Irvine got in her head. His voice goaded her mind as he slept on an air mattress in the living room. He was an earworm; a song with a catchy beat, repetitive lyrics that annoyed you to hell and back and to hell again. The conversation haunting her thoughts and her dreams. She didn't know what hurt more; the eagerness Sidney exuded at the sight of him or the truth in his statement. She wasn't Sidney's mom. She may never be.
She was a guardian. A guardian to the child she birthed but didn't raise. It was a word that felt like fresh cayenne pepper and salt sprinkled on a festering wound in her soul. He was trying to put her in her place. Task accomplished. That night after being a good host, she went to her room and sank into despair. She thought about calling Neisha but she was on a platonic date Lachlan, her words not Tulip's.
In the mound of her pillows, she peered up at the whipping ceiling fan and wept. Her tears poured from a place that seemed to never empty. Regret, hurt, and a broken heart would do that to you, she supposed. That or she was starting her period. Nah, it was the former. Ever since her unplanned pregnancy, she never forgot the rhythm of her cycle. She even knew the symptoms of her menstruation. Her chocolate lust, headache, and an unquenchable thirst for water were never ignored.
Her heart had been broken and never placed back together. Not after that day. The two halves have been pushed as close together as possible without fusing. How could they have merged, she lost two people she loved with all of her beings. Now, one of those souls was back and she had to do everything she could physically do to ensure she would stay in her life. She couldn't lose Sidney again. She might not survive it the second time around.
The bitterest pill to swallow was that Irvine was right. His delivery was trash but he was right. She wasn't Sidney's big sister. She needed to get serious and stop winging it. Children needed consistency. It wasn't something she knew off the bat but something she read on a blog that night once the frequency of her tears lessened.
Consistency wasn't something Tulip had. Yeah, she went to work from nine to five but her meals were sporadic. Eating breakfast wasn't a staple. Dinner was whatever she picked up on the way home or the first menu she pulled out the junk draw in the kitchen. She fell asleep wherever her guys got heavy; the living room, the loveseat in her room, or her room. It didn't matter as long as she got to sleep. Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays were for parties. She was working hard and there was no pre-set time she had to be home. It could be eleven or one in the morning. It was her job to give her client an unforgettable experience.
Now, she had another job; to give Sidney the best life she could, which was why they were sitting outside of Eunoia Country Club. Although it was going well.
"Can, you look at me?" Tulip asked the sulking ten-year-old. "Sidney. Please."
Sidney ignored her pleas. She sat with the seatbelt she locked in place in the simple preppy dress and ballet flats, even though Tulip told her that apparel wasn't fit for the activity she was going to be doing. She clenched her graphic novel with both hands leering at the front of the building with a quiet irritation.
Tulip sighed, toying with the chunky gold-link necklace that complemented her simple red dress. Why did doing what was right for someone so difficult? It would be so easy to have Sidney come to work with her. It was great having her at the boutique with her, being a little assistant. But today she wasn't going to be in the office, per se. She was going to be out and about, showing client venues for their engagement party. Neisha would be busy updating the website and social pages then she had to meet with a client to brainstorm ideas for their company's swag bags.
This was where Sidney needed to be, with kids her age. Tulip had a membership at the country club. She never actually golfed but did sport a skirt and club to network and procure new clients. It's how she met Stella and Indigo Clark and other esteemed individuals that hung in their circles that loved throwing festive soirees. She knew the club had a junior club for the under thirteen crowd that had golfing, tennis, and crafts with a chaperone. It was like summer camp and a great place for Sidney to be for a couple of hours a day. If she would get out of the car and go in.
"Look here, Sidney." Tulip's hand fell from the necklace and dropped in her lap. "You can't come to work with me. I know it was fun last week but it's not just feasible. Take your daughter to work day ain't a thing anymore. There are child labor laws and all kinds of things. Your mom didn't take you to work with her.
"Ne parle pas de ma Maman." Sidney muttered, looking down at the book in her hands."
"I thought we had an agreement." Tulip reminded. It really was one step forward and two steps back. That shit was actually true. "Using English until I'm semi-fluent. If I can't understand you. How can I fix it?"
I'm trying to fix it. Please, let me fix it.
Tulip frustratedly stretched her fingers as far as her tendons would allow then turned her body back forward in the seat. Silence fell on both woman and child as the time ticked and the spare time Tulip had to accomplish step two on her to-do list for the day started to dwindle.
"I'm trying here, Sidney," Tulip said softly. "I'm not your mom." Sidney's eyes slid towards her. "I'm not perfect. I'm trying to do the best for you. I always have."
She turned to the girl and was content to see her already facing her. "You like golfing. I want you to do something you like.
Sidney dropped her gaze back to her book and whispered. "J'étais."
"What?" Tulip leaned towards as if it was the girl's volume that prevented her from comprehending. "Sidney, please."
"I..." Her chest moved fast and she lifted her face to display why. Tears flooding her eyes. "I..."
"What's wrong?" Tulip wanted to scoop her out of the chair and hold her tight. Hug away the tears. She gently stroked her cheek with the back of her hand instead. "What's the matter, sweetie?"
Sidney removed her teeth from her bottom lip and muttered. "I'm scared."
"Scared about what? The kids inside?" She glanced at the building as if a bully was standing by the door. "You have your phone if anyone starts any shit and if they don't know how to back off, call me. I'll fight a kid and they mama."
A faint quirk ticked up Sidney's mouth. "You'll come back."
"Of course," Tulip assured, wiping the tear away that slid from her eyes. "I'm sorry but you're stuck with me, Lil' Sidney."
"What if something happens?" Sadness hung in the little girl's eyes as she peered up at her. "What if..."
"Nope." Tulip shook her head. "Nothing's stopping me. I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere. "Plus, you're teaching me how to make lasagna, tonight. I got to get my cooking lesson."
Sidney's face glowed as she smiled more, her cheeks sliding up pushed the reminding tears from her eyes.
"I learned from our cook." She declared. "He's from Florence and I was his sous chef."
Tulip brushed the French braid she did that morning over her shoulder. "I know. You told me earlier."
"Well, can I tell you again." She bounced in the seat.
"Hmm." Tulip twisted her mouth to the side. "Only if you get out of the car and walk in the building."
Sidney sighed then shrugged. She unbuckled her seatbelt, opened the door, and got out with her little cross-body purse and book in tow.
Tulip dropped her keys in her purse and trotted up to the fast walking child. She got that from her dad—that jackass.
She pushed him out of her head and focused on the part of her heart she had with her.
She held out her hand. "Ready?"
"Yes." Sidney glanced down at her hand then shook her head. "I'm a big girl. Big girls don't hold hands."
Tulip tsked, "Big girls do what the hell they want."
Sidney took another look at Tulip's extended hand. A smile grew on Sidney's face, which was becoming Tulip's favorite sight in the world. "Fine." She placed her hand against Tulip's. "If you want. But I'm not scared, anymore."
"Good." Tulip quipped before opening the door because she was.
Do you think the Country Club's summer camp is a good place for Sidney to be while Tulip is at work?
Why do you think Tulip's 'I'm not your mom' comment got Sidney's attention?
Why do you think Tulip is scared?