Summer came, and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. No more homework, waking up early, or seeing people every day that I really didn't feel like seeing.
I was able to spend more time with Quincy and my girls. The only troubling thing was figuring out how to split my time between the two. As much as I wanted to be all up under my boyfriend all day and night, I also wanted to be with my girls, and I wasn't about to make them feel second place to a boy.
Unfortunately, that was one of the reasons why Kaylen and Aaron fell apart after the school year. Aaron felt like their relationship was getting a little too serious for her to prioritize our friendship so heavily. Kaylen decided to do what felt right to her and stay loyal to the group.
We would've never asked her to pick sides or say that we were above her relationship, but Aaron did. And knowing how our bond was, it wasn't a hard decision to make. Though it was hard to see her cry about it, I wasn't mad at the fact some guy hit on her when we finally got her out of the house, reminding her that Aaron was just a fish in the sea.
Nicki and Nate never really became serious, he kept her in limbo about their status, using every excuse to justify why he had yet to ask her to be official. And according to her they did some stuff, but never went all the way. She was, of course, embarrassed about it, but I was more proud of her than anything for letting him loose. There were plenty of other girls he could emotionally fuck with.
My girls were on an anti boy campaign, and there I was in a happy relationship. Even though I knew they supported, I didn't feel comfortable constantly displaying how happy he made me after what they'd gone through. So out of respect, I stopped mentioning Q when we were together.
The last thing I wanted to do was be that girl.
So, I cherished all the moments Quincy and I spent together and moved on with my day as if I wasn't completely falling for him.
I giggled as Quincy's arms wrapped around my waist, holding me close, while I stood at his sink, washing our dishes from lunch. "Cut it out, Q." He nuzzled his face into my neck cutely. "You didn't even help," I lightly complained as I turned off the faucet, accepting the dish towel he extended my way.
"You did everything already."
I just set down the dish towel, turning to face him. "What do you want?" Quincy responded by caressing my cheek and placing a sweet kiss on my lips. I smiled as he pulled away, leaning back into him and wrapping my arms around his neck, greedy for more kisses.
He made me happy.
Me and Q. Quincy and Janae.
It just felt right to me.
"I want you to meet my family," I spoke as we pulled away.
A small confused smile appeared on his lips. "What?"
I found my fingers twiddling with the thin gold chain he had around his neck. "It's been like two months Q. I feel like I'm sneaking around. I know you know Calvin, but I want you to meet everybody."
"We're not sneaking around though." Quincy denied. "It's not like you haven't told your family you've been seeing me."
My face fell, unable to hide the truth.
"Wait a minute." He backed away from me. "You haven't told your family you've been seeing me?"
"No. They know we've been hanging out and stuff." I defended. "I just never mentioned the thing about us liking each other, well to my parents, my brother and sister know."
"So when we go on dates what do you tell them? Matter of fact where do they think you are right now?" His stare and tone of voice just told me he wasn't happy with me, instantly making me frown.
He never got upset with me.
The truth was, I was scared. I didn't want to hear something I didn't want to hear. Like, my Dad banning Quincy like he banned Willy, or my mother being hurt because I didn't come to her first. I didn't want to have the serious conversation with them about what came with having a boyfriend because I knew it already it would make me feel uncomfortable. I knew I had to eventually. But I personally thought it wasn't the right time.
"Are you really that mad? Q, I'm going to tell them we're together." I assured him, trying to smile. "I'll bring you to the cookout." I offered.
The cookout was a good month away and would give me time to mentally prepare myself. It was close enough to satisfy Quincy and far enough to either come up with another excuse or woman up.
Except, it didn't satisfy Q.
"Nae, you're not being serious are you?"
"Yes, yes I am. They'll be in one setting and it's just a regular barbecue. It'll be fun." I reached for his hand, trying to coax him into the idea.
"And you don't think it'll be a problem when you just spring it up on them? Are you even supposed to be doing this right now?"
He had a point, but I really wasn't trying to hear it. There was no reason why I should get in trouble for being happy. He was worth it. Q was worth it to me.
"I don't understand why you're mad about this, Q. I'll tell them."
"Today."
"Today?"
"Yes today, you're gonna tell them that you're my girl and that you've been spending time with me."
"Okay." I agreed slowly after hesitating for a second. "I'll do it today if that's what you really want."
"Thank you." He smiled, kissing my lips softly. "I just don't want any problems just showing up like that."
I hummed in response, pulling him into me for a hug.
Why did I feel like telling my family I had a boyfriend wouldn't be as easy as I thought?
🖤
When I walked in the door, I heard talking, making my body just freeze up in a fit of nerves. I listened a little longer and winced seeing it sounded like everyone was home. Closing the door and locking it behind me, I slipped my shoes off just as Mama called for me.
"Janae?!"
"Yes Mama!" I called back.
"Where you been baby? I thought you'd be here earlier." She spoke as I walked into the kitchen surprised to see Rashad and Kelly along with Dad and Calvin. We were all under one roof and it was no one's birthday.
Interesting.
"Just with the girls." I replied. "What are y'all doing here?" A rapid knock came at the door before they could answer and I just walked back to the door checking the window seeing it was just Nicki, opening the door. "Why are you trying to break the door?" I asked, giving her a look.
"We gotta go." She told me urgently.
"What?"
"I was just talking to Raquel then all of a sudden there was, like, screaming and she hung up on me. We gotta go check it out."
Rocky's home life was the most unstable of the five of us. She had a single mother who had a new trash boyfriend every once and awhile, and a father who literally dropped off the face of the earth when we were 12. And as of recently had the drama with Andre coming to stay with them.
After telling us how one of her mother's exes attempted to rob them, no one was about to hesitate when we heard something was going on. If we could get there fast enough and do something, anything, to help out one of the most deserving girls we knew. We were gonna do it.
"Okay." I nodded. "Ma, I'll be back!" I quickly slipped on my sneakers closing the door behind me.
Nicki grabbed my arm, the two of us racing down the street, so focused I completely blocked out the voice of my mother yelling out to me in the distance.
I heard what was going on before I could see it. The shouting and yelling was so loud it seemed like the whole block could hear. Once we were in view of the action, I slowed down my pace, holding my arm out to stop Nicki from rushing forward, so we could observe the situation.
Rocky stood by her mother by the front door of their home, keeping a distance from the main scene of men huddled by the street, spewing profanities and threats. Rocky's mother, Anetta, furiously yelling for it all to be broken up.
There were so many people and things being said, it was hard for me to figure out what was going on. But my mind instantly tried to figure out a way that I could be a help to Rocky now that I was there.
I didn't even get a chance to even think about taking a step closer when a car whizzed down the street, clear gunshots ringing in the air, making us scream, ducking down for cover. Nicki snatched me out of the street by my arm, before the car could hit me as it crazily drove down the street, our bodies collapsing on the sidewalk.
My body locked up in shock, only to be brought back to the present by the sound of Rocky screaming. I pushed myself up from the ground seeing her rushing to see who got hit.
I almost didn't want to look.
The fact that someone was shot and possibly dead had me ready to empty the contents of my stomach on the concrete. I felt my blood pumping rapidly through my veins as my heartbeat consumed my eardrums. It was like I'd gone deaf, all background noise faded as my eyes darted around frantically, trying to get a grip on what just occurred.
My hand went to my chest as I struggled to catch my breath, on the brink of hyperventilating by the way I was so panicked.
Someone in front of me stepped to the side, giving me the perfect angle of a body lying on the ground. Rocky sat in front of them on her knees with bloody hands as she tried to do anything she could to keep the person alive.
I felt my heart stop and drop as I recognized the body on the ground as Andre.
"Dre!" Rocky screamed through her tears. "Andre! Stay awake, you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay."
"Oh my god." My hand covered my mouth. "Dre," I muttered.
In an instant, I was reminded of all the nice things he had done for me. The hugs he gave me, the smiles he sent my way, the car rides we shared.
He could be gone.
And all I could do was stand there watching my best friend scream for her cousin while her mother called 911. Neighbors started to come out of their houses to see what was going on. An ambulance quickly came and put him on a gurney before wheeling him inside, Anetta climbing in afterward, not wanting to leave his side.
My tears started once Raquel was left on her own, Nicki and I standing beside her, watching the ambulance speed off with her mother and cousin. Rocky sobbing as Nicki hugged her. I looked down to conceal my tears, only for fresh blood on the concrete to stare back at me.
"This can't be real," I mumbled, covering my eyes with my hands and letting out a breath. Mentally coaching myself to keep my composure.
This wasn't about me.
After convincing Rocky that spending the night away from home would be best, we stayed with her while she packed some clothes and locked up the house. We walked back to our street in silence, all of us trying to process what the night had become.
A nightmare.
Rocky and I hugged once we stood in front of Nicki's home. "Thank you." She told me. "Thank you for coming and checking on me. I really needed y'all."
"You know I got you." I insisted, rubbing her back. "He's gonna be okay, Rock. It's gonna be okay." They were words I didn't know that were true, but they needed to be said.
"I love you, Nae."
"Love you too girl," I replied as we pulled away.
Raquel turned, walking to Nicki's door while Nicki lingered a moment. The two of us exchanged looks, me telling her to watch out for Rocky while she told me she had it handled. We didn't have to speak words to get that message across.
And there was nothing more said after that as Nicki turned, climbing up her steps to let Raquel in her home, and I crossed the street to get to my own.
As I reached my front door, I closed my eyes, trying to fight my emotions. But once I opened them, my vision was blurred by the tears. Wiping my face, I pulled out my key, unlocking the door and stepping inside. I softly closed and locked the door behind me, my body flinching when I turned around, seeing my father standing directly in front of me.
"Have you lost all goddamn sense?! We tell you to be here by a certain time-"
"I was here." I defended in a small tone.
"That does not mean you can just leave and not tell no one where you're going or wait for permission!" He boomed. "And I know you heard your mother calling your name when you left. Janae, I like your friends, but if they think they could just run up and take you whenever I'm not about it."
I looked around the room, my siblings and mother making their way into the room.
But, of course, my father was nowhere near finished. "Where the hell did you even go?! Had us up in here waiting an hour on your ungrateful ass."
I just stood quietly, allowing my parents to yell at me as much as they desired while I stared down at my shoes.
I looked up when I realized they were waiting for an explanation. "I'm sorry." I forced out, my voice only allowing me to speak in a whisper.
"That's all you gotta say for yourself?! That's your explanation?!" Mama demanded.
My body leaned against the door as I shut my eyes briefly. "Stop yelling at me."
"Excuse me?"
"You ain't gotta yell at me like that." I pushed. "I don't wanna talk about what happened."
"You don't wanna talk about it?! Nicki comes banging at the door and you come back talking like this?! Don't bring that mess in my house Janae." Dad reprimanded.
All of them looked at me, expectantly. But I found myself slowly losing my will to appear fine in front of them. I bit the inside of my lip as I looked down at my hands, which started to shake.
"Why you shaking like that?" Calvin questioned, giving me a look of concern. "What happened?"
I opened my mouth to explain as tears surfaced in my eyes. "I- I don't know. Nicki was talking to Raquel and then- then there was shouting and she hung up and Nicki got scared so she got me to go check up on her and- and- and-"
"Janae."
"They shot Andre, somebody just drove by and shot him in front of everybody. In front of me." I spoke before I closed my eyes, my back sliding against the door. Burying my head between my knees, I allowed myself to let out all the tears I'd been holding in.
For the first time, I allowed my environment to break me. Have me wanting to crawl into a shell and never come out. For the first time, I was showing them I was scared. The thought of what I witnessed had every ounce of fear inside me doing jumping jacks.
It felt like I was crumbling when I already let myself fall to the ground.
I was desperately trying to cling onto any hope that I could avoid the repercussions of growing up in an environment that forced everyone to group up the hard way.
But that was just the beginning of where it all started to get real.