"Gone?" Len’s eyes widened. Miku stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. He spun around and looked at her, and then at me. "Rin…"
"When I went to her school, she wasn’t there…so I tried calling her. She doesn’t pick up. The rings aren’t even reaching her," Kaito shook his head. I had heard him speak this much but he had never seemed so troubled. He must have really loved her, really, actually loved her. The feelings were probably completely different from the things I felt when I was around Kaito.
"Len, it’ll be okay…" Miku was trying to calm him down but I could see that Len was just about ready to either explode at Kaito or break down. Neither would’ve been completely unlike him. "Let’s try calling her again."
"I’ve been doing that for the past half hour," Kaito ended his sentence with a tired groan and ran his fingers through his hair. "She was fine this morning."
"She was." Len was so quiet, I thought I was imagining his words. He nodded slowly before suddenly lunging forward and grabbing Kaito’s shoulders. "What did you do to her? She was fine, perfectly fine, this morning! Why can’t you ever be there for her, dammit?"
"Len, stop!" I grabbed his arms and tried to pull him away. He and Kaito were eyeing each other like predator and prey, scowls on both their faces, though Len’s expression was intense, whereas Kaito’s was calmer.
"I’m just as upset as you are," Kaito said slowly. "I’m worried, too."
"H-He’s right, Len, we should calm down, think this through," Miku said. Len let go of the blue haired boy’s shoulders. "You could try calling her again, maybe it’ll get through. We’ll come up with a list of places where she could be and find her. I’m sure she’s fine."
"Okay," Len nodded slowly, letting go of Kaito. He dialled Rin’s number on his phone and put it to his ear. We waited and after a few seconds, Len sighed.
"It goes right to her voicemail," he said, pocketing his phone. "Dammit, Rin…" He ran a hand through his hair and looked at us. "Maybe it’s our parents?"
"Huh?" Miku and I exchanged glances.
"The divorce," Len said. "She doesn’t really talk about it with me. Every time I bring it up, she changes the subject."
"The city’s so huge, she could be anywhere," Kaito said, kicking the pavement with the toe of his shoe. "Should we split up? If this has anything to do with your parents’ divorce, do you think she’d be somewhere related to memories of your family being together?"
"I think so," Len paused and then groaned loudly. "What the hell am I saying? I don’t think so…I just…I hope so…"
"We should start searching before it gets dark," I said. "Len, are you going to tell your parents?"
"I have to, Gumi, but I’d rather not," he said. "I could hold it off till later. They’ll just start fighting over this or something."
"I hope she’s okay," I said. Len took a few aimless steps around the vicinity.
"What if she’s not?" He whispered.
"Huh?" Miku ran up to him. "Len…"
"She’s not like that," Kaito said. "She’d never…"
"What if she’s dead?" Len rasped. He stared at Miku blankly. I could see the tears forming in her eyes.
"S-She’s not, okay?" Miku hugged him. He didn’t react.
"Miku’s right," I said, walking up to the two. "She’s your sister and she loves you," I paused and turned to face Kaito, "and you. B-But not in the same way, of course. I mean…ugh…this sounds weird…"
Kaito offered a sad smile. I blinked.
"Don’t worry about it, I get it," he said softly. "Should we split up or go together?"
We all looked at Len. He wrung his hands and looked down at his shoes. "Depends," he said. "If we can keep in touch with each other, we could split. We’d cover more ground that way."
"What if we split into pairs?" Miku said. "Me and Len, Gumi and…"
"I can go alone!" I burst out. Len, Miku and Kaito looked at me. My face flushed and I tried to take back my words. This wasn’t the time for these sorts of things. "I mean…"
"Hey. Gumi," Len put a hand on my shoulder and met my eyes. The way he looked at me made me think back to the day we went to the mall; me, the girls, and Len. "It’s fine, alright? I trust you."
"Trust me?" I spoke softly. "With what, Len? With…"
"You know what," Len said.
I think I do.
"He’s right," Kaito said. "Let’s go."
We ended up splitting into pairs, after all. Miku and Len went together, and I was with Kaito.
He said he trusted me, and while I pretty much knew what he had meant by that, I didn’t want to accept it, I guess. i would never try anything on Kaito that would hurt what existed between him and Rin. Or would I? I wasn’t entirely sure. I never thought I could be that kind of person. I didn’t want to be that kind of person.
Len and Miku decided to search the surrounding neighbourhoods, parks, and the beach. I went underground with Kaito. We were going to search near Rin’s school and a few select suburbs. Len had compiled a list of possible places where she could be, sending it to everyone’s phones.
"We won’t be able to connect when you’re underground," Len had said, "so take care of yourselves down there. We meet back at my place by nine."
Kaito and I were heading underground when he started to talk suddenly. He had been quiet on the way to the station, so I was somewhat surprised.
"She never really talked about it with me," he said.
"Huh?" I looked up at Kaito as we hurried down the crowded stairs.
"About her parents’ divorce," he said. "Around the time of her injury, she occasionally got really moody, sometimes crying, sometimes overly happy…she wasn’t herself."
"But you helped her through it!" I said. We found a quiet area along the subway platform. Kaito leaned against the wall, arms crossed. I stood in front of him, my back to the tracks.
"I tried," he said after a pause. "It was such a horrible feeling, seeing her like that."
"I bet…" I looked down at my shoes. It felt strange that Kaito was discussing this with me, partly because he was talking about Rin, of all people, given that he knew how I had felt about him at one point in the not so distant past. But also because he was being so open with his feelings. It felt like he had been doing that a lot around me. Maybe it was just me thinking that, though. I wasn’t sure.
"It takes a lot to make Rin happy sometimes," a small smile formed on his face as he said this. "I really hope she’s okay."
"She will be," I said. "Because she loves you."
"Heh," Kaito looked to his left. The train was coming. "You’re a really nice person, you know that?"
"H-Huh?" I spun around so that my back was to him and pressed my palms to my cheeks. "I’m not that nice! I was just being honest, I swear…"
"Well, thanks," he said, walking up to me so that we stood side by side. The subway train rattled and screeched as it roared through the tunnel and the operator applied the brakes. "Even in a gloomy situation like this. you made me feel better."
"Uh…right," I nodded quickly. He was glancing at me every now and then, I could tell, but I didn’t have the bravery to meet his eyes.
I’d melt…those eyes of his are so blue and perfect…ugh, stop it, Gumi…
"The train’s packed," he said as the doors opened. "Let’s get going, maybe we can find seats or a decent corner."
"Right!" I nodded, internally yelling at myself to calm down. I couldn’t freak out about this, any of this, right now. We had to focus on finding Rin.
We squished into the train car and managed to find a single seat. Kaito gestured towards it.
"No, no, you should sit," I said. "You’re probably tired."
As soon as I had said that, the train started to move, lurching forwards. I yelped and nearly fell back but managed to grab one of the handlebars. Kaito smirked at me.
Wait, he what?
"Hey, you still there, Gumi?" Kaito stared at me and I blinked a few times.
"Oh, y-yeah, I…sorry!" I shook my head. Had he ever smirked at me before? I didn’t think so, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to do so again or not.
"You should really sit," he said.
"I should," I mumbled, sitting down and staring awkwardly at my lap. Kaito stood beside me, gripping the handlebar. The silence that followed was just too unbearable, so I opened my mouth.
"We were just going to hang out," I said, "Len and Miku and me."
"I ruined it, didn’t I?"
I looked up at him. "No, you didn’t. And neither did Rin. It’s nobody’s fault…except maybe Rin and Len’s parents…I don’t know."
"Well," Kaito said as the train came to a stop at the next station. We were still a few stops away from our destination, so we stayed put, "I appreciate you not holding it against me."
"I-I didn’t…"
"Len does it a lot," Kaito went on. "He doesn’t want her to get so much as a scratch. You saw."
"Saw what? The way he exploded at you earlier today, in front of his place?"
"That, and last year," Kaito lowered his voice. "After she was injured and in the hospital. You were asking me what I was so down about."
"Oh," I nodded, thinking back to Len slamming Kaito against the lockers. "I remember now. But…I don’t think that was the only reason he acted the way he did."
I remembered how disheveled Len had looked that day. I remembered asking Kaito what was wrong, and then suddenly asking if he was contemplating hurting himself.
'Not yet.'
I remembered how I was sitting, cross-legged, facing him. And the sudden, powerful feelings I had, wanting to kiss him, as though that could solve everything. That was before I knew about him and Rin. Still, the memory made my heart race and I couldn’t help it.
"I don’t blame him, though," Kaito said. "He was going through a lot of stuff."
"And he liked me," I whispered. I felt Kaito’s eyes on me and I glanced up at him.
"I thought that," he said softly, so softly that I could barely hear him. "It didn’t work out."
"N-No," I said, "but I think it’s for the better."
"Gumi," Kaito began. The train braked suddenly and his hand slipped off of the handlebar. He stumbled backwards and hit the glass door of the train car. I gasped and hurried over to him.
"Are you okay?" I was afraid to help him up, afraid to offer him my hand. He slowly got to his feet. People looked at us. The train slowly picked up speed again. Kaito was rubbing the back of his head.
"I’m fine," he said.
"Does it hurt? Is it bleeding?"
"It hurts a little, but I think I’m okay," he said. Somehow, I felt that this was all my fault. He was going to say something to me. Besides, if he was seated, he wouldn’t have gotten hurt.
"You were going to say something," I said.
"Yeah," he gripped the handlebar with both hands this time. "Gumi…Len confessed to you that day, didn’t he?"
I nodded slowly.
"You turned him down…was that because of me?"
"Huh?" I looked at him with wide eyes. "What’re you talking about?"
"Did you say no to him because you liked me?"
I got what you were saying the first time. I just couldn’t process it…I wish you hadn’t asked. What do you want me to tell you? The truth? Is that what you want to hear? They say honesty is the best policy, but what’s really the right thing to say?
"Yes," I answered plainly. My cheeks were red but I didn’t bother hiding it. There was silence between us, save for the grating of the train wheels against the tracks.
"Okay," he said after about half a minute. It had felt like much longer, though, and after that one word, he didn’t say anything. We just stood in silence.
Two more stops.
(super slow updates, guys.)