Kabanata 40
I checked my look in my compact mirror before going out of my car. I look decent enough, I guess. Medyo hindi ko kasi napansin ang schedule ko kaya nakalimutan ko na meron nga pala akong pupuntahang seminar ngayon.
"Ms. Sanchez?" a Teacher approached me with a smile on her face. "This way po, to the auditorium."
I went with her to the auditorium. Iginala ko ang paningin ko sa paligid, the school became more eco friendly. Mas dumami ang mga halaman na nakapalibot sa school at mas dumami rin 'yata ang mga palamuti. Evergreen garden became more green, it should be called super green na green garden.
Sinalubong ako ng mga matatayog na puno at walang halong alikabok na simoy ng hangin. Nilanghap ko naman ito dahil binabalik ako nito sa nakaraan.
This was my first time to have a seminar in my alumni. Nagkaroon na rin naman ako ng mga seminar sa ibang schools pero ngayon lang ako naimbita sa mismong naging school ko noon.
That's probably the reason why I felt nostalgia all over myself. The feeling of coming back to a place where you created memories with the people who became a part of your life.
Sadly though, not everyone stays in your life.
I have read before that nostalgia used to be a medical condition and people died because of it. Soldiers who were experiencing homesickness was diagnosed with nostalgia. Pero ngayon ay pakiramdam na lamang ito, a feeling of intense longing for the past even at the expense of forgetting your future.
We were at the Bonanza area, a familiar voice called me.
"Zafirah?"
I immediately smiled upon seeing him.
He looked almost the same. Hawak-hawak niya pa rin ang lesson plan at ang kanyang laptop. I could even see the index cards on his pockets. Mukhang kabado ngayon ang mga ABM students na hawak niya.
"Sir Castro!"
Tumingin naman ako sa kasama ko. The teacher who was guiding me only smiled and mouthed 'go on' when she saw Sir Castro approaching me.
"Grabe, akala ko hindi mo na ako makikilala." Halakhak ni Sir Castro.
There were lines of aging on his face but he still has the smile that made me believe in myself.
"Ikaw pa ba, Sir? Malakas ka saamin ni Gio e," hindi ko mapigilan ang ngiti ko.
Habang tumatagal ang tingin ko sa kanya ay lalo akong nakakaramdam ng pangungulila sa nakaraan. I realized that no matter how painful our past memories were, we will always try to visit it to see our progress — to see if the pain was worth it.
"Kamusta naman ang buhay CPA?" tanong ni Sir Castro habang binabaybay namin ang daan papunta sa auditorium.
I miss Fundamentals of Accountancy, Business and Management because of him. Lahat ng tinuro niya saakin noong senior high ay nadala ko hanggang college.
The sleepless nights, tears of frustration and cups of coffee were worth it.
"Okay naman po. Mas stress po siguro si Gio kumpara sa akin," pagbibiro ko.
"Si San Pedro? Ang galing ng batang 'yon 'no? CPA na nga, Lawyer pa."
After pursuing accountancy, Gio went to a prestigious law school. We still talk but we seldom see each other, hindi ko inakalang dadating ang panahon na magiging seryoso 'yon. Inaasar ko nga siya noon dahil ang daming nagkakagusto sa kanyang kolehiyala.
Still, he told me he was waiting for someone but I don't know who it was even if he told me before that she was just near us. It was crazy how secretive he was when it comes to his own lovelife.
"I'm so proud of you, Zafirah."
My heart felt how much Sir Castro meant every word he said. Gumuhit ang isang ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. Iba pala ang pakiramdam kapag ang taong nagturo sa'yo noon ang magsasabi ng mga katagang ito. It was fulfilling and it made my heart swell with happiness.
"I would remember and relive the struggles you went to just to become who you are today," he gave me a pat on my back. "You are the product of your own failures that you turned into your own successes, anak."
"I could cry but the mascara will ruin my face, Sir Castro. Mahirap mag-retouch." I kidded and he laughed.
Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit. I felt his warmth as he returned the embrace.
"You are part of my successes, Sir Castro. Always remember that."
We had to part ways because Sir Castro had to attend his class. Nakita ko kung paano niya pinilit maging masungit ang kanyang mukha, just like how he did to us before. Ang swerte ng section na hawak niya, they have someone who will always believe in them. No matter what.
Pumasok na ako ng auditorium at kaagad naramdaman ang lamig ng aircon. Fortunately, I was wearing my blazers on and black slacks with my stilettos.
Pagkarating ko pa lang ay nandoon na ang mga estudyante, it was probably only ABM students.
Humugot ako nang malalim na hininga bago tumuntong sa stage.
"Could we all please welcome our guest speaker and former student of University of Jeanne D'Arc," the teacher looked at me before continuing.
"Zafirah Sidney Sanchez, CPA.''
I will forever be grateful that I attained that title.
"Hi!" I greeted and smiled as the teacher handed me the microphone. "Future CPAs, Entrepreneurs, Managers, and people who will earn a lot of money in the future."
Nagpalakpakan naman sila. Laughter can also be heard at every corner of the room.
"I was a student just like you at UJD. I had my fair share of failures even though people would consider me as GC or grade conscious, I still receive failing marks," I shrugged my shoulders.''Welcome to Senior High."
Nakarinig naman ako ng tawanan. Nakakatawa pa sila dahil wala pa sila sa kolehiyo. Natawa na lang ako sa sarili ko. It was funny how every hardship I went through senior high was nothing compare to college. Sa kolehiyo ay breakdown now, quiz later ang aming kataga. Sayang lang talaga 'yung mga luha ko. Pero sa pamamagitan naman no'n, I was able to learn and I think crying is a way of releasing stress. I should never feel bad for releasing toxicity from my body.
''You see, it's not enough to be just smart. You need to have the character of those who are considered as successful. What characteristics do they have? Marami e, but one thing that they all have in common," I raised my index finger, pertaining to that one characteristic.
"They never gave up."
"Even though they have already failed and fall, they still learn how to get up."
Nagpalakpakan sila. I only gave a small smile upon realizing that I was once just like them — nakaupo lang at kunyari ay nakikinig sa seminar dahil hindi ko pa naman alam kung gaano ito ka-importante.
"However, we also have to take our mental health in consideration." I shifted into our next topic. A topic most people forget to tackle.
"Not giving up doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your mental health — it just means whenever you feel like giving up, you can take a rest." I said, my voice slightly shaking. It's been years since I have been talking about my experience but sometimes it still has an effect towards me.
"It's also important to learn how to say no," I said, as a large NO flashed into the background. There was a ppt being played in my background.
"Why? We can't always say yes because we're human beings. We also get tired and we need rest. Robot nga nawawalan ng baterya e, tayo pa kayang tao lang?"
The background showed a group of people who are supporting each other. I can't help but think of that person whenever I see the word 'support' because he has always been there for me. My family and friends were also there for me. I really had a good support system back then.
"Surround yourself with people who understands and supports you," I reminded them. "Okay lang ang makisama, but life is too short to surround yourself with negativity."
A semicolon was shown as the last picture on the background.
"Lastly, keep going." Mariin akong pumikit bago magpatuloy. "No matter what happens, you should keep going."
Take a break if you want but you should keep going. Ang mundo ay hindi tumitigil sa pag-ikot. But taking a break doesn't mean that the world would abandon you, you can always catch up. Mahirap pangaralan ang isang tao dahil siya at siya lang naman talaga ang nakakaalam kung paano siya mabubuhay sa mundo ito. But if you can, please keep going.
"Keep going because your life doesn't end in one failure. A life is a combination of failures and successes, even if you failed now...You should keep going to reach your success."
A round of applause was given to me and I smiled at them because once upon a time in my life, I used to be just like them...
A senior highschool student dreaming to be a CPA in the future.
The seminar ended and I needed to go to my next schedule.
Nagpasalamat sa akin ang ilan sa mga spokeperson sa programa. I told them as much as I wanted to stay, I have somewhere else to go.
As I was walking in the hallway I saw my picture on the Senior Highschool department hall of achievers.
I halted from walking and examined the frame. My face was there with the huge congratulations greeting.
Zafirah Sidney Sanchez, CPA
TOP 7, CPA Board Exam
Looks like you made it, Zafirah.
I smiled to myself as I prepared to leave the area.
It wasn't an easy path. Did I always pass? No. Did I always receive the highest score? No. Did I always impress my blockmates in accounting? No. I only had perseverance with me. Umiiyak pa rin ba ako sa kolehiyo? Hindi na, sanay na e. Pero kung magkaroon man ako ng breakdown, I don't hate myself for it because I know that I just had to release it or else those thoughts can come back — and I don't want to be in that place anymore.
Before entering my car, I took one last look at my former school. Ang matatayog nitong building, ang mga daan na halos magkulay berde na dahil sa mga halaman at naalala ko kung paano ako naligaw sa isang classroom kung saan nakilala ko ang isa sa mga taong tinulungan ako na mabuo muli.
Thank you for the memories and making me a better version of myself, University of Jeanne D'Arc.
I will forever treasure the fireworks, the laughter, the tears and the love you gave me.
You are marked into my body, heart and soul.
❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜