MADILYN HOLLEY
I rolled out of bed, trying to make as little noise as possible. Thankfully, my actions went undetected and I was able to silently make my way into the bathroom. I found a pair of pajama shorts and a hoodie on the shelf in my closet and threw them on quickly before making my way downstairs. My head was pounding and the room felt like it was spinning but I tried my best to ignore it. I started a pot of coffee and sat down on the kitchen floor with my head in my hands. How could I be so stupid? How could I get so drunk that I would have sex with someone and not remember a thing. I woke up from one nightmare to find myself in another. This was the dumbest decision that I could have made. I felt a tear fall down my cheek as I stood up to grab the coffee pot and pour a cup for myself. I moved over to the living room to grab my journal and made my way outside to the swing to write.
I missed Alex so much, and I wished more than anything in this moment that I could talk to him. He would know what to do. He would know how to handle this. He always did. I began writing, deciding that I would address my entry to Alex as if I was talking to him. I began to tell him all about how I fucked up and how all of the new friendships I had made were going to be ruined over this. This was going to ruin everything. I couldn't even imagine how Liam was going to react either, would he still want to be my friend? Would he be able to forgive me? Would I be able to forgive me? The hot tears streamed quickly down my face as I wrote in my journal, soft sobs exhaling from my mouth as I did so. I couldn't even try to hold it back as the tears flowed so heavily. Just then, rain began to fall and it felt as though the heavens began to open up to cry along with me. I grabbed my mug and journal, running back into the house but closing the door softly so as not to wake last night's mistake. I wasn't ready to face that head on just yet.
I sat on the floor in front of the couch to continue writing, placing my mug and journal on the table in front of me, but I lost all focus as I lost control of my tears. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them, my body softly shaking as I silently sobbed. I was a mess. I picked up my phone and began dialing quickly, needing to talk to my best friend. Tess answered instantly and said, "Hey girl! What's up?"
"Tessy." I said, my voice breaking as another sob escaped my body. "Tessy I messed up."
I heard her close a door and then she quickly whispered, "What's wrong? Are you okay? Everything is okay Madi, whatever it is it will be okay."
The tears fell harder as I began to reply, "I made a mistake Tess, last night I-"
"Mads?" I heard a soft voice say as I looked up to see him standing at the bottom of the stairs.
"Madi? Who was that? Madi are you there?" Tess called through the phone as I sat there speechlessly, wiping the tears from my face.
"Hey, I'm sorry Tess. I'll uh, I'll call you later. I love you, I'm sorry." I said before hanging up the phone and resting my head on my knees again, not wanting to make eye contact with the boy in front of me.
"Mads are you alright?" I heard as the sound of footsteps moved closer to me.
I looked up to see the curly haired boy sitting next to me on the floor and as my eyes met his, I got lost in a sea of green and felt another tear fall. "Yes I'm fine. I'm fine. I um, what do you remember about yesterday?" I replied with a sigh, braking eye contact to look back down at the floor.
"Not much, I remember Mitch and Layla taking a car home and we stayed with Liam for a bit before he fell asleep at the kitchen table. That's the last thing I remember." He said softly as he nervously played with the rings on his fingers. "Mads I don't remember what happened but judging by the state I woke up in, I could make a pretty good guess. I'm so sorry Mads, I-"
A wave of nausea spread throughout my body as he spoke and I quickly jumped up, running down the hall and into the bathroom as I shut the door behind me and immediately spewed the contents of my stomach into the toilet I sat on my knees as I gripped the counter tightly, throwing up again.
"Mads are you alright? I'm so sorry I've gotten you into this mess." I heard him say as he leaned against the door.
"Harry please, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the idiot here. I am the one who got everyone here, got everyone drinking, and apparently invited you in last night. That is all me. I should have never done any of that. I'm such an idiot too because I know my own boundaries and know that I shouldn't have done that but I did. I'm the one to blame here." I said, stopping shortly because I realized that I was rambling. "I'm sorry. I really am."
When my words were met with silence I opened the door to find those familiar green eyes waiting for me in the hallway, and I could see the tears forming in them. He looked so sad, so broken. The guilt I was feeling only deepened as I looked at the boy in front of me.
"Mads..." He started before trailing off, a tear falling down his cheek. He looked like his heart was breaking right in front of me and I couldn't believe I had been the one to cause this. "You will never be the one to blame. I don't typically believe in gender roles, but in this case I believe in them very strongly. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how drunk I am. I should never ever have slept with a girl who was as drunk as you were." He said, looking down to his hands again. "I am the man here Mads. I'm supposed to know not to do these things. I should have known better. I should have been better. I'm so sorry I've put you through this."
"You were drunk, you couldn't have known. You couldn't be a good judge of the situation. It isn't your fault at all Harry it's mine." I replied.
"You were drunk too love, you had way too much to drink to have made a wise decision." He said, placing his hand over mine. "You can't blame yourself."
"Neither can you." I said, looking back up to find his eyes meeting mine.
"Is there anything I can do?" Harry asked quietly. I could see the pain in his eyes and knowing I had put it there made my heart break even more.
"I think I just need to be alone." I whispered. "I'm sorry Harry, I just need a little time."
He nodded with a sigh and went up the stairs to grab his things before leaving. As he stood in the doorway he turned to me and mumbled, "I'm sorry again love. I hope you can forgive me."
He closed the door behind him and I felt the tears coming back again. I sent a text to Tess and apologized for hanging up on her, telling her I was okay and would talk to her in a few hours because I was going to lay down for a bit. I crawled up onto the couch and curled up under the blanket that had been draped over the back as I closed my eyes, trying my hardest to forget the look on the brokenhearted boy's face as he sat in front of me only minutes ago.
HARRY STYLES
I woke up quite confused in a room I had never seen before, at least not that I remembered. The light coming in from the windows hurt my eyes to no avail, but luckily it was pouring outside so there wasn't too much sunlight coming in. I stretched and stood up, realizing that I should probably put clothes on before figuring out where I was. I found my shirt on the floor but couldn't find pants anywhere and as the search continued I began to wonder what I had done last night, but I couldn't remember a thing. It could have been the fact that I just woke up, or the massive hangover that I had, but nothing came to mind at all.
I walked into the bathroom that was connected to the room I was in and saw a closet door open. When I opened the door further I saw a pair of joggers on the floor and froze, realizing exactly where I was. I hadn't worn those here, they had already been here because I let Madilyn borrow them only days before. I picked them up and put them on since I couldn't find any other pants and they were mine anyways. I rushed back into the bedroom and saw a photo on the nightstand that confirmed my worst fear. Liam had shown me this photo when he returned from London a few months ago and told me all about his childhood friend who was coming to stay with him.
I moved for the door and down the stairs hoping to find Madilyn and talk, but froze at the bottom of the stairs as I saw her sitting on the floor crying while she talked on the phone. She had a journal and a coffee mug on the table and she was wearing a hoodie that I recognized well, because it was the matching hoodie to the pants I was wearing.
"Mads?" I questioned, seeing the tears all over her face.
She looked up at me and her eyes widened as she quickly tried to wipe the tears from her face. "Hey, I'm sorry Tess. I'll uh, I'll call you later. I love you, I'm sorry." She mumbled as she hung up the phone and placed her head on her knees that she has pulled up to her chest. She looked so empty and sad, and my heart ached for her. This wasn't the same girl I had been getting to know. This girl was hurt and broken, and rightfully so. Looking at her now I realized how big I had fucked up.
"Mads are you alright?" I asked as I moved closer to her, sitting down in the space beside her on the floor. She looked up and met my gaze and sat there for a moment before a tear escaped from her eye.
"Yes I'm fine. I'm fine." She replied. "I um, what do you remember about yesterday?" She asked, as she returned her gaze to the floor.
"Not much, I remember Mitch and Layla taking a car home and we stayed with Liam for a bit before he fell asleep at the kitchen table. That's the last thing I remember." I replied, twirling the rings on my fingers. I felt horrible. "Mads I don't remember what happened but judging by the state I woke up in, I could make a pretty good guess. I'm so sorry Mads, I-"
I was cut off by Madilyn quickly jumping to her feet and running down the hall before slamming the door. I assumed she was too upset to talk to me, but that fear was replaced with a new one as I began to follow down the hall and heard her begin throwing up. I rushed to the door, worried about her as I stood outside.
"Mads are you alright? I'm so sorry I've gotten you into this mess." I asked as I placed my elbows above my head on the door and leaned against it.
She opened the door slowly and locked eyes with mine as she moved into the hallway. "Harry please, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the idiot here. I am the one who got everyone here, got everyone drinking, and apparently invited you in last night. That is all me. I should've never done any of that. I'm such an idiot too because I know my own boundaries and know that I shouldn't have done that but I did. I'm the one to blame here. I'm sorry, I really am."
I was speechless as I looked at her, realizing how much she was blaming herself when I was clearly the one in the wrong. Whether I remember it or not I had taken advantage of her, she was drunk. This could never have been her fault. Tears formed in my eyes as she looked up at me again, seeming absolutely broken.
"Mads..." I started, a tear making its way down my cheek as my voice broke. "You will never be the one to blame. I don't typically believe in gender roles, but in this case I believe in them very strongly. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how drunk I am. I should never ever have slept with a girl who was as drunk as you were. I am the man here Mads, I'm supposed to know not to do these things. I should have known better. I should have been better. I'm so sorry I've put you through this."
"You were drunk, you couldn't have known. You couldn't be a good judge of the situation. It isn't your fault Harry it's all mine." She replied.
"You were drunk too love, you had way too much to drink to have made a wise decision. You can't blame yourself." I said, placing a hand over hers, hoping to comfort her in any small way. I felt sick to my stomach that I had caused this. I felt absolutely sick.
She looked back to me again and replied, "Neither can you."
"Is there anything I can do?" I asked, hoping that there was something I could do to take the pain away from her eyes. I wished I could go back and fix this but I couldn't, and I wanted more than anything to just help the girl in front of me.
"I think I just need to be alone. I'm sorry Harry, I just need a little time." She whispered.
I nodded my head knowing that it was probably best if I wasn't around her right now considering what I had just put her through. It must be so traumatizing to wake up as a girl and not know what happened but know that you had slept with someone. She must feel so taken advantage of. I grabbed my things from her room and made my way to the door, pausing before I closed it behind me.
"I'm sorry again love. I hope you can forgive me." I mumbled, closing the door and making my way to my car, hoping not to run into Liam on the way. While I probably deserved it, I was not in the mood to have my ass kicked just yet, and all I wanted to do was get home and get in bed. I hopped in the car and pulled out of the driveway, heading back towards Mitch and I's house. As I did, tears began pouring down my face as the guilt of what I had done suffocated me. She would never look at me the same, and I would never be able to forgive myself for it.
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A/N: The first scene from Harry's perspective! Please let me know what your thoughts are about it, I was definitely a bit nervous to write it but I felt it was essential to give a good understanding of both of their thoughts!
I hope you all have a great day today!
XOXO