After that night, I saw Luke differently. He was the same boy that I had been dating, nothing about him had changed. But I felt a stronger connection to him, he was pulling me in deeper as each day went by. He was the magnet that attracted me and I clung right to him. He was the angel sent down for me, without even trying to be. Everything about him was right. There was nothing that he did that made me think these things, nothing was different. Except for my feelings.
I loved him, and that's all there was to it. I love Luke.
Of course I couldn't tell him this yet, we had only been dating for a short time and I didn't want him to think I was crazy. I was more afraid of him not loving me back. I know that he cared deeply for me, but it was Luke we were talking about. He doesn't usually date, he doesn't even stay with a girl for more than a week; he couldn't possibly love me.
But I loved him, and there was nothing that either one of us could do that would change that. I was way past the point of it being a crush, I had a burning desire for him. The kind of feeling that makes your whole body hot. My skin tingles when he touches me even the slightest and electricity shoots through me. His words and lips bring me to life, making me feel brand new. Just the thought of him makes me smile, his presence gives me butterflies all over.
I love him. It sounded better each time I said it.
I love Luke.
I needed to know if he loved me. From what I've heard before we dated, Luke was incapable of loving someone. Was that true? If you didn't know him like I did, I could see why you would think that. Hell I even thought that at first. But I believed differently now. I think that Luke is capable of many things, especially loving someone. Has he ever been in love? I couldn't help but wonder. One thing came to mind.
Aleisha. The name that I was so unfamiliar with, yet gave me chills. Ashton had told me that she was the last girl that he was in a relationship with. Did Luke love her? I knew nothing about their relationship. I knew nothing about Luke's love life besides the fact that he went through a lot of girls before me. Why didn't he tell me anything about her when he was telling me about his past? I didn't tell him about my past relationships either, but he didn't ask. Of course I didn't ask either. I wonder if he would tell me if I asked, then again he hates when I ask a lot of questions.
I shouldn't be afraid to ask my own boyfriend questions. He would either tell me what I wanted to know, or he would get mad and start a fight. The second one is the most probable, but I would try anyways. What's the harm in asking?
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School goes quickly on Wednesday, and Luke has been in a good mood all day. Maybe I could actually ask him about his past without him getting mad at me. I decided that I would bring it up tonight when he comes over. There hasn't been a night where he hasn't stayed with me, and he actually stays until the morning. About an hour before my alarm goes off, he wakes me up and kisses me goodbye before leaving to go home and get ready for school.
Since my mom basically told me that she liked Luke last night after dinner, I have been nicer to her. I actually eat dinner with her and Bradley and we all have a nice conversation about school and our friends.
"Why don't you bring Luke to dinner on Friday night?" I hear her say and almost spit out my food. She said he was nice, but I didn't think she liked him that much.
"You're serious?" I ask.
"Yeah, why not? I'm making my special Bourbon chicken and I'm sure we'll have enough for two extra people," she says with a small smile. I'm guessing that the other person would be Josh.
"I'm surprised, I didn't know that you liked him that much," I say as I take another bite of mashed potatoes.
"I'm just glad that he makes my baby happy." She reaches over and squeezes my hand.
I finish chewing my food and smile back at her. "Thanks mom, it means a lot." I realize that there has been no talk of any parties on Friday night and I have no other plans, so I agree in my head to bring Luke.
After dinner, I do homework and listen to music until Luke gets here. I am excited to tell him about my mom inviting him for dinner, but I am also nervous about the conversation that I hope to have. Hopefully the good news will put him in a good enough mood that he won't get mad at me.
Just minutes after my mom comes in to tell me good night, Luke comes in through the balcony door. He pretty much knows now what time she goes to bed and I find this funny.
He walks over to my desk that I am still sitting at and picks me up. I almost scream since I didn't know that he was going to do this, but cover my mouth. He smiles and carries me over to my bed. Instead of throwing me on the bed like usual, he falls back onto it with me still in his arms. We both laugh before he brings his lips to mine.
"You've been in a good mood today," I say when our lips part.
"Yeah," he simply says with a smile.
"And why is that?" I ask.
"Well I've seen you a lot today and that always makes me happy," he smiles again and lifts me up so that my head is now resting on the pillows. I blush at his comment. The smallest things that he does or says have the biggest impact on me.
"Well I'm glad I can make your day," I say with a wink. I turn on my side and am now facing him as he situates himself to lay next to me. "I have good news that will make your day even better," I say while trying to hold back my excitement.
"And what is that?" He asks me as he pulls the covers over us and throws his arm around my waist.
"My mom may or may not have invited you to dinner on Friday night," I say with a smirk.
"Really?" He is as shocked as I was.
"Really," I say and plant a kiss on his nose.
"This is great news," he says. He pulls me in closer to him and plants a small kiss on my lips.
We talk about many things such as the new songs that the guys are writing and school. Luke is actually really smart and I find out that he is in mostly all advanced classes, which is why I don't have any classes with him. We sit there in silence for a moment and I decide that it is a good time to bring up the dreaded topic.
"So, I know quite a few things about you now..." I trail off. "But I don't know anything about your past love life," I mumble.
"What do you mean?" His smile hasn't completely faded, but it's not the same one that he was giving me a few minutes ago.
"I don't know..." I lie. I know exactly what I want to ask him, but I'm nervous. "Have you ever been in love?" I blurt out without meaning to.
Any trace of a smile has now fully disappeared from his lips. "Why?"
"I was just curious," I quietly say.
"Yeah. I have," he says in a harsh tone.
The words sting and I knew I shouldn't have asked. After hearing the words, I realized I didn't want to know. And now I did and always would know.
"Who was she?" I ask blatanly, might as well keep going since I already know the worst part.
"Why do you always have to ask so many damn questions?" He asks, he sounds angry now.
"I just wanted to know. Ash and I were talking yesterday and he said something about some girl named Ale-"
"Don't even finish that sentence," he cuts me off. "I don't ever want to hear that name come out of your mouth." His arms are no longer wrapped around me and we somehow are further apart.
I lay there stunned. I didn't know it was this big of a deal. If I knew he was going to get this mad, I wouldn't have thought twice about bringing it up. I didn't even say the whole name and he knew who I was talking about. What the hell did she do to him?
"Why are you so mad?" I ask, we are now both sitting up.
"You should know not to say that name around me," he snaps.
"I don't even know who she is or what she did!" I say back, almost yelling.
"You don't need to know! God, it was hard enough for me to tell you about my parents! Wasn't that good enough?! Why do you think you have to know every single detail about my life?!" He is now yelling and I just hope that he doesn't wake anyone up.
"Luke, I just-"
"You just nothing," he cuts me off again. He is standing up now, looking down at me. "You don't need to know anything, okay?" He starts towards the door. "And you can forget about me coming to your mom's stupid dinner," he says as he opens the door and walks out, slamming it behind him.
Why didn't I just listen to my head when it told me not to ask? I'm so stupid. But I really don't understand why he got so offended, she must have really hurt him. I sigh and close my eyes as I fall back onto my pillows. I bring the covers over my body but I still shiver. They don't provide the warmth that Luke brings me. I feel tears rim my eyes, but hold them back as best I can. I turn off the light on my nightstand, a task that he usually does.
As I lay there in silence, I miss Luke's arms around me. My body is freezing and I know the tears will come any minute. I needed him here to talk me to sleep, to tangle his hands in my hair. I realize how much I hate sleeping alone.
I barely sleep that night.