"There's extra space in the trunk. Great for a stroller or you know, a really large shopping trip." The woman had not stopped talking since Sid pulled off the lot. Car sales people's scripts must be preloaded in their head as soon as the customer walks in. Young woman shopping for a brand new car? Talk about all the shopping bags she can fit in the trunk! A sporty guy comes in? Launch into a spiel about many women would step out of their panties seeing him that car. Throw in some comments about the horsepower and crap.
It was comical as she watched each of the salespeople come to the waiting area, size up their victim, and play into whatever tired stereotypes they thought would move these cars the fastest. There was no need to try to sway Sid or sell her anything. She knew what car she wanted. A Toyota Rav4. Anyone was fine for her. She'd done her research and selected the most dependable car with cheap replacement parts. Something that would rescue her and AJ from the maze of bus routes. She didn't care about the color, the interior, or how many shopping bags the trunk could hold.
As she test drove a shiny red one through the streets around the car lot she noticed the car handled great and traveled nicely over the ragged streets of Brooklyn. Sid pulled to a red light and pressed a little too hard on the break. They both jerked forward.
"Whoa! Maybe let hubby drive." The woman with her fake enthusiasm high pitched grating giggle, shot a wink at AJ who was strapped into a brand new car seat in the back. Sid could have told her that she hadn't driven in six years. That the last time she drove was from her parent's old apartment in Fort Greene to the IHOP in Canarsie. When her parents took them all to celebrate the weekend after she got her license. Her Dad was so proud of her. Their lessons for over a year in a car borrowed from one of his friends had paid off and she passed the road test on her first try. If the woman wasn't being so fake maybe Sid would have shared the fact that he was killed a week after that. But instead, Sid kept that all to herself.
"Been a while. How much did you say this was again?"
"Well, with financing you're looking around $250 a month but we have great lease options right now for around $180." The red light turned green and Sid turned the corner heading back to the dealership.
"What's the total for the car?" Sid asked, appreciating that her turn was tighter than the previous two she had made. She was already falling back into the groove of it. Like riding a bike. The saleswomen flipped through the booklet in her hand.
"The total is $28,862...before taxes and fees."
"Can you do it for $25,000? This model doesn't have some of the premium options like the one I saw online. There's another dealership around the corner that has last year's model for $22,000 with all the extras. I could really go with that one... but I like this." Sid pulled back into the dealership, sliding the car between two others parked on the lot. "Oh, and I can pay cash."
Sid had never seen a human float but if she imagined it looked like miss high pitch right at that moment. If Sid knew all she had to say was 'cash' to shut her up she would have said it as soon as she walked in. The woman nearly fell out of the car in her race to get to the office and draw up the paperwork before Sidney could change her mind. Hopping out of the front seat and rounding to the rear seat, she popped open the door and looked at AJ sitting there in his chair playing with a small action figure. A smile spread across his face as she rubbed the beautiful curls on the top of his head. He looked so comfortable in his seat. Mellow. Instead of sweaty and agitated like he usually was on the bus.
She was able to shove down the thoughts and guilt that was nagging at her about where the money came from. She got existential about it. It was money and what was money anyway but some man-made device to assign arbitrary value to things. It belonged to no one. It belonged to whoever possessed it at the moment. It came from everywhere. Most recently, it came from a series of people making bad decisions that hurt other people, ruined lives. This was probably the first time that this money had ever been exchanged for something good. Besides, she looked damned good behind the wheel. She couldn't help that.
In a flurry of signatures and her handing over a stack of cash bigger than she had ever seen she was driving off the lot. There were only two things that she ever wanted when she was growing up and that was a car and a bigger place. As kids, Whitney was a great roommate but she would spend hours just thinking about what it would be like to have her own space. AJ would get the chance to have his own space. He was getting bigger by the minute it seemed. The amount of time that he would be able to spend tucked in a crib in the corner of her room was coming to an end. Yeah, he needed his own space. She noticed how he tossed and turned in his bed after he spent a week with Aiden. His bed over there was a full twin and had room to spare. A two-year-old having to figure out that he less comfortable while he was with mommy made her sad.
His coils blew in the wind as they rolled along the Brooklyn/Queens Expressway toward home. She lowered the window a bit and let the breeze blow through them both.
***
After circling the block for thirty-five minutes, the convenience of a car started to wear off. Sidney cursed as she kept her eyes peeled for a parking spot and slowly crawled down a street two blocks over from her apartment. She wanted to go home. Her stomach was growling and AJ had fallen asleep with the gentle rocking of the car. She had flown into two open parking stops happily only to have the green pole stacked with signs tell her that she could only park there during the summer solstice when the street cleaning gods were slumbering. All things she had not considered when she handed over a chunk of cash for this beautiful whip. But it was something she would be grateful for because not having AJ's drool sliding down the front of her shirt right now like it would be if he was cradled against her chest on the bus was worth it. Sid decided to pull over and wait to see if anyone would leave and open up a coveted spot for her.
It was the weekend and nearly dusk. The neighborhood had a way of transitioning before your eyes. The thud of kids sneakers against the pavement gave way to shuffles of people moving in and out of the shadows. Heels clicking as women strutted off to a night on the town somewhere. It was like the city became adults only and lost all its inhibitions. The dealers took over. Gang members stood post on street corners and monitored their turf like they were the ones responsible for erecting these buildings. The sigh that escaped her lips was one that reflected how done she felt with being around it all. The world should be open to everyone all the time. Having to rush to the safety of home in the evening to avoid getting shot was not her idea of living. As much as this place felt like home she did not feel protected. Especially with everything that had gone on lately. She was jumpy as she rested against the leather seat. Wondering if someone was watching her from a shadowed walkway or from one of the thousands of windows above. Had someone seen her steal the cash? Did someone know that she was a thief?
Sid all of a sudden felt like a sitting duck. A stupid one at that. She was a big yellow duck that had pulled into her neighborhood with a candy red target on her back. Her eyes darted around as she felt the need to be hidden now. She wanted out of the car. At just that moment a rust-covered white minivan pulled out of a spot a couple of cars up. Sid put the car in drive and mashed the gas. A person was in front of the car a moment later yelling at her. She hadn't even seen where they came from. Her pulse pounded in her ears. He shouted multiple expletives at her before giving her the finger and walking off. Sidney rested her forehead against the steering wheel. The money was dwindling but there was still enough for her to do what her Dad tried to do all those years ago.
With a deep breath, she lifted her foot off the brake and pulled into the parking space. As she hopped out and gathered AJ's limp body from his car seat she ran through the calculations in her head. There was no reason she couldn't leave. She didn't have enough to buy a house necessarily but there was still more than enough to pay first and last month's rent and security on a new apartment in a new place. A place that wasn't built on top of drugs and death. With the new job at Ito, she could afford the rent on a new place. She snuggled AJ a little closer as she tread toward their building making plans as she entered that it would be one of the last times she did.