billies pov
"i can't tell if i'm dreaming or your actually here" harper says making me laugh.
"your not dreaming, i'm really here" i say walking towards her bed.
"hey dad, zoe, and kailtyn" she then says acknowledging the other people in the room.
"you feeling okay?" her dad asks giving her a hug.
"yeah i'm good" she replies wirh a smile.
i'd be lying hella if i said i didn't miss that smile. espically when it was me making her.
"i'm glad you are okay. you were out for almost four days" her dad than says causing harpers eyes to open wide.
"holy shit" she whispers. "that's pretty badass"
we all laugh for a moment obviously avoiding the elephant in the room being she tried to take her own life.
"uh, can me and billie have a moment alone" harper than says as everyone nods and leaves the room.
"why are you here?" she than asks once the door closes.
"i had to see you" i simply reply.
"i'm so sorry"
"harper, i'm sorry. i'm a dumbass. i should have never walked out on you like that without even saying goodbye" i say.
"billie, i messed up too. i was out of my fucking mind for kissing kaitlyn. i only did it to try and distract myself from everything going on. i should have just called you" she says.
her hand reached for mine as she squeezed it. i missed her touch so much.
"distract you from what?" i ask.
"my mom billie. she told me i had to break up with you if i wanted to live in that house. i thought about telling you and how we could just have a secret relationship but you didn't deserve that. you deserve someone who will show you off, be there for you 24/7, someone who's stable in their own life. i wasn't able to give that too you and it's not what you deserved so i planned on breaking up with you that next day. i kissed kaitlyn to distract me from it all but honestly, i didn't take my mind off you once that whole car ride. than you ghosted me and i couldn't figure out why until i saw the snapchat memory. i hated myself so badly, i beat myself up for it every fucking day. i didn't realize how much i loved you until i lost it" she says before taking a deep breath.
"i loved you so much, life wasn't worth living if i couldn't have you" she finishes as a tear falls from her face. "shit maybe i still do love you. i don't think i ever stopped"
i wipe her cheek with my thumb, wiping the tears away even though i could feel myself crying.
"harper, i don't know what to say"
"you don't have to say anything billie. i shouldn't even be here right now. neither should you" she replies, sitting up straighter in her bed as i take a seat next to her.
"you are one of the strongest people i know harper. you made me who i am today. you deserve everything. don't say i shouldn't be here because that's not true at all. you had way to much of an impact on my life for me not to be here." i say honestly as she just shakes her head.
"harper, i loved you so fucking much. i would have been willing to keep you a secret, i would have been willing to try. i loved you to much to lose you over some stupid shit. i'm sorry" i say squeezing her hand as i wipe more tears from her cheek.
"i fucking missed you. i didn't think i'd ever see you again, speak to you again" she than says between small sobs.
"i'm here, it's okay now" i say with a slight smile.
she reaches over to the small table that was next to her bed, handing me a small folded paper.
i slowly unfold it reading the top.
dear family, or whoever is reading this
"harper i cant read this." i say forcing my eyes up from the paper to meet hers.
"yes you can, you would have been if i was dead." she says as my eyes look back down on the paper.
reading over each word i begin to cry more, smiling a little when i come across how she better see her brother living on a yacht.
i continue to read, stopping for a minuite when i see my name.
and billie, if for some reason you are seeing this. thank you. you made me the happiest girl in the world. please go fucking rule the world, show everyone how talented you are. win some grammys, than win a couple more. you better thank my ass in that speech for i love you and ilomilo. love you forever bil.
but now i cant swim any longer,
i cant hold my breath,
the waves are slowly pulling me under,
and i think i'll let them.
i fold back up the paper, full on sobbing now as i hand it back to harper.
"you made me the happiest girl in the world harper. i'm so sorry i made you feel this way. if i could take it back you know i would." i say finally calming myself down.
"it's okay, don't cry. i'm here now, i'm alive" she says setting the paper down softly.
"come here" she says, putting her arms out which i happily fall into.
i missed this, i missed her arms around me, her holding me close, her scent, her soft skin.
i continue to cry into her neck as she rubbed my back slowly.
"shh, it's okay billie" she says softly.
"you still owe me a thank you in your grammy speech" she adds making me laugh inbetween sobs.
a couple more minutes pass of harper holding me, and me crying into her neck.
"i'm so happy your alive" i finally say pulling away from the hug, already missing the warmth it gave me.
she gives me a small smile before i catch her eyes glancing at my lips before coming back up to meet mine.
i wanted the exact same thing she did.
"i'm so happy your alive, because i love you. i don't think i ever stopped." i say softly as i press my lips into hers.
she matches the pace, wasting no time to kiss me back.
god how i missed her lips.
"i missed this so much. i missed you" harper says, pulling away softly but not for long because i reconnect my lips to hers.
we have probably said i miss you to each other like 30 times but i didn't care.
i feel a sensation throughout my body that i cant explain. almost like the first time we kissed. it's like a high i never want to end.
i run my hands along her arm as we continue to deepen the kiss before harper grabs my hand to move it away.
i slowly pull away, giving her a confused look.
"i'm sorry, i-" she begins before i cut her off realizing why she did that.
"harper i don't care" i say quickly grabbing her arm and placing small kisses on her bare skin against the many scars that were there.
we continue to kiss for a couple more minutes, soaking in the feeling that i never want to end.
"how long are you here for?" harper asks softly as her fingers play with my hair.
"i leave tomorrow night" i say sadly, not wanting to be apart from harper.
"i'm coming with you" she says firmly. "i'm never leaving you again."
"i fucking love you" i say placing another kiss on her lips.
"i love you more"
++