𝑫𝒊𝒐𝒓 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒆 𝑴𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒘𝒔
𝑭𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒋𝒖𝒍𝒚 3𝒓𝒅 2020
5:52𝒂𝒎
[its been 2 years guys they were back in 2018 when corona wasn't a thing or a big deal ion kno shii]
I can't sleep for anything in world right now I just wanna be left alone I can't believe I lost my best friend he was the only person I could truly talk to I was so hurt once we left his funeral
I felt like it was all my fault but then again I couldn't do anything I was so dumb to not realize what he was trying to do.
I couldn't believe that I watched him take his last breathe . I had no one to vent because my walking diary was gone.
his life tooken away for the dumbest reason in the world. everything has changed now that I graduated high school Cotlen and Cortlen went to off to college.
while Madisons parents sent her to a Christian boarding school once they found out she was gay. I still talk to them here and there me cortlen are cool now he's not as mean.
today is the court date that I never knew that i was ever going to have and the fact I have to speak just to get justice is pain.
I got out of bed and went to my drawer where I keep my sons clothes.I got him out a blue stripped onesie some light blue pants and a white beanie and some socks.
I went in my drawer and got me some underwear and a bra then I went and grabbed me some sweats and my favorite hoodie.
I went and started our bath and waited for it to feel up. I went and scooped him up on my arms and bounced him lightly as I walked to the bathroom.
his eyes slowly fluttered open and he looked up at me his face had no emotion making me laugh. "good morning dada" I kissed his cheek softly and he still has no emotion.
I but him in his little bath holder while I stripped out of my clothes I felt the water making sure it was not to hot and not to cold but good enough for him.
once I felt it I picked him up and slowly slid in the tub he hates the water he starts jumping a lot. "shshsh" I said and bounce him lightly while patting his back.
we sat in the tub and relaxed. I went my hand and rubbed his hair while singing "mamas hand by queen naija" to him. I love that song so much cause when I sing it to him he smiles.
°°°
9:00 am
I took a deep breath while holding Khalan in his car seat. I walked in to the court room and gave the carseat to my mother.
I went and sat by my lawyer. she rubbed my back and smiled at me. I gave her a slight smile back. we sat and waited for the judge as I was thinking I don't ever want to see this man's face ever again.
I hope he suffers in here. "all rise" the guard said and everyone stood up. "you may be seated" the judge said. "hello everyone I am judge jaxion martin" he said and everyone one said "hello"
and I nodded not knowing what to say. "I see we have a rape and murder case today" he said and fixed his glass I closed my eyes then opened them.
"may I have the witness to the stand please" he called. I stood up and walked up to the stand. "place your right hand here" one of the guards said. I did as told.
"do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth" he asked and I nodded. "I do" I corrected. and he walked away. "now ms. Dior Matthews please tell me what happened the night of that incident" he said fixing his glasses once again.
I nodded and proceeded to tell. "my auntie called me over so I can braid her daughters hair I agree because I haven't seen her in awhile. her father came over to visit her the same day I got there.
my aunt left to go pick her other daughter up from her friends- objection your honor she's not telling us what happened his lawyer said.
I closed my eyes tightly as my leg shook I took another deep breathe then let the tears fall. "quiet let her finish" he said glaring at him.
"continue ms.Matthews" he said "she went to pick her daughter up from her friends house and I was braiding her hair once the baby started crying I stopped and went and checked on him.
once I calmed him down I went and finished braiding her hair me and her father my uncle were talking while I was doing her hair he was asking me if I had a job and if I had my own car yet.
he even asked if I had a boyfriend. I started feeling uncomfortable after that but I didn't want to say anything and seem rude so I called my father and asked him if he could pick me up.
and he agreed since he just got off work and he drives past her house on the way home. so I waited for him while I cooked food so my auntie didn't have to.
after I finish my dad came but I didn't know cause I was upstairs getting the baby to go to sleep. once he went to sleep I went back down stairs and seen him and my father laughing."
I paused and took a deep breath. "he was laughing so hard he didn't see me I said "hey dad" and gave him a hug he said hey back and told my uncle we were leaving.
he had is arm around my shoulders as we walked to the door next thing I know is my father is on the ground bleeding out with a knife in his neck. I screamed and cried asking my uncle to call 911
all he did was smack me on the ground I fought back until he punched me so hard in my face he fractured my nose. he tore off my pants a-and h-he" I choked on my words as I started sobbing.
"take her time" the guard whispered to me I nodded and they past me some tissue. "once he finished he left I woke up in the hospital with my mother and aunt by my side crying.
I couldn't move my body at all I had to get my noses popped back in place. three months later I found out i was pregnant. first thing I thought of was abortion I never got it because the baby never asked to be conceived that way.
" objection your honor" he said once a gain standing up. "how are going to sit there and object hearing her story he took his glasses off and wiped his eyes since he was getting teary eyed listening to me.
"you hear this poor girl in pain not only did she get raped but she lost her father the same day she also was pregnant by her Fathers murdered also known as her uncle and your going to sit there and object
I know this is your job but some times your client is not always the good person I sentence this man 75 years to life" he smacked his gamble thingy
[y'all ion kno wtf that shii call if you kno comment it so I'll know it to]
"I just want to ask him something" I spoke up and the judge told them to bring him back we stayed a few feet apart. "why... why'd you do it?" I questioned.
"I always get what I want" he said and smirked as they dragged him away. I shook my head and went and hugged my mom as she was crying her eyes out.
me and my siblings all huddle up and hugged each other. "I love you guys so much" our mom said and we said "we love you to" back
"ms. Matthews if you don't mind can I have a word" the judge asked and touched my shoulder I flinched away. "i-im sorry I just wanted to let you know that your strong very strong"he said and I nodded my head.
he gave me a tight lip smile and walked off my mom drove us back home once we got home I took khalan out of his car seat and fed him then I burped him and laid him down for his nap.
9:pm
I woke up to my phone ringing.I picked it up and looked at it was way to bright so I just answered it " hello" my raspy voice said. I needed some water I cleared my throat.
"hey sista" I heard while i was on my way back to sleep. "hey" I said. "I missed you so much I had to sneaky my phone since they are getting rid of them here" they said
then I knew it was madison. "girl what why" I asked. "one of the girls sent a nude and accidentally sent it to some girls in here and the showed everyone and she told the professor what happened" she said.
"damn I miss you tho" I said I never told her about khalan because we don't talk really since they have her doing a lot of things. "I miss you to and I miss real food I have like this month then I'm done I leave August 16" she cheered.
"finally damn" I said I was debating on telling her about my son I just don't wanna tell her how I got him it's just I don't know I tell her about him I'll just tell her the story when she gets here.
"so how have you been" she asked. "I've been ok i guess me and my son moved back in with my mom" I said. and she gasped. "son I knew you and cortlen was gon gave kids" she said loudly.
"bye girl she coming" she whispered then hung up i shook my head a looked down at him and smiled I kissed his cheek as I played with his little hands.
I love you Khalan Jamal Matthews
I took a picture of him and set it as my lock screen.
I walked away from his crib and went to the bathroom real quick. after I wished I grabbed a baby wipe and wiped my self and threw it away and flushed the toilet.
I washed my hands the washed my face and brushed my teeth. I grabbed some clothes out and changed into them it was just a black graphic t-shirt and some gray biker shorts.
I threw my jordan 1 twist on cause they're my favorite other than the jordan 1 og's. i got khalan some clothes out to he was going to match me minus the graphic t-shirt it was just going to be a black onesie
that read problem child with some gray shorts and some black socks. after I changed him I went down and made him a bottle.
after I feed him I wiped under his neck and put him in his car seat then I put him back in his car seat and walked out the door with his baby bag.
"mama loves you" I cooed at him I put his blanket over his car seat I don't want people seeing him cause the neighbors already know I was raped from the news and they whisper all the time.
"well if it isn't little miss perky" I heard I turn around and seen cotlen. "omg cotlen" i gasped he came up and hugged me.
"hey lil one" he said and looked me up and done. "damn" he mumbled. "you look good" he said. "thank you" I said and continued buckling up khalan's carseat.
"who's this your nephew" he asked and pointed at him. I shook my head "no this is my son khalan" i said and removed his baby black so he could see him
"damn he look nothing like you" he said I pushed his shoulder laughing. "I know don't say that" I said he literally only had my skin color he would've of been darkskined if he didn't.
"where where you going" he asked and leaned on the car. "I don't know just wanted to get some air been stuck up inside doing nothing" I said. I haven't been out side in for ever I was always scared to see him again.
or another man period rape is not something you can just get over and seeing someone die right in front of you is no different you can't get over that type of stuff.
the nightmares were the worst I would wake up and throw up I couldn't breathe at times I kept seeing him everywhere. it was like he wasn't really gone.
"do you mind if I dive around with you" he asked. I slowly nodded my head. "yea sure" I said. "he nodded and went back to his car. I put Khalans blanket back down and closed the door.
I got to the driver side and got in I was about to close the door but it wouldn't close I looked and seen cotlen holding. "get out I'm driving" he said. "no I'm driving" I said. and he shook his head.
I huffed and got out going to the passenger side. I sighed and put my seat belt on. "girl shut up" he said. "no fucker" I said.
khalan started crying. I hopped in the back and made him a quick bottle. I got this little bottle warm thing of amazon so it can plug in to my car charge I used that
and took him out of his car seat to feed him because when I feed him in his car seat it never goes into his mouth his throat is to small so I have to hold him a type of way to feed him.
"hey mamas big boy" I said and took his onesie off since he was sweating badly. "ouu you so hot" I said and blew on him.
"ok so were am I exactly driving to" he asked. "just go to the park"I said and started changing his diaper. "how does all that shit manage to come out to lil ass body" i said more to myself.
"were here" he sang. I shook my head and put his spare clothes on him can't believe it we just left the house and I'm already changing him.
I took him out and grabbed his blanket I then grabbed the baby carrier and put him in it before buckling it on me.
I looked down at him as he got comfortable I fixed his blanket on him and we walked around the park. "I thank god everyday that not a female so ion have to do what y'all gotta do" cotlen said.
I shook my head. "boy shut up" I said I walked with a bounce looking stupid as hell but its finna help him go to sleep faster. "who's his dad" he asked. "I am" I respond.
"nigga how it takes two to make a child bozo" he flicked my head. "owe dick face, and he don't got a dad end of discussion" I said and rubbed my forehead.
"I'm both his parents so you can end that conversation right there" I said and walked ahead of him. "aye" he grabbed my shoulder and I flinched back.
I started breathing heavy. I closed my out and counted to ten like my therapist said. "seven,eight,nine,ten" I breath out. "i-im sorry" he said and out his hands up in surrender.
"my bad its just a lot going on right now" I said and fixed khalan. "what happened" he said. I signed and put my head down. he picked my head back up and stood in front of me looking into my eyes.
"tell me wassup" he said and tucked his lips in. "and ever since that I don't trust men when they grab at me like that" I said once I finished telling him everything.
"damn ma I'm sorry I wish I was down here" he said and rubbed the back of his neck looking else where. "its ok i will be ok sooner or later" I said.
"umm do you want to get something to eat" he asked and I nodded. we walked back to my car and I buckled him back in his car seat. "hey fat man" I said smiling at him.
and he showed his gums with his fingers in his mouth. "hey papa you ready to see mal mal" i said that was what we called my grandma because she thought grandma makes her old.
cotlen pulled of and headed to sonics. "ouuuu can you please get me there slushie forgot what its called but order the blue one" I said. he nodded. and parked the car by the menu
they soon came out and took our order. "can I hold him" cotlen asked. "do you know how to hold a baby" i asked. "I held cotlen his whole baby years of course I do" he said.
I gave him khalan and climbed through the front and watched him. "how many months is he" he asked. "He's five months today" I smiled happily.
"oh damn lil nigga kinda big" he said. "are you calling my child fat" I asked. 'no no I-i was saying he's just here take yo child" he said passing him to me.
making me laugh. "I was just playing" I said and laughed lightly. "I'm starving like marvin where they at with the food" he said and looked out the back window.
"I don't know" I shrugged. "how's cortlen doing" I asked. "He's actually way better than before hes in school everyday he tring out for the football team" he said nodding.
"that's good" I said. "yea it is" he said and sat in deep thought. "here are your chilli cheese fries blue raspberry slushie and tater tots" she said handing him the food as he sat them down.
we ate and talked then he took me back home. he got in his and I got to his car door. "bye drive safe I mean it" I said and he smiled and got up and gave me a side hug since I was still holding khalan.
"bye lil man" he grabbed his little hand and waved it. he got in his car and drove off. I got in the house and went up stairs to get in the shower after I took my shower I got dressed and went to sleep.
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I had to do some math for this chapter.
how was yall day.