I didn't go to the planting. I couldn't.
Instead, I stayed home pulling out memories of Keefe. When we first met, when we went with Silveny to reset my powers. Every time he put himself before me, or even every small moment when he would glance at me or smile. His face when he told me about what Fitz had told him about us. Everything came back to me.
When the memory of his body going limp came to mind, I broke down. Tears slipped down my cheek silently as I watched the waves crash and bounce back. I sat on one of the cliffs, watching the ocean. I would be by Callas tree, but the blossoms made me think if my failed attempt. But then again, the ocean's thrashing and retreating reminded me of when we flew over it on Silveny. Everything reminded me of him. I couldn't look anywhere without seeing him.
Every time I looked at Sandor, I would remember silly things Keefe had said. When I looked at Grady I could only remember Keefe trying to get his approval. It was hard, seeing as those two followed me almost anywhere. I convinced them to leave me alone for at least one hour. And I spent that hour staring at the ocean.
"Your a hard girl to track down." I heard Ro say from behind me. I didn't even jump.
"Maybe thats because I don't want to be found." I replied numbly.
"I have something for you." She came over, standing just above me. I couldn't even look up at her, I remained silent. "Before Keefe left..." Ro hesitated, obvious pain in her voice. Who knew an Ogre princess could feel so much pain? "He gave me a letter and asked me to give it to you. He didn't tell me why, if I had known he would still be here. But he made me swear it got to you." She held out a white envelope.
I looked at it for a moment before grabbing it. Again, I simply stared at it, not daring to open it. I looked up at Ro, and she nodded, walking away. Still, I couldn't bring myself to open it. If I did, whatever words were in the letter would be the last part of him. I hugged the letter to my chest, staring at the waves again. I don't know how much time passed before I opened the letter. Sandor had come back to check on me, and it was now dark. I shivered, getting up and making my way back to Havenfield.
I stared at the letter as I walked inside and upstairs to my room. I didn't know how I would open it. I sat down near the window. I remembered after Linhs death Keefe comforting me in the same place. Now I didn't have anyone who could comfort me the way he did. I didn't have anyone who would make me feel what he made me feel.
A single tear slipped down my cheek, and I looked back at the letter in my hands.
I forced myself to open it.
Foster,
If your reading this, I guess that means I'm dead. Wow. There is no way to put that nicely. I hope your okay. I know you may blame yourself, but don't. I knew what was coming, and yes I tried to stop it but we both know if Tam wants something done, he will get it done. In this case, he wanted me dead.
When I first realized he would be the one who killed me, I was confused. After Linh though, its clear. The only way he would do it, is if his mind is already broken. I believe that when Linh died his mind broke, just like Brant. Perhaps this will help you.
Yes, I knew who would kill me, and I knew where. The only thing I didn't know is the when. I didn't tell you who because I knew you would worry, after all, its what you do. You can not blame yourself for what happened, because I knew it would happen and didn't stop it. Its not your fault. Don't let yourself drown in regret and what could've been's. Please, go back to being yourself. Move on. I'm not saying forget about me, I am only saying that you have to move on and let yourself be happy. If someone where to ask you to forget about me, I'm sure that would be impossible seeing as I'm, well, me. But please, move on. Be happy. Live your life.
I have so many things to tell you and not enough time, or room for that matter.
I know I've told you I love you, but I don't now if you realized how much. Yes, I know this sounds cheesy, but you were the one string holding me o this world. You were the one thing that made me feel like I had worth. I know its just what you do, but you made me feel like I could do anything. I have been scared to tell you the truth. I thought I would lose you forever. I knew you liked Fitz, but I wished with all my heart you could see me. Because you were my everything.
I can not tell you everything I feel, or think. I wish I could. But this will have to be all.
I love you,
Keefe
P.S. Did any of the blood get in my hair? Cause, you know, even dead The Hair needs to be shown some respect.