"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK? I'm falling to pieces, yeah, I'm falling to pieces."
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120914
Dear Nando,
I've come to the conclusion that I'm not calm without you. I've been in three fights since the last time I wrote to you... and that was a week ago. Three fights in a week! It's insane, it's bloody insane, though let me tell you... I've won all three rounds.
It's like I'm becoming the person whom I was before I met you. The reckless, foolish person who loved a good fight. But I can't help it Nando! It is in my nature to be wild, to be furious, uncontrollable. As it is in yours to be calm, to be caring, in control. And without you by my side, no one is able to stop me from acting out. No one is able to stop me from throwing a punch in someone's face.
So reason number two to why you should have stayed Nando, is to keep me in control. To keep me from punching someone, to keep me from starting another fight. To protect other people from such a муда́к (moo-DAK -> asshole) like me. You hear me? I need you to keep me calm and make sure that other people don't get hurt, if that isn't a reason worthy of staying, I don't know what is.
Because you are a caring person Nando, you always want what's best for other people and you always look out for other people, protecting them. It doesn't matter if they are total strangers or your best friends, you'll always look out for them.
Just like you'll always look out for me.
Keeping me in place, keeping me calm, making me a better person. Someone who doesn't fight three times a week and enjoy punching other people in their faces. Someone who doesn't curse in Russian at random people at the street.
No, you make me to someone who is nice and calm, and apologies' to people. And without you here, I'm falling apart. While you are totally okay in Italy with your family, I'm here back in England and not even close to okay. Because I'm falling to pieces Nando, I'm falling apart.
You were the best part of me, you kept me calm, you kept me from punching other people. You kept me sane, and you brought forward the best parts of me. You made me a better person and without you I'm lost. I need someone to keep me in control, to keep me, me. So that's why you should have stayed Nando, simply because you keep me in control and make me a better person. Someone like you, because you are a good person Nando, a good and caring person. All that I'm not, so come back Nando, come back and make me good again, please.
Love, always, Le
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Dedicated to Wojciechsbae because she is my fellow Swede :')
Thank you for reading and for all of your votes it really means a lot to me xx Liza