"Why is he so small?" Kolbi asked so uncertain that a baby was supposed to be as small as Harrison.
"Because he had to be little to stay in mommy's tummy," I whispered holding Kolbi on my lap while Harrison laid in front of her. Jack sat the foot of the bed with a hand on Harrison's head.
"He is so tiny and cute!" Kolbi said and was very gently playing with his fingers.
I watched Ryleigh start to take photos as I flipped her off above Kolbi's head so she didn't see what was going on. Ryleigh mouthed something to me as I rolled my eyes. A nurse came in and took Harrison away to a hearing test on him. Kolbi looked at me sadly but was pretty preoccupied with playing with my braided hair. Lisa was nice enough to braid my hair that was just below my shoulders now in two braids.
"Why they take the baby away?" Kolbi said as Beckett picked up Kolbi.
"Because sweetie the baby had to go get some tests done and we can't go with him," Beckett waved at us signifying that he was going to go as Kolbi let out a yawn.
"Go kiss mommy goodbye we'll see her later," Beckett placed Kolbi on the ground as she ran over to me and gave me a big hug.
"Bye-bye!" She said as I kissed her cheek repeatedly.
"Bye guys thanks for letting us see baby Harrison. I think Kolbi is obsessed so we may have to get together more often." Beckett laughed as Jack went over and hugged him.
"I get what you told me now," Jack whispered as everyone was talking I just watched my ex and my current boyfriend.
I waited until most everyone had left for the day and after pumping to bug Jack about the conversation he had with Beckett. I looked at him as his eyes were hazed over with the look of sleep coming on. I knew Jack was vulnerable and I needed to work quickly.
"Jack?"
"Yeah, Lo?" He spoke closing his eyes.
"What did Beckett tell you?"
"That parenthood is awesome and shitty all in one. It's a big feeling of love and its a love you don't understand until you hold them in your arms." Jack said and moved his arms from behind his head to stomach.
"I want to climb in bed with you." Jack murmured and then let out a soft little snore.
I rolled my eyes and then thought back to earlier in the day when they took Harrison. They never told us if he passed his hearing test. It bothered me that they never told me about the test but I mean if they don't tell you anything that means there is nothing wrong. I laid in bed and I let sleep overtake me for a few hours before I heard a nurse come in with Harrison.
"Good morning parents. I see your baby daddy stayed the night. You get to go home today! Yay new parents get to leave with a baby!" The nurse went over to a whiteboard and erased all of yesterday's information off of the board.
I picked Harrison up out of the roll away crib they had him in. I changed his diaper and went to get an onesie out of the bag I had packed. I went and changed into a new set of clothes feeling more like my self. I was beginning to feel my muscles go back into place were they were pre-baby. This was a reminder that I would need to work out if I wanted to get back into shape.
"Morning baby boy," I said stripping him from the swaddle he was in to place clothes on him.
Harrison let his lip bounce in and out a little. The tears began to pool at the corner of the little boy's eyes. I wiped them away quickly after getting him dressed. Jack was still asleep on the sofa. So I decided to wake him up the only way I knew how. I placed Harrison on his chest.
"Good morning daddy! We get to go home!" I said softly in Jack's ear as he swatted at my face.
"Go away five more minutes Logan."
"Jack, come on, we need to get a car seat ready and let them do the car seat test then we can leave they said. We get to take a baby home to my parents while Lisa sets up a nursery at your place." I whisper in his ear and kiss his cheek before lifting Harrison up off his chest.
"But what if I didn't bring a car seat?"
"Jack I did you just have to get up lazy. I know it fits in your car because I bought extra snap-in things so that way they were meant to. So come on lazy!" I poked his chest as he finally sat up and wrapped his arms around me pulling me toward him being careful of Harrison.
"Good morning family. Morning baby boy. Morning Lo." Jack said and kissed my lips softly and the back of Harrison's head.
"You seem extra loving today. Too bad no sex for a while. Not until I'm back to normal you know." I winked as Jack groaned.
"I know! You sex deprived man child." I giggled putting Harrison into the car seat and hitting the nurse call button so that way they could take him away to do the car seat test.
The nurses made us lock him into the car seat which made the baby unhappy. I hushed him as he finally seemed to self soothe. Harrison was then whisked away from the room. He was no longer where I felt he was most safe with us. I began to panic and I think Jack knew I was panicking. It had been a struggle I wasn't ready to admit every time they took Harrison from the room.
"Lo, it's going to be okay they are going to bring him right back," Jack said and pulled me to sit on the bed with him.
"I know it's just what if something goes wrong I'm discharged and he isn't. I mean I am still pumping for him but it's what if. I don't want to leave him." I began to let the tears fall and all the panic went from being interior panic to exterior.
"I'm here you can just hold me if you need to Lo. I know a lot of this is just hormones you just carried a baby around for 39 1/2 weeks then pushed him out. I know it's a lot and you did everything to keep him alive. You are the reason he is here. He wouldn't have come if he wasn't ready. Lo, it'll be fine I promise."
We waited for Harrison to come back. He passed the test with flying colors. We were released to go home and I was given care instructions until a certain date which would be his one-week check-up. Harrison was a relatively easy baby to take care of. He slept the whole hour car ride home. We were welcomed home where I placed a monitor on his foot to make sure he was breathing before going downstairs. I also had a baby monitor on so that way if he cried I would know to go get him. Alex sat at the island with a bowl of cereal in front of him.
"You look dead Logan," Alex said just letting the words flow out his mouth.
"I'm such a bad mom-"
"Hey, I told you everything is going to be okay. Stop saying you are a bad mom you aren't." Jack said and kissed my temple.
But what happens when everything isn't okay. What happens when we find out the truth?