The wine definitely made it a slow morning for me. I had a meeting with one of my clients, we'd go for lunch and discuss the job. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I had to commit to it. Instead of focusing on the men in my life it was better to focus on my career. It had been slow but I had the power to make it into something more. I sat on the couch with a bowl of yogurt with berries. I wanted to head back to bed but I forced myself to have a normal morning even if it was a bit slow. I purposely left my phone in the bedroom. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. All I wanted was to be alone to clear my head. I finished breakfast and headed to the kitchen to wash the dishes. I was feeling more human already when the doorbell rang. I froze, I wasn't ready to face anyone close to me yet but I didn't have much of a choice. Whoever decided to pay me a visit was very persistent. They'd annoy the neighbors with their ringing. Drying my hands I made my way to the door and opened it cautiously. I was greeted by the sight of Joy.
"Morning." She greeted.
She sounded unsure. Maybe she didn't quite make up her mind as to why she paid me a visit.
"Morning." I greeted back.
I held the door open for her so she could enter. She cautiously entered, waiting for me to invite her to have a seat. I imagined her showing up angry and upset yet she looked so hesitant and unsure. It made me feel bad. Joy cared about Lucas and she mentioned a few times already how happy she was for us. The fight I had with Lucas must have worried her. I didn't want her to stand so awkwardly and wait for the right moment to speak up. It was best to get the conversation over with for both our sakes.
"Come in. We'll talk in the living room."
Joy seemed relieved with my suggestion. She followed me to the living room while she took a seat I offered her coffee or tea.
"Tea, please."
"Floral or fruity?" I asked.
She smiled at the option, "Fruity."
"I'll be right back." I promised, "Make yourself at home."
Making some tea would give me some time to figure out what to say to Joy. I didn't want to tell her about my conversation with Lucas. That was between us but I wanted to assure her as well. I hadn't cleared my head yet so I was still confused and unsure. It wouldn't help our conversation. I grabbed her a dove grey cup and chose a sweeter kind of fruity tea. It was caramelized pear tea which tasted like dessert in a cup. Once the tea settled I grabbed the cup and walked up to Joy, handing her the cup of tea.
"Thank you." She said quietly.
I sat down and reached for my half-finished cup of coffee. I needed more but it would make me feel worse. A racing heart and anxiety which would settle in my stomach. It was best to keep it at one cup and then switch to water and tea. Joy and I shared a look. Neither one of us wanted to speak up but then we'd sit on the couch forever. I had a lunch meeting and I was sure Joy had a shift at the coffee shop.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked me quietly.
The fight was not something I wanted to talk about but I knew I owed her something more than a mere shrug and a look.
"I don't want to talk about it just yet." I admitted, "I need to clear my head and decide for myself what I want."
She nodded, clutching her cup in both hands, "I get that." She stared at her tea, "Lucas seemed really upset when he came home last night. I think he was sad about how things ended last night."
Things ended on a bad note and it was because I kicked him out. I was aware of that, but at the time I couldn't have him around. I needed to be alone then otherwise things would get way out of hand. The things which were said were still floating around in my head. That's why I needed a little bit of me-time to figure out what I wanted. It could be that Lucas didn't want the same things as me in life and despite us caring for each other, we wouldn't be happy in our relationship.
"I want a serious relationship with it ending in marriage with maybe two kids and Lucas doesn't know what he wants yet. He mentioned that happening in the far future and that's definitely not what I want. We just want different things in life."
"Lucas does want a serious relationship. He is very serious about you." She defended him, "He talked a bit more about you with Owen so I can't give you the comfort you seek but I just wanted to let you know that maybe things just got a bit out of hand last night. Please, just don't make any rash decisions based on one conversation you two had."
I smiled at her, "You're a good person, Joy."
She shook her head, "I just wanted things to work out. You two looked so happy together."
"We are happy together." I ensured her, "It's just that last night we found out we want different things. You are right, we do need to have a conversation about our future and I will call Lucas and ask to meet up. But first I just need a little time alone."
"Of course." She smiled at me, "It is important to look after yourself first."
"How is Owen?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
But I did like Owen, he was a sweet guy who took care of both his sister and his friend. He was also down to earth and pretty much had his life figured out. He reminded me a lot of Nick. My soul friend yet he didn't know I called him that. I genuinely cared about him.
"Good. He had a morning shift so he is already off to work."
"Lucas?" I asked her quietly.
"Owen mentioned that he was stressed but he also had a morning shift, Miss Walker needed him to drive her around town. So you know, he had to pull himself together to face that demanding woman."
I pulled my legs under me and made myself comfortable. There was no time to gossip with Joy, I had to get ready to meet my new client but I couldn't help myself. I was a little curious right now.
"You know Lucas better than me." I smiled when Joy raised an eyebrow at me, "You've known him longer, you've seen the real him."
"You've seen the real him too." Joy pointed out.
That wasn't true. Not everyone liked to admit it but when the relationship was new people tended to show only their good sides. The negative traits they tended to hide until the relationship was stronger and had the promise of staying strong for a long period of time. I've shown so many troublesome sides of me to Lucas already but I wasn't sure if he showed me the real him. I kept wondering if last night I actually saw the real Lucas. If so the doubt I felt considering our relationship would only intensify.
"I've shown him my ugliest side and he accepted that." I told her, "That impressed me. I thought he'd take the first opportunity to break up with me. Then the things he said last night made me wonder if he had a different agenda altogether."
"Lucas isn't like that!" Joy spoke up, looking upset with what I just said, "He is real, he doesn't play games and he would have broken up with you if he thought you weren't it for him. Maybe he freaked out and didn't deal with that well. Just please, talk to him."
Joy was getting so upset for Lucas but I knew she wouldn't lie to me just to push me to be with Lucas. She never made me feel like she wasn't a genuine person. Down to earth and so nice she made people in the room smile and feel a lot better with a simple smile.
"I will talk to him." I promised her yet again, " But I actually need to get ready now. I have a meeting with a client."
She got up, "Of course, I'm sorry for being so pushy. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." She finished her tea and placed the cup on the coffee table.
Placing my cup down as well I followed Joy to the hallway. She turned to look at me, trying to encourage me with that warm smile which she showed her customers at the coffee shop. It did make me smile back. Filled with positivity and warmth Joy bounced around as if there was nothing wrong in the world. It was something to be envied.
"I'm your friend too, you know." Joy let me know, "If you want to talk I can come over anytime."
"Thank you."
She gasped, "The Halloween party, are you coming over?"
I didn't want to give her false hope. There was no telling where my relationship with Lucas would go. We needed to have a serious talk without either one of us being so upset.
"I don't want to make a promise I can't keep."
She looked disappointed but still managed to keep her smile plastered on her face, "I get it. But I hoped to spend some time with you. It was fun watching that series together with Owen and Lucas."
"I still need to finish that," I admitted to her.
Her smile turned cheeky which made me tilt my head to the side in curiosity, "How about we finish that series together. You, me and Owen." She lowered her voice as if she was telling me her darkest secrets right now, "We don't have to tell Lucas."
I giggled, "We can do that. I mean you guys are always welcome here but something tells me you'd feel really guilty afterward."
She sighed, her shoulders slumping, "You're right. I'd feel really guilty." She muttered, "Anyway, I hope to see you at the party. If not, no matter what happens between Lucas and you, we will always be friends."
It was a nice thing for her to say but I doubted it. I didn't say that out loud though, I merely smiled and waved at her when she left the apartment. Once the door was closed I let out a tired sigh. Joy was a nice girl but that was emotionally draining. Doing my hair and makeup would give me time to pull myself together and become a little more confident. I needed to slip on my professional mask if I wanted to be successful in this town as a personal shopper.
***
Finishing my meeting with the older woman who was a cheerful and loud person I left the fancy restaurant and stopped a cab so I could head to my favorite boutique. I wanted to view their stock and see what they had to offer. If I found something which would suit the woman I'd already buy it. She gave me a deadline of two weeks but I could get it done before that. I managed to grab a cab and settled in when my phone rang. My heart raced to see the name of the man who dropped a bomb on me and carried on with his life as nothing happened at all. I couldn't ignore him even though I did just that to my brother. Nick would find a time to preach to me and I'd take it. I owed Nick a lot and ignoring him was a bitchy thing to do of me.
I answered Jacob's call quickly, "Good afternoon."
"Good afternoon, Nina."
It was so weird hearing him call me by my first name. Whenever he did it before was to tease me with that sinister smile of his. Now it sounded more genuine, warmth to his tone which I didn't want to get used to.
"How can I help you today?" I asked, hoping to keep things professional between us.
"If you have time to spare I'd like to have dinner with you."
I didn't expect him to ask me out for dinner. Every time we met up it was to resolve issues which shouldn't have occurred in the first place. I didn't know how to respond to his request. I was tempted to say yes but my mind wondered to Lucas.
"I don't know if that's a good idea."
"It's just dinner, Nina." Jacob said quietly, "Shouldn't we get to know each other? How can you consider your options when you don't know what it would mean to be with me? You already know Lucas Chase well. Don't you owe it to me and yourself to get to know me as well?"
I closed my eyes, annoyed at how reasonable he sounded. It was true that I couldn't make a decision if I didn't know my options. All I knew was Jacob's playful and darker side. If he would show me a part of him which was more genuine I could make a decision about all our futures this Friday without regretting a thing.
"I will agree to dinner with you if you make me a promise."
"What's that?" He sounded curious about it.
"I have a few questions, personal ones." I made sure to point that out, "I want you to answer them honestly."
He hesitated but then agreed, "I promise to be honest with you."
My shoulders slumped in relief, "Then I can do dinner tonight."
"Great. Are you able to meet me at the office around seven?"
"I can do that."
"Then I'll see you at seven."
I ended the call and leaned back in the seat, staring out the window as I watched the city pass me by. Not a lot of people would understand why I was still meeting up with this man. It was my future I was deciding over and I felt like I could only make a decision about it if I knew what I would get myself into. If both guys had to offer me nothing but false promises I had to consider leaving them behind and move forward with my life. Nick vouched for Lucas and so did Joy. No one vouched for Jacob. I didn't think that was fair. It was just dinner so I wasn't too worried about it. It would be the first time I'd meet up with Jacob Blackwood without feeling upset or anxious. A smile spread across my face, feeling a lot better about this decision already.