Ellie's admission, coupled with her soft fingers curled around my hand, affected me more than Jake's threats. She gave me a soft, innocent smile as if she didn't know the invisible leash she choked around me. Fuck, a rush of warmth shot through me. She wasn't ready to give up, even at the expense of affecting her relationship with Jake.
Ellie probably knew my answer, although the 'can I?' question in her eyes was a beautiful moment of vulnerability. This tiny girl had my dumb, gigantic frame wrapped around her finger. Like the first time I saw her, she had me with one look.
She always had me.
I was too stupid to see it.
For once, Bryce listened to me and kissed Harper. It cost me an extra twenty bucks, but, like the other fifty-four dollars I spent on don't-kiss-Ellie bribes, the expense was worth it. I didn't appreciate Bryce popping pelvic thrusts and taking my picture when we left. Future roasting material, probably.
I towered over Ellie, standing or seated, but my hand wrapped around her curled-in fingers fit. Her hand was soft and perfect in mine, tucked away in my protection. Her smile brightened my sour mood. Fuck, I was in trouble.
Her fingers detached to climb in my truck like a mountain goat scaling a cliffside with her scrambling short legs. She gave my laughing a narrow-eyed look and sat down with a plop. I closed her door with a laugh and climbed into my seat. Crinkled plastic filled the silence from where her fingers fidgeted between her present and the flowers. More Ellie twitches brought my hand on top of hers.
"You said we shouldn't do this." She frowned at our hand pile. "But here we are."
Did she regret it? I hoped not. "If you want a ride home, I'll give you one." I removed my hand and started my truck. Poor choice of words, Hightower. "Car ride. Truck."
She scoffed and looked at her lap. "You can't give me a present and leave before I open it." By her bright smile and eyes lit up, a sweatshirt was the right call. I would've sung like a fucking canary or written my feelings in an airplane sky message if it meant she gave me a second chance. It was huge compared to her, but an open book silhouette with 'Lit Happens' suited her.
"You're welcome." I laughed when she yanked it overhead. "It looks cute on you, baby."
With one flip up of her dark lashes, heat warmed her gaze. Goosebumps raised the hairs on my forearms, and awareness prickled the back of my neck. My heart raced faster the longer she looked at me like that.
"What?" I shifted in my seat. "You don't like it?"
"I love it," she whispered. A side look was a bad idea. Her pupils rounded so much, the skepticism on my face reflected. She rolled her lower lip under her teeth. Only her soft fingers intertwined with mine kept me from pulling it out.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." A flush of pink filled her cheeks, giving them a rosy glow. "I just really want to kiss you."
Well, fuck. I almost slammed my foot on the brake. Her kissing other guys wasn't lost on me, but it could've been closer to fifty without my intervention.
Fuck, I needed to kiss her too. I settled for a hand squeeze because her stomach growled. She placed her free hand there and blushed deeper. Of all places, she wanted In-N-Out. Two burgers wrapped in lettuce and water were enough to hold me over until dinner, but Ellie flashed the most adorable pout when we arrived at our impromptu destination.
"You know something?" she asked when I opened her door. "You give me whiplash."
"I do?" I pretended to be innocent and held out my hand. "What do you mean?"
The sunset painted golden highlights on her cheeks and hair. Her cheeks blushed a deeper pink, and she pulled her hair out the back of her sweatshirt's neck. I settled my knees between her feet and offered my hand to help her out, but she tugged me closer.
With slow, tentative movements, her hands laced around my neck, and she shifted closer. Sitting in my truck put her six inches taller than me, and her hair pitched forward as she leaned closer. Her eyes gazed into mine, her pupils rounding as her lips parted. Her fingers tensed soft depressions into my scalp at my hairline. The air was thick enough to dry my mouth, and I swallowed the pressure squeezing my throat.
I tucked her hair behind her ears. The more I traced her soft, smooth lower lip with my thumb, the more I needed both pressed against mine.
"You said we shouldn't do this," her repeated, sending a warm breath across my mouth.
"And you said you really wanted to kiss me." Why was I stalling this? Her chest rose with elevated breaths, and that adorable pink blush stained her cheeks. I was mesmerized by the shape of her lips as they moved and rounded around words and the random tiny freckles across her cheeks. I wanted to know everything about this girl, what made Ellie Ellie. I wanted to know her feelings as much as I wanted to know her dreams, her hopes, what made her laugh until her sides hurt, and the secrets she locked in her heart that she didn't tell anyone
I wanted all of those things and more. But first, I needed to kiss her.
The hardness of her forehead met mine, followed by a soft nudge of the tip of her nose on mine. Under an invisible pull, I leaned in closer and pressed a soft touch on the corner of her mouth. Her sharp breath parted her lips, and she finished me off with words full of more breath than timber.
"Logan... Just kiss me already, asshole."
Challenge accepted.
Kissing Ellie was nothing as I expected. It started as a whispered touch that shuddered relief down my spine. One touch and I was addicted. Her lips were soft, warm, and perfect against mine. Every cell in my body burst into a rush of sensations.
It wasn't the raw, desperate kiss that the want growing inside me pushed for. I pushed down the ache that had built up from the moment she sat on my lap. This kiss was a quiet, gentle introduction. It struck weakness in my knees with how good a simple kiss felt. I swayed closer, my thighs hitting the edge of the seat.
With Ellie's sharp breath and eyes half-closed, she felt the effects. She pulled me closer, rounded her lips, and pressed harder. I fought an internal urge to reciprocate and elevate the kiss by tasting her mouth but settled for my hands gripping her waist. For being so small, she grounded me against the rush of lightheadedness that swept through me. My heart raced in my ears, electricity zipped through my veins, and I wanted to jump out of my skin.
With every stronger kiss, I crept closer until my chest was flush with hers. Our introduction shifted to more intentional contact, and her fingers stroked my hair – fuck, I liked that. She didn't pull or tug my hair, only massaged my scalp with the tips of her fingers. I gripped her as tight as my pants became, my breath turning short and sharp. Her quiet whimper hummed warm vibrations into my mouth, which tore a groan up my throat.
I needed all my restraint not to devour her whole. My blood rushed south, leaving my head dizzy and my dick swelling. Not now. Not this kiss. I cherished what was here, every inch of her lips that she gave by running mine from corner to corner. A warm glow spread in my chest as I claimed the warm, plush skin one press at a time. She claimed mine with a soft suck on my lower lip.
No, she claimed all of me. Holding back unleashed an unfamiliar sensation, and I shuddered. The center of my chest wound a tense coil as if my heart twisted around itself. The realization that it was only a kiss froze me still. But it also wasn't. Because I-
Ellie's stomach released a loud cry that broke us apart. She gasped and covered those beautiful lips, puffier on their outline. Mine tingled, and I steadied my breaths to normal. "Sorry," she whispered.
I drew her hand away and kissed the back of her knuckles. Her skin was soft there too. Fuck, I was going to enjoy learning how soft she was everywhere, but first, we needed to eat... after I adjusted the situation in my pants, which I did after her head disappeared around the hood of my truck.
The state park location offered a quieter vibe than the main beach. Absent a blanket, my gym bag's towel had to suffice, which I flung over my shoulder. Like a lovesick puppy, I bounded after her. It wasn't the date location I originally planned, but it was private enough for me to get to know this girl. Not only because I wanted to know her better but because she seized parts of me I didn't know existed until she took them with her.
What wasn't quiet was my phone, which buzzed with constant messages and calls. I turned off the sound notifications because the alerts hadn't stopped. "Hey." I nudged her shoulder with my elbow. As much as I wanted to text Harper messages for Ellie, I didn't. "You unblocked me, right?"
"See for yourself," she teased with a sweet smile. I pulled out my phone and sent her a quick text.
Me: You're a good kisser, baby.
A grin spread across my face. My message went through, and her phone buzzed. She shook her head but gave a soft, cute smile to her screen as if she held an inside secret. Was that how she looked when she got my texts?
My smile faded at thirteen missed calls and eighty-seven texts. The first was Bryce's group text of Ellie and me holding hands and leaving the book fair. His picture was enough to bombard me with questions and suggestive messages.
Josh: About time. Congrats. 👍
Jackson: smashing that trifecta's sweet little ass. Pix for evidence!!!
Bryce: Dibs on sloppy seconds.
I sighed at their collective stupidity. Except for Josh, the messages referred to only one topic: me scoring with the trifecta. What the fuck gave them that idea? Each 'congratulations' clenched my teeth until they ground together. The guys fought a competition of who said the most sexually explicit things about Ellie.
Ellie's trust was finally open, and this would slam it shut. I squinted my eyes until the shitty suggestions on my screen blurred.
"Logan?" her voice broke through my clouded thoughts, and she offered me a small smile. When I didn't reciprocate it, she stopped mid-step and frowned. "What's crawled up your butt?"
"Nothing." Or, it would be nothing once I contacted the guys. How many quarters could we play if I benched those fucking idiots? A pressurized beat throbbed in my forehead. "Give me a minute."
What was the best choice of words? Direct approach. I opened my album and smiled at her asleep on my shoulder. I changed the photo to black and white, set it as my background, then attached it to a group text.
Me: GAME OVER bros. This one's too important.
Me: [ image attached ]
In case that wasn't obvious enough, I followed up with what had better be the last damn warning.
Me: Bring this shit up again and I'll make sure your ass is on the bench.
Me: Be a shame to miss the Santa Cruz game next week, with all those recruiters.
A small, soft hand lowered my screen. Ellie's eyes rounded, and her voice weakened. "Logan? Why... Are you sending out a picture of me? Where did you take it? I swear-"
"At the blood drive," I interrupted to soothe the panic that slipped into her voice. "I'm shutting this bullshit down."
"What bullshit?" Her soft gasp followed the next buzz of my phone.
Bryce: Hightower finally scores! Winner. 👑🏆👑🏆👑
You've gotta be fucking kidding me. He asked me to punch his lights out.
"Winner?" Concern pooled in her eyes and rounded them into a softness I didn't deserve.
We finally got past the initial hurdle of my stupidity. The way my heart rammed against my chest walls, her cheeks flushed pink, and she melted while we kissed. We had chemistry. The pull between us was strong, but our relationship, for lack of better words, was so new and fragile. Ruining things while our connection was still forming was the last thing I wanted. Fuck, how was I supposed to explain this? 'I really like you, but my team now thinks we've slept together for a game that they've declared me the winner of?'
"Umm..." Her forehead wrinkled as she furrowed her eyebrows. "Excuse me!? Say that again?"
Oh no. No, no, big fucking no. I rubbed the back of my neck and looked at where Ellie's fingers trembled around my wrist. Dryness choked my throat. There was no option but to come clean. If I deserved Ellie's trust, then it came from her knowing the truth.
Fuck, this was not going to be easy. I used a deep sigh to calm my unsteady pulse. "You might want to sit down."
"I'll stand." Ice coated her short, clipped words, and she crossed her arms. Tension tightened her cheeks and creased the corners of her mouth. "Explain yourself. And you said you'd never lie to me."
I deserved her warning. It was my team, my problem. Maybe if she knew the whole story, then she'd see it was nothing but bullshit misunderstanding. There was only one way to find out. I clenched my stomach. "If I say something stupid and insensitive, will you hear me out for the entire thing?"
Ellie's eyes searched the near-empty beach. "Where am I going to go? I'm trapped, but need to be home in four hours for my curfew. So, as long as you aren't an insensitive ass for more than three hours, I'm pretty sure I can take it."
I traced the edges of my phone. "Something stupid is going on... behind my back and yours. I've done something stupid." Lots of stupid things, although this one fell under not doing enough to stop other people from being stupid.
"Narrow that down, please." Despite what I needed to tell her, Ellie's dry tone made me smile. Always busting my balls.
She lifted one hand to her forehead. "Let me guess. The game sleeping with girls. Scoring girls, smashing girls, whatever you want to call it." Except for a tightening of her lips, Ellie was calm. Her posture was relaxed, and irritation flickered in her eyes, but she didn't even flinch. Why? She could hide my body under all this sand, but her eyes dropped to the In-N-Out bag in my hand.
An itch crawled under my skin. I shifted my weight between my feet and frowned. At my silence, she reminded me with a voice drier than the salty air, "Did you forget who my brother is? Football players are sexist, egotistical assholes who only think with their dicks." Not always, but my team sure looked like they did. Her eyebrows raised, and doubt crept into her voice. "You said you don't play it?"
"I don't." I dragged my free hand through my hair, then cupped the back of my neck. A giant knot formed in my chest, and I squeezed my fingers into my skin. "I didn't play it this year. Or last. But I did until I hurt someone sophomore year. She was so upset that she switched schools. Her name was Chloe."
"Chloe!?" Ellie's body language stiffened with a gasp, and her hands flew to her mouth. "The book fair Chloe? Jake's... umm, interest, Chloe?"
I nodded and swallowed. "Two years ago, we dated for six weeks. I sent her picture to the guys, which was stupid. It got circulated out of the team and spread around school. Once back then and again before this year started." I dropped my eyes to her tiny feet embedded in the sand. It was the biggest mistake of my life. If I could go back, I'd kick my cocky, arrogant ass. I squeezed my eyebrows together and lowered my chin. "The worst part was I never apologized. I'm guessing that's partially why Jake doesn't want you involved with me."
"He doesn't want me involved with anyone," she mumbled and rolled her eyes. "But wow. Wow. I... no one wants their privacy violated or to get tossed with the morning trash. And, I'm sorry to digress, but I know what it feels like to have the whole school misjudge you, and it's horrible."
She probably thought I was a shitty boyfriend, and she was right. That bothered me. With exceptions like Mom and Brody, I never considered anyone's feelings other than mine. I'd never apologized to a girl. Anyone I'd been with physically was consensual, but I didn't care if they enjoyed it. Their willing participation and satisfaction suggested they had, but honestly... I only cared about myself.
I was fifteen inches taller than Ellie and a hundred pounds heavier but within the confines of my sobering thoughts, I was the smaller person. "Chloe broke up with me. I was crushed. Jaded, I quit being with any girl. It gave me a player reputation, but I was stupid and embraced it for a while before I got tired of being an asshole."
"For a while..." Ellie's echoed words faded, and her gaze dropped. I didn't need to see the doubt and judgment that swirled in her eyes. Her voice wavered between a murmur and a whisper. She wanted to know my body count, which wasn't zero but probably nowhere near the number she assumed. "I'm having trouble feeling sorry for your crushed feelings here."
"Ellie," my voice came out sharper than I wanted, but I needed her to know the truth. "I had six weeks of mistakes after Chloe, and I haven't been with a girl since."
What I hadn't shared was how I needed one gigantic mistake, the one time I led on a girl before I sobered up and rejected her advances. The uncertainty that hung over Ellie's eyes like a mask was suffocating. What was she thinking? If she still wanted anything to do with me after this conversation, then I'd tell her in the future.
"Not for lack of solicitations." My lame attempt to lighten the tension landed flat and hollow. "But I never want to hurt anyone like that again."
"A lot can happen in six weeks," she whispered.
With more resilience than humanly possible contained inside her tiny frame, Ellie stared at me. A flinch rounded her shoulders as she shrunk inside herself. My blood rushed faster the longer I waited. Thick emotion filled her voice, and her lower lip trembled. "So, you didn't send her picture to the school, but you're still responsible for what happened. And, after a brief period of selfishness, now you're just a player who's all talk but no game."
Ouch. From her perspective, she wasn't wrong. Having my faults laid out during a screaming argument was an invisible slap in the face. But having them pointed out in a quiet, hushed conversation with a person I cared about and disappointed was a slap in the face, a punch in the gut, and a knee in the groin.
A crinkle of paper sounded near my leg. My knuckles were white. When had I clenched my hands? I relaxed them with a shaky breath and forced my voice to steady, even if I preferred to swallow glass at this moment. "If you're asking if I'm a player, the answer is no. If you're asking if I don't do anything to correct that image, the answer is yes."
Ellie lowered her eyes until her lashes rested on her cheeks. I didn't like that and tipped my finger under her chin. Her irises were two shades darker. She drew in a sharp breath and pointed between us. "What is this? An opportunity to make me another laughingstock? Bragging rights? Trifecta, what is that? A triple crown? Which part of me earned that honor? It better not be Jake's sister-"
"No," I mumbled. My cheeks warmed, but like an out-of-control truck down a mountain with locked-up brakes, I started down this awful delivery path and needed to ride it out. "After we saw you at the beach, your name was included as a joke. The guys saw you held my interest and did it to mess with me. I ended it again at camp, I swear."
Both Ellie's eyebrows lifted at my hesitation. "But?"
"But Bryce, in his special way, confirmed that they're still playing it behind my back. And you're in it, associated with me."
"Fabulous," she deadpanned and rolled her eyes.
"Yeah." I rubbed a hand through my hair. Here it comes. "And they gave you the largest amount of points because... Fuck, I'm sorry, Ellie." My cheeks flushed hot. "You're hot, a virgin, unattainable because you're Jake's sister, and..."
"And!?" Those dark brown, doe-shaped eyes were almost black. She tucked the corner of her mouth into her left cheek like she already knew the answer and braced for my confirmation.
"Max points." My words punched me in the gut. "Whoever gets with you automatically wins."
Ellie's face paled as she stood silent, and her shoulders crept up to her ears. A dark storm brewed in her eyes. Her small hands clenched into fists, then unclenched. Silence hung thick, stifling, and more uncomfortable than if she opened her mouth and screamed at me. She pressed it into a firm line and tipped her head down. Her hair became a privacy curtain, so I only saw the top of her head and the tip of her nose.
Fuck, this was killing me. I wanted, needed her to act – yell, scream, hit me, order me to take her home, but Ellie delivered another agonizing round of silence. My pulse skyrocketed into a frantic beat, speeding up at her slow, deep, deliberate breaths. Her nostrils flared on her inhales and exhales through pursed lips.
The shine of tears in the corners of Ellie's eyes broke me. My heart squeezed around itself when she lowered them like she admitted unpleasant news to herself that she already knew. "I'm only bragging rights. Or am I the slut who slept with the rival quarterback behind my brother's back? Do you have any idea what that would do to me? My family?"
"No. It's not like that with you." My heart pounded as Ellie fell silent. Her glassy eyes closed, and she shuddered. "I won't let it come to that, Ellie."
The uncomfortable silence turned the inches between us into miles. No matter how awful she thought I was, I wanted to know, but she was immobile for what felt like hours. Only her long lashes opened and closed in slow motion.
She puffed out a quiet breath and forced a tight smile. A soft touch met my forearm, and she shifted her eyes back to her food bag. "I appreciate the honesty, I do. It explains a lot."
Explains what? Why wasn't she screaming, crying, or gasping in shock? How the hell was she half-smiling while I sweated bullets? Probably shoving my foot further up my ass, I asked, "You're not angry?" Ellie's lashes fluttered for a couple of blinks, doe-eyed and innocent. She shook her head with an amused smile. How was she so calm!? I clenched my teeth until my jaw ached. Sweat dampened my palms.
"Oh, I'm livid. But I'm trying to be nice, Logan." The left corner of her mouth twitched and her gaze hardened. An icy chill edged each word, "You want me to spell it out for you?"
"I want to know how you feel," I said. "Please."
Ellie's chest lifted, and she exhaled with a sharp huff. Her eyes were ignited with fire. "Sounds like you've learned your lesson, which I want to believe, but you're a spineless pushover to your friends. They're out of line because you let them behave like that. You're a weak leader, and they don't respect you. And they don't have respect for me if they give you a trophy for thinking I've already spread my legs open."
Her sharp, biting words were a knife stabbing into my ego. She was so perceptive. I could've stopped the game any time in the past two years, and I didn't. Coaches, teammates, fans, and casual classmates only sang praises over my talents. No one had ever criticized my leadership skills. No one would've also confused me for her brother's drill sergeant mode. I preferred to lead by example on the field, not...
Not ready to unpack this.
A tiny line of tension curved around each corner of her mouth. "What you do with your team is your business. But this?" Her finger shifted between us. "This is personal, Logan. I don't deserve to be treated like a fucking trophy. And I'm concerned about all the yanking around you do with me. You like me, don't want to kiss me. Your team thinks I'm a trophy."
I released all of my pent-up frustration in one sharp exhale. With zero hesitation, since nothing in our earlier conversation had changed how I felt about Ellie, which included the knee-sized gut check she'd just delivered, I blurted out, "Ellie, it looks bad, I know. But, fuck, you aren't that. Not to me." A brief smile pulled across my face when her cheeks turned pink, but it faded faster than it formed. "How I've treated you, definitely not my best moments, has nothing to do with the team's game."
That was me being a giant idiot.
"About that game." Bitterness clipped her voice, and she glared at my phone. "Fix it, Logan. I don't care how, but don't test my patience. I can only give you one week to straighten your shit because if Jake finds out..."
A frown creased a line between her eyebrows, so fine it doubled as a single strand of hair across her forehead. Her irises darkened into two pools of dark chocolate and held no ambiguity, as did her judgmental tone. "It won't be my reaction you have to worry about. Next time, I won't step in to stop him. I'll be walking away."
Her expression softened back to indifference within a blink, and her sharp gaze softened. "But, I swear, if you aren't telling me the truth, I want nothing to do with you. It seems like you realized you fucked up, changed your mind, and are trying to be a more decent human."
Was she... giving me a chance? She was. Thank fuck. "I'll fix it. They don't know how I really feel, but I hope you do." I meant every word, even though I felt lame as I admitted them. "I like you, Ellie. More than I should."
"More than you should," she echoed in a sharp bark. "You've said that before. Why?"
I wasn't ready to admit how much. If Ellie said one word,' I would track Ryder down and punch him unconscious. Or worse, I would walk away from her if she decided that was better and regretted every idiotic mistake I'd made. The longer I stared at her until the glare in her eyes challenged me for an answer, my stubbornness grew. One painful thump of my heart fought back. This girl deserved better than a quitter.
She spoke slowly, like she talked through her thought process, "If you like me, then why did you try to leave? Why hold back while kissing me?"
There was no way Ellie couldn't have known how she physically affected me at this point, how my cock swelled with interest into her thigh the more we kissed. But if she wanted pure honesty, then she got it. "I want to go further. Every part of me wants more of you. And certain parts of me still regret holding back. But I can't."
"Why?"
I swallowed hard at her direct question. Because she was special, and she made me feel things I didn't understand myself, like a weird desire to beat the crap out of a stranger. I wanted more than a quick release. I wanted her.
"Because you deserve better, Ellie. I want to be better for you." I wanted to see where this connection went. And, fuck, if I ever wanted a redo then it'd be this whole evening. "You're more than a quick smash."
A coy smile flinched on her lips. "I don't believe you."
"It's the truth."
Without a blink, she challenged, "Prove it."