Justin Bieber
as i was on my flight to miami i couldn't help but think of jason. i didn't sleep last night. let alone stop thinking about jason. i felt so terrible. he was just trying to look out for me. we should take this time for ourselves though. jason has been nothing but caring and i took it wrong. i guess i'm just hungry and angry.
hangry.
it's not the first time. i'm going to stop and get a smoothie once i get off this flight because i feel sick. "peanuts?" the flight attendant asked. i smiled and politely nodded. it's just nuts. that's good.
right?
maybe i'll just eat half the bag because there's a lot of salt. salt makes my face swollen. i'm tired. i'm tired of this life. i hate modeling now, but it pays the bills. i have nothing else. i'm not talented like jason and i never finished high school.
this is all i got
i can't lose it.
/-/-/-/-/
my flight was delayed so i'm not able to get a smoothie before meeting my agent, jeff . I'm fucking exhausted but duty calls.
"justin! who is this man you're with all over the press? the fucking photographer"
"yes he's a talented, we'll known photographer. his name is jason and he's my boyfriend" i did confidently.
"you know this can't get out right?"
"what are you talking about?" i raised an eyebrow.
"you guys cannot be together he will ruin everything!" jeff exclaimed.
"jeff you can't control my love life anymore, you set me up with numerous abusers and dickheads and i finally found someone who cares for me? and you wanna take that away? fuck that" i growled.
"justin. you are a famous beautiful model. this will ruin you"
"then let it! i had enough of this shit! i will do anything to take my place but losing jason is out of the question" i barked. "i'm not arguing with you anymore. if you have a problem with my relationship then i'll find a new agent"
"justin relax...i apologize" jeff sighed. "i don't want this guy coming in taking your spotlight then leaving you..title-less and begging for jobs"
"jason would never do that" i know that for a fact.
"let's see" jeff grabbed his cellphone. "no instagram pictures of you guys, don't go out in public again unless you're in disguise, this relationship needs to be private"
"whatever" i scoffed.
()()()
i saw i got a miss call from jason. i sighed. i'm already aggravated and i know we just got into a fight, i don't want to bark on him. maybe i need to eat something, but my brain is telling me no.
jase <3
are you still mad at me? can we talk please
i felt my heart flutter. my exes never gave me the time of day. they wouldn't call me or text me after a argument they started. it's not even jason's fault. i understand where he's coming from. i just get overwhelmed and insecure, he'll never understand that.
can we talk tomorrow? i'm really tired and i want to get some sleep before the shoot tomorrow
i responded. i looked in the mirror and took off my shirt. you can see my bones. fuck.
okay, get some rest baby <3
i sighed. oh jason. i'm so sorry i'm like this.
here's a filler chapter.
i kinda just write this book for myself because no one really reads it. i think after i finish this book i might completely stop writing jastin books.