Chapter 14: Confessions
Tori Vega's Point of View
My mouth begins to nip at the skin on her jaw, tasting her and letting my ears hear the blissful sound of her soft moans and sighs. I pushed aside the questioning inside of my head, letting myself enjoy the moment. This all could be a dream for all I know, I might as well let myself brace it.
Both of Jade's hands stay tangled in my hair now, as I hold her with both of my arms wrapped around her waist. I'm no longer the one pushed up against the lockers, myself feeling my hunger for her only increasing as I feel her so close. My mouth goes to her neck, alternating between giving her soft kisses and little bites. She continues to give me little responses, by either whimpering or her hands bringing me closer to her. Her skin tastes amazing and so soft between my lips, making it hard to ever want to pull back.
My lips do have to stop though when I hear the locker room door open, I hear a few voices chatter around the corner. I quickly let go of Jade, backing away from her as both of our eyes widen. I quickly turn around and walk towards my own locker, shaking as my hands open it up.
"Oh hey Jade." A soft voice speaks, the girl's chatter then continues as they go through their lockers. I start to stuff my bag with my clothes, knowing I need to go home. I almost just got caught making out with Jade. My best friend's ex-grilfriend.
And now I feel like crying, knowing that I didn't even think about his name once when it all went down. No trace of guilt even crossed my mind, and now i'm just a terrible person.
I can't even imagine what it would feel like if Beck found out about what just happened.
Sure, I love Jade. I love her so much, and I don't even know how to handle that yet. Having her kissing me back, showing me her satisfaction with little noises that sound like heaven, has to be the best feeling i've ever experienced.
Beck though, he's been my best friend since I was practically a toddler, and I just stabbed him in the back. Really hard.
The girl's voices then become distant as they leave the room, all I can hear is Jade and I's breathing. I take a moment, leaning my forehead against one of the cool lockers above my own. I take a few deep breaths, not knowing what to do. All I can think about is when I'm going to see Beck next. How can I ever face him again?
I stand up straight and slowly turn around to see Jade staring at me, her mischevious smirks are now long gone. She stares at me, questioning my next move.
"How did you know?" I ask her, starting to feel a lump in my throat begin to form. She looks at me, a frown falling on her face.
"I read your diary." She confesses making my heart fall, she known since the day I lost my diary? I feel tears start to threaten me, feeling like I'm going to be sick.
I sigh and shake my head, this is never how I wanted it to be. I always thought if she ever realized that I loved her, that we would have this super romantic moment, where she realized that she loved me too.
I told her I loved her, but she told me to just shut up and kiss her. How am I supposed to take that?
"I lied about having it found in our Writing class too." She takes a deep breath, now unable to meet my eyes. "I stole it when you were in your dance class."
"You stole it?" I question her, closing my eyes to try to stop any tears from escaping. I place my hands on my hips, trying to feel stable somehow.
"I'm sorry Tori, I know I shouldn't have done that." She looks up at me as I open my eyes, letting me see the shame she feels for herself.
"What is this Jade? Did you kiss me because you actually like me back? Or am I just some experiment?" I ask her, starting to become angry. Tears breaking through the weak walls i've built up, my chest feeling as if it's about to explode. "You find out that I have these feelings for you, and then y-you play these little mind tricks on me during the stupid camping trip. Just letting me fall more and more in love with you-then you come here and kiss me?" I'm shouting now, my eyes are starting to sting as my emotions fill them up. Why did I have to fall in love with Jade West? Beck warned me about her before I even met her, he said that she could be manipulative and just mean.
And now I'm seeing that for the truth that it is.
Her eyes become angry as she takes a few steps towards me. "Tori, it's not like that-"
"What is this then?" I shout, sounding almost desperate. I take a step back, for the first time feeling like I don't want to be around her.
She stares at me, myself unable to figure out if the sadness in her eyes is real or just acting. She swallows and takes a deep breath, letting me notice her fists clenching at her sides.
"I broke up with him." She tells me, a single tear sliding down her cheek. I take a deep breath, staring at the different emotions playing in her eyes.
"Answer my question Jade...What. Is. This?" I ask her as my voice softens, my hands gesturing to the both of us. "Are you wanting me instead? Or am I your fucking rebound?" I question her, feeling like this is my ultimate nightmare. Being so close to having her, then realizing that it's all just a joke.
"You're not my fucking rebound!" She yells at me, surprising me as she takes another step towards me. She looks at me with a mix of anger and distraught, reminding me of the moments i've witnessed her crying. Reminding me of the time I held her so close to comfort her, the memories making my lip start to quiver.
"Then what am I?" I whisper, looking up through my clouded barrier to her bright eyes. She opens her mouth, freezing as she lets her fists at her sides, relax. She takes another step towards me, her eyes almost looking like their asking for permission to come any closer.
"I left him for you Tori." She tells me, watching as she steps even closer. I don't move, knowing I couldn't resist her even if I really wanted. "I want you." She looks into my eyes, showing me how serious she is.
"I fell in love with you the moment I saw you." I take a deep breath, my wet cheeks starting to feel cold. Her face gives a broken smile in return, her hand reaching forward and grabbing mine softly.
"You're not my rebound." She states again, staring down at our hands. "You're so much more."
It's kind of hard not to smile when Jade West says something like that.
"I just started to see that I was attracted to you, that I was having these feelings for you...I've been scared about these feelings Tori...They're all just so new..." Her breath hitches making me really look at her, I would never have thought I would see the day where Jade admits that she's scarred of something. I look at her, knowing that she's telling me the truth. I start to feel guilty for yelling at her, hating seeing her so upset.
"What about Beck?" I then ask, feeling that guilt return. He's going to absolutely hate me.
"I don't know yet." She admits shaking her head, "I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have." She tells me, making me nod my head. We both sit in silence for a few long moments, just both of us trying to recompose ourselves. I concentrate on the feeling of her hand squeezing onto mine, watching as her eyes avoid looking at mine from nervousness.
"I'm sorry I freaked out..." I tell her, making her look up and shake her head.
"I'm sorry that I just stormed in and got all over you when I should have just confronted you about it. I just felt...felt like I needed to do it the way my old self would do it." She confesses making me raise my eyebrows in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"You changed me Vega." She chuckles softly, taking a step forward getting as close to me as she can. "My old self would do what I did today, storm in and take you without even asking." She shrugs making my eyes soften as I stare at all of the emotion she's unleashed today. "For fuck's sake Tori, I'm crying right now...For you." She tells me, raising her arms and placing them around my neck surprising me. She nuzzles her face into my neck, making me slowly place my hands around her to hold her close. I take a deep breath, sighing contently as I let my head rest against hers.
"Jade West from the past would have disgraced me for how I'm acting now. I felt like I needed her back to do this, because it's the version of me you fell in love with." She tells me softly making me frown.
I pull back a bit to have her look up at me, her eyes worried about what I'll say to her. "I love you in every way that you want to be Jade."
She stares at me, her mouth opening to say something but nothing comes out. I lean down and lean my forehead against her and attempt a tired smile.
"Give me time Tori Vega, I swear this won't be a oneway love. I swear it won't be...because i'm already helplessly falling." She tells me, making me smile even more. I lean in and give her a kiss on her forehead, having one last one for the road. I slowly then let her go, turning around and grabbing my bag and swinging it over my shoulder. I turn back towards her and see her watching me with confusion.
"I need to think about this all." I tell her which makes her raise her eyebrows. "I know that I could never not choose you Jade." I tell her sounding pretty desperate, "Because I can't even describe how I feel just knowing that you like me back, my heart is just-" I stop with a small sigh, "I just, I don't know how to do this...with Beck and all."
"I know. It's not fair...you're his best friend." Jade sighs, shaking her head with a frown.
"You're so worth it though." I shrug making her look up at me, "You know, losing him? It would be really rough, but you-you...are just, you leave me speechless every time. Jade, I love you."
A small smile forms on her lips, and I feel like kissing them again.
But for the first time, I walk away from her, knowing that it's for the best right now. Also knowing though, that it isn't over. It's all just about to begin.