"I'm still waiting on that Tangerine Beef people. What's the hold up?" Sid sighed and turned toward the hurried kitchen she had been leading for the past week. She was anxious to end the day and the only thing between her and the doorway was two tables. Though the constant movement was the same as other kitchens she'd been in, Ito's was different. This was an organized orchestra. Everyone playing their instruments and hitting their notes at the perfect time to make their patrons swoon. Except right now. Someone was fucking up. A line cook zoomed into sight holding two plates and put them on the counter in front of her.
"Thank you. It looks great but it would've looked better five minutes ago. What's going on?"
"Sorry, Sid. Mark is choking back there." The cook threw up his hands and returned to his station. Sid rose up on her tiptoes to look back at her prep station. Mark, a promising cook fresh out of school, was wiping sweat from his brow with a look on his face that Sid knew all too well. He was about to cry.
Sid weaved her way through the stations and back to him. He looked up and saw her approaching and she could see his chest heave with worry. She looked at his station. It was littered with chunks of beef, some with smooth slices through the flesh and others with jagged cuts like a chainsaw got loose. Sid held her hand out for his knife. He hesitantly handed it to her. She took his place and began slicing the beef.
"Are you breathing?" She asked tossing a glance over her shoulder.
"Yeah." He answered quickly. Sid stopped slicing and threw a look back at him. He exhaled and shook his head. "No."
"I can tell. You're sawing at these things like your cutting down an Evergreen. Just drop your knife through like this." She did a few more cuts and then handed the knife back to him. "You're getting too hung up on all that," She threw a hand back toward the busy kitchen, "Just focus on this. Just make this happen."
He nodded, drew in another breath, and then began dropping his knife through the beef in nice equal cuts. When he finished. He looked up at Sid with a reassuring smile and much less sweat on his brow.
"Thanks, Sid."
Sid smiled and watched as he continued to fillet the meat perfectly.
As she turned to make her way to the front of the kitchen another steaming dinner plate passed my her on its way to a table for some lucky patron. Her stomach growled. She checked the time on her phone and it let her know that another full shift had successfully gone by without her even taking a break to eat. She smiled. She was busy but it was a good busy.
Being back in the kitchen brought her back to life and because she was actually doing something that didn't make her physically ill, she found that she was happy to wake up in the morning and head into work. The team was professional and they were hard workers led by a young suave Executive Chef, Nissan Bruck. He was intense in a purposeful way that kept Sid on her toes but also gave her the confidence to push herself a bit further. He didn't question her about her experience, even though she arrived on the first day ready to give her whole monologue about why she hadn't been in a kitchen since undergrad, he quickly cut her off.
"You want to be here?" He asked, staring down on her with his eyebrows pinched in what could have been confusion, concern, or annoyance. Maybe a combination of all three? How he'd perfected that intense look of a man twice his age in his thirty-eight years was beyond her but she found herself nodding and answering firmly.
"Yes. I want to be here."
He nodded, swept a hand through his curly brown hair, and directed her to follow him as they made their way to the kitchen. He burst through the double doors where everyone was already assembled and waiting calmly; no one yelling at delivery people, she noted. He introduced her, informed them they were to treat her as they would him and then left as quickly as he arrived. The team thankfully followed his instruction. Not making her earn their respect, but giving it to her freely. She'd never seen anything like it. So far, one week down and no incidents to speak of.
"Last order, Sid." A waiter came up and put in the final order. Sid nodded and turned toward the kitchen. The team was moving and flowing, with her at the helm. It felt damn good. Relief rolled over her. A coin had flipped somewhere in the universe and for once it landed in her favor.
"One last Tangerine Beef." She called the order over to the kitchen. Twenty minutes later the burners were turned off and the lights in the dining room were dimmed. She pulled on her coat and waved to the crew as she left them to tidy up. Staying back with the crew to clean up had quickly become her signature thing. They loved that she didn't just bail and leave them to do it all.
But tonight, she had a real headache from the recent breakneck pace of her life and really just wanted to get home. The thought of picking up her baby boy and sleeping the night away was heaven. She went back to the empty office she shared with Nissan to gather her comfy crossbody bag and hang her chef's coat up. Her toes ached from being on her feet for the last twelve hours. The office was dark as usual. And quiet. Like a little sanctuary. She took a deep breath and allowed herself to settle into the chair behind her desk for just a moment before she started her trek home.
Her eyelids had just settled against one another when there was a knock at the door. She jolted upright, her pupils trying to adjust to the darkness but she didn't take long for her to recognize the figure in the doorway. She could make out that silhouette anywhere.
"Aiden, what are you doing here?"
"Was just checking in with management and wanted to welcome you to the team."
"Isn't that nice." Sid tried to rub the tired out of her eyes and gather her stuff so she could leave.
"How's it been so far?"
"The team is really strong. We work well together."
"Really well. I could tell you were in there tonight. The food was fire."
"You ate here tonight?"
"Yeah, me and some of the managers grabbed dinner. They were all raving." Sid tossed her purse around her body and fished through it for her car keys. The awkwardness that always hung between them dropped down like a storm cloud. She wanted to dash before any emotions rained down but it seemed that Aiden had other plans. As Sid left, he trailed behind.
"I was hoping you had a few minutes so that we could talk."
"Did I mix up the schedule again?" Sid did not slow her stride as exited the hotel. They made a left down the block to where her car was parked on the corner.
"No, the schedule is fine." Sid pressed the key fob to unlock her doors as they reached the car. The boop boop echoed in the almost empty street seeming to startled Aiden. He analyzed her and then the hood of her car.
"You bought a car?"
"Yeah."
Aiden rubbed his face and shoved his hands down his front pockets. "This is kind of what I wanted to talk about. Well not this specifically," His hands jutted toward the car, his analysis turning to disdain, "How is that I didn't know you bought your first car?"
Sid thought he was possibly in the midst of a mental episode, so she spoke slowly. "Because. I. Didn't. Tell. You."
His brow furrowed and an exhausted rush of air sputtered out through his lips. "There was a time when I would've been the first person you told. Now I feel like I hear everything last or not at all. I don't expect us to be best friends...but can you at least act like at some point we were?" Aiden's words poured out like water from a faucet. Like he knew his time was limited and it wouldn't be long before Sid cut him off and shut him out.
"Aiden...I don't even know what to say around you."
"Just talk to me."
"About what? AJ? You have him half the time, you know how he's doing."
"No, about you."
"You don't care about me. Let's not pretend for the sake of your conscience. It's obvious that you wanted different things. Not me..." Sid felt the hot tears pricking her eyes. No, huh huh, she thought. No way they would fall. She did not want to cry. She did not want to spill any more tears this week, especially not over old wounds between her and Aiden.
"Sidney, I was a kid. I was trying to figure a lot out and you were going through your stuff."
"Oh, you mean like my Dad being killed?"
Aiden recoiled. She thought he was going to walk away but he whirled back around and pointed a finger at her. "You do that all the time and it's so damn unfair."
Sid didn't back down from his loaded finger. She straightened up and continued. "I'm sorry if me going through something devastating was unfair to you. But you still didn't have to...do that."
Aiden stepped forward, grabbed her hands, and pulled her toward him. Her knees shook and something deep in her, something familiar churned. He broke the touch barrier that existed between them for years. But even with all that time, and how desperately her mind tried to forget, her body still remembered him.
A little fear sparked in her. The look in his eyes was so intense. A part of her that knew that perhaps she had taken things too far. A silent treatment that went on for years. Completely cutting him out of her life, except for where AJ was concerned. It had to hurt like hell. But it was the only thing she knew to do to protect her heart. The one he sent through the wringer so grievously, it emerged in scraps she barely managed to piece back together.
She shook her head and pulled her hands from his. That's right. He caused her pain first so whatever he was feeling now was inconsequential.
"I don't know how many ways to say I'm sorry. I was still figuring things out—"
"I really don't need your apologies. Look I have to go. It's late and I have to pick up AJ."
Aiden saw the walls he thought he was breaking down repair in record time. He stepped back from her. His eyes tried to find the girl that he grew up with. His best friend. But Sid averted her eyes and fumbled with her keys. She didn't want his gaze to penetrate her like it always did. He didn't get to peel back the layers of her or try to figure it out. She was no longer his problem. The way he wanted it.
"Can you call me sometime? Any time? When you're ready." He waited for an answer but Sid's only response was to slide into the driver's seat and start the engine. He didn't bother to watch her drive away. The skin on her knuckles drew tight as she clutched the wheel. He was through the doors of the hotel before she even peeled out of the spot. She drove for one block before those tears she tried to hold in blurred her eyes. She pulled into a spot and let those hot trials of hurt that she was keeping at bay slide down her cheeks.
Her fist pounded the wheel. Over and over again. It wasn't right that he was still able to make her feel this way. The ache of anger. The confusion. But worst of all -- boiling rapidly above the rest-- inadequate.
What actually happened between Aiden and Sidney? Any guesses?
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