Serenity
Today was the day of Ty'Shawn's funeral and Satan has been M.I.A for 4 days. He hasn't responded to my texts, answered my calls, or even came back to his house.
Quez and Tj said he does this sometimes to get his mind together, but that didn't make me less worried. I continued to stay at his house in hopes that he would come home.
I called Satan again and it rung a few times before going to voicemail.
"What are you going through, Asaud?" I mumbled to myself.
-
Satan
I sat the case of water bottles and the groceries next to my mom's bed. She woke up and her blue eyes got big.
"Asaud.." she said.
"I thought you didn't recognize me" I said.
"How could I not recognize those eyes? I just got nervous, I didn't know what to say to you" she said.
"It didn't take long to realize it was you bringing me food and stuff. I know that sister of yours wouldn't" she said.
"Yeah, you right about that" I laughed.
"How is she? How's my grand babies?" she asked.
"She good and they good. Man Man getting big, I'm putting his ass in football this year. Nehemiah bad as hell. His mama caught him shooting dice with Monopoly money with the kids in the neighborhood. That nigga a mess" I said.
(Man Man is Tara's son)
She laughed.
"He just like his daddy" she said.
I sat down next to her.
"How long you gone live out here?" I asked.
"Until I get back on my feet. I don't want no more handouts from you boy, I mean it. But I had an interview yesterday at Dollar Tree and I got the job" she said.
"Word? That's wassup" I said.
"I gotta be better and do better. I wasn't there for y'all, but I wanna be there for my grandkids. I don't wanna be like this no more Asaud" she said crying.
"I know" I said hugging her.
"Enough about me, how have you been? Are you ok?" she asked.
I haven't been asked that in I don't know how long. I didn't even know the answer.
"I'm straight" I said.
"You're not and that's ok. It's ok to not be good all the time Asaud" she said.
"I just can't win for losing man. It's like I take two steps forwards and ten steps back" I said.
"You're not perfect, no one is.. But you're not a bad person Asaud. You hear me? You are not a bad person. You give so much and take nothing in return. God is gonna bless you for that. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but he's gonna bless you" she said.
"Ion know 'bout all that" I said.
"Well I do. He sees how you do for your family. One day he's gonna do for you like that" she said.
"I hear ya" I said.
There was a silence and she looked over at me.
"What?" I asked.
"I'm waiting on you to tell me what's really bothering you. There's something weighing on your heart. I feel it" she said.
I sighed.
"I did some shit, Ma. I did some real fucked up shit and because of it I hurt the people I care for the most. They ain't deserve that shit. I can't even tell 'em because I don't want them to look at me different" i said.
"Or are you scared of being alone?" she asked.
"What?" I asked.
"You're scared to tell them because you're thinking "what if they leave me"? Then you think you'll be alone. You have abandonment issues and obviously that's my fault, but Asaud if they really know you and love you then they won't leave. They'll understand that you do things because you feel it's necessary although it may not always be right" she said.
"I can't tell them" I said.
"Baby that guilt will eat you alive. It already is. You look worse than me" she said laughing.
I laughed too.
"You ain't shit for that" I said.
"Why you ain't at the funeral?" she asked.
"How you know about that?" I asked.
"I seen there was an upcoming service for Tj's brother at church last Sunday" she said.
"You go to church now?" I asked.
"And do, every Wednesday and Sunday" she said.
"I'm proud of you. You really trying" i said.
"I am" she said.
"Let me take you to a hotel" I said.
"I done been kicked out of 90% of these hotels. I'm good here" she said.
I laughed.
"You hell" i said.
"I was, I was" she laughed.
"Come to my crib" I said.
I was skeptical, but I couldn't just leave her out here. It was a storm coming tonight too.
"No, Asaud I'm good. I promise" she said.
"I wasn't asking" I said standing up.
I grabbed the water and groceries.
"You ain't bringing none of yo' dirty shit in my house though. I'll take you to the store to get whatever you need" I said.
"Boy don't call my shit dirty" she said.
Yeah ok, I see you left that shit like I said though.
She followed me to the car and got in.
"This is nice" she said.
"It's aight" I said making her laugh.
-
"What you cooking?" I asked walking into the kitchen.
My mama hasn't been here for two hours and already got it smelling good.
"Some baked macoroni, porkchops, fried asparagus with bacon, and cornbread" she said.
"I'm glad I kidnapped yo' ass" I said making her laugh.
Seeing her smile made me smile. She looked so much better and cleaner now that she showered, did her hair, and got new clothes.
I heard my doorknob jingling and I looked up from my phone. I went behind the counter pulling a gun out of one of the cabinets.
I ignored the look my mom gave me as I walked to the door. Before I could get to it, it swung open.
"Get that gun out my face" Serenity said mugging me.
"How the fuck you get in?" I asked.
"Tj gave me the spare" she said.
"Why you got bags?" I asked.
"I've been staying here since you decided to go M.I.A. I had to go back home after the funeral to get more clothes, but now that I see you're ok I'm leaving" she said turning around.
I grabbed her arm.
"Why you leaving?" I asked.
"Same reason you did. I wanna be by myself" she said.
"It's deeper than that. I needed time away from the world to get my mind right" I said.
"Even me?" she asked.
I sighed.
"I wish I could just tell you why but I can't" I said.
"You can tell me anything. I won't judge you and you know that" she said.
"I know, it's just.." I started.
"It's just what?" she asked.
"Asaud, you didn't tell me you have a girlfriend" I heard.
Serenity looked pass me.
"And she's gorgeous.. Hey I'm Tammy, his mother" she said.
"His mother?" Serenity asked before looking at me.
"He didn't tell you about me? That's understandable I haven't been the best mother and I wasn't always around" she said.
I could tell by my mom's voice that she was hurt by the choices she made.
"No he did. I just didn't expect y'all to look so much alike" Serenity lied making my mom smile.
"Girl he wanna look like me so bad" my mom said.
"Gone now" I said.
"Ok ok, let me go check on my cornbread" she said walking back to the kitchen.
"You said she was dead!" she whispered.
"Felt like she was. It's like her spirit still here or some" I said.
I could tell she was trying not to laugh.
"You're sick" she said.
"You might as well go put them bags upstairs. You can't leave now, she think you staying for dinner" I said.
"Ok but I'm staying for her not you" she said as I grabbed one of her bags.
I followed her upstairs to my room.
"I'm finna shower and change. I'll be down in a minute" she said.
"I sure do needa take a shower" i said lifting my shirt up.
"No" she said.
"Nooo???" I asked in my Soulja Boy voice.
"No" she confirmed.
I kissed my teeth.
"That's how it's gonna be?" I asked.
"That's how you made it" she said closing the bathroom door.
"That's fucked up Ren! God say you 'posed to giveth or he'll taketh away" I said.
Music started playing and I knew she was ignoring me.
"Guess ima just beat my meat" I said loud enough for her to hear.
"There's lotion in my bag" she said.
"There's lotion in my bag" I mocked before going back downstairs.