Awakening
Your body was heavy, and your eyes burned from the blinding, shining white light from above you.
"Mgh?" You croaked, rubbing your eyes trying to adjust to your mysterious surroundings. Your body stiffened as you sat upwards. A soft and squeaky quiver pondered out from your mouth upon feeling a sharp pain run on the upside of your spine.
'What happened?'
Suddenly, memories from the last mission flooded your head. You relived everything.
Killing the man.
Confronting Kakashi.
Falling from the mountain.
The face of your friends and brother as you tried to reach for them the moment you began to plummet.
"I fell," You wrapped your arms tightly around your trembling body as you attempted to console yourself. "I fell over one-hundred feet from the air. How am I still alive? I should be dead, shouldn't I?"
You then look down at your arms, twisting them around, baffled that you didn't see a single scar or bruise in sight.
'I was covered in cuts and bruises from the trees! I know I was! Where are they?'
You then took the opportunity to finally look around the room. Your lower body was wrapped in linen and cream-colored blankets. You were wearing a dark blue t-shirt with the Uchiha clan symbol on the front. You recognized the piece of clothing as Sasuke's old shirt from when he was younger.
"Sasuke! Where are you? Where am I?"
You look to your left, expecting to see the sitting face of your brother, but instead, there was the masked face of your sensei.
"S-sensei?"
Although you said his name, his eye remained closed and the lack of response made you realize he was asleep.
"You're awake," You jerked your shoulders upwards in surprise as a woman dressed in white walked to be at your right bedside. "Are you all, right? Any head or back pain?"
"Y-yes, back pain actually," She hummed and wrote something down on to the clipboard she was holding. "Um, I'm sorry, this is going to come as a weird question, but do you mind telling me where I am?"
The woman gave you a confused look and giggled pitifully into her hand, staring back at you with a saddened gaze. "Oh, you're at the hospital dear. Your brother and your teacher brought you here about a week ago. You've been unconscious since then, but you have recovered beautifully. If you're lucky enough, you can go home tomorrow."
'Hospital? I haven't been to one of these facilities since I fell for the first time!'
All you were able to muster was a nod. Everything felt strange, the fact that you were alive and in a place like this was frightening. And Sasuke was nowhere to be found to support you.
"(Y/n)?"
You turned your head to your left to see Kakashi awake and alert. Before you could even respond, Kakashi's arms wrapped tightly around you, trapping your waist protectively. Even though it was painful to do so you put your arms around his back, pulling him closer to you.
You've hugged Kakashi in the past, but you've never touched him in this manner before. It felt intimate, loving.
"You don't know how happy I am to know that you're awake. I was beginning to worry that you would never wake up," Kakashi moved his hand towards the back of your head as he softly pushed himself closer to you. "But that doesn't matter now, because you're here, with me."
His grip on you tightened and you bit your lip to hold in the whimper of pain he was causing from the undying pressure he was putting on your back. But you didn't seem to mind too much. If holding in your pain means Kakashi gets to hug you a bit longer than it would have been worth it.
"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei. You didn't have to be here."
Your sensei broke the hug, a whimper of both pain and the loss of his warmth escape your dry, cracked lips. You heard him sigh and chuckle tiredly.
"You still don't understand. I wanted to be here. I wanted to be the first person you saw when you woke up, but I'm guessing the nurse beat me to it."
A flare of crimson flashed its way onto your face, and you covered your mouth with your hand to hide the blush.
"O-oh, um, thank you sensei. It means a lot that y-you care enough to do such a thing. But may I ask where Sasuke is? Is he all right?"
Kakashi nodded and sat back down in the wooden hospital chair, bringing one knee to his chest, and resting his chin atop it.
"Your brother left yesterday to retrieve a private message for Lady Tsunade with Naruto. They will be traveling to Kirigakure, and it will take anywhere from two weeks to a month for them to return."
You felt your heart twitch as a grip on the white hospital bed sheets tightened. The last time you saw your brother, he looked terrified and guilty as you were falling off the mountain. He had promised you that no harm would come to you, and since you fell, he must feel that he had broken his promise. The least you wanted to do was grant him some peace of mind.
"I-I didn't even get to tell him I was okay! Or that I didn't blame him for what happened! I-I didn't even get to say goodbye."
Although it seems that Sasuke is the protective one when it comes to keeping his sibling safe, you would be lying if you would have said that you weren't the same way. Although you barely show it, you're also very protective of your brother and you fear that every day you will lose him. You'd didn't know what you would do if you lost him.
"(Y/n), Sasuke knew you would be all right. He would have never left knowing that you'd still be hurt"
"How do you know?"
You didn't mean to sound rude, especially towards a man who was willing to stay and sleep on an uncomfortable hospital chair until you awoke. But you knew your brother like you knew your own mind, and you couldn't stay quiet allowing somebody else to talk about what your brother was or was not thinking.
"Because I plan to abide by the promise I made to the Hokage before the mission," Kakashi stood up and put a hand on top of your head. You let his fingers get lost in the strands of your (h/l) (h/c) hair. You relaxed at his touch, almost melting under his hand's warmth.
"I will take care of you."
'It is funny, I fell because I wanted to avoid you. But now, all I want is to be near you.'
You wanted to laugh bitterly at yourself, but you held your tongue and instead relished the attention Kakashi was giving you.
"(Y/n)?" A soft knock at the door was heard and Kakashi took a step away from you, removing his hands from your hair.
Gaara then entered the room and rushed to be at the bedside opposite to Kakashi upon seeing you awake. He caressed your cheek with his hand and placed his other atop your hand that was on your lap.
'What is happening?'
"Um, h-hello Gaara. I-It's been a while."
You let out an awkward laugh as your eyes searched and scanned for Kakashi with the hope he would see your plea to break the awkward silence but instead, you got the opposite. You didn't even have to look at Kakashi for more than five seconds to see how angry he was feeling. His jaw was sharp from clenching his teeth while his lone, cloudy eye was set in a glare toward Gaara. You noticed it was the exact same face he had when you suggested your plan back in Iwagakure; pure lividness.
"Are you all right? When Naruto told me what had happened, I couldn't bring myself to see you in that state of pain he had described. But now I'm glad I came. I finally get to see you awake."
A small smile began to form on your lips, and you opened your mouth to talk when a sharp, stabbing-like, pain entered your body. You yelped, immediately catching Kakashi's attention.
"What did you do?" he screamed and in a frighteningly dark tone.
"Careful how you proceed with your accusations Hatake," Gaara quickly looked away from Kakashi and turned his attention back to you, his pale, blind-like eyes brightened at the sight of your face. "Are you all right? Here, lie down."
Gaara set you down as your breathing became uneasy throughout the unbearable twinge in your spine.
"I-I'll be fine. My head doesn't hurt anymore, but my back feels like it's been stabbed a million times."
"You landed on your back when you fell. It was supposed to be a while before the pain begins to stop, but thanks to Sakura, the doctors said it would take no longer than a week for you to recover."
"Sakura used her medical-nin on me? That explains why my arms are not scarred or bruised from the trees."
Gaara shifted his gaze from in between you and Kakashi, a look of serious concern on his face.
"Who even allowed you to fall in the first place?"
You stayed silent as you closed your eyes as the painful memories came flooding back to you.
In truth, no one failed you. You failed yourself. You could not deal with your developing feelings towards Kakashi, so you did everything you could to avoid being near him, which included taking a fall of nearly four hundred feet in the air. However, this whole experience made you realize something. If you hadn't gone last, Sasuke would have been in this hospital but instead of you. And you would rather fall down one million times before seeing your brother in this state of hurt.
Your laugh was bittersweet as you looked down at your hand that was being held by Gaara. It twitched uncomfortably under your friend's cold touch.
"No one failed me Gaara. Someone had to take the fall. The mountain was going to break whether or not I was at the last one in line. I take pride in here in pain if it means Sasuke is safe."
Another moment of awkward silence filled the air as Gaara let go of your hand. You couldn't blame him for having such a pale expression. Not even you knew what the appropriate response was to your own ludacris statement.
"Funny, Sasuke said the same thing before he left," Kakashi took a stand, grabbed your hand, and intertwined your fingers halfway. "None of this was your fault. I hope you know that."
You clutch your eyes tightly trying not to spill the tears that were scorching within them. You wanted to believe Kakashi's words more than anything, but you just couldn't bring yourself to. You found reassurance in knowing that you were able to protect Sasuke and all the pain you were enduring would not be in vain.
"You should rest easy now (y/n)." Kakashi, once again, pet your head before heading toward the door.
"Goodbye sensei. Thank you for caring about me."
--
Kakashi stared back at you, and the shakiness of your voice and the sharp glint in your eye practically begged him to stay with you. He wanted to stay with you more than anything. He tried to sit back down in that wooden chair, as uncomfortable as it was, and hold your hand to let you know that he planned to be by your side throughout your healing process, but something was holding him back.
His pain was holding him back.
Although he didn't show it, Kakashi was suffering alongside you.
He knew his own suffering was nothing compared to yours, but the wounds that were created with each twitch and whimper you made were more than enough to get him to turn away.
And he is doing the process all over again, turning away from you for his own sake because of the inability to confront his emotions.
"Anytime. I will be back tomorrow. I promised the Hogake to report to her once you awoke."
Kakashi stared at the door, his feet feeling too heavy to turn around to face you. A somber sigh left his mouth as he lifted one of his hands in an attempt to wave.
"Goodbye (y/n)."
Without waiting for a response, Kakashi left. Walking down the white walls of the hospital and into the outside world while knowing you were awake and aware of the throbbing pain your body was experiencing was a new sentiment, to say the least. It was unpleasant and the negative feeling pondered relentlessly throughout his body.
Kakashi was walking through the marketplace part of his village, taking note of the fact that Gaara was trailing not too far behind him.
"Hatake. I need a word with you."
Kakashi sighed in disappointment as he shut the book he was just beginning to read. He turned his head to face Gaara, an empty look in his lone eye.
"A blind man could tell you're quite fond of her Hatake. But need I remind you of the role you play within her life? You are her sensei, and she is your pupil. You will never be anything more."
Kakashi sighed, not wanting to argue with the crimson redhead.
"Who are you to lecture me about the roles I play in people's lives?"
"Let's just say I am a concerned friend."
"And let me just say I love her. Your empty threats will not change my emotions towards her so do not bother. I do not want to have this conversation again, but the next time I do, the outcome will not be in your favor."
Gaara was a bit taken aback by Kakashi's harsh words and the silver-haired jōnin took the opportunity of his shocked acquaintance to turn and continue walking to his home alone.
'Loneliness, I am tired of that feeling. You are the only person who makes me feel less lonesome.'
Kakashi did not care about the rank of the person who will decide to intervene with his relationship with you. He did not care who it is when it comes to getting in his way, but if anyone dares to believe for a second that vacant words and involuntary actions will change the way he feels about you then they are not only dead, but they are wrong.