted immediately. Not that I let the Vermin know that.
Then I fucking heard Tanner talking about how fantastic her breasts were and... that he couldn't wait to get her completely alone to... feel them again.
Before he could finish the rest of his sentence, I charged, like breaking a toothpick, I snapped both his hands in half and wouldn't let them go.
"You- you TOUCHED her!?" I didn't recognize my own voice, I knew that if I could see my own eyes, they would be pitch black, the eyes of my wolf. I kept churning his broken hands in mine, they'll heal fully in two days, didn't stop him from squealing like a little bitch though.
"Keenan man, it was just a joke, okay? I won't do it again," he begged, showing his neck in submission.
I let him go and quickly try to compose myself, they all stared at me warily.
I cleared my throat, "no one touches her. She's human, less than scum, any guy who attempts any fornication with her will be punished by me and deranked to Omega. Am I clear?"
"Yes alpha," they all said in unison.
I berated myself for acting so rashly just then, I almost gave myself away.
Then, I had to deal with that meddling bitch Jean too, but first, I had to get fucking wasted, maybe even high... or both.
So I went out and I partied, anything to take my mind off the incident, don't know what happened after that but I woke up to naked girls on either side of me.
The next day Angeline didn't show up to school after what happened in the pool room. Like the cowards' humans are, it didn't surprise me.
But then she didn't come the next day or the day after that. She didn't show for a whole damn week! I don't even know why I noticed.
At this point I was annoyed, the whole time my temper was on a short leash. I snapped at everything and everyone and I have no tolerance for anyone's bullshit. So much so, that everyone, including my friends, was walking on eggshells around me.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't know why I was acting like such a short circuit. It was because of her, because she wasn't here, because my wolf hasn't since seen his mate in days amd it was getting to him. He scarcely let me focus on anything else.
Not knowing where she was at, if she's all right, if... she'll come back, was killing my wolf with all this wondering.
And I hated it, I hated this stupid involuntary concern I had for her, for someone I don't even fucking know. So to distract myself, I made sure to fuck any girl willing, I needed the distraction.
I'll never admit this to anyone, but I did cave once. I broke my resolve and paid her a visit, but it was only once.
It was a Sunday night when she hadn't already been to school for the whole week and the not knowing had become too much for me. I'd only done it to put my wolf's mind at ease so we could finally move on for fucks sake!
So I shifted into my wolf and through the bond, I tracked her faint scent, I tracked it down to a trailer park at the edge of town. The park smelled of weed, alcohol, and other shit I can't even name, but all that was easily overshadowed by her scent. She was here, shifting back, I found her smell was coming from a little red mobile home, that was where it was strongest.
It was quiet, and the lights were off. I mean it was about 2 am so what else did I expect? Listening closely using my wolf hearing, I heard sniffling. She was crying.
It was distressing my wolf and he whined in my head, begging me to shift back into wolf form, but it only pissed me off. Her cries should have no effect on me, it must mean I have to step up my game. It must mean I have to try harder.
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So for the next couple weeks, that's exactly what I did. I either stood by and watched as I let Vivienne and Tanner taunt and torment her relentlessly, or I initiated the whole thing.
I honestly don't know if it was working, I didn't feel any different since the day I met her, okay, that's a lie. I was completely different before her, now my wolf wasn't coming around as I thought he would. Now not only do I have to fight through the bond but also through my wolf's growing resentment for me.
My wolf and I are always one, always have been and I always thought we would be, but I can feel him distancing himself from me. I had to stop myself multiple times this past month from shifting, he'd sneak attack me with a surprise shift when he knew I my guard was down momentarily, luckily I was able to recover and regain myself in the knick of time.
Then when I visited my uncle's pack, I had to make up an excuse as to why I couldn't go scouting with them, because when I finally let my wolf shift, he refused. It was his way of punishing me the only way he really could. The thing I look forward to the most was getting my wolf and best friend back after I finally broke this bond
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I was shocked, I admit I didn't see it coming. This girl, who never once fought back, no matter how bad it got, or how much bad shit I threw out her, she never fought back. Sure she resisted sometimes but she never outright... snapped. It hurt more than I expected when she hurled her insults at me.
"What did I do to make you hate me so much!?"
If only you knew.
"I think I deserve to know that much! So tell me asshole!"
Did she just call me an asshole?
"You know what? I hate you!"
Ouch.
"You're a bully! A horrible person!"
Yeah, whatever. It didn't bother me, it didn't.
"You're a monster!"
My wolf whined and howled.
"I only feel sorry for you!... I don't care that I'm trailer trash! I don't care that I'm poor! I don't care that I'm ugly! I'd rather be this then a nasty bitter person like you!"
I stay silent for a moment, furious, she can't talk to me like that, I'm a fucking ALPHA!
In two strides I had my hand around her neck, a rash decision on my part, I was unprepared for the punch of energy that raced through my arm to the rest of my body. Ecstasy. I ripped the necklace from her neck and held it out of her reach.
"Hey!" She yelled, grappling for the necklace.
Then... She. Slapped. Me.
Granted I could hardly feel it, but the audacity alone is what set me off.
She just challenged an alpha.
So I did something I admit I'm not proud of.
I slapped her back.
The impact had her flying and smacking right into Tanner. Fuck! I'd forgotten that she was just an easily breakable human, I used way too much force than was necessary.
I hit her, I actually hit my mate. No amount of self-talk or hate for her could stop the shame that briefly overtook me. I had to clench my fist tightly to my side to keep from clawing at my chest, my wolf was just furious with me. More furious than he had ever been.
It was hard to admit that I felt like shit too. There was no justifying me hitting her, she was smaller, weaker, and posed no serious threat to me. I've never even laid my hand on my own female pack members.
But I recomposed myself and glared back at her.
I'll never forget the look she gave me, wide-eyed and full of terror. Maybe I really am a monster.
No!
I'm not a bad alpha, I'm not, I don't go around torturing my packmates. I'm doing this for my pack mates because I need to be the best alpha to ever walk this earth if I plan to overthrow the Elder Council and dominate the human world. How am I gonna fight against humans with a human by my side? This is truly the only way. But even knowing all this, I couldn't stop feeling like shit.
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I recount everything from these last few weeks to my uncle, all the antics I've done to weaken the bond. By the end of it, my uncle was left pretty speechless.
"Wow Keenan, I am... beyond impressed. I knew you had it in you, but I didn't know you had it this much in you. You should be proud of yourself, Keenan, alpha's could only dream of having your audacity, your resilience, and your will.
"I know it's just ..."
"Just what?"
"It's been weeks now and my wolf still hates me, how do I even know this is working? The pull towards her doesn't feel any different, even if my actions are affecting the bond I honestly can't tell."
"Nonsense, your wolf's increasing anger for you is only proof that it's working. Once the bond breaks he'll see clearly again and you'll get him back. At this point, the bond is so weak, it's ready to snap at any moment. It just needs a final push."
"A push like what?"
"You need to mark another girl."
What? Why do I feel like throwing up my guts?
"Are you sure that'll work?"
"Yes, you need to mark another girl, the act alone would kill her wolf if she had one. Trust me, it'll work. But because whoever you choose to mark isn't your mate, it won't be permanent. Their mark won't last long either, 24 hours max on a she-wolf, possibly weeks if she's another human. You can keep your marking her if you need to."
God even the thought of it felt so wrong and vile, but I squash any of those feelings down. That was just the bond making me feel those things.
Making me weak.
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I fucked Vivienne many times that night... but I couldn't bring myself to mark her. I just couldn't do it. Even if I wanted to my wolf wouldn't let me extend my fangs out, so it wasn't physically possible either.
Afterward, I just felt like crap, for so many reasons. One being I am supposed to be the greatest alpha to ever grace this earth. The alpha with the self-control, restraint, and audacity all other alphas wish they had... and I couldn't even extend my fangs, hell I couldn't even shift on my command anymore. What kind of fraud was I?
I grit my teeth in frustration, shoving Vivienne sleeping body off me, I stood up and angrily put on my clothes. "Babe where are you going?!"
"To try again."
"What?"
I slammed the door to the cottage behind me and make my way towards the packhouse. I'm not giving up yet, I am the alpha of all alphas goddammit!
I knock on her bedroom door and I can hear her scrambling about frantically. No doubt she knows who's knocking by my scent and is now scurrying to put on something decent. When she opens the door, Britney stands before me in just a hot pink bra and matching underwear, without wasting another breath I crash my mouth down to hers.
Closing the door with my foot, I back her onto the bed, devouring her mouth the whole way. I know she's been in love with me since forever, even fucked Tanner her freshman year in high school in an attempt to get my attention. Thing is, I didn't even notice her, and I would have left her untainted by myself if it wasn't for Angeline.
I can't have my mate, but she still had her chastity, every male in the school could tell. She was untouched... virtuous, and I wanted to take it for myself. It was meant for me.
But I couldn't.
So I'll settle for the next best thing. Now, Britney was far from being as innocent as my mate but in comparison to Vivienne, Laurel, or any of my other conquests, she'll have to do. Something about her reminded me of my mate, I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. Her kindness maybe? Her naivety? Her fragility? I don't know, she always wanted to see the best in me even when I blatantly used her.
I was stupid not to consider her emotional attachment to me, I feel bad for using her like this, but I know once she meets her mate she'll forget all about me. So I imagine it's her lips I'm kissing, her body I hold, her underneath me. I remember how she felt when she landed in my arms for that one millisecond in the parking lot, how could I forget? The bond made sure to brand that moment forever into my brain with a hot iron. I remember that she was unexpectedly soft, not like she-wolves who were built more muscular and slim. I remember the feeling of her curves against my abdomen, full and fleshy. I remember that her frame seemed too small and... delicate? Even more fragile than a regular human. I remember that she smelled so sweet, too sweet.
It's not the first time these forbidden thoughts raced through my head, it's what I relied on to get me going these days. The need to find out what mystery really hid beneath her clothing snuck up on me. My blood singing as the mental images of my mate squirming beneath me, begging for me, breathlessly calling my name. Of course, it was all the bonds doing, I could never be attracted to that. At least not willingly.
But fuck I was hard again.
I hardly even remember doing the act if I'm honest, I just know once I got my wolf drunk enough on fantasizing about our mate, I took my chance. I marked her, successfully.
Britney smiled happily up at me, I could tell she was absolutely elated, and in turn, I just wanted to smother her with a pillow.
This was supposed to be the ultimate straw for the bond, I'll know officially tomorrow. But as of right now, all I felt was sick to my stomach and my wolf felt so betrayed that it was choking me. I keep trying to convince us both but this was for the greater good, the greater good of the pack, but the conviction wasn't there anymore.