Time was practically non-existent in space. She had no idea how long it had been since the Resistance got away. She had no form to communicate with anyone from the Resistance since her bag was lost in the battle. She doubted the datapad Ben gifted her would allow her phoning capabilities, or that she could bypass the monitored pad to get a call out, anyway. Part of her wanted to speak to Leia, just let her know she was okay and the plan was working, despite Ben knowing exactly what her plan was. She hoped, beyond belief, that Leia just somehow knew.
As time continued, Cyra and Ben fell into routine. A slow wake up, taking turns in the shower, eating breakfast together that was delivered by a droid, training together, and then he would leave her to check in with the Council over what mayhem went on across the galaxy. Sometimes, she took a walk around the ship until he was finished or sometimes when he returned to the room, Cyra was reading on the couch, desperate for him to call a droid for dinner. Sometimes, she read to him and sometimes he read to her, but after dinner, they found themselves sitting close together, becoming more comfortable with physical intimacy with each passing day.
She tended to not ask about the state of affairs. Instead, she tried to trust that Ben would continue to maintain the First Order presence and advise to the Council to not make advances in the remaining unoccupied systems of the galaxy. He was trying, she knew, and that was enough for now.
She could feel very clearly that the confusion muddling his heart and his brain had almost gotten worse. He had Cyra, but that didn't mean he did not have to think various other stressors. Her presence made him think more about his own purpose in all of this every day. Spending time with her felt like an escape more than reality; it was like when he stepped outside of their quarters, he returned back to the reality of being Kylo Ren.
Cyra saw this in his dreams often. Not often because she tried, but laying awake in the middle of the night, his mind was unguarded against her. He dreamed of her, too. He saw them together and it was always outside of their room. It was on a planet like the one they grew up on, warm, and not wearing black. Her hair was short again. There were a few children running about, the Wookie, an old woman.
He dreamed about his fears. He relived the look in Luke's eyes when he saw him that night, the look in Cyra's own eyes when he asked her to leave with him. The life drain from his fathers. The feeling of his mother when he failed to follow through on killing her. But he saw his father the most, and on those nights, he held her a little closer when he fell asleep.
There was progress being made and she felt that, even if he didn't say it. He was a barricade within the First Order, he was reflecting on the actions of Kylo Ren, and he was becoming comfortable with Cyra. He had thought about leaving more than he cared to admit to her, though she guessed it. She could tell in the soft, quiet moments of their cuddled bodies simply by the long sighs he often released that he wanted to be out of all of this and just with her.
Her presence brought him back to humanity. He didn't want to wear the mask anymore, he didn't want to cover his hands. He stopped wanting to hide. He was forgetting, with everyday, that he was supposed to be the Supreme Leader of the First Order. He was remembering his life the longer she stayed around.
He was closer to the light, but not bathed in it, and certainly not ready to admit he was capable or worthy of change. In the nightmares regarding his father, she knew that he resisted turning to the Light because of what he did to his father, if nothing else. Ben Solo believed he did not deserve a lot of things, Cyra included, and he refused to push the boundaries on what the universe would grant him. In his mind, she was beyond enough.
Cyra tried her best to maintain her current objectives. She sat happily stuck in their room every day, pushing boundaries with him where she could. She was tiring of seeing the same walls, but knew Ben was weary to allow her to roam the Finalizer with how Hux could be. It was a big ship, yet somehow Hux always managed to show his face when unwanted. Her only time out of the room was when they trained; he pretended to notice how she pushed for more time every day.
But they were okay. Things fell into routine quickly, they fell into routine, and they both pretended to not think about the fact that they were key players in the second Galactic War. Being together felt like an escape from reality and although rather selfish, Cyra tried to remind herself she was in this for the greater good of the galaxy.
He seemed to like training with her. More of it became teaching her the different Forms and helping her to translate the words he wrote to her into a teachable reality. She knew precisely what he was referencing when he walked her through the Forms, but words could only go so far to teach her. Being able to see and copy his movements, after six long years of trying to figure it out from his scribbled memory of Luke's teachings, brought things full circle for both of them.
She teased him often about enjoying training her. He never snapped at her, though he clearly got frustrated easily with others. His patience with her was unmatched to anyone else.
"No, I want you to be a good fighter so I don't have to worry about you if things get bad," he insisted. He tapped his saber against hers playfully. "You're already a distraction."
Cyra rolled her eyes and took a defensive neutral positioning to him. "That does in fact sound like a you problem, Ben."
He shrugged and turned off his lightsaber. "No more. I have to get ready to leave rather soon."
"Leave?" asked Cyra, turning off her saber. "Where are you going?"
He inhaled a quick breath as he turned away from her to put his coat and cape back on. "The Council wishes for me to settle a rebellion happening on one of the outer rim planets. I'm leaving in a few hours. I won't be gone for more than a day."
Cyra raised her eyebrow. Her arms crossed over her chest. "Rebellion? Is it the Resistance?"
Still, he did not turn to face her. She knew he was taking purposely long to dress himself to avoid having to look at her.
"Not that we believe. Just some villagers tired of First Order occupation," he said, choosing his words carefully.
"Oh, so what will you do then?" she wondered.
"Speak with them," he said. His quickness in his answer led her to believe he practiced this conversation before he admitted it to her.
"Great, so can I go?" she asked, tilting her head. "I think it's time I start to be an ally for the First Order and stand beside you as you talk these angry villagers back into 'liberating' their town or whatever you like to call it."
"No," he sighed. He turned to face her, his hands crossed in front of him. "You coming along was not approved by the Council."
"But aren't you the Supreme Leader?" she wondered cheekily. "I would assume you could simply override their council."
Ben and Cyra stared at each other for a long minute. She was challenging him, they both knew it, and although he was not angered by it, he was uncomfortable by her claims. He could not deny they were valid and he could not deny they both knew he may have to go beyond speaking to the villagers in order to please the Council.
"I don't need backup. I will be fine on my own," he chose to say.
"Oh, it's not backup," she said. She stared at him, a feigned smile on her lips. She was waiting for him to admit he didn't want her to go.
"Cyra," he said pointedly.
"Why don't you want me there?" she asked him.
"I don't need you to see any of it, of me," he said.
"I'm not a child, Ben, you can't protect me from the horrors of the world. You can't protect me from you, I've seen all of it in your head," she reminded him. "You might have been Kylo Ren before I came to be with you, but you're not now. You're not going to make the decisions he would make with me there."
"I don't want you there."
"Why?"
"Because you're different," he huffed, his fists clenching. "You are separate from all of this. I want it to stay that way."
"No, you can't have me as a secret or as a complacent missus," she disagreed, her eyes angry. "I joined you for one reason and you know that if I were to come with you, you couldn't kill the protesters in front of me. I make you weak."
"And what if you do?" he snapped at her. "Am I wrong to be afraid of what you do to me?"
"No, but you know you can do something about it," she said, and he sighed yet again, not wanting to fight with her once more about how he could not just simply leave.
"Cyra, I know that's your plan, it's been your plan all along to get me to leave, but I've told you I can't and I'm done having this same conversation over and over again. Maybe you need to rethink your plan."
"Maybe you need to rethink yours!" she yelled.
"My plan from the time we were children was to be with you. That was it," he yelled back at her, his finger pointed at her chest. She remained tall as he bent down to her height, his brow furrowed, his voice frustrated. "I didn't want to be a Jedi without you, I didn't want to leave you that night, but the way you looked at me told me I'd gone too far for you to love me again. I don't know by what miracle you still feel the same, but I am not risking a life of hiding and the potential to lose you again when I know I can keep you safe here with me."
Cyra pushed his hand down. She put her hands on her hips, raising her chin at him. "You're afraid to lose me again. What does that say about you?" she wondered, not pausing for him to respond. "You can't control everything in your life, Ben. Some things are out of your control. You could have mind tricked me into loving you again, but you didn't. You left it to be my choice to come here and be with you. What does that say?"
Ben turned away from her. He took his time to respond to her. "I cared."
"No, not past tense," she corrected. "You didn't want me for your selfish reasons. You wanted me to choose you, over everything else I could have had."
"Whats your point?"
"My point is you aren't too far gone. You only think you are. You can't run away with me, fine. I'll drop it," she told him, her hands up. "But that doesn't mean you don't have other options to think about."
Ben lowered his head. He knew exactly who Cyra was referring to. His voice softened, but he still refused to turn and face her. "I can't go back to her. I've done too much."
"You and I both know she would drop everything to have you back," whispered Cyra.
"I don't want to talk about this," said Ben quickly, starting towards the door. He didn't have time to think about what Cyra was implying, he needed to calm the rioting villagers.
"I think you're better than you give yourself credit for, Ben," she called after him. Her voice was soft, caring, despite how frustrated the two of them were with one another. He was almost out the door, but he heard her last words to him: "Remember that when you go to the village."