You hear that silence? No? Exactly. I wanted to bury myself in a pit when my alarm started blaring at half past seven. The start of a new term. Holidays are over, time for the chaos of Christmas dance committees and mock exams to begin. What a joyful time of year... Meh.
I used what little willpower I had to drag myself out of my bed and into the shower. First day back at school, and this time I have a boyfriend. Holy crap. To be honest, I had been deliberately not thinking about returning to school, not thinking about how I was to have a relationship with Dylan in school. Did that mean I was going to have ‘come out’ or whatever? But then surely my parents will then find out and then I’ll have to deal with that shit and what if I tell everyone that I am gay even though I really don’t think I am cause I ain’t thinking about other guys’ penises all the time, well except for Dylan’s, but then he is my boyfriend-
Okay. So I was freaking out. But that was to be expected, right?
I took a deep breath and leaned my back against the cool tiles. Think happy, positive thoughts. Release the negative energy...
What the fuck are you doing, Alec? Get a hold of yourself.
I turned off the water and got out of the shower and quickly got dressed before collapsing on my bed.
During the holidays it was so easy. It was just me and Dylan, we didn’t have to care what anyone thought. We could just be ourselves around each other. I rubbed my hands over my face and groaned in frustration. I even went as far as to punch the wall.
“What?” I yelled as someone knocked on the door.
“Dude, what did the wall ever do to you?” asked Luke as he opened the door. I glared at him before pulling a pillow over my face.
I heard the door close then felt the mattress shift under added weight.
“You’re freaking out,” stated Luke, pulling the pillow away from my face.
“Is it that obvious?” I asked sarcastically before rolling onto my stomach and burying my face into the mattress. I heard Luke sigh.
“Can I borrow your phone?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled into the bed. A few minutes later Luke began to talk.
“Hey, I was just wondering if you could talk to Alec cause he’s kinda freaking out....yeah....you knew this would happen huh... haha okay, here he is.” Luke held the phone against my ear. “Alec, take the bloody phone would you.”
I took the phone from him and rolled over to face the ceiling.
“Hey,” I said, knowing who it was Luke had called. Convinced that I was going to talk, Luke left the room and quietly closed the door behind him.
“Hey,” replied Dylan. “You doing okay?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.”
Dylan chuckled softly, and already I began to feel better just hearing his voice.
“I know what you mean. It’s going to be okay, trust me. I’m not going to start making out with you in the middle of the hall or anything.”
I had to laugh at that.
“But seriously, Alec. You don’t need tell anyone anything. It’s none of their business. I’m not going to all boyfriend on you and demand that you hold your hand in front of everyone. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I know you wouldn’t. I guess I just got used to us, and I didn’t want that change, but I know that I’m just not ready for that yet.”
“Hey, I totally understand. No one expects you to do anything, especially not me. Our friends all know and are fine, and that’s all that matters. Screw everyone else.”
I laughed again. He was right. I didn’t have to do anything or act a certain way.
“Thank you, I was just acting stupid,” I replied, getting off the bed.
“It wasn’t stupid. You can talk to me about anything whenever you want, okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you at school?”
“See you at school.”
~
“Luke knows,” was the first thing I said to Sam as we got into the car.
“Well hey, one family member down, two more to go.”
“He didn’t have to tell me,” said Luke as he climbed into the backseat and Sam started the car. “It was pretty obvious.”
“It was, wasn’t it?” replied Sam and I punched him in the arm. “Hey, don’t beat up the chauffeur!”
“Just drive,” I said as I buckled my seat-belt.
The day’s were starting to get darker and colder, so more people were driving or getting dropped off at school, so the traffic was busy and it took Sam a few minutes to find a parking space once we arrived. We got out of the car and said goodbye to Luke, and then made our way over to where we drove past our friends gathered around Matt’s Jeep.
“You okay?” asked Sam, slinging his arm over my shoulders.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
We arrived at where our friends were gathered and I was immediately attacked by Sally, who jumped up on me and wrapped her arms around my neck. I had no choice but to catch her.
“Hey Sals,” I said, trying to pull her off of me. I looked over her shoulder at Mitch who was sat next to Dylan in the open boot of Matt’s Jeep. ‘A little help’ I mouthed at him, and they both laughed.
Mitch got up and made our way over to us and wrapped his arms around Sally’s waist.
“Come on Sally, let the poor guy go,” he said, pulling her off of me.
I stretched and went and sat next to Dylan, jumping up onto the edge of the car.
“Hey,” said Dylan, bumping his shoulder into me gently.
“Hey,” I replied. “How are-“
“AHHH!”
Everyone stopped what they were doing and watched as Sam rugby-tackled Cam to the ground.
“Oh for God’s sake, will you two cut it out,” said Matt, squeezing in next to me and pulling Elle to stand between his legs.
“Told you,” said Sam, standing up and dusting himself off, leaving Cam lying on the road staring at the sky.
I raised an eyebrow at Sam questioningly. Sam shrugged and came to stand next to us.
“He said he’d been going to the gym and had abs of steal. I said I bet I could still knock the wind out of him. He said go for it. I proved my point.” We all looked at Cam who was still trying to get his breath back. The kid was one of my best friends, but he really was an idiot sometimes.
The bell went for first period so we all gathered up our stuff and headed into the school. Matt, Dylan and I had double history first, so we said goodbye to the others and headed to class. We took our normal seats and waited for Mr Fletcher to arrive. As Mr Fletcher came into the class looking too bright and cheery for a Monday morning, I turned and looked at Dylan and he rolled his eyes. I smiled and faced the front of the class as Mr Fletcher began to speak.
“Right class, glad to have you all back and looking so eager to learn,” the class groaned in response. “That’s the spirit! Right, so continuing where we left off...”
I was now counting down the days until Christmas.
~
By lunch it felt as though we hadn’t even had an October break. Everything was back to normal and everyone acted as though they had somewhere better to be.
Lunch went by too quickly- with Cam complaining several times about his now broken ribs- and Sam, Matt, Cam and I headed towards P.E. Today Mr Connor decided that we all looked out of shape and needed a good run. Cross-country it was then.
I ran next to Sam, trying not to acknowledge the cold. The sky was starting to darken already and the temperature was definitely dropping. Doing cross-country in late October was not my idea of fun.
Thankfully, due to the cold, I hadn’t worked up much of a sweat and decided to just shower when I got home. I told the rest of the guys I’d see them in the car park and sneaked out of class early.
I went and stood by Matt’s Jeep and took out my phone, mindlessly scrolling through it. I was interrupted by my mindless scrolling when the smell of cigarettes filled the air.
I looked up and saw the guy from outside Nando’s. In the light I could see him better; dark hair, blue eyes, and his face was still baring the scars of the car crash he briefly told me about. He was also smoking.
“You’ll get in trouble for that,” I said, putting my phone back in pocket and pointing at his cigarette.
He took one last drag before dropping it and putting it out with his foot.
“Are you new here?” I asked, not really sure why he was at my school. I’d never seen him around school before.
“No, I used to go here but I graduated last year.”
“Oh right,” I said. He was watching the door as if he was waiting for someone.
“Are you picking someone up?”
“No, I was just passing by and wanted to see if someone I knew still went here, that’s all.”
I nodded.
“Are you waiting for someone?” he asked, still watching the door.
“Yeah, just my friends. I got out of class early.”
He didn’t reply. When the bell rang he leaned back casually against the Jeep and put his hands into his pockets.
I watched as Dylan made his way down the steps, taking to some girl. He said goodbye and then turned to make his way towards the Jeep when he froze.
I smiled at him, but it soon vanished and was replaced with a look of confusion when I saw the look on his face. He looked shocked, but that shock soon gave way to anger. He didn’t make any move to keep walking.
“Is that one of your friends?” asked the guy.
“Yeah,” I replied, not taking my eyes off Dylan.
“He looks pissed.”
“That he does.”
“Well, I’d better go. Nice talking to you!”
As the guy turned to leave I broke eye contact with Dylan and turned to watch him go.
“Wait,” I called as he made his way towards the gates. “What’s your name?”
He didn’t stop walking, and I thought he wouldn’t answer me. But then he turned, continuing to walk backwards and called back before disappearing through the school gates into the crowds of school kids.
“Jayme.”
Oh shit.