"Tenrō, what's the square root of 1?"
I lifted up my head, which I had rested on my desk, and looked at the teacher incredulously. "You haven't taught square roots yet!"
"If you weren't late for class today, you would have known that's exactly what I taught this morning!" The man objected, his hands on his hips as he glared at me.
"Okay, fine, it's on me," I grumbled as I sat back in my seat slouching down.
"Answer the question," he demanded.
"0.5," I answered incorrectly.
"Wrong! It's 1!" He yelled angrily. "You need to stop showing up late! It's affecting your grades!"
I threw my head back. "Maaah-"
"Tenrō! Don't make me send you to the principal's office!" He threatened.
I gave a small sigh before lowering my head so I could look at him. "Yes, sir..."
He nodded sharply before looking at Obito, who was sleeping with drool coming from his mouth and trailing onto the desk.
"Obito!" The man yelled, and the Uchiha in question snapped to alertness.
"Yes!" The boy exclaimed as he saluted.
"What's the square root of 4?" He demanded to know.
"2," Obito replied with a bored look on his face.
The sensei looked shocked since Obito missed his lesson this morning as well. "How did you...?"
"Can I go back to sleep?" Obito whined before allowing his head to fall back. He immediately started snoring, and drool began to run down his chin once more.
I gave a nod of respect to the boy.
"Tenrō! Your bad attitude is rubbing off on Obito!" The teacher yelled at me.
"Oh, please," I scoffed, "I haven't even begun to show a bad attitude. If I wanted, I could go and blow up Orochimaru's lab and watch this village burn as his wrath lashes out against all."
The man flinched back, looking at me in horror.
I gave the most sadistic grin I could as I looked down at him. "Is that what you want, sensei? For me to destroy the village just to show you how bad my temper really gets?"
"What kind of kid are you?" The man asked as he stared up at me, his eyes wide and filled with the horrors of war.
"Tenko always did call me for a demon for a reason," I said with a chuckle, "So stop testing me and get back to instructing, sensei~."
He stared at me in shock for a long moment before looking up at the sky. He was clearly asking his gods why he was dealing with me when he was a good man of faith and shit like that.
I gave an internal snicker.
He looked down at us and decided to be an ass. "Let's go practice our taijutsu."
Oh, fuck you! I internally screamed.
Everyone else was excited, unlike me.
In any case, we went outside and broke into two groups - boys and girls.
I was paired up against some extra. I was up first, along with my partner. I, once again, threw up a Seal of Confrontment and stared at my partner with the utmost boredom.
The extra also made the Seal of Confrontment.
We were then told to get in our fighting positions.
I got into my half-assed one while he shifted his leg back and crouched down with both of his hands poised like cat claws. As I took a moment to study his stance, I realized he had distinct fang-like markings on his cheeks. I was about to battle an Inuzuka.
"Where's your dog?" I asked before I could stop myself.
He immediately grew angry. "Just because I'm an Inuzuka doesn't mean I need a stupid dog to fight!" He then proceeded to lunge at me.
I forced myself not to roll my eyes as I moved to the side, causing the boy to strike out at the air. "Look, kid, don't you know that half or better of your clan techniques revolve around you and your partner, which just so happens to be a dog? I mean, be logical, my dude."
"Be quiet! I don't need a dog! I'll do it all by myself!" The extra announced incorrectly before once again lunging.
I sighed as I was tackled and held down. "Were you bit or something? It happens to all Inuzukas once or twice in their lives..."
"That stupid dog peed on me!" The Inuzuka screamed furiously.
I forced myself not to snort. "You... realize that's the way of marking territory, right?"
"Huh?" The boy asked stupidly.
"It means that the dog claims you as their owner. It's, like, a sign of respect in the dog world," I explained to the absolute moron.
The boy narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously before he got off of me. "I... I'm going to ask my Kaa-chan if you're lying..."
I gave a grin. "Of course!" I then got up, making the Seal of Reconciliation.
He linked his fingers with mine.
I turned back to the class and went over. I flopped down in my usual spot and began resting.
"Obito and Gai, you're next," the sensei said.
Gai eagerly hopped into the circle and looked at Obito, who dragged his feet. The two made the Seal of Confrontment, and then the match began.
Gai immediately sent his fist forward toward Obito's stomach.
The boy in question actually dodged to the side, shocking Gai. The Uchiha then slammed the side of his hand onto the back of Gai's neck.
Gai was out immediately.
I sat up and yelled, "This is a spar, not a death match, Obito! Show some restraint!"
"A-ah! I'm sorry, Gai!" Obito yelled as he looked down at Gai's unconscious form.
The teacher finally managed to get over his shock and rushed over to Gai. He flipped the boy over and saw that Gai's eyes were rolled back and everything.
"Just slap his face a few times. He'll walk it off," I assured the sensei.
"This is serious, Tenrō!" The man yelled at me angrily.
I gasped loudly. "Is that a youthful maiden-"
Gai shot up eagerly. "Where?!"
I laughed as I pointed at the boy. "You just got up for nothing! There is no youthful maiden!"
"You tricked me?!" Gai exclaimed in horror.
I laughed louder.
Obito waved his hand in front of Gai's face before making the Seal of Reconciliation.
Gai quickly did the same.
Obito trotted over to me and sat down next to me. "Hey, hey! That was pretty cool, right?!"
"Considering where you were a week ago? Very cool," I agreed as I laid back down to watch the clouds.
"Hey... Why don't you do something like that during sparring time?" Obito inquired softly.
"Too lazy," I answered honestly.
"Man, you could, like, totally beat Kakashi if you tried," Obito complained as he crossed his arms.
"Yeah, but I won't because Sakumo-sama highly praises his son," I explained, waving off the notion of beating the silvernette for now.
"Oh, yeah. What does 'would smash' mean? You say it a lot while pointing at adults," Obito inquired like an innocent smol bean, which he was for the time being.
I gave a wide grin as I sat up. "Good question! 'Would smash' is a term used when referring to an attractive person that you would fu-"
"Tenrō!" The teacher yelled with a red face. "What have I told you about swearing?!"
I stared at the man blankly for a long moment before turning my attention back to Obito. "Would make love to-"
"Tenrō!" My sensei yelled.
"I didn't swear!" I objected.
Obito was still curious. "What does 'make love' mean?"
I gave my sensei a shit-eating grin. "Yeah, sensei. What does that mean?"
The poor man recoiled with a tomato-red face. "I-it's something adults do, and that's that!"
I snickered at his vanilla reply. "Sounds like someone is still a virgiiin~!"
The man once again sputtered. "P-principal's office! Now! Go!"
I laughed as I got up and began walking toward the office.
"That's not the way to the door!" My sensei yelled after me.
"I ain't going through the door like a plebeian!" I yelled back as I kept on walking.
"Don't you dare go through his window!" The man yelled as he began to chase after me.
I gave a sadistic laugh as I began running away from the man.
"Tenrō! I'll - I'll tell the Hokage!" The man yelled while trying, and failing, to sound threatening.
"Go ahead!" I replied cheerfully. I then jumped into the air and through the closed window, shattering glass as I went through the principal's window.
The man released an all-to-feminine scream as he threw what he was holding at me.
I allowed the book to bounce off my head and caught it. "Oooh! Someone was reading porn in schoooool!"
"It's not-" The principal cut himself off as he realized who I was. "Oh, Tenrō... What do you think you're doing?!"
"Kidnapping this copy of Naughty Ninja Nurses," I replied honestly before turning to flee out the window. I paused as my sensei was looking in the window with a horrified expression. I gave a grin as the man bowed.
"I apologize profusely for his actions, sir!" The man exclaimed.
I used that opportunity to leap out the window. I used my sensei's back as a springboard and rushed back to my class while waving around my prize. "The principal was reading a dirty adult book!"
My classmates were immediately interested as I held up the well-used copy of Naughty Ninja Nurses.
"See?!" I asked loudly as I showed them the scandalous cover.
Many of my female classmates gasped before making disgusted faces at the balding old man that was quickly approaching.
Most of the boys wanted a peek inside.
"Oh, touch me there, Patient-sama!" I read aloud in my best girly hentai voice.
"TENRŌ!" The principal screamed at me.
I cackled as I was lifted up by the back of my shirt and turned around. "Yes, Patient-sama?"
The principal quickly snatched away his book.
"You read dirty adult books in school?!" A girl from my class yelled at the man.
"Wha- No!" The man replied loudly.
"Tenrō! You're corrupting the rest of my students!" My sensei yelled at me.
I laughed as a few classroom windows opened to see what the ruckus was about. "Naughty Ninja Nurses! Naughty Ninja Nurses!"
"Isn't that an adult book?!" An older student asked as he stuck his head out the open window.
"The principal was reading it!" Obito replied while pointing at the balding man.
"In school?!" Our senpai gasped in shock.
I leaned toward the principal and stated with the utmost joy, "You're gonna get fired."
Realizing that I was probably right, the principal gave me his best dirty look.
"You ain't got shit for dick against my mother's glare," I said with a cheeky grin, causing the man to drop me on my bottom. I gave an incredibly loud cackle as I returned to my classmates.
Obito was right at my side. "Dude, I can't believe the principal was readying a dirty book in school!"
"Yeah. Imagine if the Hokage did that in his office," I said before pausing to remember that Hiruzen actually did do that in the spin off of Naruto - Rock Lee's Springtime of Youth. I snickered to myself, knowing that he would get spotted one day by Minato.
"That's the snicker of destruction and chaos..." Obito noted aloud as he slowly slid away from me.
"Oh, I won't be the one doing the destruction and chaos this time," I said as my grin widened a bit. I then looked around at the chaos I had caused, the children all rioting. "Let's bail."
Obito nodded, and we slipped out of the crowd and began to head back to the Uchiha compound.
I realized about three meters into our journey that we were being followed. I decided that we would have a change in scenery that day for training. "Let's go to my favorite training ground."
Obito looked at me curiously. "You know training grounds outside of the Uchiha compound?"
"Yep," I answered honestly.
"Cool!" Obito exclaimed excitedly, putting all his faith into me rather blindly.
I lead the boy and the follower to the training ground with the memorial stone. I walked over to the stone, crouching down in front of it. I closed my eyes and put my hands together. I know there's pretty much nothing on the other side in this world, so I hope you're all done existing and not in campfire purgatory.
"What are you doing, Tenrō?" Obito asked curiously.
"Praying," I answered as I opened my eyes. "This is a special stone. This stone holds the names of heroes-"
"Cool! I want my name to be on that stone!" Obito exclaimed excitedly.
I glared over my shoulder, causing the Uchiha to flinch back. "I refuse to allow your name to get on this stone. You're my pupil, not fodder for enemies."
"What does that mean?" Obito inquired hesitantly.
I turned my gaze to the stone, looking at the various names on it. "The names on this stone... They're all people who were K.I.A. - killed in action. It means these brave shinobi and kunoichi all died fighting on missions." I looked back over my shoulder at Obito. "You are not going to die in action, do you hear me? You're going to live and thrive here in Konoha."
Obito nodded slowly as he looked at the stone. "My parents... They died during a mission..."
"I see..." I stood up and stepped aside.
He had tears in his eyes as he looked over the stone before resting his fingers against two names. "I... I didn't know them well before they died, and Granny died soon after I turned five..."
I always did wonder about his past and happy attitude. I figured he followed the path of Iruka and Naruto, being the class clown to get attention.
"So now I live alone..." Obito allowed a few tears to fall down his face.
I put my hand on his shoulder. "I'll move in with you, if that'll make you happy."
"N-no! I'm fine! I just..." He turned his head away from me. "It just gets... lonely..."
"Well, any time you feel lonely, just come over to my place. It can even be in the middle of the night. I'll let you in," I said as I ruffled his hair before standing up. "Now! Training time!"
"Yes, sir!" Obito exclaimed as he saluted me. He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes before jumping up. He got into a proper fighting position.
I got into the best fighting position I knew. My left leg was behind me as my right arm extended out in front of me. I lowered my head a bit, staring at Obito with hard eyes. I then waited.
Obito waited for me to move for about three seconds before losing his patience. He lunged forward, his right fist drawn back.
I easily dodged the strike, moving to his right side. I rested my opened right hand on top of his fist, my left arm moving in front of me. I directed Obito's punch toward the ground before slamming the side of my left hand into the back of Obito's neck.
My training partner dropped down like a sack of potatoes.
I caught the boy before throwing him over my shoulder. I walked toward the three stumps and dumped his body down so it would rest against the middle stump. Then, without turning around, I said, "Would you like to join us?"
The figure that had been watching us jolted before hiding behind the nearest tree.
"Gai, look, you're not going to be able to beat me in hide and seek," I stated as I looked over my shoulder in the direction of the boy.
Hesitantly, Gai poked his head out from behind the tree and looked at me cautiously.
I motioned him over. "I won't bite." I then internally cackled because I did, in fact, bite people, but only when they deserved it.
Gai came out of his hiding spot and came walking over.
"Excellent!" I approved with a bright smile. "Now, before you become my pupil, I must test you to see what you know."
"Eh? Your pupil?" Gai questioned as if the thought never crossed his mind.
"You wanted to learn how Obito got so powerful in a week, right?" I asked.
Gai looked surprised that I hit the nail on the head so efficiently. "How did you...?"
I chuckled as I put my hand on my hip. "How could I not? It's written all over your face. I'll teach you how to improve like that, but only if you swear to become my pupil."
Gai seemed to contemplate it for a moment before nodding. His resolve was clear in his eyes as he said, "Okay. I'll become your pupil."
I felt my heart rate spike at that. I was thrilled that I had gotten my second pupil so quickly. "Great. Now, all I ask of you is to keep my talent a secret."
"Why?" He inquired curiously.
"Well, it's no fun if I went about things the hard way. I prefer taking things easy," I replied honestly.
Gai looked confused, but he didn't know what it was like to be called a genius and constantly pressured to be at your best, no matter the circumstances.
I smiled as I held my hand out. "Now, what do you say?"
Gai smiled back as he reached his hand out. As soon as he grasped it, he was thrown over my shoulder.
As I threw the boy into the ground, I grinned widely at his shocked expression. I released his hand, instead holding up my index finger. "Rule number one: Shaking hands with the enemy is always dangerous."
"E-enemy?" Gai wheezed out in obvious confusion.
"From this moment on, I'm your enemy. Your goal is to get strong enough to defeat me," I replied seriously, just like I had done a week earlier when Obito asked the same thing. "It will be a long road, but with hard work and determination, you can even defeat me."
Gai stared up at me in shock for a long moment before slowly nodding. He rolled over and got to his feet.
I easily ducked down and kicked my leg out. I swiped his legs out from under him, causing him to fall on his but. As I stood up, I held up two fingers. "Rule number two: An enemy never waits for you to get back on your feet."
Gai jumped away from me, landing in a crouching position before getting to his feet.
I grinned at how fast he was learning. "Excellent."
"Say, what's rule number three?" Gai inquired.
I ran up to him, my fist drawn back. I punched forward, but stopped the fist before it could hit him across the face. I watched as his hair blew back from the force of my punch, the air around us shifting as Gai realized that I had much more power concealed away inside of me. "Rule number three: I will always be the enemy."
Gai was stunned at that. "But-"
"I will always be getting stronger, and you must as well if you're going to suppress me once and for all," I explained.
Gai considered my words for a moment before nodding slowly. He clearly thought I was bluffing, but I wasn't.
I knew that there would be a day that I discarded the village, making everyone my enemy. I was just giving my pupils a helping hand before they came to destroy me once and for all.
Gai jumped away from me, getting into a fighting position.
I, instead of paying attention to him, looked over at Obito. "Hey, pupil! How long do you intend to pretend being asleep?!"
Obito jolted and began sweating profusely. Slowly, the boy turned his head to me with a shaky smile. "I- um-"
"Wrong answer," I said as I looked down at the boy.
He screamed as I began to rapidly approach.
Gai chased after me, giving assistance to his comrade. He was too slow, however.
I shifted in the air, dropping down my arms in favor of raising my legs. I kicked Obito across the face, sending him flying. I snickered internally at how he went into the river that Naruto ended up in. And I didn't even have to shove my fingers up his ass.
Gai ran past me to help his fallen comrade.
Obito spat up water as he climbed onto the bank of the river, looking like a soaking wet kitten.
"Obito, are you okay?!" Gai exclaimed worriedly.
Obito shakily raised up a thumb, never taking his eyes off of me like how Gai did.
I gave a soft smile as I crossed my arms. "Now that I've established my power, I believe it is time for lunch."
Gai suddenly groaned. "I left my lunch back at the academy!"
I waved his concern off. "I'll pay for us to go to Ichiraku's."
"Ichiraku's?" Gai inquired curiously.
Obito made a face of horror. "You don't know Ichiraku's?!"
"Er-"
I watched with the utmost amusement as Obito began to rant about how good Ichiraku's ramen was despite the fact he hadn't known what it was more than a week ago. "Now, now. I'll show you what the best ramen in this world tastes like."
Gai nodded as Obito made an eager expression.
I motioned for the boys to follow me, and we made our way out of the training ground and to the heart of the village. I paused in front of the ramen shop and motioned to it. "Behold! Ichiraku's Ramen Shop - the best ramen shop in all of Konoha, perhaps even the world!"
Ichiraku had ears, so he obviously heard my words. The man chuckled from inside the shop.
I motioned for both boys to enter, and followed after them, easily hopping up on a stool to eat.
"I see you've brought another friend," Ichiraku said as he looked at Gai.
"Pupil," I corrected, causing him to chuckle.
"Right, pupil," Ichiraku said with the utmost amusement.
I nodded as I looked at the menu before just setting it aside. "I'll stick with my usual."
"Spicy beef and udon, coming right up," Ichiraku said, causing me to nod firmly.
"I'll try your tan tan ramen," Gai said after looking the menu over.
Everyone turned to Obito, who had on a pensive expression.
"Miso ramen...?" He asked himself as he held up his right hand. He then held up his left hand. "...Or tonkotsu ramen?"
I rolled my eyes. "Get my little pupil your spiciest-"
"No! I'm not burning my tongue off!" Obito yelled at me angrily.
"Maaah-"
"Miso!" Obito said quickly, cutting me off before I could order something exceptionally dangerous- I mean tasty. Yes, tasty...
I gave a smirk as I sat back a bit. "What a whimpy choice."
Obito looked over at me blankly. "At least I'm not a masochist."
Ichiraku began to chuckle as I did a double-take.
"Bitch, who the fuck you think you talking to?!" I demanded to know loudly, slapping the back of Obito's head so hard, it slammed down into the counter.
Obito released a yelp of pain as he held his bleeding forehead. "Ow! That hurt!"
"I'm a sadist, you little shit," I hissed at the boy.
Gai watched the scene silently, obviously scared as he observed a small hint of my temper first-hand. He was quickly distracted when his bowl of ramen was placed down in front of us.
"Now, now. No fighting, you two," Ichiraku lectured as he set our ramen down in front of us.
I grumbled softly as Obito rubbed his forehead until it stopped bleeding. I then took my chopsticks and began to eat.
Gai looked at me oddly. "Aren't you going to thank the gods for your meal?"
I snorted at that. "Nah, I have a grudge against them."
He raised a bushy eyebrow.
"I'll probably tell you at a later date, after you've proven your worth to me," I waved off nonchalantly before eating up my noodles.
Gai accepted that and thanked the gods for his meal before digging in.
Obito, having recovered from his head wound, began to inhale the noodles. He was basically a ramen vacuum.
"You only get three bowls, max," I said, pointing my chopsticks at the Uchiha.
With a noodle still hanging out of his mouth, black eyes looked at me with the utmost betrayal.
"My wallet can't afford your ten bowls plus however many Gai will be eating. Therefore, we each get three bowls max," I explained.
Obito thought about it before deciding it was reasonable. He nodded to himself as he turned back to his bowl. The Uchiha then began to eat at a more sedated pace.
I sat there eating, wondering what it would be like if I had grown up in a different era than Obito.
Would I be eating ramen with Naruto? Would I be eating it with, God forbid, Boruto? Would Ichiraku's even be here at all, especially considering he only appeared during this era? The warring states era didn't have the luxury of a peaceful ramen shop...
I gave a deep sigh as I began to poke at the beef in my ramen.
Would I have even made it to my sixth birthday elsewhere?
I skewered a piece of beef with my chopsticks before putting it in my mouth. As I chewed on the meat, I wondered to myself if the world would even be the same if I got here at the same time as Kaguya.
"That's quite the intense face for a slacker."
Obito's eyes narrowed as he looked over my shoulder. "Kakashi..."
Kakashi totally ignored Obito in favor of glaring at me.
"Sup?" I asked as I nodded my head toward the boy.
"Sup?" He repeated questioningly.
"Yeah, what's up?" Obito said as if he didn't ask the same damn thing when I first greeted him like that.
"You caused a riot at the academy, and it was canceled for the next week," Kakashi said as he crossed his arms.
I clicked my tongue before going, "Noice."
"It's not 'noice'! You ruined an entire week of learning!" Kakashi yelled at me angrily.
"I don't mind," I said as I waved him off dismissively, "It's not like they actually teach Class 1-B anything anyway."
His silver brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
I gave Kakashi a lazy look. "Listen, they expect everyone in Class 1-B to end up as flunkies, so they don't actually put effort into teaching us anything to do with being shinobi. We haven't even been taught the proper taijutsu stances yet, and we're already a week in."
"They haven't? Not even the first one?" Kakashi asked in shock.
I shook my head. "Not even the defensive position."
Kakashi looked stunned.
"Furthermore, our class won't even touch hand signs until our second year," I said before turning back to my bowl of ramen.
"Is... that why you don't care about your lessons?" Kakashi asked slowly, causing me to look back at him curiously. "That's why you don't put any effort in because there's no point."
"Pretty much," I lied easily, "If they treated the classes as equals, then I would be more motivated to pay attention to my studies. However, their lackluster care of their students' futures in the shinobi field has really made me as motivated as a Nara participating the chûnin exams..."
"That sounds like a drag."
"Yeah, exactly like that-" I then paused before looking over my other shoulder. I nearly fell off my stool upon seeing Nara Shikaku, who looked to be in his late teens. "Jesus fuck, when did you show up?"
"Jesus?" The teen repeated questioningly.
"Never mind," I waved off before narrowing my eyes at the shinobi. "When did you show up? Why were you masking your presence in your own village?"
His face screamed just how troublesome he thought I was. "I didn't want to deal with you children while I ate my ramen..."
"Big oof," I commented before turning back to Kakashi. "So, did you stalk me or some shit just to tell me that I caused a school cancellation for the next week?"
Kakashi sputtered. "I didn't stalk you-"
"I said 'or some shit'," I pointed out.
Kakashi made a face. "Why are you so vulgar?"
"Comes with your Kaa-chan being a whore," I answered honestly, shrugging as I waved the conversation off.
Kakashi stared at me blankly, clearly not knowing how to advance the conversation.
"Why are you here?" I decided to ask, refocusing the conversation yet again.
"Tou-san wants me to invite you to dinner," Kakashi replied curtly.
I just about squealed. "He does?!"
Obito pursed his lips. "You're going to accept just like that?"
"Yes, because Hatake Sakumo-sama is bae," I replied as I nodded.
"Bae?" Gai repeated questioningly.
"He's... ya know..." I held up my right hand, making a circle with my index and thumb, the rest of my fingers outstretched. "Noice."
"That's my father!" Kakashi yelled angrily as he tried hitting me off of my chair.
"He invited me over for dinner, and that means he's taken an interest in me. You're just a kid, so you don't know how relationships work," I stated.
"I know how relationships work, and that's not it!" Kakashi objected. "Besides, Tou-san would never betray Kaa-san! He's not like your mother!"
"I have my ways..." I said deviously, my grin widening as I made plans to court the Hatake. If I couldn't have Tobirama, I would have the second best.
"What kind of kid are you?" Shikaku muttered as he gave me a judgemental look from the corners of his eyes.
"The demonic kind," I answered honestly before going back to my daydream where I had successfully courted the silvernete into marriage.
Kakashi, who was still angry at my unintentional jab at his mother, made a noise akin to a growl before stomping off.
"Shit, man. I love a man who can dominate like that," I said to Obito and Gai as Kakashi angrily went down the street.
"That's... disturbing..." Gai commented.
"Fuck off. I can eye up anything I want. I'm open to polygamous relationships," I snapped in retort.
"Kids these days are scary," Shikaku commented.
"Just wait until they turn into adults. Then, it'll be legal to do 75% of the things they want," I teased, causing the man to become borderline mortified.
"Only 75%?" Obito questioned.
"Yeah..." I agreed with a sigh. "I don't think my version of a fun time is legal here."
Shikaku looked ready to bail right then and there so he could go smoke a large joint.
Gai and Obito weren't that much better.
"Oh well. Maybe, if I get into politics, I can change some things for the better," I commented.
Shikaku put his hands together and prayed to his gods like a good man of faith.
"But political dancing is very tedious, and so is keeping up appearances for the masses..." I hummed as I crossed my arms. I then perked up as I realized that world domination would be my best bet.
That, or making a village of attractive polygamous civilians that I could keep under a genjutsu at all times if I activated my sharingan. I would offer them protection, and they would fall in love with me and stay by my side in return. It was perfect.
I finished my spicy beef and udon quickly as I fantasied about a wonderous, mainly gay world of harem members, only to nearly snort noodles out of my nose as I remembered something important.
Uzumaki Naruto's Reverse Harem Jutsu could make me a gay harem of attractive people.
I looked over at Gai and Obito, who returned my look with their own mortified ones. "I... just came up with a perfect plan."
"Alright, that's enough for me for one day," Shikaku said as he stood up, leaving his half-full bowl of ramen. He quickly paid Ichiraku and fled the scene, heading straight for the Hokage's office.
"He won't save you from me!" I yelled at the man who looked twenty.
He shivered as he picked up his pace.
I licked my lips, snickering to myself.
Obito turned to Gai. "That's the snicker of chaos and destruction."
"I... think I hear my father calling..." Gai said slowly as he began to slide off his stool.
"Oh, please," I scoffed, "Everyone would hear your father if he was calling for you. His youth isn't something that people could miss."
Gai looked surprised. "You know about my father, too?"
"Do I know about your father?" I gave a laugh. "Oh, sweetie, I know quite a disturbing amount about your father."
"Why?" Gai asked.
"Because his youthful ways are a sure sign of the Will of Fire, and that shit is hot," I stated without any sort of filter.
"Are you calling my Tou-chan hot?" Gai questioned, clearly mortified.
"I'm calling him a determined man with youth and power on his side," I replied honestly.
"Okay, you can stop now," Gai said, motioning for me to shut my mouth.
"Yes, back to my wonderous plan," I said as I gave a wide grin. I pushed my bowl to the side and pulled out my adult wallet. I pulled out several ryos and put them on the counter. "Here's your payment. I know it's extra, but it'll allow them to eat to their heart's desire." I then put my wallet back and hopped off the stool.
"Thank you, master!" Obito yelled after me.
I gave him a youthful smile that future Gai would tear up over. I then laughed like an insane Uchiha as I rushed off to the clan compound.
The guards saw my grin and were quick to open the doors so I wouldn't do anything to them.
I was skipping as I returned to my ground-level apartment that was next to Obito's. I nodded once at the landlord as I passed by her, and she began to pray to her gods.
Smart woman.
I slipped inside my apartment and made sure to close all blinds before going into my bedroom. I closed my black-out curtains before making several shadow clones. I then had each one transform into a different person from the Naruto series.
Hatake Sakumo, Hatake Kakashi as an adult, Tenzō - aka Yamato, Uchiha Shisui, Hoshigaki Kisame, Kakuzu, Hidan, and, of course, Senju Tobirama stood in my bedroom in their usual uniforms.
I gave a high-pitch squeal as I jumped onto my bed before patting it eagerly.
Tobirama gave a soft smile as he joined me first.
I just about jizzed myself as I reached out and touched him. I think I died for a second as I placed my hands on his face and felt warmth. "I love me."
"I love you, too," Tobirama replied.
I started hyperventilating at the experience.
"Hey, kid, don't we get some fucking attention?" Hidan demanded to know.
I was going to pat my bed again, only to realize there definitely wasn't room for everyone. "I need a bigger bed..."
Sakumo gave a chuckle as he came over. He sat beside me and pulled me onto his lap. He rested his hands around me before setting his chin on the top of my head.
Kakuzu, with his deep voice, sighed as he pulled his mask off, revealing his very attractive face. "Isn't this pedophilia?"
"Shhh, I'm not going to tell a soul," I assured him.
Taking that as good enough, the others began to swarm me.
Kakashi sat down in front of me, pulling out his usual orange book.
Tenzō, my cute bean, gave me a grin as he sat on my other side.
Kakazu contemplated where to sit, only to be roughly shoved on the bed when Hidan hurried past.
Kisame laughed at the angered Kakuzu before sitting on my nightstand.
That left Shisui to lean against my footboard.
I gave a pleased sigh as I leaned back in Sakumo's grip. "This is all I ever wanted. I can die now."
"No, you can't," Sakumo stated, causing me confusion. "You have a date with me tonight, remember?"
I have, in fact, forgotten about that. I immediately hopped up and rushed toward my closet. "Y'all are helping me with what to wear!"
"The wedding garb is too much for the first date," Tenzō stated as he eyed the traditional kimonos - both male and female - for weddings.
"Right," I said as I pushed them aside.
"ANBU garb would freak him out," Kakashi said lazily before pausing. "When did you...?"
"We do not talk about that incident," I stated firmly, causing him to nod.
"I wouldn't wear the Akatsuki cloak either," Kakuzu said, causing Hidan to pout.
"But he would look fucking badass," Hidan objected.
"Yes, but that would key everyone who saw him into later events," Kisame pointed out.
Hidan pursed his lips, crossed his arms, and then accepted that as truth.
I looked to Shisui.
"I... only wear Uchiha gear, remember?" Shisui asked nervously.
Tobirama sighed before getting up. He walked over to my closet before shifting through everything. Eventually, he pulled out a purple yukata top with the Uchiha crest on the back and a pair of black shinobi pants. "You want to look somewhat formal, but not overly so. This will make it seem like you took his invitation seriously, yet also give you enough room to look relaxed at the same time."
I hummed before nodding. I took the garments, went to the bathroom, and quickly got changed. I then came out frowning. "What should I do with my hair?"
"Leave it," Kakashi replied as he looked over at me with his black eye, his other eye with a scar over it closed. "He has his own hair in a ponytail, remember?"
"Right." I then hesitantly moved my glasses. "Erm..."
"Many shinobi have glasses. It's nothing to be insecure over," Tenzō assured me gently.
I nodded before putting my hands on my hips. "Is this really okay? Do I look good?"
"Fan-fucking-tastic," Hidan approved.
The others all agreed, and I smiled softly at them.
Even if their responses were fake, it still boosted my morale, making me feel more secure.
I then went back to my bed. I looked down at my lap as Tobirama took me into his lap. "I love you all... I'm going to do everything to secure a better future for the world so you don't have to suffer... Maybe I'm selfish, but I want you all to flourish. I want to see your happy smiles. I want to see eyes that aren't devoid of emotion. I want... I want you to live out your happiest fantasies..."
They didn't reply.
"That... is my perfect world," I stated as I closed my eyes. I once again hopped up, and heard several puffs of smoke as the jutsus became undone. I was left alone in my apartment, sighing in the darkness.
I knew that I wasn't going to be loved by any of those attractive people. I would only serve as something to drag them down, so I would have to step aside and make sure they were happy before all else. That would hopefully fill the hollowness I felt in my heart...
I returned to the bathroom and made sure I actually looked appropriate before going to my main living area that had a kitchen and living room together as one. I sat down at the kitchen table and just watched the clock until it was around four in the afternoon. I then went to put my shinobi sandals on before heading on my way. As I left the Uchiha compound, I realized one important thing...
I had no fucking clue where the Hatake compound was.
Yes, you heard me right, compound.
The Hatakes were one of the original clans that joined Konohagakure, and so they obviously had a compound. It may not have been a compound in the Hyūga or Uchiha sense, but there was definitely a place where all the Hatake's lived.
I began to wander around Konoha, cursing myself for the obvious oversight. I went down alleyways and untraveled roads, looking for some symbol of the Hatake clan.
Yes, the Hatake clan had a symbol, just like Senju and Uchiha clan did.
Two hours later, and I was just about ready to give up. I had walked my ass all over Konoha, only to not find what I was looking for. I was going to call it a day - not a good one, just a day when someone jumped down from the rooftops.
It was Kakashi. He gave me an unimpressed look. "You're late."
"You never told me your address," I pointed out as civilly as I possibly could.
Kakashi blinked at me. "You don't know where I live?"
"Bitch, I'm not a stalker!" I snapped. "I don't know everyone's address."
Kakashi hummed, seemingly pleased.
"Are you going to take me to your house?" I demanded to know, crossing my arms.
The bastard shrugged, seemingly in a 'why not' gesture before turning heel. He began to fucking jog.
My legs, which were ready to call mutiny, protested in the form of leg cramps as I jogged after him.
I actively ignored my legs as I followed after the Hatake as lazily as I possibly could while also keeping the asshole in sight.
We jogged for a little while before ending up at a large house that was on the outskirts of Konoha. There was no clan symbol on the house, making it obvious as to why I passed it by.
"Where's the rest of your compound?" I demanded to know.
"Tou-san sold it off before I was born. We're the only ones left," Kakashi replied with a casual shrug.
I felt pain for him, but didn't express it.
Kakashi opened the door, yelling, "I found him!"
"Good! Lead him to the dining room!" Sakumo called back.
I took my shoes off and put them in the proper spot before slipping on guest slippers. I then followed Kakashi toward a room toward the back of the house.
Kakashi motioned for me to sit down before leaving me to go through a door connecting to the kitchen.
I sat there awkwardly looking around. I frowned at how homey it seemed with pictures, trinkets, and other similar items.
I failed to have those in my house after being reborn, and I didn't have them in my apartment either. It was obvious to an onlooker that there was a vast difference between them and I...
I felt pain tug at my heart before putting up a mask of indifference. I then shifted to a happier mask as the door to the room from the kitchen began to open.
It was just Kakashi. He sat down across from me and gave me a bored expression. He didn't even bother to start a conversation. He clearly knew nothing about hosting.
Thankfully, Sakumo came in, holding three different bowls with ease. He set the table, making it clear that dinner was going to be beef sukiyaki.
I smiled at Sakumo. "Thank you for inviting me over for dinner."
He smiled down at me as he sat to my right. "It's no problem at all!" He then picked up his chopsticks like Kakashi and prayed to his gods. He noticed that I didn't, but didn't press as I picked up my chopsticks and pulled them apart.
"How are your missions?" I inquired as I looked up at the man.
He gave me a smile. "They're doing well. How are your days at the academy?"
"They're rather boring," I admitted with a shrug.
Sakumo hummed. "Kakashi said that you were in class 1-B. If your grades are good enough, you could be transferred into class 1-A at the beginning of the next school year."
"That's not the problem," I stated, causing the man to look at me curiously. "It's the same thing everyday. There's no change in the routine. How can our sensei expect us to pay attention when there's no excitement?"
"Is that why you pulled your little stunt today?" The silvernette asked, amusement clear on his face.
I gave a mischievous grin. "Why, that's quite right. If there isn't fun to be had, I'll make it myself."
Crinkles appeared around his eyes as he smiled at me. Kindness was in his black orbs as he looked down at me.
I smiled back before turning to Kakashi, who looked quite bored. "You're not going to eat?"
He frowned as he lowered his head, seemingly hiding his lower face behind his little green scarf despite the fact he already had on his blue mask. "I... don't trust you."
Sakumo frowned as he looked at his son. "Kakashi-"
"It's fine," I assured the man. "I know that trust takes time to build, and I haven't exactly been building it with Kakashi."
Sakumo looked ready to object to that, too, but stopped short as he glanced at his son. He closed his mouth before sitting back, seemingly reluctant to start anything with his only living family.
"Anyway, Kakashi," I said as I straightened up a bit, "How often do you train?"
Kakashi gave a frown behind his mask. "Everyday, of course."
"It's bad to do that," I said before taking a bite of tofu. "I mean, your body never gets a chance to heal after all that strain on the muscles and joints. You should also take a day off to allow your mind to relax."
"Tenrō is right, you know," Sakumo approved.
Kakashi looked like he was annoyed. "How am I going to stay at the top of my class if I don't train every day?"
"You'll find that there's more to being the alpha of the pack than mere size. You need the bite to back it up," I stated.
Kakashi's brow furrowed in confusion.
"Maaah," I complained, realizing that I was starting to get infected with the older generation's metaphors. "Look, what I'm trying to say is: It's good to want to stay at the top of the class, but you also need to remember the importance of being a shinobi."
"Shinobi are meant to do whatever the village wills," Kakashi stated.
"No, that's what it means to be a mindless idiot," I chided, "The village is important, but the people are more so. Sometimes, the right thing to do is ignore orders and go your own path for the better of the village as a whole. Shinobi are nothing without the people to back them up. The civilians make our weapons, our clothes, our food. We cannot thrive without them, so we must protect them no matter what. The same thing goes for one's comrades."
"Comrades?" Kakashi repeated as if never hearing the word before.
"I would rather save my comrades and fail the mission than go through with the mission, knowing that I was leaving behind my comrades to die," I said seriously. "That is the way of the Will of Fire."
Sakumo's eyes widened as he looked at me.
"Will of Fire? That's something you made up just now," Kakashi accused.
"Go to the cemetery where there is a monument of the First Hokage in a flame. That is proof that the Will of Fire exists," I said curtly, promptly causing Sakumo to change topics.
"Speaking of fire, have you learned the Uchiha clan's fireball jutsu?" Sakumo asked me.
I frowned. "No one has attempted teaching me yet."
Sakumo also frowned at that. "By your age, most children are taught the jutsu."
"Yes, but I'm not..." I trailed off as I looked down at the bowl. "I'm... not fully an Uchiha."
Sakumo's frown deepened. "Are you not accepted by your clan?"
"Let me say this: Until I prove myself as an actual Uchiha by activating my sharingan, I'm not getting any recognition," I said.
"Is it because of your mother? Did she convince them to look at you that way?" Sakumo questioned, anger bubbling to life in his body.
"My not actual father, actually," I replied honestly. "He convinced his brother to have me regarded as a half-breed because of my actual father."
Sakumo looked ready to pick a fight with my not actual father.
"Buuut, I can understand it," I said as I sat back in my chair a bit. "He's upset that his wife cheated on him. I would be, too. However, his way of going on about treating me is childish at best, especially considering he is the man who is supposed to take over the Uchiha clan should his brother die before marrying." I waved it off. "In any case, I'm used to it by now. I'm just glad I don't have to listen to my mother go on and on about how 'I need to redeem her and myself' and that 'if I don't, I'll be excommunicated from the clan for sure'."
The man gave a deep frown. "I see..."
"Yeah, now I have to listen to my neighbor training in the middle of the night with a stuffed dummy hanging from the ceiling." I sighed at how obnoxiously loud Obito got sometimes.
Sakumo chuckled at my expression.
"Hey, do you have any beauty marks?" I asked Sakumo, causing Kakashi to tense up dramatically. "Asking for a friend."
"Erm - I do, but..." Sakumo looked embarrassed.
I eyed the man. "Buuut-"
"But I would prefer if people did not know about them. It's... embarrassing when people stare," Sakumo explained, looking away with the tiniest of blushes.
I made sure to memorize his embarrassed face before turning toward Kakashi. "Is that why you don't show anyone your face? You're embarrassed when people stare at your beauty mark?"
Kakashi's eyes widened. "W-who said anything about m-me having a birthmark?"
I became ecstatic, forgetting all about my food in favor of leaning toward Kakashi. "So I'm right."
Kakashi looked at his father for help.
"Please, don't say anything," Sakumo pleaded.
"Only if you show me your birthmark," I debated right away.
Sakumo made a face as if he'd rather not before relenting. "Very well..." He pulled down the collar of his jonin uniform and revealed the two beauty marks on his neck.
Thank you, Kishimoto, for making Sakumo that much hotter, I said, praising the man from my world.
"You won't mention anything, will you?" Kakashi asked nervously.
"Of course not. No one else is worthy enough to know such a secret," I replied honestly before thinking, Unless, by some weird coincidence, Tobirama-sama asked. I can't deny him anything.
The boy sighed in relief as Sakumo pulled up the neck of his shirt.
"What's something you keep a secret from everyone?" Sakumo inquired with a teasing smile.
I shrugged. "I don't actually like most of the food here, but I'm afraid of cooking other foods because people will see me as... different."
Sakumo looked at me. "What kinds of food do you like?"
"I'll make pancakes for you some time," I offered, causing his brow to furrow.
He was obviously confused about the word I just used, but he never got a chance to voice that.
"You, too," I said to Kakashi. "But anyway, I also like things on the sweeter side. Like, where is all pie, the brownies, the s'mores?"
Kakashi and Sakumo exchanged glances, clearly not knowing how to respond.
I sighed. "I have to make them all myself if I want them. It's a good thing I memorized that cookbook when I was bored one day."
"What, exactly, are brownies?" Sakumo questioned.
I nearly gasped in horror before remembering I was in a Japanese-styled village full of Japanese-speaking people who had different customs and such. I gave a sigh as I looked down at the table. "See? You're already treating me as different."
"Well, you are different," Kakashi said oh-so-tactfully.
"Thanks," I said in a dull voice as I gave Kakashi a blank expression. "No, really, I mean it."
He looked away from my gaze, as well as his father's disapproving stare. "I mean... You're not... normal." The boy looked frustrated at not having the right words.
"Well, I suppose, in the end, that I will always be different, no matter the circumstances." I sighed at my admission, knowing it would be true for as long as I was in that world, which honestly wasn't going to be long if the upcoming war had anything to say about it.
Samumo scrambled to say, "All people are different. That's what makes them special."
I smiled at the man who could clearly make me feel better despite what his son says. "Thank you..."
He reached out and patted my head. "It's no problem, Tenrō..."
I felt my heart crack a little as he withdrew his hand. I realized just how starved for positive attention I was, but I didn't say anything as that would have not only ruined the moment, but also destroy my possible relationship with Sakumo. I mean, no one wants to look after someone like me...
"In any case," Sakumo said, snapping me from my temporary depression, "We'll be more than happy to accept your sweets."
I nodded once as I decided to drop off a plate of brownies the next day. I then returned to my eating.
There was a small lull in the conversation on my part as Sakumo asked Kakashi about something pertaining to the academy.
I ate a small piece of beef before looking out the window. I smiled at the sunset before returning my conversation to the topic at hand.
Sakumo turned his head to me after Kakashi finished talking. "So, Tenrō, if you could have a summoning, what would it be?"
"I dunno," I admitted honestly, "A bear suits my personality well enough, but I don't think I've ever heard of a bear summoning. So, by default, I'll stick with salamander summonings."
"Why salamanders?" Kakashi asked as Sakumo looked a bit wary.
"Poisons," I stated simply.
Kakashi looked at me oddly. "The Uchihas don't use poisons."
"Yes, but if I don't end up activating my sharingan, I need a fallback plan," I explained, "Poisons seem like the most logical choice if I combine them with my skills."
The child raised a silver eyebrow. "Which are...?"
"You'll just have to see~," I said teasingly.
Kakashi looked at me suspiciously.
I smiled before looking at Sakumo-sama. "Who's your favorite sage?"
Sakumo hummed, contemplating it. Finally, he answered, "Orochimaru."
I did a double-take. "Qué?"
The man gave me a weird glance. "What?"
"Yeah, that's what I want to know. You don't like Jiraiya more?" I asked.
Sakumo gave a small smile. "While I do like Jiraiya, Orochimaru and I tend to get along more times than not."
I sat back as I pursed my lips. I... hadn't expected this outcome, but I suppose it makes sense considering Orochimaru was the one who cried during Sakumo's funeral - or was that just one of my fanfiction? Who knows? It's hard to keep the timeline straight now that it's been six years...
"Do you not like Orochimaru?" Sakumo inquired, looking a bit saddened by the possibility.
"I mean, at this point, I like him. He's driven to protect the village, and he will stop at nothing to do what he feels is best for it. Though his ways may seem harsh, he really is just trying to defend the village," I answered as I crossed my arms and sat back in my chair. I closed my eyes as I did so, contemplating on why I would feel so trustworthy of the man when he was bound to betray the village after the war. I then shrugged because, realistically, it wasn't like I would actually survive the war.
It wasn't my problem if I wasn't alive.
"Who's your favorite sage?" Sakumo inquired.
"Orochimaru. I didn't like him in the beginning, but I learned more about his ways of thinking, and I can honestly say that I like him the best," I admitted.
Sakumo seemed to be curious. "His thinking?"
I smiled as I thought about the man's actions during the Fourth Shinobi War. I nodded simply, thinking about how the man was interested in the changing of the winds.
Sakumo still seemed curious, but didn't press.
"Of course, if you were a sage, I'd like you the best," I said while giving Sakumo a smile.
Kakashi kicked my leg under the table.
It was ineffective.
"Not only are you super powerful, but you're also humble," I said, causing Kakashi to kick me again, a little harder that time. "Perfect shinobi material."
Kakashi glared fiercely at me as Sakumo gave a chuckle.
"I'm glad you think so," Sakumo said with a small smile.
I opened my mouth to compliment him more, only for a pain so fierce to come over me, I released a small squeal. I then fell off of my chair, cupping between my legs. I had tears in my eyes as I gasped for breath.
"Tenrō!" Sakumo exclaimed as he jumped up and rushed to my side. He quickly pieced together what happened and snapped around to look at his son. "Kakashi!"
"He was hitting on you!" Kakashi yelled as he pointed down at me.
I tried looking innocent.
"Kakashi, he wasn't hitting on me, just complimenting me," Sakumo said calmly, but his voice was hinting at his hidden anger.
Kakashi glared down at me.
I would have glared back, but I had bigger priorities. I looked up at Sakumo and wheezed out, "Can I go home now?"
Sakumo nodded. "That would be for the best. I could walk you-"
I staggered to my feet, muttering, "And get kicked in the balls again by your son the next time I see him?" I shook my head in disapproval.
"I really am sorry," Sakumo apologized.
I waved him off. "It's... it's fine..."
It really wasn't.
Sakumo looked very apologetic as he walked me to the door.
"Um, don't be too hard on Kakashi. He's just being protective of you since I'm called a demon by the others," I explained to Sakumo as I slipped on my sandals.
"He shouldn't have done that," Sakumo said, disappointment clear in his tone.
"Don't," I said sternly as I looked back at the man. "Don't speak to Kakashi with that voice."
Sakumo looked at me with a furrowed brow.
"It will drive a deep wedge in our relationship. There is nothing worse than the disappointment of someone you look up to," I stated before opening the door to the house. I then paused as I looked over my shoulder. "And besides, Kakashi was right." I then took my leave, limp-walking down the street, leaving behind a stunned Sakumo.
All in all, it was a decent day. I learned one important lesson as well - never underestimate the power of kicking a male in the balls.
Oh, and yes, the principal was fired. Hurray for small victories.