~Monday 30th May 2016~
"Oh, fuck off," River grunted under his breath as he slumped down the stairs, barely able to see straight two feet ahead of him, hoping he didn't tumble down them. There were more than enough to fall down and some form of concussion would only make him feel a thousand times worse. Why did people have to come over on that day? Who the fuck even turned up in the middle of the day, knowing River's parents were away for the week and assuming he would be at school?
He thought about ignoring the knocking, even did so for a few moments, merely laying in his bed staring up at the ceiling, yet it didn't stop. Whoever it was, wasn't relenting, and wasn't just going to walk away even if River did ignore them. The knocking was only adding to the drilling that felt as though it was splitting through his skull, he couldn't take it anymore. All he had to do was snap at whoever it was, and they would leave him alone. He could rest in peace. Until he had to throw up again that was.
"What?" River practically snarled as he swung open the door, needing a moment for his eyes to focus in the sudden change of light. Instantly, he regretted his choice of reaction. Shock would have been more appropriate.
"Oh, baby boy, you look terrible," Gray stepped forward into the house, forcing River to stumble back whilst the man closed the door. He cupped the boy's cheek, tilting his head from side to side whilst he examined him, actually worsening the dizziness clouding River's mind.
"Wow, you really know how to make a boy swoon," River murmured sarcastically, resting his own hand atop Gray's, turning his head away, "you'll get sick, what are you doing here?"
"I was video calling Jensen and he mentioned you had been sent home. What happened?" Gray stepped even closer, and River actually held his breath for a brief second, not wanting to worsen his condition by feeling any guilt over getting the man sick. That wasn't fair. He shouldn't even be there anyway, people would talk if the neighbours had seen anything. Then again, Gray had clearly thought of that, hence why he had entered River's house before drawing close to him. He wasn't just a pretty face.
"I'm sick," Gray didn't seem satisfied by River's answer, waiting patiently until the boy continued, "I threw up a few times and, I don't know, maybe it's the flu or something. Either way, you shouldn't be here, I don't want to give you anything," River tried to step back, tried to distance himself from Gray, but the man just matched every move with one of his own. He pressed a kiss to the corner of River's mouth, causing the boy's skin to heat up more than it already was.
"I think you have a temperature," Gray mused, looking focused as he placed the back of his hand to the boy's forehead. River was a little startled, if he was honest. He wasn't used to someone caring so much, checking in on him so intensely. It wasn't like his parents just left him to fend for himself, when he was younger, he had a vague recollection of his mother watching over him whilst he was ill, but it wasn't more than that. She didn't sit with him in his room, he would have to move into the living room or den or even lay in her office if he wanted to spend time with her. He had to make the effort, it was bizarre to have the situation in reverse.
"Not that I'm not happy you're here, Gray, but I can't have sex right now. I'm too tired," River rested a hand on Gray's chest in a feeble attempt to prevent the man moving any closer, not that it was of any use. He smiled warmly, slipping his hand down from River's cheek to the nape of his neck, shaking his head briefly.
"I'm not here for sex, Riv, I'm here to take care of you. No one sick should be home alone, I want to look after you. You deserve a little pampering," River's brow furrowed, surely he hadn't heard that right, "I know your parents aren't going to be here all week, and I told my PA, Cassandra, that I was coming down with something. No one will look for me here for a few days, we're safe together here," River suppressed the roll of his eyes, of course Gray had a personal assistant. River presumed she would be blonde, busty and probably looking like a supermodel. He couldn't help the jealousy flaring within him, even though he knew no woman was Gray's type, he didn't swing that way and, yet, it was still infuriating to think of him alone with Cassandra.
"Have you had anything to eat since you got home?" River followed Gray blindly into the kitchen, their fingers laced together as the man led him through the hallway, "I can make you some soup if you would like," Gray opened the fridge, his eyes scanning the food within, "maybe some chicken and-" River let go of Gray's hand, stepping forward to encircle his arms around the man's waist, resting his head on his chest, "hey, baby, what's this for?" Gray chuckled as he returned the hug, rubbing River's back and dropping a soft kiss to the boy's hair.
"Thanks," River murmured, hiding his face against Gray's shirt, not wanting the man to see him blushing so profusely, "for coming here... and stuff," River knew he should have stepped back then. He should have let go of Gray and gone to sit down at the island or something. But, instead, against all thought and instinct, they remained in that embrace. River clutched onto Gray's shirt, simply listening to his heartbeat thundering through his chest, eyes closed, breathing slow. It seemed like a perfect moment, one that River knew he would cherish for a long time. He was happy in that moment, in the arms of Gray, of... well, that was the only downside. Gray wasn't River's boyfriend, and he wasn't even sure that the man wanted to be.
"You never answered my question," Gray commented when River went to sit at the island, or more slumped, shivering from the lack of blankets covering him, "have you eaten yet?" River hid his hands under the lip of the countertop, not wanting Gray to notice how much they were trembling. He didn't need to worry about him, it was just the aftershocks of throwing up, they would subside soon enough.
"No," River fidgeted with the strings of his hoodie, wishing he had put on something warmer before he had walked down the stairs, wishing he could stand up and adjust the thermostat without Gray questioning him.
"How many times were you sick?" a macabre topic to be speaking about, but River knew Gray had to ask. He had to assess, in his own way, how bad River was.
"A couple," River muttered, not really wanting to dwell on the embarrassment. All he could be thankful for was that he wasn't in class when it happened. He was on break, so he could get to a bathroom in time. It would have been a little easier if Vienna had been talking to him, she could have gotten the nurse and he could have remained there in the stall. Nevertheless, he tried not to think about Vienna, he didn't need to be sad and ill.
"Soup is a good idea then, something light to start off with," River wasn't really listening to what Gray was saying, nor did he pay attention to the man's absent talking whilst he made the soup. He was just happy to hear the sound of his voice, he didn't care about what he was saying. The tone was soothing, calming River enough to make his tremors concealable. As long as he kept his hands under the table, Gray wouldn't see. And there would be no more questions asked.
"Do you want anything to drink, baby?" River was roused from his thoughts by the new inquiry, refocusing on the man's back as he stirred the soup, "something warm maybe? Some tea?" River shook his head, then kicked himself for doing so, having forgotten that Gray couldn't see him. He didn't want to talk, he didn't feel good, he didn't even like sitting up anymore. He just wanted to go to bed and put on some film as background noise so he could sleep for a little while. Sleeping in Gray's arms would be nice, that was something to look forward to at least.
"No, thanks," River felt the shaking worsen in his hands, spreading up his arms to his chest as well. It was when he finally noticed the smell of the vegetables cooking, seeing Gray add a small amount of cream to the pot, that the nausea hit. And, boy, did it hit hard. River leapt from his seat, barely making it to the sink before he was retching and dry heaving, nothing in his stomach to force up but bile that burnt his throat. He coughed and gasped, tears tipping out over his cheeks, clutching onto the sink so tightly his knuckles turned white.
"Take a deep breath, baby, you're alright," River flinched when he felt Gray's hand on his back, "sorry," the man added in a softer tone, almost removing his hand entirely before River gripped it tightly. River didn't speak, and neither did Gray. The man just stood behind him, rubbing his back whilst River attempted to compose himself.
"I'm sorry," River whispered after a moment, his voice hoarse from the ache in his abused throat, "it wasn't what you made, it smells really nice, I-I just..." River felt more tears welling in his eyes, fearing that Gray might be angry with him, embarrassed for the way he was acting in front of him. They weren't in a relationship, they weren't anything more than fuck buddies to one another, Gray shouldn't be around River when he was like that. It wasn't right. He was caring for him like... like a boyfriend would, like a lover, and that only made River's heart ache more.
"I know, Riv, it's alright. We can try food a little later, how about I draw you a bath for now?" River wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, hesitating for a short while. A bath sounded nice, really nice actually. River just hoped he wasn't making Gray uncomfortable with all this, he wasn't sure he was entirely happy about being cared for so openly. It felt like the man was babying him, and he had to remind himself that he was just being loving, not patronizing.
"Yeah, please," River spoke through barely moving lips, knowing the foul taste in his mouth couldn't be doing wonders for his breath. He turned, slipping his hand into Gray's and leading him upstairs to his bedroom, suddenly finding the situation very strange.
He was taking a man to his bedroom, he hadn't done that very often recently. In fact, he didn't bring a lot of men home. If he ever hooked up with anyone from the clubs that he went to, he would always suggest they go back to their place, or a hotel, not his house. It was bizarre to have someone else up in his room with him, and even more so when he felt Gray scrutinizing the contents of the room.
"The ensuite's through that door," River walked over to the window, picking up the cigarette that he had been halfway through before there was a knock on the door, staring at it for a moment.
"That might not do wonders for your stomach right now, Riv, maybe you should think about stopping," River couldn't help but scowl briefly when Gray mentioned his habit, he didn't like to feel as though people were pushing him to quit, "just until you're better, baby," Gray phrased the comment as more of a gentle suggestion, which helped River from bristling. With a quiet sigh, the boy stubbed out the cigarette, even though it wasn't even lit anymore. It was more of a symbolic thing, not just to Gray but to himself. It was a nasty habit, and he really did need to stop. Maybe starting off with preventing himself from using whilst he was sick was a good idea. Then he could take it day by day after that.
River followed Gray into the bathroom, collecting some towels from the cupboard and brushing his teeth whilst the man ran the bath. That strange feeling prickling at the hairs on the back of his head didn't dissipate. If anything, it got worse. It wasn't a bad feeling, nor anything that River believed he should be concerned with. It was just... unnerving maybe? It was unknown to River, but it had a strange sense of calm laced between the lines. River couldn't put his finger on it, but everything just felt... it felt right.
"Are you going to join me?" River asked, pulling off his hoodie, noticing how Gray stilled when he did so. He looked down at himself, fearing for a moment that he might have forgotten about some bruise or injury from Mason and his goons. No. Gray was just staring for the sake of it, his eyes flittering over River's bare chest as though it was the first him he had seen it. If River didn't find it so flattering, he might have turned away.
"Would you like me to?" River stepped forward, loosening Gray's tie before dropping it to the floor at his feet.
"You look hot in a suit," he added with a lopsided smile, untying the drawstring on his own sweatpants, "I can find you something a little more comfortable to wear whilst you're here. Or I'll have someone pick you something up," River stripped completely, drawing in a sharp breath when he felt Gray's fingertips run down his spine whilst he was turned away, folding his clothing.
"You're beautiful, River," the man whispered, adoration in his tone that very nearly made River stiffen. He couldn't listen to Gray's compliments anymore, not when he knew it was causing a connection to grow between the two of them, one that River knew wasn't healthy. Gray didn't want a relationship, he would have given some sort of sign if he did, something more than everything he already did. River refused to make a fool of himself, he didn't want to ruin everything by asking for more. Just being something with Gray was better than nothing.
"Did you work things out with your friend?" Gray asked once the two were settled into the bath together. His arms were wrapped loosely around River's waist, hands entwined on the boy's stomach, back to the man's chest. River felt safe there, and the warm water felt nice on his shivering limbs. Thankfully, Gray hadn't mentioned that symptom that he was displaying.
"No, we haven't really spoken," River tried not to think about Vienna too much. She needed time, and he hoped she would change her mind about what had occurred between the two of them soon enough. He was beginning to go insane from the radio silence, he needed someone to talk to, someone he could open up to about his situation with Gray. But, even if they did make up, he wasn't sure if she would be comfortable with River speaking so freely about Gray, he wasn't even sure he could trust her with what he needed to discuss.
"I've texted her and stuff, but she's ignoring me. There isn't much else I can do, and I'm not sure if I really want to keep trying," River felt awful saying the words aloud, having only thought them up until that point. Vienna hadn't reacted the way a normal friend would, she had said some cruel things to River, things that couldn't have just been plucked out of the air in a fit of rage. They were premeditated, and River didn't like the thought of someone so close being able to be so ruthless toward him.
"I wouldn't blame you if you gave up, it might be a good idea," River arched an eyebrow, resting his head back in the crook of Gray's neck so he could catch the man's eye almost, or at least see his expressions.
"Why? You don't even know her, how can you make a decision like that based on what little I've told you?" River had hoped for Gray to tell him that he was overreacting, and that he should just give her a little more time. He had wanted the reassurance that he hadn't screwed everything up by telling Vienna about Gray, yet the man hadn't said that. River wasn't sure where the conversation was going, however, he had a feeling he wasn't going to be all too pleased with the finale.
"I've heard your parents talking about her, I don't think they dislike her solely because she's 'alternative'. From what I've heard... I think she's toxic," River's expression darkened to a frown, confusion billowing over his face. No, Vienna wasn't toxic. She was amazing. She had been River's best friend for years, ever since third grade. They had clicked immediately, they were inseparable for months. She... She got him into cigarettes. And drinking. And... and she thought of the website.
"B-But she's my best friend," River stared at the wall opposite the two, dumbfounded by his own stupidity, his own inability to see the person who was really standing before him so often, "I can't just give up so many years of friendship because of this," River's mouth and mind weren't working together. They were feuding. He was saying what he should have been, defending his friend for her reaction, justifying her actions. However, in his mind, he was beginning to realise how she had manipulated him over the years.
"She bought my first fake ID," River murmured in a softer voice, one that lacked the emotion it should have contained, "she went with me to get my first tattoo, she pushed me into it when I wanted to back out," Vienna wasn't the person River had thought she was, "she introduced me to the guy who took my virginity when I wasn't even sixteen, she told me I had to get good at it before I met the person I really wanted to do it with," River didn't even realise he was crying until he felt Gray's thumb brush over his cheek, wiping away the tear that had stained his skin.
"It's your choice, baby boy," Gray smiled meekly, rubbing his hand over River's chest, splashing some water up over his skin to keep him warm, "I don't want to influence you with this, it's a big decision to make-"
"What would you do?" River interrupted, sitting up a little more and peering over his shoulder to face the man. He didn't want a pacifist in that moment, he wanted someone to guide him.
"Well-" Gray paused for a second, likely thinking through the choices of what he could say. River would never blame the man for his opinion, but he wasn't exactly sure how Gray would take it himself. He could understand Gray not wanting to sway him in any way, the only problem was, that was exactly what he needed.
"I'd let her go. You've had a good run, you have some good memories, I just don't think she'll be good for you in the long run. I think it's a better idea for you to end this before something serious happens, something more than an argument between the two of you. But, if you don't want to do that, I'm not going to hold it against you. It's your choice entirely," Gray reached up, tracing River's bottom lip with his thumb, a gentle smile on his lips, "as long as you're happy and healthy, I don't care about anything else."